How's your ideal dating phase?

[Haerts]

I'm from Brazil, but I recently moved to Australia.

I was reading this other thread and some people were talking about how while dating, a DTR talk is not needed; you just know it. However, in Brazil, I felt like it was needed. Actually, I haven't heard of any couple in Brazil that started a relationship without having that talk first, although I suppose there may be cases anyway.

So I was wondering not only about that, but about everything else, such as calls, texts, meetings, etc. Of course, to each their own so what works for you, may not work for me, but I'd like to hear from you guys what is a good deal for you when you starting to get to know someone. Text everyday? Every couple days? Any calls? Do you have long text/call conversations or just a small talk? Would be nice if you could mention what country you live in too.

For me, when I have interest on someone, I absolutely love when they communicate frequently - that means, many times during the day, everyday, be it text or calls (although I'm not that much into calls). I don't mind if they take a few hours to reply, but I hate it when they read it and don't reply at all. I also love when they make actual plans for us, and although I wouldn't mind seeing them 3 or 4 times a week, once a week is alright.

Now that I'm thinking about it, it looks like I'm so needy/clingy or that I need someone reassuring me all the time, but actually I'm not. I just love all the attention and I like giving them all that attention too.

So, what about you? How's your ideal dating phase?

[strawberryshortstack]

I'm in the USA, and in a relationship currently. We text a bit throughout the day (I'd prefer more, but it's not absolutely necessary), and he calls me every night. Due to a bit of distance between us (90 minutes or so of driving) and early work schedules for both of us (when both of us are working), we only see each other on weekends. He comes over Friday afternoon/evening and leaves Sunday morning/afternoon. Both of us would prefer more often, but until one of us moves closer, it's the only option.

[Foxhall]

Hi, nice to see a latin american poster on the site, I date a latina (mexican)

in our case we have been in daily contact, texting and meeting once a week since July,

we are 2 hours apart, so the current crisis has changed things to daily texting and two video calls per week,

that has worked well for us in the main so far,  the "define the relationship" thing you mention, she has been upping the ante on that I suppose since the turn of the year,

I am clearer now in my own head on that- am ready to take the next step I think.

regardless Id say really its pretty much the same no matter where the people are from, a person likes to get to know someone and enjoy time with them, gets anxious if they are not responding to texts- thats all pretty universal.

 

 

[snowboy91]

Hi, welcome to Australia! 😊

In the early part of dating I don't like there to be a lot of pressure - I prefer to let things unfold naturally. I generally find it works best if I'm communicating frequently (at least once per day) - but it shouldn't feel forced. It should feel like you naturally just want to see how their day is, share interesting/funny stories about your day, sort out times for dates, etc., rather than the anxious "need to text at x time/set up a date after y days" - in that case it's forced and it's already a losing battle.

Like I said - you want it to feel like there's not much pressure, so you can write the rules as you see fit - and hopefully the person you're dating feels the same way.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I am a guy who loves communication whether texting, phoning, video-chat. Every day is fine and preferable. Too little communication and I will eventually move on. Interest is gauged by your actions and if you have little to no time or substance to communicate your interests, then that portends a relationship just as communicative and uninteresting. Just my philosophy and I have not been failed by it. 

[smackie9]

IMO anyone who enjoys frequent communication means you are into them...those who would rather leaving for a few days are not THAT into you...they may like you but the intensity isn't there. If they push away, the level of attraction is out of balance.

[Emilie Jolie]

Woman in the UK. I like daily communication at the 'get to know each other' stage but I would expect it to be phased out after a while. My 'trust building' system is based on a guy implicitly getting the general vibe I'm interested without the need for constant validation. 

[Haerts]

10 hours ago, smackie9 said:

IMO anyone who enjoys frequent communication means you are into them...those who would rather leaving for a few days are not THAT into you...they may like you but the intensity isn't there. If they push away, the level of attraction is out of balance.

That's what I think as well. When I'm interested on someone, I don't mind communicating a lot at all and I tend to lose interest when they're not really reaching out or when conversations die too fast. Which is crazy because there have been cases where I decided to back off/distance myself from guys that wouldn't initiate convos frequently, and they would complain about it because I wasn't giving them enough attention (?). It seemed completely normal to them to go days not saying anything. I guess at the end of the day it's a matter of incompatibility?

[chillii]

Was married a long time but before or since have never ever had some talk but then l only ever bother with true relationship material too so it's just been a given anyway.. l thought that talk stuff was just a US thing so l'm surprised to hear about Brazil. At any rate for all the same reasons never ever found too much contact a thing either if your into each other you want that and it'll just take on a life of it's own anyway.

[K.K.]

On 4/9/2020 at 12:59 AM, Haerts said:

Now that I'm thinking about it, it looks like I'm so needy/clingy or that I need someone reassuring me all the time, but actually I'm not. I just love all the attention and I like giving them all that attention too.

So, what about you? How's your ideal dating phase?

Same ^^ 

‘cept shortly afterward, mine usually fall down - go boom. 

[Miss Spider]

Ideally, we only talk when I message them. Otherwise, they leave me alone xD Wonder why I’m single 

[simpycurious]

19 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ideally, we only talk when I message them. Otherwise, they leave me alone xD Wonder why I’m single 

It SIMPLY comes down to this:  you have NOT come across the RIGHT guy

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ideally, we only talk when I message them. Otherwise, they leave me alone xD Wonder why I’m single 

Dating is really tough. I will not even attempt to do it until I'm ready. You can not take it personally. That's why I liked this forum so much!

[Haerts]

8 hours ago, simpycurious said:

It SIMPLY comes down to this:  you have NOT come across the RIGHT guy

This is so true. I went back to the dating apps after things went sour with the last guy. I was focusing all of my energy on him before, I felt drained and I wasn't getting much in return. Now I've been chatting with some other guys and it's so different, it feels good to give and receive attention in return. It doesn't really matter to me if it's becoming something more or not with any of them, as long as no one is doing all the work alone.

[chillii]

11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ideally, we only talk when I message them. Otherwise, they leave me alone xD Wonder why I’m single 

That's a funny one , just hand him a little card , flower on it , don't call me l'll call you.

[simpycurious]

On 4/12/2020 at 9:15 PM, Haerts said:

This is so true. I went back to the dating apps after things went sour with the last guy. I was focusing all of my energy on him before, I felt drained and I wasn't getting much in return. Now I've been chatting with some other guys and it's so different, it feels good to give and receive attention in return. It doesn't really matter to me if it's becoming something more or not with any of them, as long as no one is doing all the work alone.

It is indeed true Haerts. That one right person at just the right time. An ending of one relationship can be the catalyst  to the beginning of another.