poppyfields Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 3 hours ago, allofyou said: I do understand this. But sometimes it’s the uncertainty that makes people want to have the talk. Ah, that dreaded uncertainty. allofyou, learn to embrace uncertainty, I have! And it's changed my life and all my relationships, for the better. Not just romantic ones. You ever heard of or read "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra? One of the spiritual laws is the Law of Detachment, it describes uncertainty. Below is a brief synopsis, the book explains in more detail. >> "In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty . . . in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe. I will put the Law of Detachment into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps: 1. Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement. 2. Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security. 3. I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to an infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life."<< Powerful stuff, imo.. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 11, 2020 Posted April 11, 2020 sorry, i skipped reading a lot of posts, but what if you pull back only on expressing how you feel toward him. Just enjoy the moments more and observe. Then he will probably have to meet you "halfway" verbally, expressing stuff. I've definitely seen this happen and you should probably realize he might do it a little subtly or at least different than you do so be open to how he expresses it.That said, you two are still learning about each other, he obviously is probably less expressive about his feelings romantically than you are which is pretty common IMO. Good luck! ps I don't think you should pull back on activities and contact. He sounds like he likes you and there is a framework there for the relationship. 1
Author allofyou Posted April 13, 2020 Author Posted April 13, 2020 I think you guys are right. So this Easter holiday, he bought me an Easter bunny. Just silly thing that’s super cheap I don’t even like chocolate that much but it made me feel very happy. He also included me in virtual drinks with his friends. I think we’ll get there I really don’t care abut the title yet (I still think it’s a little early for that. I would fee more comfortable with that at 2-3 month mark) but I hope we will head to the right direction. I have held back on verbal affections that I think are too much too soon but other than that I still act as normal. Thanks everyone for your advice! 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 13, 2020 Posted April 13, 2020 On 4/8/2020 at 5:23 PM, allofyou said: Been seeing someone for just over a month. Things are going well and I feel very comfortable around him. He seems nice so far and I do like him. However I felt that I gave more than I received so far and I might have gotten ahead of myself. I think it’s wiser to keep my feelings in check and maybe just to slow things down a bit, since I don’t think he is at the same wavelength as me. That means, I wanna try cut down communications, be less lovey dovey (I’m a very vocal person so I like sweat talking and compliments), and less touchy feely. Just in general things that feel to relationshipy. I in no way want to play games. This is just to avoid getting ahead of myself and make sure my feelings don’t get all over the place. However, I don’t want him to think I’m losing interests either. Normally I’d try and date other people but we are kind of in a grey zone. He told me he doesn’t multidate and I told him I’m not seeing someone else. However, we have not specifically said that we are exclusive. I’m worried that he might think this is implied. I also don’t wanna hurt his feeling if he does indeed think we are exclusive. Thoughts? Unfortunately, it becomes more difficult to de-escalate and not make the other person think something has changed for the worse. You may want to explain your reasoning, but part of them will not believe you. Having sex, however romantic you think it feels to you, does not constitute exclusivity and making such assumptions gets a lot of people hurt. Just so you AND he is on the same page, have the talk and profess as much. Hear it from the other person's mouth. I think it is avoidant to suggest that actions are enough and dismiss the power of vocal confirmation.
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