Author Haerts Posted March 31, 2020 Author Posted March 31, 2020 36 minutes ago, stillafool said: I notice a lot of women get hung up on this stuff as if doing these things, including hand holding, opening door, paying for meals, getting together with friends is a sign the guy is falling for them. It's just normal dating behavior if you ask me. I never said it was a sign he was falling for me, but it was a sign that he wanted to get to know me better - the many different dates (including a few that wouldn't lead to sex), making dinner to introduce me to his best friend, video calling every night before going to sleep (and all of that after we already had sex). It wasn't just what you mentioned, in all honesty these sound like the crap men do to get in our pants on the first date. It's like men are always trying to blame women for having sex too fast, or too many times, or getting involved with no reasons to, when at the end of the day, sometimes they even say that they're looking for something serious just to throw them away the next day. (like @Azincourt said himself)
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 You mentioned an ex he'd broken up with no too long ago. In light of that, it very much sounds like this guy is rebounding.
Versacehottie Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 4 hours ago, Haerts said: I know I don't know anything about him, but trust me, I've been single for 2 years, I went on so many dates, with so many different kind of guys, and I was the one to walk away every single time, I normally don't insist especially when I see warning signs like I'm seeing now. This is the first time in so long that I felt this connection with someone and I don't think time can explain it. That's the only reason why I was thinking about talking to him about it, before making a decision. Perhaps I'm just being foolish. I think you should avoid talking to him about it. Basically, you would just be "negotiating" to keep it going if you are honest with yourself or get him to spill his emotions and reasons--both of which his actions already show he's not up for. I'd say 4 nights the first week screams of rebound, especially if it's been 4 months since his breakup. Each person processes that stuff differently and in different time frames. I'd say from his actions that it very closely resembles a rebound. One thing lots of people forget is that sometimes people think or hope they are ready and will proceed like they are....until in "it" they realize they are not ready. They might not be able to even express or connect why they are not feeling it--especially a guy who tends to bury his emotions. There is an incongruence about how he approached the beginning as in 4 times in first week and meeting friends and what he said about how he likes to approach relationships: it is the OPPOSITE of "going slow". Which speaks to initial excitement about you and the relationship and perhaps him trying to replace the old relationship immediately by moving too fast. And now he's backing off that. I think if you like him and also are still living your life, just back off almost completely and let him make the contact the majority of the time and pursue you. It might not happen in YOUR timeframe or even a normal one because basically i think it already got a little f'd up. But if you do like him it's the best chance for it to happen in the future. He will wonder why you backed off--guessing his ego took a hit with the breakup and a lot of what you did at the beginning was for his ego purposes deep down so he will be curious IMO. It's your best chance for a reset. You can talk to him when and if things get to that stage ie he's trying to date you in a real way in the future, you can call him out for how he mismanaged the beginning and any reluctance you have because of it. haha or "discuss"it rather than call him out per se. I definitely know people who are together with a similar story to yours because they backed off, not rushed in when one party pulled back at the beginning. It's not a guarantee (because he may have fully formed an opinion about where he sees things going with you or of you) but I'm sure it's the more successful strategy than hashing it out with him. Good luck 2
stillafool Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Haerts said: I never said it was a sign he was falling for me, but it was a sign that he wanted to get to know me better - the many different dates (including a few that wouldn't lead to sex), making dinner to introduce me to his best friend, video calling every night before going to sleep (and all of that after we already had sex). It wasn't just what you mentioned, in all honesty these sound like the crap men do to get in our pants on the first date. It's like men are always trying to blame women for having sex too fast, or too many times, or getting involved with no reasons to, when at the end of the day, sometimes they even say that they're looking for something serious just to throw them away the next day. (like @Azincourt said himself) When I was dating I would cook and invite my date and friends over to meet. That's just the way I liked to entertain when I was single. It didn't mean that because I invited my date to eat and meet my friends that I was looking at him as "the one". It was just dinner. I suppose some people view that action as a step towards becoming serious. 1 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 He started off gangbusters, then he slowed it down. You know, dating is to find out if you like someone well enough to keep seeing them. When we first meet, we give the other person the benefit of the doubt usually and hope they're the "ideal person" in our head or close enough. But they're usually not. So the longer you spend together, the more that realization sets in. He is fading. He has nothing against you. He just decided you are not the one he wants to escalate to a full relationship with. I'm sorry. Don't waste time initiating anything with him. It's not going to happen, not the way you want it to. 4
ccas93 Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 (edited) A guy getting intimate with a woman and then backing off does not necessarily mean he was after "one thing." I've backed off after getting intimate with some girls. The last time I remember doing this was because I just didn't feel like that much of a spark in the bedroom. I didn't enjoy sleeping the whole night with her, and I didn't like the way she smelled (this weird, sweet smelling perfume-y smell that I decided I couldn't deal with anymore. Gave me a headache and my clothes would reek of it for days after hanging out with her). After a while I realized that interpersonally, talking to her became a lot of work and not especially rewarding for me. It doesn't mean I didn't like her or see value in her, or see her as just an easy bang. I just realized after spending some time dating her and being open to her, I didn't want a relationship with her and lost interest in her as a dating prospect. The other thing that bugs me and will turn me off quick is when she gets too comfortable too soon. Like she thinks I already "love her for the way she is" and stops making an effort/trying to impress me. Edited March 31, 2020 by ccas93
curlygirl40 Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 This was always one of the hardest things to deal with for me, the 'unknowns'. It's hard not to, but don't drive yourself too crazy with wondering why. For some reason he's backed off. Maybe things moved so quickly in the beginning that he got scared, maybe the ex came back into the picture a little, maybe he's decided you're not the girl for him, maybe he's decided he shouldn't be dating right now. Who knows really, only he knows. All you can do is react to how he's handling it. If you're still interested, I would mirror him. Only respond when he reaches out. But also, if this isn't the kind of relationship that you want (hot and cold) then why even bother? I wouldn't have a chat with him about this only because he likely won't be completely honest. So you'll ask but not get answers and then maybe feel bad for asking, making yourself vulnerable, etc. He knows that he is doing this. He knows he's pulled back, the difference is so night and day. Just let him go. If he does come back strong again, that is when I might have the conversation. Like 'Hey I'm really enjoying what we are doing right now, but I have to say I am a little confused about xyz...'. The bright side is that you know you're capable of feeling this way about someone you really have chemistry with. So instead of thinking 'but this is the first person I've really connected with in so long', be grateful that you are capable of making those connections and know that someday you'll meet someone who is consistent and continues to feel the same way about you. Best of luck 5
Author Haerts Posted March 31, 2020 Author Posted March 31, 2020 7 hours ago, Versacehottie said: I think you should avoid talking to him about it. Basically, you would just be "negotiating" to keep it going if you are honest with yourself or get him to spill his emotions and reasons--both of which his actions already show he's not up for. I'd say 4 nights the first week screams of rebound, especially if it's been 4 months since his breakup. Each person processes that stuff differently and in different time frames. I'd say from his actions that it very closely resembles a rebound. One thing lots of people forget is that sometimes people think or hope they are ready and will proceed like they are....until in "it" they realize they are not ready. They might not be able to even express or connect why they are not feeling it--especially a guy who tends to bury his emotions. There is an incongruence about how he approached the beginning as in 4 times in first week and meeting friends and what he said about how he likes to approach relationships: it is the OPPOSITE of "going slow". Which speaks to initial excitement about you and the relationship and perhaps him trying to replace the old relationship immediately by moving too fast. And now he's backing off that. I think if you like him and also are still living your life, just back off almost completely and let him make the contact the majority of the time and pursue you. It might not happen in YOUR timeframe or even a normal one because basically i think it already got a little f'd up. But if you do like him it's the best chance for it to happen in the future. He will wonder why you backed off--guessing his ego took a hit with the breakup and a lot of what you did at the beginning was for his ego purposes deep down so he will be curious IMO. It's your best chance for a reset. You can talk to him when and if things get to that stage ie he's trying to date you in a real way in the future, you can call him out for how he mismanaged the beginning and any reluctance you have because of it. haha or "discuss"it rather than call him out per se. I definitely know people who are together with a similar story to yours because they backed off, not rushed in when one party pulled back at the beginning. It's not a guarantee (because he may have fully formed an opinion about where he sees things going with you or of you) but I'm sure it's the more successful strategy than hashing it out with him. Good luck You're so right. I'm close to 100% sure that eventually he will pop up again out of nowhere and pretend nothing happened - I mean, that's usually how it goes. But really, if that guy didn't even have the guts to say what he was up to, and just led me on to thinking one thing when he was looking for another, I honestly couldn't care less anymore and I'll just continue moving on. The thing I most appreciate on a person is sincerity/transparency and he's clearly not acting that way so, gotta let him go. 1
Author Haerts Posted March 31, 2020 Author Posted March 31, 2020 6 hours ago, preraph said: He is fading. He has nothing against you. He just decided you are not the one he wants to escalate to a full relationship with. I'm sorry. Don't waste time initiating anything with him. It's not going to happen, not the way you want it to. Yeah, I definitely won't. I mean, at the end of the day it doesn't matter what his reasons are. What matter is the way he's been acting lately. At first when I posted this thread I was considering talking to him or waiting a little longer, but now I can clearly see there's no point on doing so. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 Sorry it didn't work out. Just have faith that if he decided you were't a match for him, then he wasn't a match for you either. There was simply something you don't know about him and how he is or what he likes, that's all. 1
Author Haerts Posted March 31, 2020 Author Posted March 31, 2020 4 hours ago, curlygirl40 said: The bright side is that you know you're capable of feeling this way about someone you really have chemistry with. So instead of thinking 'but this is the first person I've really connected with in so long', be grateful that you are capable of making those connections and know that someday you'll meet someone who is consistent and continues to feel the same way about you. Yes! I truly believe that people always come into your life for a reason and that was his. Like I said, it really had been a long time since I felt the way I did for someone and now I can feel like I'm ready for something more than just casual hook ups. It's good to know that I still have a heart and I'm capable of enjoying someone's company, sometimes life hits you so hard... it was like I was protecting myself from getting hurt all the time. Now I feel like I can take the risk again. Not with him tho.
Author Haerts Posted March 31, 2020 Author Posted March 31, 2020 5 minutes ago, preraph said: Sorry it didn't work out. Just have faith that if he decided you were't a match for him, then he wasn't a match for you either. There was simply something you don't know about him and how he is or what he likes, that's all. Exactly! If I'm no good for him, he's no good for me either. hahaha Btw thanks to all of you for taking some time to reply. I feel light-hearted now, deep inside I knew that's what I had to do (we always know when something is off), but I was incapable of doing so. So thank you for helping me with that. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2020 Posted March 31, 2020 You'd be surprised for how many people the other person liking them back isn't a requisite to keep them from getting and staying hung up on them. That has to be like the first requirement! 3
stbx2007 Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 Let go and date others. If he has any issues to clear up he can do that without wasting your time. 2
simpycurious Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 3 hours ago, Haerts said: Exactly! If I'm no good for him, he's no good for me either. hahaha Btw thanks to all of you for taking some time to reply. I feel light-hearted now, deep inside I knew that's what I had to do (we always know when something is off), but I was incapable of doing so. So thank you for helping me with that. You deserve someone that is 100% into YOU. The whole lukewarm thing is not a good approach. 2
Azincourt Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Haerts said: You're so right. I'm close to 100% sure that eventually he will pop up again out of nowhere and pretend nothing happened - I mean, that's usually how it goes. But really, if that guy didn't even have the guts to say what he was up to, and just led me on to thinking one thing when he was looking for another, I honestly couldn't care less anymore and I'll just continue moving on. The thing I most appreciate on a person is sincerity/transparency and he's clearly not acting that way so, gotta let him go. For someone who isn't in love, you sure keep holding on to the hope he'll come around and want to date you. Let him go. This guy isn't interested in having a relationship with you. There's lots of other men out there, why are you so keen on having the guy return, when he's made it quite clear that he's not interested in a romantic relationship with you. He enjoyed your company. He enjoyed having sex with you. A guy, and many women, doesn't need to have feelings for someone in order to have sex with that someone. We don't only reserve romance, emotional sweetness and attentive when we want to put a ring on that finger. Don't think a guy is heads over heels in love with you because he acts a certain way. We're adaptive. If we feel, if we know acting a certain way will get us laid - we'll do it. Is it romantic? is it douchey-behavior? No, it's biology. Male nature. Getting mad at a guy for ''lying'' to get laid is like getting mad at all of the dogs sniffing around a female dog in heat for doing what evolution wire them to do. Edited April 1, 2020 by Azincourt
Author Haerts Posted April 1, 2020 Author Posted April 1, 2020 30 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Getting mad at a guy for ''lying'' to get laid is like getting mad at all of the dogs sniffing around a female dog in heat for doing what evolution wire them to do. Oh please, tell me you didn't say that. I'm sorry, but that was one of the most stupid things I've ever seen here. You're a human being, not a dog. You can control your actions. Lying to get laid shows a lot about your personality, how you really don't care about one's feelings because the only thing that matters is YOU. Getting people romantically involved just to have them in bed once or twice is so f lame. I have absolutely no respect for anybody that does this kind of stuff. Sucks to hear you have to rely on lying to have sex, how sad. By the way, I'm not waiting for him to come back around, ask me on a date and then start a romantic relationship with me, because I know that is not going to happen. What I mentioned is that guys that disappear like that, end up appearing again in the future EVEN if all they want is to have sex again - and guess what, today I woke up to a good morning text from him and once again there he was asking about my day. Too bad now I am the one pulling away tho. And just to make it clear: I don't care if he's having sex with other women. I truly don't. We don't have a serious relationship, therefore he doesn't owe me anything. The only thing I was concerned about was his change of behavior; if he was still treating me the way he was before, I'd surely still like to go on despite his interest on other women. 2
preraph Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 3 hours ago, Azincourt said: Is it romantic? is it douchey-behavior? It's douchey behavior. Get used to it. It's lying deceptive unethical douchey behavior. The fact that a lot of men will do it doesn't make it any less douchey and accounts for why men are often generalized as being only interested in sex and heartless. You're not helping their case any by comparing yourself to animals with smaller brains than yours. 1
Calmandfocused Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 Emotionally unavailable Op. Your man’s body maybe ripe and ready for sex but there’s no current vacancy where his heart is concerned I’m afraid. I think he’s either seeing someone else or he’s not over/ has feelings for someone else. Either way, he’s not ready for you so you’re flogging a dead horse. I get it. It’s hard letting go when you have that “instant connection” with someone. But it’s not reality Op. His behaviour is telling you that he’s not the one. You will have that connection with someone else. And if it takes dating a further 200 men to find it, it really doesn’t matter. Save your heart and move on is my advice. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 1, 2020 Posted April 1, 2020 (edited) On 3/31/2020 at 10:57 AM, Haerts said: I never said it was a sign he was falling for me, but it was a sign that he wanted to get to know me better - the many different dates (including a few that wouldn't lead to sex), making dinner to introduce me to his best friend, video calling every night before going to sleep (and all of that after we already had sex). It wasn't just what you mentioned, in all honesty these sound like the crap men do to get in our pants on the first date. It's like men are always trying to blame women for having sex too fast, or too many times, or getting involved with no reasons to, when at the end of the day, sometimes they even say that they're looking for something serious just to throw them away the next day. (like @Azincourt said himself) Sorry it’s not. It’s just human decency, especially if you’re on a date with someone? Spending time with you without sex simply means he’s ok with waiting a bit and he doesn’t think you’re so obnoxious he can’t spend time with you without sex being on the table. He likes having conversations with you. I mean this is just the bare minimum it takes to want to go on a date with someone. Hopefully he doesn’t find you so deplorable or embarrassing that he wouldn’t introduce you. . I’ve introduced guys to my friends and even parents knowing full well I never intended to see them again after that date. We just happened to run into each other and my parents are aware that I date/ have male friends =/ . I introduced one guy because he had tattoos covering his body from the neck down lol. Just did it for lulz bc my dad hates tats.. Now if I had said “this is my bf so and so” yes that would be a bit more different and imply long term , but just an introduction ? Nope. All it means is his BFF knows he dates. He prob thinks you’re cute and wants to show you off to his buddy. Edited April 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Versacehottie Posted April 2, 2020 Posted April 2, 2020 (edited) On 3/31/2020 at 4:14 PM, Haerts said: You're so right. I'm close to 100% sure that eventually he will pop up again out of nowhere and pretend nothing happened - I mean, that's usually how it goes. But really, if that guy didn't even have the guts to say what he was up to, and just led me on to thinking one thing when he was looking for another, I honestly couldn't care less anymore and I'll just continue moving on. The thing I most appreciate on a person is sincerity/transparency and he's clearly not acting that way so, gotta let him go. I'm thinking if you don't chase him or press him for clarity or an answer you will hear from him again. One reason is that he may need time to sort out what his feelings are. That is often how it goes if the girl is not chasing or backs off once she is not getting what is fair to her in the situation. Idk, while I think he could have selfish intentions by being on tinder and just wanting to date around, I think it's as equally as likely that he really doesn't have a grasp on what he wants. Lots of guys don't, especially at that stage after a breakup. It's not a pass to say that, just perspective. That you met him on tinder, is probably, to me, the biggest indication that he just wanted to date around and rushed in BECAUSE you were special, not faded because you were not--he just went back to his underlying intention or feeling of wanting to date around, which is all about him, not about you. I just say that because like you said in one of your most recent posts, that "had he told you, you'd willing keep dating him" which kind of presumes he would have enough of grasp of what is going on with himself to tell you. And that he wouldn't mind risking it with you to have a serious talk when he's not sure WHAT he wants. I'm just saying that for future perspective that it's not always a bad thing and that you can't always go in with an assumption that his timing will line up perfectly with yours or that one or the other of you will have a perfect, honest grasp that you would be willing to express and know to express freely. (I mean if you were wanting him to slow down, most people would be backing you up on here). Most guys usually hold it in and would rather say nothing to not risk losing the opportunity with you--whether or not they use that opportunity in the near future or not. They think it's easier to just apologize when they know what they do want! I'm not excusing it at all and then on the other hand not everything that a girl does (traditionally) is always right or need be the way it's done. Just some thoughts for future guys. If the situation was slightly different, I might say talk to him though in general I'd lean toward this is a straight out fade. If you do nothing and just move on, guess who then holds the cards if he comes sniffing back around? You. I'm glad you feel strong enough to want the transparency in a guy. And yes always sincerity. For that sometimes you don't get it up front and will have to ask for it, even with good guys--they just might not be expressive in that way. I do think, however, you are doing the right thing. See how you feel when he comes back around. If you were to give him another chance, make him work for it (not as a game, but because he's shown you wishy washy so you need something to counter it). Good luck Edited April 2, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
Author Haerts Posted April 2, 2020 Author Posted April 2, 2020 5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Sorry it’s not. It’s just human decency, especially if you’re on a date with someone? Spending time with you without sex simply means he’s ok with waiting a bit and he doesn’t think you’re so obnoxious he can’t spend time with you without sex being on the table. He likes having conversations with you. I mean this is just the bare minimum it takes to want to go on a date with someone. Hopefully he doesn’t find you so deplorable or embarrassing that he wouldn’t introduce you. . I’ve introduced guys to my friends and even parents knowing full well I never intended to see them again after that date. We just happened to run into each other and my parents are aware that I date/ have male friends =/ . I introduced one guy because he had tattoos covering his body from the neck down lol. Just did it for lulz bc my dad hates tats.. Now if I had said “this is my bf so and so” yes that would be a bit more different and imply long term , but just an introduction ? Nope. All it means is his BFF knows he dates. He prob thinks you’re cute and wants to show you off to his buddy. When I said "introduced", I meant he actually planned a dinner, called his best friend and wife, it was just the 4 of us. I'm not talking about running into someone etc. He texted his friend the next day asking what did he think about me, and he showed me the replies when we met (his friends enjoyed it so much that they actually wanted to do it again). I'm not the crazy type of woman that keep seeing things that doesn't exist, or that creates lots of expectations after so little time. I don't know, it just felt different. 1
Author Haerts Posted April 2, 2020 Author Posted April 2, 2020 32 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I'm thinking if you don't chase him or press him for clarity or an answer you will hear from him again. One reason is that he may need time to sort out what his feelings are. That is often how it goes if the girl is not chasing or backs off once she is not getting what is fair to her in the situation. Idk, while I think he could have selfish intentions by being on tinder and just wanting to date around, I think it's as equally as likely that he really doesn't have a grasp on what he wants. Lots of guys don't, especially at that stage after a breakup. It's not a pass to say that, just perspective. That you met him on tinder, is probably, to me, the biggest indication that he just wanted to date around and rushed in BECAUSE you were special, not faded because you were not--he just went back to his underlying intention or feeling of wanting to date around, which is all about him, not about you. I just say that because like you said in one of your most recent posts, that "had he told you, you'd willing keep dating him" which kind of presumes he would have enough of grasp of what is going on with himself to tell you. And that he wouldn't mind risking it with you to have a serious talk when he's not sure WHAT he wants. I'm just saying that for future perspective that it's not always a bad thing and that you can't always go in with an assumption that his timing will line up perfectly with yours or that one or the other of you will have a perfect, honest grasp that you would be willing to express and know to express freely. (I mean if you were wanting him to slow down, most people would be backing you up on here). Most guys usually hold it in and would rather say nothing to not risk losing the opportunity with you--whether or not they use that opportunity in the near future or not. They think it's easier to just apologize when they know what they do want! I'm not excusing it at all and then on the other hand not everything that a girl does (traditionally) is always right or need be the way it's done. Just some thoughts for future guys. If the situation was slightly different, I might say talk to him though in general I'd lean toward this is a straight out fade. If you do nothing and just move on, guess who then holds the cards if he comes sniffing back around? You. I'm glad you feel strong enough to want the transparency in a guy. And yes always sincerity. For that sometimes you don't get it up front and will have to ask for it, even with good guys--they just might not be expressive in that way. I do think, however, you are doing the right thing. See how you feel when he comes back around. If you were to give him another chance, make him work for it (not as a game, but because he's shown you wishy washy so you need something to counter it). Good luck Well, there could be so many different reasons as to why he's acting the way he is. I realized that If I sit here trying to figure it out, I'll just waste my time. If I go ahead and try to talk to him about it, there are high chances he will lie about it. So it's best if I back off, what seems to be working, 'cause now he's initiating conversations again. I'm not cutting him off entirely, but honestly, I'm not even as interested anymore. I mean, it's been 3 weeks since I met him and things are already so blurry. Plus I'm not really into playing games, these consume way too much of my energy to be even worth it. It's easier to try again with somebody new. 1
simpycurious Posted April 2, 2020 Posted April 2, 2020 10 hours ago, Haerts said: Well, there could be so many different reasons as to why he's acting the way he is. I realized that If I sit here trying to figure it out, I'll just waste my time. If I go ahead and try to talk to him about it, there are high chances he will lie about it. So it's best if I back off, what seems to be working, 'cause now he's initiating conversations again. I'm not cutting him off entirely, but honestly, I'm not even as interested anymore. I mean, it's been 3 weeks since I met him and things are already so blurry. Plus I'm not really into playing games, these consume way too much of my energy to be even worth it. It's easier to try again with somebody new. That's a good attitude Haerts. Dating should NOT be so complicated and stressful. You can meet someone great who checks ALL the boxes so don't stress over this dude. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 2, 2020 Posted April 2, 2020 13 hours ago, Haerts said: Well, there could be so many different reasons as to why he's acting the way he is. I realized that If I sit here trying to figure it out, I'll just waste my time. If I go ahead and try to talk to him about it, there are high chances he will lie about it. So it's best if I back off, what seems to be working, 'cause now he's initiating conversations again. I'm not cutting him off entirely, but honestly, I'm not even as interested anymore. I mean, it's been 3 weeks since I met him and things are already so blurry. Plus I'm not really into playing games, these consume way too much of my energy to be even worth it. It's easier to try again with somebody new. This is the perfect approach IMO. Personally, i think this is the 'key' to all beginning stages of dating. His own behavior influenced what you think of him. You aren't still gung-ho for a relationship because of the way he has acted, yet you are not being so obstinate that you only understand your own way, pace ,etc. And you are actually less interested not playing it just for strategy but because the side he is showing you in days just previous to this is...uninteresting to you. Well played. And you are right there are many many reasons why a person acts this way, this is why there is no need to get upset, demand an answer, cut it off, etc as long as you can manage how you feel, honestly can (which is difficult). Ultimately, you've put yourself in the driver's seat. Most people in your same situation get upset, cut a person off but it still leaves them feeling as "less than" or rejected, ie not in the drivers seat at all or just cutting the guy off or telling him for for a reaction. At the stage you are still learning about a person, so you can fade on him at any point yourself when you have all the information you want. Sounds like you are getting there. I wouldn't say he is playing games--he may be, he may not be. He doesn't know what he wants or doubted it a few days ago and now at least understands your value. There is extreme value in that for you whether or not it works out with this guy (whether or not you want it to etc). Good luck 1
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