loony Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 ... Sorry, good try. An *A* for effort but an *F* for actual product. Saying "their loss in the end" doesn't mean "they didn't deserve me in the first place." The latter is indicative of a sour grapes attitude which certainly wouldn't apply if a woman rejects me and goes for a dumbass like my XW did. The former means basically "well, they chose to not be with me so they will miss out on some good times... oh well. Their loss. Next!" You're just trying to wiggle your way out. I do not have the time right now to search through all your posts, but I'll keep that in the back of my mind from now on. Just in case, because of course it can't be that I am right and you are one of these resentful nice guys who think that all (which is very very different to "most") women are superficial and only want to date jerks.
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 i wud be happy if Mr.B says to himself -> "well, they chose to not be with me so they will miss out on some good times... oh well. Their loss. Next!" <with due apologies to SF for the blatant plaigiarism> Thank you, now what I said is demonstrative of a good attitude... unlike what "loony" is making of it. No apology needed. I hope Mr. B says it to himself as well in all seriousness. He needs to *toughen up* a bit and let all this BS roll off his back.
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 You're just trying to wiggle your way out. I do not have the time right now to search through all your posts, but I'll keep that in the back of my mind from now on. Just in case, because of course it can't be that I am right and you are one of these resentful nice guys who think that all (which is very very different to "most") women are superficial and only want to date jerks. Nothing to *wiggle* out of, loony. And I haven't said ALL women are superficial (saying "women" by itself does not automatically mean ALL women, BTW). My GF isn't superficial and she isn't involved with a jerk ( ) so that obviously blows the *all women* thingy straight to hell.
clandestinidad Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 haha, I agree NC well, it wouldnt suprise me if he doesnt come back. A few of us have been pretty rough on the lil guy....I said some harsh things...hopefully he'll open his blinders and learn how to avoid this again though!!! btw, why does SF have a disabled reputation?
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 btw, why does SF have a disabled reputation? Why don't you ask me since it's *my* reputation? I disabled it cuz it's stooopid and it needs to be s***-canned. Others have disabled their reputation as well.
loony Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Thank you, now what I said is demonstrative of a good attitude... unlike what "loony" is making of it. No apology needed. I hope Mr. B says it to himself as well in all seriousness. He needs to *toughen up* a bit and let all this BS roll off his back. From the same post, as you begged me so nicely: Now, at 37, I am finally with someone who doesn't reek of adolescent immaturity when it comes to men and relationships. She's the winner and all those dummies who passed me up are (hopefully) stuck with TDH drunks, cheats, and crooks. Yep, indeed, looks like you can accept a rejection well.
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Yep, indeed, you looks like you can accept a rejection well. Yep. With a smile on my face. Lemme tell you something... that's it, come closer... My XW got involved with a guy who is actually TDF (Tall, Dark, and Fugly) who is supposedly all *wonderful*, blah blah blah. Well, the dude gave a her a nasty case of the chirpies... and what's REALLY bad about it is that he KNEW all along that he has it. Wanna take a guess as to who heard all the crying and whining about it? Uh-huh... that's right. Just as I thought... the guy is a complete a**h***. One of those *types* that MOST (not ALL) women go ga-ga over and whaddaya know... she got zapped! She left me in search of *something better* and look what happened... Somehow I knew the guy was *bad news*... call it intuition, perhaps. Not my problem though... Now she's gonna live with the chirpies for life and I'm still smiling cuz I got myself a GOOD woman who is HONEST, UPFRONT, and doesn't PLAY GAMES. Truth be told, loony, I DID have that extremely negative attitude towards women a la Woggle HOWEVER that changed when I met my current GF about two years ago. There ARE good ones out there.
Author mrB2006 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 "well, it wouldnt suprise me if he doesnt come back. A few of us have been pretty rough on the lil guy....I said some harsh things...hopefully he'll open his blinders and learn how to avoid this again though!!!" I am back! Kat23: Thank you for your input. However, I have to disagree with you. I don't think I was a weakling. I told her how I felt. I was brutally honest with her. Now, what I gather from your post is that women don't care about honesty. They also don't care about someone who truely respects who they are as a person. I respected this girl. So, therefore she is turned off by that? I know that not all women are like this. Yes she had big tits and nice ass. But my objective was to know the person as whole. By taking things REALLY slow, I learned a lot about her. And I like what I saw. I hope I never become so shallow as think women only want a guy with a big d*ck and nothing else. You know there is more to life than doing the horizontal rumba. Yes, I am going to go on this blind date. Maybe it will take my mind off my situation. But it is rather interesting to hear, mainly from women, that they want somebody to sweep them off of their feet. And I thought I lived in a fantasy world. Sheesh! Each person's style is different. So that officially makes me a weakling? Come on, what a bunch of crap! All I can say is that I still respect her. I even care about her. Also, women need to stop reading 'Cosmo', it can screw up your minds. MrB
Author mrB2006 Posted December 28, 2005 Author Posted December 28, 2005 Kat23: You are right. Some of you were very harsh (and almost rude). But I am brushing that off. All I wanted was some advice. I didn't ask to be treated like I was in some of the replies. But again that's life. Cant please everyone. I am kind of newbie to the dating scene. I am very confused by what women want. But by reading some of these posts I am more confused than ever. Do women want a game? Or do they want a guy who is honest with them? I just thought I was being honest with my friend. I thought that was what she would want. I guess I was wrong. Oh, well. You live and you learn. mrB:confused: And by the way, I am not going anywhere!
noclobber Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 mrB2006, i know u shud be hating me by now 'cos i was rude in my responses to you. but this is what i suggest u do: - don't wish ur girl on her b'day. let her think whatever she wants about you - go on this blind date and subtly let ur girl know that u went on a date. the above two will indicate to ur woman that ur life no longer revolves around her anymore and that u have the strength to move on. she may not fall for you but trust me, she will respect you!!
Aimée Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 About you trying to hold her hand, I had misread your post. I thought you were sitting far away from her and despite this tried to hold her hand. About the mass itself, she whispered to me constantly. She really wouldnt let me just sit there and enjoy the service. Yes, it is pure hospitality. But come on, I am not that dumb when it come to religion (for women, maybe). I have no real clue what your friend wants, her signals are a bit mixed and I think she is hesitating. Anyway. I think what you could have done here is, tease her a bit and whisper something back. If a guy was whispering constantly in my ear, I'd assume he was trying to hit on me. I don't know how close she was, but I think most people have sensitive ears and I'm inclined to believe your friend has a vague idea of this. So, whispering in your ear I would have considered a form of teasing, it still has a somewhat innocent character, so trying to get a hold of her hand would have been a too heavy move. You should have done something light back and tease her a bit. Maybe given her a I-know-what-you're-doing-here-babe look and whisper something back. Play the game with her if she invites you to, but stay in control of the situation. I think it's the stage where you flirt a bit, but still check the other person out and do your little tests on them.
noclobber Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 About you trying to hold her hand, I had misread your post. I thought you were sitting far away from her and despite this tried to hold her hand. I have no real clue what your friend wants, her signals are a bit mixed and I think she is hesitating. Anyway. I think what you could have done here is, tease her a bit and whisper something back. If a guy was whispering constantly in my ear, I'd assume he was trying to hit on me. I don't know how close she was, but I think most people have sensitive ears and I'm inclined to believe your friend has a vague idea of this. So, whispering in your ear I would have considered a form of teasing, it still has a somewhat innocent character, so trying to get a hold of her hand would have been a too heavy move. You should have done something light back and tease her a bit. Maybe given her a I-know-what-you're-doing-here-babe look and whisper something back. Play the game with her if she invites you to, but stay in control of the situation. I think it's the stage where you flirt a bit, but still check the other person out and do your little tests on them. oh great!! u just gave this guy false hopes and he is going to run back to that woman and get burnt... once again!!!
Aimée Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 oh great!! u just gave this guy false hopes and he is going to run back to that woman and get burnt... once again!!! Hey, you're not a girl, so why do you think you can explain their behavior? Has a girl ever whispered something in your ear? Or have you ever whispered something in her ear? Then you don't know what you're talking about.
noclobber Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Hey, you're not a girl, so why do you think you can explain their behavior? Has a girl ever whispered something in your ear? Or have you ever whispered something in her ear? Then you don't know what you're talking about. hahaha... yup i am not a girl! but i for one would not consider a girl whispering in my ears as a strong sign or an indication that she likes me. physical touch is the best indicator and Mr.B2006 already said that when he tried to reach for her hand she refused!
Aimée Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 hahaha... yup i am not a girl! but i for one would not consider a girl whispering in my ears as a strong sign or an indication that she likes me. physical touch is the best indicator and Mr.B2006 already said that when he tried to reach for her hand she refused! Holding someone's hands means genuine affection and she wasn't willing to give it to him. They were not at this stage yet. She was in the mood for playful teasing, for some pushing and pulling, and he should have teased her back. Being in the mood for love, looking at the stars or in each other eyes while holding hands was just not what she wanted at that time. If a guy was constantly whispering in my ear while there was no real reason for it, I would assume that he was trying to seduce me. When a girl does it, giggling and smiling, I would assume she is inviting you to flirt with her. Are ears not really sensitive erogenous zones? Anyway, I don't know how she did it, but if it happened the way he described it, there might have been more than just her whispering explanation in his ear. I might imagine it would be fun to whisper harmless things in someone's ear while knowing damn well that it's an erogenous zone and you're in public. It can be even more exciting when two people are whispering naughty stuff to each other, it looks harmless to an unknowing observer, but you two know what was really said. The fact that you two are sharing something intimate and private in public creates a mutual bonding experience. I'm just saying, I do not necessarily consider it to be something harmless or maybe I just have a dirty mind.
noclobber Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 I might imagine it would be fun to whisper harmless things in someone's ear while knowing damn well that it's an erogenous zone and you're in public. Also whispering naughty stuff in someone else's ear can be fun, it looks harmless to an unknowing observer, but you two know what was really said. The fact that you two are sharing something intimate and private in public creates a mutual bonding experience. I'm just saying, I do not necessarily consider it to be something harmless or maybe I just have a dirty mind. Mr.B2006 and his girl were in a church! God save us!!!!!!!!!!!
clandestinidad Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 MrB, I understand that I probably really pi$$ed you off, and I'm sorry my posts came across so rudely Now, what I gather from your post is that women don't care about honesty. They also don't care about someone who truely respects who they are as a person. I respected this girl. So, therefore she is turned off by that? I know that not all women are like this That said, I wanted to clarify something. You keep mentioning your 'honesty' and 'repect' for her, and then act like I'm saying women dont want that. Youre pointing out those good qualities about yourself, which is fine, until you twist the situation into a case of "well, I was honest and respected her, nothing more...and Kat23 is saying that women dont want that, so she's full of crap", acting like you did nothing else you did act/speak in certain ways (at least on here you did) that indicated you're almost obsessed with the glory that is this woman-gift sent from god, and let her run over you however she wants oblivious to it all. Please dont try to sit there innocently and say "whats so wrong with being honest and respectful???" you know women dont have a problem with THAT!! I wasnt saying she was turned off by your honesty or respect! She was turned off by your bending over to worship her, not b/c youre horrible or gross or anything....but rather b/c she immediately saw you as someone she can take advantage of, not someone she wants a serious relationship with
Author mrB2006 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Kat23: I am not mad at you. Please don't think that. Now, it can be hard to interpret feelings in these posts. So, I can understand if people are having difficulties. I was just being kind of a jerk to you about all the honesty stuff. Of course women want honest guys. But I don't think I was worshiping her. She has her own faults. She isn't perfect. Nobody is perfect. All I am saying is that she was one of the few people to inspire me in numerous ways. And I am appreciative of that. Yes, I realize that I blew my chances from the beginning. But I never put her on a pedestal. I do consider her my equal. However, I am a little bit intimated by her. Don't know why. That is where I am going to have to work my issues out. But again, I do not worship her. I just treasure the fact that she came along in my life during a rough patch. Our meeting was almost serendiptious. Again, I am not angry at you or Noclobber. You guys have given me some food for thought. mrB
Author mrB2006 Posted December 29, 2005 Author Posted December 29, 2005 Aimee: I did whisper a little bit to her. Not much though. I was actually fascinated by the service. What is funny is that we were all standing reciting the Lord's Prayer. We all held hands. She had my left hand. As we got to the end I started to say "for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever..." She squeezed my hand and turned her head and smiled at me. After the prayer she whispered that Catholics don't say that part. We both smiled at each other. Silly, but is it important? Doubt it.
noclobber Posted December 29, 2005 Posted December 29, 2005 That is where I am going to have to work my issues out. That's the spirit! Keep it up. cheers
Author mrB2006 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Posted December 30, 2005 Well, I had my blind date. It went great. The gal I met was a grad student at a university 100 miles south of my town. Her mother is friends with my mother. We have a lot in common. Plus, we have the same birthdate. I thought that was strange. We had coffee at a starbucks. We sat and talked for over three hours. She heads back to class on Tuesday. I hope to see her again soon. My mom says that she sometimes comes to town to visit family on weekends. Maybe I could see her again before I head overseas. I also told her that I would email her my blog that I have set up for my overseas service. All in all, I had a great time. MrB
noclobber Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Well, I had my blind date. It went great. The gal I met was a grad student at a university 100 miles south of my town. Her mother is friends with my mother. We have a lot in common. Plus, we have the same birthdate. I thought that was strange. We had coffee at a starbucks. We sat and talked for over three hours. She heads back to class on Tuesday. I hope to see her again soon. My mom says that she sometimes comes to town to visit family on weekends. Maybe I could see her again before I head overseas. I also told her that I would email her my blog that I have set up for my overseas service. All in all, I had a great time. MrB Fantastic!! within no time ur previous crush wud get away from ur mind as u start focussing on ur new girl! good luck to u!
Author mrB2006 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Posted December 30, 2005 noclobber, thanks for the encouragement. I will try to keep in contact with this new girl. Now, I probably wont see her again until late next month or early Feb. I will be leaving for Asia in late March. So I don't want to get TOO attached. But I will keep her in mind. And you never know, I may meet someone overseas. My options are open. I am glad that this date took my mind off of my friend. Thanks MRB:cool:
Aimée Posted January 1, 2006 Posted January 1, 2006 But I don't think I was worshiping her. She has her own faults. She isn't perfect. Nobody is perfect. All I am saying is that she was one of the few people to inspire me in numerous ways. And I am appreciative of that. Yes, I realize that I blew my chances from the beginning. But I never put her on a pedestal. I do consider her my equal. However, I am a little bit intimated by her. Don't know why. That is where I am going to have to work my issues out. Whatever you have said now, that you know she is not perfect, that you know you are worthy of her, etc. it's your rational mind talking here, it's not the emotional scared person deep inside that is afraid of rejection. That emotional part of you is the part that is controlling the whole situation, not your rational mind. It's working at a subcionscious level and you are not aware of how much it influences your behavior, it betrays your feelings, the negative ones, anxieties and insecurities, all the times. Rationally I know a lot about myself, I'm pretty, I'm smart, I have humor, etc., but I still feel unworthy when it comes to certain people. I put them on pedestals and I get nervous, because I think they won't like me, I'm afraid they are just playing with me till they find someone better, etc. You should not play your anxieties down, you are not just a little bit intimidated by her, I know how other guys would have acted in your situation. I think all this logical and rational reasoning that you don't have any reason to be afraid and be nervous is only good to a certain point, it won't really solve your problem with this lack of self-esteem though. I recently thought that it might be a lot better to concentrate on myself, to strengthen my belief in my self-worth, so that I won't have to wonder if I'm good enough or not. I am who I am. One day I will be old and not so pretty, should I then despair? Is it really that important that people think I'm smart and not laugh about me or should I not rather stand up to what I believe is true and just do it? If you really had a good sense of your inherent self-worth, you wouldn't be asking yourself if you are good enough or not, you would just feel comfortable with this girl and go with the moment, things would fall into place automatically if you were really compatible.
Author mrB2006 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Posted January 1, 2006 Thanks Aimee, I can't really pinpoint why I am intimidated by her. But, you are right. I will be leaving in about two and a half months. I hope that this journey will teach me more about myself. I know that I am good person. And I shouldn't bother with trying to please others. My ultimate goal is to leave as a 'kid' and come back a 'man'. My hope is that this journey will shed light on the areas in my life that need it. I want to grow as a person. And this journey will certainly help in that realm. I will meet people from different backgrounds. I will live without the amenities of American life. My life will be less spent worrying about material things and more about worrying about realities that face most people on planet earth. Now, I will keep the lines of communication open with the girl in question. To be honest with you Aimee, she told me in one of her letters that I do spend way too much time 'worrying' and 'doubting' myself. She said that I am too good for that. And, you know what, she is right. I feel that she was throwing me a lifeline, so to speak. She told me that I should consider her advice. Life is too short. If I had gone into the relationship without the insecurities, things would have been different between us. However, things did not go as to plan. Therefore, I must move to improve myself. And I know the areas I need to work on. I have already met some interesting women since I last spoke with my friend. And I know that I do have the capability of being in a potentially rewarding relationship. All hope is not lost. I do love this person. However, I must change myself for MYSELF only. I am not in this game to make others happy and not myself. If she sees that I have changed for the better, then fantastic. But, if I am too late, then that's life. About compatability: I believe that she is compatable for me. But I am not compatible for her. The reason: my insecurities. If I conquer those feelings then who knows? However, life does move on. So, I don't expect her to wait for me while I am working on my insecurites. To be honest, that WOULD be selfish of me to think that she HAS to wait for me. If God wants us to be together, then I trust he will put us together. Again, Thank you for your advice. MrB
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