fred123 Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 Hi everyone. Long story but will give you the background. 3 years ago i met a girl in the states on vacation. Nothing happened as she had a long distance boyfriend and she felt guilty. she stopped talking to me for a while. we texted sporadically when i went back to the UK but she was always hesitant in keeping contact. Her boyfriend ended up moving to the states and they got married. I went back to the states again for a holiday ( i have friends there i go visit) and i ended up going out with her and her husband. was very weird and awkward. When i went back to the UK she stopped replying to me for over a year. I randomly sent a message to her watsapp in december last year when i saw she had a new profile pic. she replied! we got chatting again and i found out she was divorced now. so we got chatting on text and she told me shes travelling around the world now and thats her plans as she has a travel pass from a family member where she can travel for free everywhere. She talked about coming to London and seeing me at some point. we started calling and skyping maybe once every couple of weeks or so maybe once a month seeing as she was always travelling. We ended up planning a trip to London in april to see me. she was travelling in march to the carribean for a work project and i know she told me she was hooking up with a guy on this trip. He worked with her and in Sweden. He had an open relationship with a girl back home in Sweden. When she told me this i was a bit like hmm especially since we had been flirting and talking about cuddling and kissing each other in bed. She told me that she just wanted to have fun and if she meets the right person then great but the place she is in atm she wants nothing serious. I replied saying i understood and id be doing the same as her esp getting out of a marriage and travelling. I told her that i would back off from skyping as i only do that if im getting to know the girl and really like her and that im cool with just fun. So the week after the trip to london has to be cancelled due to corona and we talked about me coming to see her in her flat in america end of april. well that plan got cancelled and we started to skype and do movie dates because of the isolation once a week. we talked about me coming maybe in June time depending on the corona for a couple of weeks to see her and my friends. I would stay in her apartment and we would cook together and maybe take a trip to new orleans or somewhere in the states too. We watched a film together. We skyped again the week after and she mentioned this new cool hotel that has just been built and that we should stay there for one night and go to the casino they have. I said that sounds cool we should do that too. we talkeed about our birthdays, hers is in June and mine is in May. During the week and the next couple of days sent some flirty texts about how i wish she could be with me in my bed next to me and replied saying that would be nice etc. I decided as a suprise to book that hotel for her birthday day and told her. she seemed happy! well the day before yesterday we were meant to have a movie date at 7pm and i texted her an hour before hand and she completely forgot and texted me that she needs to talk to me about something that her sponsor kindly pointed out.( she is AA rehab and sponsors someone i think). She then said that her sponsor pointed out to her what is she doing with me after she told her about me. Apparently she said she didnt want to lead me on and i said she wasnt. She told her sponsor about the sweet gesture about the hotel i did and now she says we shouldnt be chatting every week and that she wants to be friends. She said she realised the reality of me coming and that she only celebrates her birthday with a significant other. I told her i never thought this would be serious as she just got out of a marriage and lives far away. why the sudden change?!
Poutrew Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 There are so many red flags here... Divorced. Alcoholic. Letting her 'sponsor' run her life. Who cares what her reasons are just be thankful she gave you an out. Take it. Run, Forrest, run. 4
Mystery4u Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 You are wasting your time with her. She's not interested in you romantically. Save all your movie nights and trips abroad and birthday hotel bookings for someone that is interested in you as much as you are in them. She's completely right that's something you do with a significant other not with a friend, which is all she will ever be to you. Stop all contact with her and find someone who appreciates you for you. 2
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 Another long distance "friend" that you are trying to make into someone you can share a hotel room with. Few women want to do that with a virtual stranger, apart from sex workers. She was I guess just on a little daydream when she mentioned the hotel but once you made it real, she went OMG, backed off and blamed her "sponsor" for warning her off you... Forget about these "penpals" and video buddies, you have no chance with them.
peaceminusone Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 How can people invest so much time in someone, knowing that they just wanna do it for fun? You should thank heavens for this situation of corona, that cancelled your plans and let you see the real deal. Girl cant commit online, let alone real life
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 To be fair, the OP wasn't interested in nothing more than sex himself. It sounds like to me that her sponsor put some sense into her head and made her realize she was involved in some self-destructive behavior.
Author fred123 Posted April 15, 2020 Author Posted April 15, 2020 7 hours ago, elaine567 said: Another long distance "friend" that you are trying to make into someone you can share a hotel room with. Few women want to do that with a virtual stranger, apart from sex workers. She was I guess just on a little daydream when she mentioned the hotel but once you made it real, she went OMG, backed off and blamed her "sponsor" for warning her off you... Forget about these "penpals" and video buddies, you have no chance with them. i understand you. but iv met this girl before and known her a while. she is single now hence we got chatting again. i was meant to go and stay with her in her flat for a couple of weeks anyways. the hotel was just for one night to do something different rather than just stay in her flat all the time. you think she was not into me? you think she used her sponsor as an excuse? when i mentioned the hotel i booked as a suprise she seemed happy and said it was a really nice. i was going there in june to stay with her anyways so the fact i was there on her birthday i thought lets do something different on that day
Mystery4u Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 15 minutes ago, fred123 said: i understand you. but iv met this girl before and known her a while. she is single now hence we got chatting again. i was meant to go and stay with her in her flat for a couple of weeks anyways. the hotel was just for one night to do something different rather than just stay in her flat all the time. you think she was not into me? you think she used her sponsor as an excuse? when i mentioned the hotel i booked as a suprise she seemed happy and said it was a really nice. i was going there in june to stay with her anyways so the fact i was there on her birthday i thought lets do something different on that day She told you if the right person comes along then great. She meant that right person is not you. She told you she didn't want anything serious. She meant nothing serious with you. The signs are all there. She had no interest in a romantic relationship with you. She even told you she was hooking up with another guy! Think about it. Would you have said all these things to her, knowing how much you like her? That you want nothing serious? That you haven't met the right woman yet? That you are banging another girl? Are those things you would have said to show her your feelings for her and that you want to be romantically involved with her? No, they are not. You would have said the exact opposite. You are looking for a serious relationship. You feel like you have met the right woman. You are not looking to date others. What she wanted was just some fun. If she stopped by London on her travels then she could drop you a message and you could meet up. If you stopped by the USA meeting your other friends and she was in the area you could drop her a message and you could meet up. Casual with no expectations. What she did not want is 'date nights' and you arranging hotel stays for her birthdays. Can you see now what happened and why she suddenly changed? She realised you both wanted different things, regardless of what you told her, your actions showed your true feelings. There is nothing wrong with having those feelings, but it's a two way thing. Don't feel too hard on yourself. It's a lesson learnt. I was in a very similar situation years ago where I met an Australian girl here in London who was travelling for the next few months. We hit it off great, went to visit her while she was in Spain as well. Long story short I ended up going to Australia to visit her after a trip to Thailand. It was a wasted trip as I wanted something serious and she did not. Do you know how I realised? I booked a hotel for a night as I wanted to 'treat' her and well... she then realised what I was looking for and the conversation we had after that resulted in me bringing my flight out forward by 5 days. Funny it's to do with a hotel as well right heh. No point wasting any more time with her. But it was a great lesson which is why I can now advise you from my experience. One day you will meet someone who appreciates you for you and when it happens you will know it. 1
ccas93 Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 2 hours ago, Mystery4u said: She told you if the right person comes along then great. She meant that right person is not you. She told you she didn't want anything serious. She meant nothing serious with you. Really? I read it more like she just wanted to go on her trip and meet him but without any serious expectations, in case they don't hit it off that way.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 Whatever her reasons, she is telling you pretty clearly that this isn't going anywhere, OP. The logistics were always working against you. A fling with someone who lives so far away is rather pointless, so it's probably better that you don't invest any more time (or money) in this. It's not worth it.
Author fred123 Posted April 23, 2020 Author Posted April 23, 2020 On 4/15/2020 at 6:16 AM, ccas93 said: Really? I read it more like she just wanted to go on her trip and meet him but without any serious expectations, in case they don't hit it off that way. yep thats exactly how it was. she made specific plans to fly to see me for a week in london. then it changed to me staying in her condo for a week. so it was a planned casual encounter i guess. anyways i dont wanna waste my.time now with a girl who had changed. she doesnt send cute flirty texts bak and sometimes she doesnt reply. i prefer to talk to girls who are excited and into me. so i havnt messaged her and wont even reply to her
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