max3732 Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 These past couple weeks I've had 3 phone calls with different women. One of them I felt like I connected with really well and we have another phone call coming up. Until this pandemic is over we can't meet in person, but if things go well here I'm planning on suggesting a video chat. Last time we talked on the phone for like 30 minutes and we were both laughing and it went really well. With the other 2 calls it was more like a basic interview and I wouldn't discount them, but definitely feel closer to this one. So do we just keep doing phone or video calls and keep the conversation light or do I need to try and do something to make it more romantic or put us more in a dating relationship?
Blind-Sided Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 with the way the world is right now... I wouldn't try to actually meet someone. A video call is perfect. If that goes well... Then maybe set up a virtual date. If you are close... maybe you can order food, and have it delivered, and then have a video call while you both enjoy dinner.
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2020 Posted April 11, 2020 (edited) I say keep your dance card full, meaning talk to as many as you can, keep your options open. The reality is, people are lonely and desperate for human contact when in isolation and will use dating apps to fill the gap, so don't invest yourself in anyone at this time. Yes keep things light and simple....have some mystery. I can see it if you were in a relationship already, but don't push for candle light dinner video calls. Maybe play trivia together or you can make up a simple word game where you write down single different words on pieces of paper, then randomly pull it out of a hat. Words like cat, house, purple, and then ask them what does that word mean to them or what experience.....kinda of a get to know each other game. It can be really fun, and how creative one can be. Edited April 11, 2020 by smackie9 4
Author max3732 Posted April 11, 2020 Author Posted April 11, 2020 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: I say keep your dance card full, meaning talk to as many as you can, keep your options open. The reality is, people are lonely and desperate for human contact when in isolation and will use dating apps to fill the gap, so don't invest yourself in anyone at this time. Yes keep things light and simple....have some mystery. I can see it if you were in a relationship already, but don't push for candle light dinner video calls. Maybe play trivia together or you can make up a simple word game where you write down single different words on pieces of paper, then randomly pull it out of a hat. Words like cat, house, purple, and then ask them what does that word mean to them or what experience.....kinda of a get to know each other game. It can be really fun, and how creative one can be. I'm definitely still talking to others, but she is by far the one I'm most interested in. One of the other ones I chatted with on the phone has been texting me and I might be somewhat interested, but I didn't think our conversation went that well and I didn't feel much chemistry on the phone, but we do have somethings in common so I'm still going to keep it open. Another matches I am texting and just got her number. One thing about her I didn't notice before is she is 6 feet tall! I've never done out with anyone that tall before, but if we end up meeting in person that would be a new experience. I think you're right that keeping things light is the way to go right now. Also talking to other people gives me more confidence that it's not the end of the world if I mess up in our conversation. I'd just really like to meet her!
SumGuy Posted April 12, 2020 Posted April 12, 2020 I’d do a virtual date, with video and audio set up at a table, share drinks and a meal, talk.
Author max3732 Posted April 12, 2020 Author Posted April 12, 2020 21 hours ago, SumGuy said: I’d do a virtual date, with video and audio set up at a table, share drinks and a meal, talk. How would you bring up that idea? So far we've only spoken on the phone.
basil67 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 Say "Hey, would you be interested in a virtual date?" 1
SumGuy Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 15 hours ago, basil67 said: Say "Hey, would you be interested in a virtual date?" Exactly. There is something about sharing a drink or meal with someone that is very social, even in virtual.
rjc149 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 I'm of the strong opinion that doing virtual dates with women you've never met in person is awkward and a waste of time. There is no way you will be able to read her body language and escalate physically with her. Given the times we are all in, it's best to just sit tight, wait it out, and re-visit these women once things are back to normal. Remember, this is temporary. This isn't something that requires us to re-invent the wheel. And no, you are not dating her. You are not dating anyone you haven't had any sexual contact with -- you haven't even *met this girl in person.* Until you are engaging in sexual activity with someone on an ongoing basis, you have no relationship expectations to hold them, or yourself, to. It's not fair to either party and it's a great way to get yourself wrapped up in a fantasy that ends up hurting you when reality takes hold.
Miss Spider Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) I feel like maybe can help keep you are her radar to do a ‘virtual date’. I don’t know what these things entail or how awkward they are as I’ve never done it, but it seems just like FaceTime or camming. I can see how these could get sexual... Obviously no touching or kiss... but for a lot of guys that’s not unlike a regular date lol. It also allows you to possibly physically close faster on the actual first date because all the build up and communication gives a sense of intimacy. This is all conjecture but I guess it makes sense to me . Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Author max3732 Posted April 15, 2020 Author Posted April 15, 2020 On 4/13/2020 at 4:32 PM, Cookiesandough said: I feel like maybe can help keep you are her radar to do a ‘virtual date’. I don’t know what these things entail or how awkward they are as I’ve never done it, but it seems just like FaceTime or camming. I can see how these could get sexual... Obviously no touching or kiss... but for a lot of guys that’s not unlike a regular date lol. It also allows you to possibly physically close faster on the actual first date because all the build up and communication gives a sense of intimacy. This is all conjecture but I guess it makes sense to me . How can it get sexual if you're not even there in person? Like the conversation or you think she'll show her boobs or something? That's never happened to me before! My fear with the video is that I'm going to look weird due to the quality of the webcam or the lighting or whatever. It seems like things are going well with the phone calls so I don't know about the video chat. I've heard people say you should share a meal or a TV show, but that just feels so awkward. I sent her a funny video based on something that she mentioned during our call and she responded with something similar based on something I said. So I figure we can do this kind of thing for a little bit and then just talk on the phone every week or so. Do you think it's necessary to do the video call? So far I really like her!
Ruby Slippers Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 You don't have to be having sex to be dating. A virtual date beats NO date! 1
Miss Spider Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, max3732 said: How can it get sexual if you're not even there in person? Like the conversation or you think she'll show her boobs or something? That's never happened to me before! My fear with the video is that I'm going to look weird due to the quality of the webcam or the lighting or whatever. It seems like things are going well with the phone calls so I don't know about the video chat. I've heard people say you should share a meal or a TV show, but that just feels so awkward. I sent her a funny video based on something that she mentioned during our call and she responded with something similar based on something I said. So I figure we can do this kind of thing for a little bit and then just talk on the phone every week or so. Do you think it's necessary to do the video call? So far I really like her! Yes. She could do a private cam show for you lol. I'm not saying it will happen, especially at this stage. just throwing it out there. I think it would be awkward to have food (the same food?) and a dinner together like you're on a dinner date...nah. If you're not comfortable with it, I guess it's not necessary. It just seems like facetiming would be the last base you can get to nowadays Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
rjc149 Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 1 hour ago, max3732 said: How can it get sexual if you're not even there in person? It can't. That's why this situation is not dating. I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by investing a lot of time and emotion into a virtual romance. I believe your time is better spent reading and becoming more interesting, working out and getting a killer physique, improving your career and finances (if possible at this time) and learning about attraction and relationships. Then, when things get back to normal, hit the ground running with a 2.0 version of yourself.
rjc149 Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said: You don't have to be having sex to be dating. A virtual date beats NO date! Depends on your definition of dating. You can be going out on dates with someone without having a sexual relationship with them, but it's not a romantic relationship unless there is a sexual aspect. Or unless you're in middle school. Since the OP is under none of these circumstances, no, he is not dating this girl. He is much better off *not* doing a virtual courtship where physical seduction cannot happen. He is totally killing the sexual tension and mystery which is key for a man to maintain in order to attract a new woman. Just reading his posts, he's already giving off a needy vibe, getting this excited over a girl he's never even met in person and placing any kind of expectation on this. When you are attracting a girl in the dating phase, the phone is for setting dates only. It's not for building attraction and rapport. If the logistics prevent that from happening, wait until it can happen. Otherwise, you can send a flirty text every so often. I really would not be having virtual phone dates with someone you've never met. You're setting expectations too high, and yourself up for a fall. My 2 cents. Edited April 16, 2020 by rjc149 1
Miss Spider Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 (edited) You can escalate sexually virtually through texts. IDK, I've never done it but I've had male and female friends who have done it. I saw the texts. Have to read the girl to see if she'd be receptive to it, but some girls are super flirty too esp if they are really attracted to the guy. It can start as just a physical compliment. I'm not saying you have to be into sexting either, just if you already have her open in text messages then you can close a lot quicker when you meet. And you'll have all that built up anticipation!!!! Edited April 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough
simpycurious Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: You can escalate sexually virtually through texts. IDK, I've never done it but I've had male and female friends who have done it. I saw the texts. Have to read the girl to see if she'd be receptive to it, but some girls are super flirty too esp if they are really attracted to the guy. It can start as just a physical compliment. I'm not saying you have to be into sexting either, just if you already have her open in text messages then you can close a lot quicker when you meet. And you'll have all that built up anticipation!!!! Not only the anticipation but maybe a little "mysterious" element as well...
Author max3732 Posted April 16, 2020 Author Posted April 16, 2020 13 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: You can escalate sexually virtually through texts. IDK, I've never done it but I've had male and female friends who have done it. I saw the texts. Have to read the girl to see if she'd be receptive to it, but some girls are super flirty too esp if they are really attracted to the guy. It can start as just a physical compliment. I'm not saying you have to be into sexting either, just if you already have her open in text messages then you can close a lot quicker when you meet. And you'll have all that built up anticipation!!!! Can you give an example of something that would be flirty to help me escalate sexually through texts? On this point I feel a bit like an alien trying to understand human communications. Even though I obviously feel sexual attraction towards woman I don't know how to express it without sounding like a creep or scaring her away.
elaine567 Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 This lock down/social distancing could go on for months. These are special circumstances and the normal "rules" do not really apply. I see no point in hurrying from 2 chats on the phone to bringing up sex, when you have weeks/months before you can even meet. I think you need to play it by ear and be ready to respond IF she turns the conversation to flirting/sex. She may do. BUT as there is no chance of making this "real" for a long time, I am not sure if you initiating sex talk now after two phone calls is really appropriate and may indeed make you sound like a creep and scare her off. 2
Mrin Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 34 minutes ago, max3732 said: Can you give an example of something that would be flirty to help me escalate sexually through texts? On this point I feel a bit like an alien trying to understand human communications. Even though I obviously feel sexual attraction towards woman I don't know how to express it without sounding like a creep or scaring her away. Sure. I can help with this. As some of you may know I'm back in the dating pool - what a fan-f***ing-tastic time to be dating again. Ha! Ah well, it is what it is... So I've been spending a lot of my time chatting and certainly have escalated things sexually - and them some. Okay, here's the thing OP: it is a dance. It is a conversation. It is done subtly and over time. You can't just start out with "u like doggy?!?!?" Well, I suppose with some people you can but most women want to ease into it. So, what you need to do is open the space a bit and see how she reacts, and then play off of that reaction. You see, she's expecting you to say "U like doggy?" because it has happened some many times in the past. And honestly, she is probably willing to tell you if she likes doggy but only when she trusts you and feels comfortable having that conversation with you. That's an intimate conversation and you don't just go there. You have to build a rapport with here and here's an idea that might play out: You: "Tell me what you value in a romantic partner or in a relationship?" Her: "Hmmmm, good question. I guess I would have to say trust, intelligence, confidence.." You: "Trust is a big thing for me too. I mean, if you can't trust the person you're with 100%, why are you with them?" Her: "I know right?!? I guess I would also have to say looks. hahaha. Does that make me shallow??? OMG I can't believe I just said that!" You: "No, not at all, you have to be attracted to the other person right?" Her: "Absolutely. I just feel like I am superficial saying that." You: "Perhaps a better word is Chemistry. I mean, looks are a part of it but attraction is so much... more. Looks. Feel. Smell. How someone carries themselves. Their voice, their laugh... and how that's resonates for you. So many intangibles but all really important in their own way. Does that make sense?" NOTE: "Chemistry" is the doorway to escalation. It shifts the conversation from factual stuff to open ended sensory and emotional sharing. How she reacts to "Chemistry" will give you a clue as to who she is and whether she's open to escalation. Her: "OMG exactly! And it is so important to me. Chemistry - okay that makes me feel better. Okay what do you like in a woman?" NOTE: Insert you answer here. You could give your own laundry list of things like she did or you could shift the conversation into a higher gear thusly... Me: "Well, I value a lot of the same things you said. Trust is a huge thing for me. I guess I'd add a few others. Sense of humor is important. Vulnerability - I want to know the real her and to be the real me around her. Maybe that's trust... or trust in action. And I guess I would say it is really important that I enjoy spending time together. It sounds corny but I don't want to just "enjoy" each other's company. That's what friends are for! I want to... hard to put into words... I want to have that sort of chemistry where we completely lose track of time when we're together. I want to go to a restaurant at 7pm and end up closing it down because we've completely lost ourselves with each other. I want to find someone with whom I can spend an afternoon in the park on a picnic blanket just watching the clouds together. I want a person where we can effortlessly shift between talking about nothing of substance to discussing our innermost thoughts and feelings and back again. I want it to be electric when we hold hands. Feel tingly all over. Butterflies. Ya... good stuff there. But that's what I'm looking for." NOTE: ^^^^^ every human being wants that. So you haven't said anything scandalous there. But you've just escalated the conversation. You've shown her a bit more about you and you've now broached the "touch" topic in the context of Chemistry - she is now wondering what it feels like to hold your hand. From there you can see to what she reacts. It might not be immediate but she's now thinking about you in that way and wondering - which is a good thing. Hope this helps! Mrin 2
SumGuy Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 17 hours ago, max3732 said: How can it get sexual if you're not even there in person? You have heard of the porn industry and 1-900 numbers? If not watch TV at 3am Don't that's a joke. You are right though it is very,very unlikely to get sexual when virtual, which is different how than most of your (or anyone's) second or third date? I agree with cookie that it can build the tension. I've heard people say you should share a meal or a TV show, but that just feels so awkward. I did the TV thing with my girlfriend in the beginning of social distancing right when we closed our social circles, it was fun. It did feel more connected than just a call.
SumGuy Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 15 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: You can escalate sexually virtually through texts. IDK, I've never done it but I've had male and female friends who have done it. I saw the texts. Have to read the girl to see if she'd be receptive to it, but some girls are super flirty too esp if they are really attracted to the guy. It can start as just a physical compliment. I'm not saying you have to be into sexting either, just if you already have her open in text messages then you can close a lot quicker when you meet. And you'll have all that built up anticipation!!!! I can't believe you have never done it. You guess right, it escalates sexual tension through the roof. I'm not talking sexting or even anything explicit. Suggestive, plays on words, etc.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 If I were on a dating site right now, I wouldn't be meeting up with anyone. But it's 100% certain that once dates were an option again, I'd be far more interested in meeting men who had invited me to communicate and made an effort to get to know me as a person during lockdown. Since the last thing I need is a meaningless entanglement, I'd likely end communication with any guy who took the conversation in a sexual direction before even meeting. The topic of the sensual realm would likely come up with ongoing communication, but it should be subtle and sensitive or you risk turning her off completely. 2
rjc149 Posted April 16, 2020 Posted April 16, 2020 2 hours ago, max3732 said: Even though I obviously feel sexual attraction towards woman I don't know how to express it without sounding like a creep or scaring her away. You express it in person, physically, by escalating the flirtation into physical touch. There is no other good way to do this with a woman. I'm telling you man, you're going to come off as sleazy or creepy if you try to make this 'phone-ship' sexual. 1
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