MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) So, I had this gf and we broke up about 6 months, ago. She had some major issues she had to work through. Ever since, we have still been in contact. I tried to be there for her because I know how bad her situation is, but it's getting kinda ridiculous, honestly. I feel like she has issues that aren't getting any better and it makes me want to just tell her to grow up and walk away, sometimes. On multiple occasions she has told me that she misses me, loves, and still wants me, but then on the flip side, she has gone days without texting back, obviously been out drunk with other guys, ignored phone calls, fed me BS like she was really busy (when I know she wasn't so busy for an entire week that she couldn't talk at all), flaked on me when she said she was coming over (then hear nothing from her, no apology, anything), and so on, and so forth. So, last night I was slightly drunk, and tried to call her. She ignored the call. Tried to call, again, this time she didn't ignore, but it rang and went to voicemail. I went off. I sent her a long text telling her everything that I mentioned above. That she was ungrateful, took me for granted, lied so much, and that I definitely deserved better. Woke up this morning, really regretting how harsh I was, and how I let it all loose for once, but at the same time I feel pretty good because it's not like I was lying to her about how much she has hurt me and not cared or just not cared to say sorry or communicate with me at all about stuff like that. She just ignores it. So, I'm on the fence whether or not I should apologize for being so harsh, and I have no clue how to go about that if I do decide to do so. The other half of me is saying, "Nope. Don't apologize. She strung you along and did all of those things for 6 months because she knew you still cared about her and she took you for granted, big time." So, advice anyone? I really wanted us to be able to work through things because when we broke up she told me that I was definitely the person she wanted to be with, but she had a lot to work through. I was absolutely a fed up drunk guy last night. Edited March 28, 2020 by MET90
preraph Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 When it comes up and you talk to her again, let her know that is how you feel but that at the same time you also realize you can't make many demands since you're not together. I mean, she's a free agent right now, so you have to expect her to not be available for you all the time.
Author MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Author Posted March 28, 2020 3 hours ago, preraph said: When it comes up and you talk to her again, let her know that is how you feel but that at the same time you also realize you can't make many demands since you're not together. I mean, she's a free agent right now, so you have to expect her to not be available for you all the time. I sent her a text apologizing for being so harsh, and that I realize that was out of character for me. I completely understand that we're not dating, and I've let her know that I comprehend that aspect 100%. It's like she gets cold feet. Every time we have a great interaction over the phone for hours at night or something along those lines, she just goes absolutely COLD. It's like she's afraid to commit, and I do believe it comes down to the issues she is going through in her own head. It's sad, really. I'm not talking ill of her in the slightest. I really feel for her. 1
preraph Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 She may love you but realize she just can't be with you. There are people you love but can't live with.
K.K. Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 So she strung you along all the while ignoring your calls and texts, drinking with other guys and basically being rude. You blow up one time and you’re apologizing? Pssshhh she deserved it. Too bad you apologized. That’s just gonna cement your doormat status. Sorry this happened.
mark clemson Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 Although @preraph has a point, I'm leaning more with @K.K. on this one. I'd say that you're right you deserve better AND that it doesn't matter. Clearly she and this relationship are not good for you. Why let yourself be strung along as a "Plan D" (not B) while she goes out and plays the field as you mention. There are many ways to do "relationships". My thought is that you firmly resolve to walk away from her emotionally, wait out COVID, and go find someone better. Also recognize that, by apologizing, you "left the door open". IF at some point she returns to you seeking whatever it is she is seeking, and you're not with someone else yet, you should consider hooking up for NSA sex only IF that's something you want and you feel she is safe (medically, given COVID and also her playing the field). If that's not what you want or you don't think you can have NSA with her but not get emotionally attached, then suggest you just resolve to walk away. While it's good that you have sympathy for her issues, ultimately they are hers to solve, not yours. 3
alphamale Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 3 hours ago, MET90 said: The other half of me is saying, "Nope. Don't apologize. ^^this
Author MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Author Posted March 28, 2020 25 minutes ago, K.K. said: So she strung you along all the while ignoring your calls and texts, drinking with other guys and basically being rude. You blow up one time and you’re apologizing? Pssshhh she deserved it. Too bad you apologized. That’s just gonna cement your doormat status. Sorry this happened. After some time passing, I realize I don't feel bad for what I said, at all. Wish I hadn't apologized for being so harsh because it was the truth. I guess I could always send her one more message saying, ya know what, on second though, I'm not sorry, but I really don't think it would be worth it or be that convincing. Who knows?
alphamale Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 35 minutes ago, MET90 said: I sent her a text apologizing for being so harsh, and that I realize that was out of character for me. I completely understand that we're not dating, and I've let her know that I comprehend that aspect 100%. It's like she gets cold feet. Every time we have a great interaction over the phone for hours at night or something along those lines, she just goes absolutely COLD. It's like she's afraid to commit, and I do believe it comes down to the issues she is going through in her own head. It's sad, really. I'm not talking ill of her in the slightest. I really feel for her. dude, stop being so nice to her (or any woman)...it's very unbecoming
Author MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Author Posted March 28, 2020 19 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Although @preraph has a point, I'm leaning more with @K.K. on this one. I'd say that you're right you deserve better AND that it doesn't matter. Clearly she and this relationship are not good for you. Why let yourself be strung along as a "Plan D" (not B) while she goes out and plays the field as you mention. There are many ways to do "relationships". My thought is that you firmly resolve to walk away from her emotionally, wait out COVID, and go find someone better. Also recognize that, by apologizing, you "left the door open". IF at some point she returns to you seeking whatever it is she is seeking, and you're not with someone else yet, you should consider hooking up for NSA sex only IF that's something you want and you feel she is safe (medically, given COVID and also her playing the field). If that's not what you want or you don't think you can have NSA with her but not get emotionally attached, then suggest you just resolve to walk away. While it's good that you have sympathy for her issues, ultimately they are hers to solve, not yours. You're right. She's terrible for me, and the door is still cracked. She's terrible in general. I'm on board with the whole NSA thing, but I'd have to think about it for a little if that opportunity actually arose. I have always thought that her issues were hers to solve, I just got caught up in caring about her. Man, I was dumb. I have never been in this sort of situation so I really allowed it to play with my head. ALSO, I don't think she would block me, but there is a huge possibility after that message that I was blocked and she never received the apology. Again, who knows? I'm thinking about finally slamming the door shut. 2
Author MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Author Posted March 28, 2020 Just now, alphamale said: dude, stop being so nice to her (or any woman)...it's very unbecoming You're right, man. I goofed. 1
preraph Posted March 28, 2020 Posted March 28, 2020 Hey, if nothing else, you got it off your chest. You apologized for it sounding harsh, not for what you said, so....
Author MET90 Posted March 28, 2020 Author Posted March 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, preraph said: Hey, if nothing else, you got it off your chest. You apologized for it sounding harsh, not for what you said, so.... EXACTLY. 1
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