nospam99 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 OP, thanks for explaining the 'miserable' part. It also sheds light on why guys who want to date you are 'touching a nerve' with snarky remarks about eating. Great that you 'feel happy with myself'. You go, girl! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 5 minutes ago, nospam99 said: OP, thanks for explaining the 'miserable' part. It also sheds light on why guys who want to date you are 'touching a nerve' with snarky remarks about eating. Great that you 'feel happy with myself'. You go, girl! Nospam, it goes both ways I assure you and not just with weight. Some people don't weigh enough and try and try to gain weight (I know LOTS of athletes who go through this) and it really works on them mentally. Some people are super tall and HATE being tall (can't find clothes easily, etc). I am 6'1 and think I am short. The point being that EVERYONE is probably sensitive to something about themselves if the truth be known. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 @simpy. There's 'sensitive' and there's 'miserable'. And there're connotations to those words, one of which is 'depressive'. Miserable is a place I don't want to go and wouldn't wish on anyone else either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Nospam, it goes both ways I assure you and not just with weight. Some people don't weigh enough and try and try to gain weight (I know LOTS of athletes who go through this) and it really works on them mentally. Some people are super tall and HATE being tall (can't find clothes easily, etc). I am 6'1 and think I am short. The point being that EVERYONE is probably sensitive to something about themselves if the truth be known. I agree with you simp, I myself have struggled with weight, the other side of overweight; I was underweight and way too thin (slight eating disorder), I still struggle with that (body image), even today. Thankfully, I'm at a more healthy weight now though. And there were some folks who made very rude remarks, insulting really, cruel, and I used to think to myself, would you be saying these things if I were FAT? Probably not. Anyway I guess my message to Pink is, if you allow yourself to take personally and/or take offense at every dumb comment made, or cruel remark aimed in your direction, you are going to have a tough time in life imo. Because people DO say dumb things sometimes, insensitive things, cruel even, that's just the way it is and always will be, sadly. Best to keep head high, and brush it off, if he's a man you met on dating app, next. Otherwise, the potential is there for you to become quite bitter and distrustful of men, not good. I'm glad to hear you're chatting with other guys! Fabulous! Let us know how it goes! Edited April 14, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, preraph said: Poppy, it makes me wonder who you know who is like this guy, the way you're defending him page after page. You may need to develop some boundaries or you're going to end up letting a problematic guy in and regret it one day. I just read this; preraph I'm not defending him, in fact to the contrary, I've said his comments were in extremely poor taste. I just don't like all the demonizing and attaching all these negative qualities to him based on a "really" dumb comment, that could possibly be nothing more than his super lame attempt at a tease. I mean we just don't know and I for one never like to assume. Yes I've dealt with his type before, and similar comments, and can hold my own, believe me. I have strong boundaries and know when to implement. I also have a fairly good grasp on human nature, and the various nuances, the games some people play as well as certain mental disorders. Nothing is ever so black and white as to villify this guy a nasty controlling, potential abuser (which some have categorized him as) all because of one really lame comment. Edited April 14, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) Also, and I don't want to speak for poppy, but I think the reason people point out it may not have been to hurt her is to bring up the possibility that jumping to the most negative conclusion is not always true or the most helpful to yourself. Not everyone is out to hurt you or manipulate you. Sometimes people can be legit socially inept and insensitive. I'm sorry. But if it helps you to vilify them, so be it. Edited April 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Oh I agree but who wants to hook up with an idiot? Who wants to stick around and find out if this guy has deeper problems if this is how he already is? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Oh yea absolutely not... don't think anyone would suggest she keep talking if she thinks he's dumb and insensitive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, preraph said: Oh I agree but who wants to hook up with an idiot? Who wants to stick around and find out if this guy has deeper problems if this is how he already is? Agree, I don't think anyone was encouraging that. In fact I think she spent "too" much time talking. The first lame comment she felt was offensive should have been the last, next. That's what I did when encountering a man whose comments I felt were offensive, immediate block and delete. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I just read this; preraph I'm not defending him, in fact to the contrary, I've said his comments were in extremely poor taste. I just don't like all the demonizing and attaching all these negative qualities to him based on a "really" dumb comment, that could possibly be nothing more than his super lame attempt at a tease. I mean we just don't know and I for one never like to assume. Yes I've dealt with his type before, and similar comments, and can hold my own, believe me. I have strong boundaries and know when to implement. I also have a fairly good grasp on human nature, and the various nuances, the games some people play as well as certain mental disorders. Nothing is ever so black and white as to villify this guy a nasty controlling, potential abuser (which some have categorized him as) all because of one really lame comment. Agree. And that’s the exact reason why I didn’t take it too seriously the first time he teased me with that topic. At the time I didn’t like it but gave him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was just teasing me and being bad at it, etc. But then the second time he did it (the last one) was really nasty with the chubby girl gif and all. And that’s when it clicked is not just teasing, is disrespectful and nasty. Edited April 14, 2020 by miss2017 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 If there's one thing I've learned over a long lifetime, it's people who say nasty things, even if they tell you they're "only joking" or say it jokingly, those thoughts were in their head in order for them to come out of their mouth. So just remember that. Even if it accidentally comes out of their mouth and they didn't mean to say it, that thought was in their head. Thank you, Sigmund Freud, for your wonderful work on Freudian slips and humor at the expense of others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 8 minutes ago, preraph said: If there's one thing I've learned over a long lifetime, it's people who say nasty things, even if they tell you they're "only joking" or say it jokingly, those thoughts were in their head in order for them to come out of their mouth. So just remember that. Even if it accidentally comes out of their mouth and they didn't mean to say it, that thought was in their head. Thank you, Sigmund Freud, for your wonderful work on Freudian slips and humor at the expense of others. Yes exactly. And from my own experience people who use ‘humor’ to say nasty things are usually people with a lot of suppressed anger and trauma that they choose to project on others instead of dealing with their own issues. Don’t know if this guy was like that as we never met in person, but he shows signs of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 4 hours ago, poppyfields said: Agree, I don't think anyone was encouraging that. In fact I think she spent "too" much time talking. The first lame comment she felt was offensive should have been the last, next. That's what I did when encountering a man whose comments I felt were offensive, immediate block and delete. What did Forest say? Stupid is as Stupid does (or something like that). The more I think about it the more I think that the guy was sending a "message" to say....hey, you wanna date me you gotta be bikini fit (or something of the sort). I am telling you this sort of psychology is rampant in the sports world...."you don't work hard, play good...you are going to replaced, cut, waived, etc" and I bet it is used a lot in the business world to motivate employees. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Here's an interaction I just saw on Facebook between a fitness/health conscious friend of mine and someone she seems to not actually know in real life. Her post: One of my favorite quarantine hobbies:Eating His reply: Hhhhhh Do you wanna gain weights? Her: yep, not worried about extra weight Him: eeeeh! Am not on your side please! She's a blonde blue eyed married woman from central Pennsylvania. He's a young, skinny single man from Rwanda (according to his FB). Maybe this is a cultural thing??? She had a female friend or two chiming in and saying to him, "who cares??" Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, simpycurious said: What did Forest say? Stupid is as Stupid does (or something like that). The more I think about it the more I think that the guy was sending a "message" to say....hey, you wanna date me you gotta be bikini fit (or something of the sort). I am telling you this sort of psychology is rampant in the sports world...."you don't work hard, play good...you are going to replaced, cut, waived, etc" and I bet it is used a lot in the business world to motivate employees. I’ve seen his photos on Facebook. He’a not exactly a muscular guy cover of Mens Health... So try to get himself fit first before he asks any woman to be. Him and any guy who thinks like this. Edited April 15, 2020 by miss2017 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Negging. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 20 hours ago, simpycurious said: Nospam, it goes both ways I assure you and not just with weight. Some people don't weigh enough and try and try to gain weight (I know LOTS of athletes who go through this) and it really works on them mentally. Some people are super tall and HATE being tall (can't find clothes easily, etc). I am 6'1 and think I am short. The point being that EVERYONE is probably sensitive to something about themselves if the truth be known. Lots of great comments. advice and insights as above and more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 On 4/15/2020 at 4:25 AM, elaine567 said: Negging. OMG I was JUST going to say this. Just the first thing that popped into my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts