What kind of follow up message with OLD match who gives short answers and/or takes a while to answer

[max3732]

My opening message was about a sport she said she plays that I play all the time. She didn't respond for nearly a month and said she used to play it in high school. My next message was what she's interested in now if she's not playing it anymore and she didn't respond for a couple weeks so I sent her another message asking what she's doing for fun during this quarantine and she responds "hi, how have you been?"

What in the world kind of conversation is this? What kind of message do I send after this?

With another match we had talked about meeting in person then I didn't hear from her for a while and I basically wrote her off and said let me know when you're ready to meet and that I'm not interested in a pen pal. She sent me another message lately saying this isn't a good time for dating and I agreed, but said it would be nice to talk on the phone. Never heard from her again. Anything else I should say?

If the matches don't respond it's obvious they're not interested. How do you handle these matches?

[Miss Spider]

K be wary when people send random/non sequitur responses like that. They may be a bot of some type or someone who is scamming so not putting any effort into actually reading your message. 

If a person is sending brief messages and a long time in between it is safe to assume it is not going anywhere because they don't want it to go anywhere. Maybe just talk to people who can hold a conversation with you

Edited April 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Erik30]

Just move on to other girls, they're not interested. If they reply after weeks, they're probably just bored at the time

[Emery1623]

Another perspective... I get a lot of messages Online and it can be impossible to get through them all. Sometimes I don’t ignore someone on purpose but it gets pushed behind a bunch of other messages. It makes it hard to keep a conversation going unless they have responded within a couple hours of when I log on. 

[Fletch Lives]

10 minutes ago, Emery1623 said:

Another perspective... I get a lot of messages Online and it can be impossible to get through them all. Sometimes I don’t ignore someone on purpose but it gets pushed behind a bunch of other messages. It makes it hard to keep a conversation going unless they have responded within a couple hours of when I log on. 

 - Hide your profile for a time to cut down on messages.

 

If they don't reply within 24 hours, don't bother with them.

It's not a good time for dating but a good time to make text / phone buddies.

[Miss Spider]

25 minutes ago, Emery1623 said:

Another perspective... I get a lot of messages Online and it can be impossible to get through them all. Sometimes I don’t ignore someone on purpose but it gets pushed behind a bunch of other messages. It makes it hard to keep a conversation going unless they have responded within a couple hours of when I log on. 

That's a fair point (okcupid is cool about this because you only see messages of people you've also matched with ), but I think it's a bit different if you're already having a conversation. Even with other messages in between it sounds pretty lukewarm interest if they forgot to respond for a long time 

[Malin889]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

My opening message was about a sport she said she plays that I play all the time. She didn't respond for nearly a month and said she used to play it in high school. My next message was what she's interested in now if she's not playing it anymore and she didn't respond for a couple weeks so I sent her another message asking what she's doing for fun during this quarantine and she responds "hi, how have you been?"

What in the world kind of conversation is this? What kind of message do I send after this?

With another match we had talked about meeting in person then I didn't hear from her for a while and I basically wrote her off and said let me know when you're ready to meet and that I'm not interested in a pen pal. She sent me another message lately saying this isn't a good time for dating and I agreed, but said it would be nice to talk on the phone. Never heard from her again. Anything else I should say?

If the matches don't respond it's obvious they're not interested. How do you handle these matches?

First off, yes, it's not a good time to date, so she may think it's a waste of time chatting with you -- or chatting with anyone. So she probably shouldn't be on a dating site. However, I've dealt with so many guys who are this exact way -- they take awhile to get back to me. Or don't answer a question and respond back with a "Hey, how are you?" or I'm the one asking about them, they respond back with one word answers and never ask me any questions about myself. It's very frustrating. Right now, you should suspend your dating subscriptions and try to get your money back if you can, and start over when this pandemic is over. Once it is over, if you deal with a person like that, just block them. It's not worth your time. 

[central]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

If the matches don't respond it's obvious they're not interested. How do you handle these matches?

I find someone else who will communicate enough to show some interest, at least. I give up very quickly on anyone who doesn't respond, doesn't ask questions, or responds with nothing I asked about. Poor communication is usually a sign of a scammer, someone really not interested, but just keeping options open, or essentially brain dead.

[max3732]

37 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

First off, yes, it's not a good time to date, so she may think it's a waste of time chatting with you -- or chatting with anyone. So she probably shouldn't be on a dating site. However, I've dealt with so many guys who are this exact way -- they take awhile to get back to me. Or don't answer a question and respond back with a "Hey, how are you?" or I'm the one asking about them, they respond back with one word answers and never ask me any questions about myself. It's very frustrating. Right now, you should suspend your dating subscriptions and try to get your money back if you can, and start over when this pandemic is over. Once it is over, if you deal with a person like that, just block them. It's not worth your time. 

It's extremely frustrating! To me it's very inconsiderate to not respond to anything I've sent her before and send something so generic. I think you're right it would be good to see if I can suspend my subscription until this is over. I'm going to check tomorrow and see if they will do that. I know Match is offering some additional services during this time and I had one of their "dating experts" look at my profile. I don't know about Eharmony, which is where I messaged this woman. 

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

If the matches don't respond it's obvious they're not interested. How do you handle these matches?

I just moved on.  From what you describe you did more than enough reaching out and giving them a chance.   Don't waste your time on those who are so clearly disinterested or severely flaky.

Edited April 17, 2020 by SumGuy

[MsJayne]

If she was interested she'd respond very quickly and she'd keep the conversation flowing, and a lot of women only answer to be polite. That's all there is to it. Most date sites tell you when the person was last online, or if they're one of the first profiles to come up you know they've been active recently, so if you send a message and she doesn't respond within 24 hours and you've seen she's been online, just delete and move on. A lot of guys seem to get a bit huffy when they're ignored, but if they knew how badly a lot of men on there treat women they'd understand why women don't feel bad about being rude. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

I learn pretty quickly when to move on. I tend to be thorough and thoughtful about my responses. Initially, not so much. But once there is interest, I do ask thoughtful questions, not just fluff. If the respondent is too brief or especially dismissive of my questions after a couple of exchanges, I simply delete them. No real interest or not enough in common. 

[chillii]

Back when l was online l had zero patience for fool and very boring women on there that would reply like that. l like personality so if that's all she could come up with she got the boot then and there, just couldn't be bothered with bs like that.

[CollinW]

You shouldn’t have any expectations for anyone you're randomly messaging on the internet. The fact that this aggravates you shows you're already too invested. 

If someone isn't enthusiastically engaging with you then don't waste your time. 

[Brandonmo]

I think theres no interest from their part for girls that reply like that, just move on until you find what you're looking for.

[Malin889]

13 hours ago, MsJayne said:

 A lot of guys seem to get a bit huffy when they're ignored, but if they knew how badly a lot of men on there treat women they'd understand why women don't feel bad about being rude. 

It's true! You wouldn't believe some of the stuff men have messaged me. It's hard to stay motivated sometimes with some of the nasty remarks that are said. However, I don't see it as being rude. Honestly, sometimes people are just -- busy. Or they're not that into you. Which could be construed as being rude. Usually if I'm sending messages back and forth to 5 guys, there's 1 that usually stands out. And if the conversation just isn't flowing, I stop responding. A lot of times I'll unmatch or block, which is basically saying that I'm not interested. In this case, you just don't know. You can't really ask her out, so it's best to just give her and everyone the benefit of the doubt, and don't get upset. 

[Malin889]

16 hours ago, max3732 said:

It's extremely frustrating! To me it's very inconsiderate to not respond to anything I've sent her before and send something so generic. I think you're right it would be good to see if I can suspend my subscription until this is over. I'm going to check tomorrow and see if they will do that. I know Match is offering some additional services during this time and I had one of their "dating experts" look at my profile. I don't know about Eharmony, which is where I messaged this woman. 

Also some people just don't look at their profile that often. You can never tell. But yes, best to just not online date until this thing is over. It's really hard to keep a text conversation going for months with someone you've never met, you know? 

Edited April 17, 2020 by Malin889