poppyfields Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I would not send flowers but a note is fine. So is a call out of the blue. In any world or relationship where compassion or empathy are bad things, leave me out. I am not advocating smothering him but 1-2 attempts to offer condolence or be a sounding board in these unsettling times has to be a good thing, IMO I don't disagree with you @d0nnivain, compassion and empathy are wonderful things. However I do believe she already offered her condolences; he also told her he does not like to be coddled or fussed over (paraphrasing). So to me, his words suggest he needs this time alone to process his emotions, that's what works for him. For me, when I lost my parents, I felt numb. I fell into a slight depression. Not sure if you've ever experienced that, and I know this sounds mean and cold, but while in that state of numbness and depression, others continuing to reach out offering their support and compassion annoyed me. Not annoyance at them per se, but annoyed by the added pressure it placed on me to respond back thanking them. I had no energy, emotional or otherwise, I really just wanted and needed to be left alone. It took time but I worked though it. Time truly does heal and is a grieving person's best friend. I am not saying OP's guy is like me. But when he told her he doesn't like to be fussed over, it strongly suggests he may have similar feelings. Edited April 15, 2020 by poppyfields 1
italicdawg Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Fletch Lives said: The relationship was not going anywhere. Why not find a new guy to date? Ok not sure where you got that from so...
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: But when he told her he doesn't like to be fussed over, it strongly suggests he may have similar feelings. I'm not suggesting she fuss. I am saying that a condolence note would be OK & that she can call him. As numb & antisocial as I felt after the deaths of my parents it still felt good -- like I wasn't forgotten -- when people checked on my. Again, smothering is bad but a "hey, how bored are you in quarantine?" would be OK.
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