Here we go again with another woman.

[Juha]

 

So I am sure all of you remember my last post about the flaky woman who took off on me.

 

Well I have another one, another divorced mother.  Think it is time to go back to not dating single divorced mothers anymore.  I had stopped and relented since there are so many 

I was shrinking my dating pool.  

 

So this woman and I met in February, had a nice first date,  another about 10 days later.  Then life happened and we have not seen each other for 2-3 weeks.

Now we had really good first two dates, lots of chemistry, laughs, touching, kissing, etc...  We talked in the park for 3 hours and it felt like a half hour, last week when walking and having coffee.

Talked about lots of different things and one of them is she likes to go on hikes.  So this Monday I asked her to go on a hike this weekend since weather is going to be good, we would be away from people and need to get out.

 

So here we are Thursday night and  no response from her, only been 3 days.  lol   

 

I do not know what it is lately but I attract all the flaky, immature, single, divorced mothers.  I will add her to the pile with the one who walked out on me.

Up to now she seemed normal and interested.

At least with Covid 19 going on I won't be getting jerked around or ghosted by any more women, since I do not have any women to date.

 

So I will now add single, divorced mothers to the do not date list, again.  

Online dating is done also.

Things are going to be tough as it seems just about every women in my dating range is divorced with kids.

Add that pretty much none of my friends have anyone to introduce me to.  

Going to be pretty lean for prospects it is looking..

[rjc149]

Asking her out on a hike for the 3rd date was too much too soon. Hiking, or any sort of weekend getaway, is not a good dating activity. It's something you do with buddies or your girlfriend, not with someone you've just started dating and don't know very well. And asking her nearly a week in advance -- she likely got a clingy 0-to-60 vibe from you. 

Single divorced mothers should never have left your "do not date" list to begin with. There's no reason a man with high self-esteem and options should go near them, unless just for a good time. If you're looking for something more, best case scenario is you become a cuckold, providing your hard-earned resources for another man's progeny, partnered with a woman who has a go-to exit strategy she is 67% likely to pull on you too. 

[Juha]

Well I can see your point but this was not a weekend trip it was a 2-3 hour short hike with a picnic lunch along the way.

She is also the one who suggested a hike would be a good and fun thing for us to do with what is going on.

We had talked about it already.  Also I am anything but clingy, lol.  

 

Think you are going really out there with the taking care of her children.  lol  

I am looking to date and have some fun times.  

I am sorry but you are really going way out there with your suggestions about things

 

Thanks for responding though, appreciate it.. 

Can see you are just a little bitter towards single mothers or even women in general

[rjc149]

Well, I was just going along with the frame of your initial post that categorize sand generalizes “divorced single mothers” as an undesirable subcategory of your dating pool. I think you calling me bitter is pretty clearly a projection of your own viewpoints toward dating, when my reply was largely intended to be a sardonic continuation of what I felt was your half-serious post. But I understand how tone and subtext are often lost in translation.

You didn’t mention her suggesting a hike. So I’m not sure why she blew you off. I’m not entirely sure what advice you’re seeking with this thread at all? But I hope things work out.

[Haerts]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

I’m not entirely sure what advice you’re seeking with this thread at all?

I read the entire original post thinking it would get somewhere, but I guess he was just venting.

OP, well, you met her not very long ago and now it's been 3 days since you last heard from her. You could try talking to her again I guess, maybe she forgot to reply or whatever, but it's been days so it's most likely she's not interested. Or just keep moving on.

And I don't think the problem is that they are divorced. Maybe it's just bad luck and you got in touch with the wrong women. Plus, you already have so many negative feelings towards these women, maybe that's why you just keep getting frustrated. You attract what you think.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Haerts

[Haerts]

Quoted my own post accidently, instead of editting. lol

Edited April 3, 2020 by Haerts

[Fletch Lives]

3 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Asking her out on a hike for the 3rd date was too much too soon. Hiking, or any sort of weekend getaway, is not a good dating activity. It's something you do with buddies or your girlfriend, not with someone you've just started dating and don't know very well. And asking her nearly a week in advance -- she likely got a clingy 0-to-60 vibe from you. 

 - I don't see what he did as a problem.

It may just be that it's an odd time to date with this national emergency. I would not overthink things right now.

[some_username1]

9 hours ago, Juha said:

 

So I am sure all of you remember my last post about the flaky woman who took off on me.

 

Well I have another one, another divorced mother.  Think it is time to go back to not dating single divorced mothers anymore.  I had stopped and relented since there are so many 

I was shrinking my dating pool.  

 

So this woman and I met in February, had a nice first date,  another about 10 days later.  Then life happened and we have not seen each other for 2-3 weeks.

Now we had really good first two dates, lots of chemistry, laughs, touching, kissing, etc...  We talked in the park for 3 hours and it felt like a half hour, last week when walking and having coffee.

Talked about lots of different things and one of them is she likes to go on hikes.  So this Monday I asked her to go on a hike this weekend since weather is going to be good, we would be away from people and need to get out.

 

So here we are Thursday night and  no response from her, only been 3 days.  lol   

 

I do not know what it is lately but I attract all the flaky, immature, single, divorced mothers.  I will add her to the pile with the one who walked out on me.

Up to now she seemed normal and interested.

At least with Covid 19 going on I won't be getting jerked around or ghosted by any more women, since I do not have any women to date.

 

So I will now add single, divorced mothers to the do not date list, again.  

Online dating is done also.

Things are going to be tough as it seems just about every women in my dating range is divorced with kids.

Add that pretty much none of my friends have anyone to introduce me to.  

Going to be pretty lean for prospects it is looking..

Sadly there is probably some correlation equalling causation between them being flaky and them being divorced. I’d bet their ex-husbands could tell you a few stories. It’s a pity these dating apps don’t allow you to read reviews or check references, would save a lot of time!

[Blind-Sided]

10 hours ago, Juha said:

Things are going to be tough as it seems just about every women in my dating range is divorced with kids.

...

I'm not sure what age you are... but I kind of thought the very same thing after my divorce was final. I was actually surprised how many girls I was introduced to who didn't have kids... and a couple had never been married. I think the oldest of these girls was 40, but the majority were mid/upper 30's.

Anyway... unless you just don't want to deal with someone else's kids... I wouldn't automatically stop looking at that group of women. You had 2 dates that didn't go the way you wanted.  That's a very small sample in the larger picture. Also... since I'm a single dad with 2 kids... and they are generally in my custody... I kind of have a soft spot for the "Divorced with kids" side. But, I know there was at lease one girl who didn't want to deal with me because of my kids.

My final thought on this is... I didn't read your first post... but with this girl... some time has gone past, and you only had 2 dates.  You are labeling her as "Flaky"... but maybe the reality is she just didn't like you. (not trying to be an ass) Or maybe she was hoping to move things forward faster... and she saw that 2-3 week delay as you being flaky. OR... in that time... she found someone different. Regardless... you have only gone out a couple times, and she doesn't owe you an explanation. Anyway... I know there was one girl I liked, and because of my own indecision... I drug it out too long without trying to make any kind of positive moves, other than just having a nice time going out. Well... when I finally decided I wanted to move forward... she kind of started to blow me off. She still talks to me because we have a common friend... and because of that... I "Friend Zoned" myself. But in this case... I'm fine with that as we can all use friends.

Good luck in what you decide.

Edited April 3, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[kendahke]

Divorced with kids doesn't equal damaged.

And for every story their ex's could make up as to why they're no longer together, there's two more counter stories as to why the marriage dissolved: hers and the truth.

The common denominator in all those failed relationships is you. It might be a good idea to use this shelter in place phenomenon to work on your mindset when it comes to your expectations of a virtual stranger--who doesn't owe you devotion by the end of the 1st date.

[rjc149]

7 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

 - I don't see what he did as a problem.

It may just be that it's an odd time to date with this national emergency. I would not overthink things right now.

I guess it would depend on a few factors, pandemic aside. Like, how well did date 1 and 2 go? What's her interest level, and how enthusiastic is she about hiking? And, where are they located? Dating in a small town in Colorado, for instance, versus dating in a large northeastern city, would make certain activities more appropriate for initial dating. 

I would say that unless dates 1+2 ended in sexual activity of some sort, and this woman is very outdoorsy, hiking on date 3 is pretty involved. A lot women say they enjoy hiking, but is it something they'll drop everything to go do with a guy they've just met?

Of course, it's possible this woman, if recently divorced, is going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. It's possible she's got other guys warming up in the bullpen. It's possible her kids are at home under quarantine and she's got a million other things going on right now. Anything is possible.  

[Gr8fuln2020]

11 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Asking her out on a hike for the 3rd date was too much too soon. Hiking, or any sort of weekend getaway, is not a good dating activity. It's something you do with buddies or your girlfriend, not with someone you've just started dating and don't know very well. And asking her nearly a week in advance -- she likely got a clingy 0-to-60 vibe from you.

Shoot, I ask divorced, ladies on a hike on the FIRST date. Most women I've met respond well to a hiking date. Weekend getaway is usually the 2nd or 3rd date. Also, what is wrong with asking a week in advance? I do depending on how busy I or she is. I've never had anyone balk on that. In fact, for most, it shows interest and helps to plan things out. I had no idea I was doing it all wrong...and the all the ladies who did it wrong with me. Hmmmm....

[Ellener]

I can't imagine anyone wanting to go out on a date let alone a hike right now? 

But yes, someone with children isn't going to be as available 24/7 as someone without, also they are likely to have a level of maturity and acceptance about that, not think of themselves as 'flaky, immature, single, divorced mothers'! 

[FMW]

We're not a monolith - different women like different things.  

I don't have kids, but I am divorced.  I love hiking, but wouldn't want to do it on a first date.  I certainly wouldn't do a weekend getaway with someone on the 2nd or 3rd date.  I DO however like to plan ahead so I appreciate being asked out for something a week in advance.  But those are MY thoughts, not every woman's who fits in whatever category I might be in.  

I agree with the opinion that you should not eliminate a whole category of women (divorced single moms) just because of your experience with a few that fit that description.  Again, women (or men) are NOT a monolith, including within any categories you might define.  Treat each woman as an individual - if they suggest an activity then clearly they would like it, so I see no issue with that.  

[rjc149]

26 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Shoot, I ask divorced, ladies on a hike on the FIRST date. Most women I've met respond well to a hiking date. Weekend getaway is usually the 2nd or 3rd date. Also, what is wrong with asking a week in advance? I do depending on how busy I or she is. I've never had anyone balk on that. In fact, for most, it shows interest and helps to plan things out. I had no idea I was doing it all wrong...and the all the ladies who did it wrong with me. Hmmmm....

I mentioned that I believe hiking is a more appropriate dating activity in a place like, say, northern Utah, than it would be where I'm from (NYC area). I also think in general, hiking is a fairly high-commitment activity, and the woman needs to have a pretty high interest level to agree to go out into the woods alone with you. I just see hiking as something you do with someone you're already very comfortable with, not someone you're getting to know. 

Again, there's nothing wrong planning a hike a week or so in advance with someone you know well and are comfortable with. I just think it has a "you're the only thing I've got going on, gotta make sure you're nailed down" vibe for a 3rd date. 

I also believe that until sex has been had, dates should be in safe public places where seduction can take place. 

[smackie9]

Divorced single moms are looking for more than someone to go out on dates with. You didn't fit the bill is all. I feel there are so many in your dating range because they are probably more hungry to find that right person, and use the apps more. Just a guess. If you want to meet someone who is single, not attached to kids and junk, you have to think outside the box. Like join a club, an activity that you would find these women. They are out there. Probably more into activities because they don't have the responsibility of children.

[rjc149]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

they are probably more hungry to find that right person, and use the apps more. 

...right, the beta cuckold who will rescue the physically declining woman from single motherhood and provide resources for another man's progeny 

Seriously though, good advice to OP. Better off joining meetup groups, say, a hiking group, than prowling dating apps for women who are singularly focused on not being alone. 

[Malin889]

It stinks that you have not heard back from her. Did you try contacting her? I'm a single mom, I have my daughter 95% of the time, and I just started dating again. Yes, a lot of people you meet online, you will encounter, are flaky. Not always because they are flaky in real life, but I think, meeting people online, people feel like they can be flaky. Just like guys feel like they can say vulgar things to me through a dating app that they would NEVER say to me in real life. 

But, speaking as a single mother,  and most single moms I know, we are anything but flaky. We are organized, responsible, maternal, and know what we want. If I like someone, I'm going to make time for them. This woman may just realize she doesn't feel the attraction enough to go out with you again. OR perhaps it could be because there's a PANDEMIC going on. Here's what my life is like lately: I work full time at home, and I have to homeschool my daughter and keep her entertained. And check on my elderly parents. And I want to reach out to my friends and siblings. And I want to make sure my house is cleaned. And make sure my daughter washes her hands. There's so much going on right now, this woman unfortunately is not thinking about a strange guy she just met. Maybe reach out to her, and see what her response is. Don't ask her out at first, but just say, "I hope you and your family are doing well during this crisis. Maybe we can chat on the phone sometime" I would love it if someone sent that to me. 

I recently started talking to a guy online and we are getting along well and have been now we're at the point in time where one of us should be asking the other one out, but we can't go out on dates right now -- so what do we do? I don't know! She's probably feeling the same way. Not sure what to do next. 

Edited April 3, 2020 by Malin889

[smackie9]

Facetime. That's all everyone has. Or you can go grocery shopping and stand 6 feet apart while you interact through paper masks.

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

... Of course, it's possible this woman, if recently divorced, is going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. .....  

Yep... that right there.  Last October I made a post about "Ready to get back on the horse".... and I thought I really was ready to date again.  But then the beginning of December, I went on a date that just felt too real, and I was in a panic. (internally) The lady I was introduced to was nice, good personality, good career, and was relatively attractive... but I couldn't even bring myself to give her a hug. I don't know what the deal was, other than something in my head was messing with me, and making me feel uneasy.

[Gr8fuln2020]

1 hour ago, Ellener said:

I can't imagine anyone wanting to go out on a date let alone a hike right now? 

But yes, someone with children isn't going to be as available 24/7 as someone without, also they are likely to have a level of maturity and acceptance about that, not think of themselves as 'flaky, immature, single, divorced mothers'! 

Going on a hike tomorrow. Away from everyone in the world. Keeping 6 feet or more apart. Call me crazy, but the world has not ended and people are heading outdoors in a responsible manner around here anyway. After we are going for coffee. Through the drive-thru. She orders first and tells them the guy in the car behind her is buying. I go park and speak through our respective driver windows. Perfect.

People are getting cabin fever. But getting some sunshine away from other people is ok. No first date hugs or kisses. Oh, well...

I always plan hikes where there is some traffic. In the past...now not so much now, of course. She seems to be fine with it. Also, she has given her friend/family my name and phone number, so if she doesn't return...they know where and how to contact me. I am all about transparency early on. No need to hide my identity and it has never been an issue.

 

Edited April 3, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Miss Spider]

Dude.. everyone’s prospects are thinner right now 

[Miss Spider]

delete

Edited April 3, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Going on a hike tomorrow. Away from everyone in the world. Keeping 6 feet or more apart. Call me crazy, but the world has not ended and people are heading outdoors in a responsible manner around here anyway. After we are going for coffee. Through the drive-thru. She orders first and tells them the guy in the car behind her is buying. I go park and speak through our respective driver windows. Perfect.

People are getting cabin fever. But getting some sunshine away from other people is ok. No first date hugs or kisses. Oh, well...

I always plan hikes where there is some traffic. In the past...now not so much now, of course. She seems to be fine with it. Also, she has given her friend/family my name and phone number, so if she doesn't return...they know where and how to contact me. I am all about transparency early on. No need to hide my identity and it has never been an issue.

 

Okay, now I think she might be 'flaky, immature, single, divorced mother'!  

 

[simpycurious]

11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Dude.. everyone’s prospects are thinner right now 

Hopefully, not for long sweet Cookie.  I hope you are doing OK