JosiePosie Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Hi everyone. I had to leave my bf about 3 weeks ago because of his emotional withdrawl and moodiness. It seemed to have gone downhill between us so fast. He then said he wanted time to be alone and didn't want to be pushed about the relationship. Knowing that I couldn't allow to be mistreated any longer, I had left. I have felt so hurt and abandoned, I was experiencing family problems at the same time. He emailed me a few days later apologizing for putting me through this. And that he just needs time to be alone to sort things out, he loves me, and hopes that we can talk and sort it out later. The one lesson I am finding hard to learn is checking up on his online activites. We both have profiles on hi5.com and both in each other's network. After I moved out, I was so down and hurt, I made some changes to mine. I took out any pictures of us and his son, plus I took out any references of them. About a day or two later, I saw that my ex changed his and did the same. Just the other day, he changed his photo and profile. It hurt so bad to see that he was protraying himself as a single, strong man. Meanwhile he was the one who pushed me away. My friends say that he knows that things like that can hurt me, so that is why he is behaving that way. Everyone has repeatedly said how great of a gf I was for him. His family and friends were very approving of our relationship. The strange thing is that he still has me on his MSN, and that I am not blocked. I have him blocked on mine. Being treated like dirt and acting like it was all my fault, I just can't believe it. It wasn't too long ago that he said that he loved me and that he was glad to have me in his life. And now it is like what we had was disposable to him. His sisters have said that he has been behaving like a jerk. That he has problems that need to be figured out, but he probably doesn't even know what his problem is. I am the only he has told about his codeine problem. And he knew how scared I was of him going back to his habit. When I moved my stuff out of the apartment last week, I saw that he is back at it. I don't know much addiction and wonder if he is angry at me because I can see his weaknesses. And that he resented me for keeping him accountable. I made the decision not to look up his online activities anymore. It hurts too much. I know that leaving him was a good thing. And I should not take his online actions personally, that he is behaving like a immature child. It hurts though, I have made mistakes within the relationship but never treated him like s**t, the way he is being now. Please I can really use some words of encouragement and advice right now.
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 He's doing whatever he can to hurt you. He is well aware that you're reading his online material. Delete from MSN so you don't even know when he's online. Every time you feel tempted to look at his online stuff, stop yourself. Be strong.
Author JosiePosie Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 I guess I don't understand why he wants to hurt me when he was the one who pushed me away? Did he really think that I would stay and bear whatever he dished out? He is angry that I moved out and haven't made any sort of contact besides making arrangements to collect my things?
JS17 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I guess I don't understand why he wants to hurt me when he was the one who pushed me away? Did he really think that I would stay and bear whatever he dished out? He is angry that I moved out and haven't made any sort of contact besides making arrangements to collect my things? I went through something similar. All I can think of is that it the only way to absolve his guilt. By trying to make you the "bad guy" he doesn't have to feel guilty. He has tricked himself into think he was wronged by you.
Author JosiePosie Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 He has tricked himself into think he was wronged by you. If he really tells himself that, then he is not the man I thought he was. And that hurts.
johan Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I think the best thing you can do is not try to figure him out. You can't know why he is doing the things he is doing, just like he doesn't have any idea why you took down the pictures of him and his son. People act freaky after a breakup, and there is no doubt it's affecting him. He may still love you and he's hurting and confused. Or he may no longer love you and he's just doing his thing. He may feel angry and hurt and is trying to prove something or trying to absolve guillt. No one knows except him. And he may not know. I think it's best to just look at the relationship compared to what you need and let things work themselves out. You can only upset yourself and make things harder by looking for answers about what the things he does mean.
whichwayisup Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I think the best thing you can do is not try to figure him out. You can't know why he is doing the things he is doing, just like he doesn't have any idea why you took down the pictures of him and his son. People act freaky after a breakup, and there is no doubt it's affecting him. He may still love you and he's hurting and confused. Or he may no longer love you and he's just doing his thing. He may feel angry and hurt and is trying to prove something or trying to absolve guillt. No one knows except him. And he may not know. I think it's best to just look at the relationship compared to what you need and let things work themselves out. You can only upset yourself and make things harder by looking for answers about what the things he does mean. Great advice J! Wow, if only many had that insight and could use it before hand...Something tells me that even with that in mind, it still wouldn't make a difference. Seems we're all hellbent in seeing and believing things our own way - And it's usually not the right way, or what you said above!
Author JosiePosie Posted October 9, 2005 Author Posted October 9, 2005 I can see your point Johan, it has been day three of not looking him up on the net. I do have moments when the temptation is very strong, then I remind myself of how hurt I was when I saw his changed profile. And that I need to stop torturing myself in that aspect. I am still in shock on how fast our relationship changed. Myself, the ex, and his five year old son would do a lot of activities together. We were like a family. And now we are like strangers. Having that gone suddenly makes it hard. I miss our times together. I guess I will never know why he is behaving this way, or why he is doing certain things. And only he can tell me. At the moment, he is trying to hurt me by playing little internet games. I never thought he would do that sort of thing towards me.
johan Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 When I'm going through a breakup or separation, the right thing to do is never clear and emotions are tied to everything I do or say. Suddenly I have to protect myself from the person I was just recently building my whole life around. It would be very easy to misinterpret me and think my love is gone or that I'm acting in anger, when I'm really just putting up shields. But I can also be spiteful and petty. Think of all the different ways he could take the things you've done. I agree with you, you can't know why he's doing things. He may or may not be trying to communicate something to you. My best advice: If he doesn't come right out and say it to you, then don't assume anything about it.
Author JosiePosie Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 Wow...it is going on Week 4 since I left. I still cry everyday. I looked back at our relationship and the little things that bothered me. I have also been doing a lot of internet research. In the back of mind, I felt my bf has abused me emotionally, but after reading all the signs on various websites, I have come to see that he did emotionally abuse me. There were times when he was disrespectful to me, even in front of his son and I had to tell him to stop. He would point out my emotional faults, he would call down the mother of his son, he made me feel like it was a nuisance when it came time to visit my friends and family. There were times when I didn't feel safe to bring up something that was bothering me, I thought he would take it the wrong way. We always did things that he wanted to do. We always talked about him and what was going on in his life. But not as much when it came to me. I always dropped things when he needed help when something came up. Knowing and seeing that, I still feel sad and abandoned. I wish I could get unstuck from him. I am trying not to dwell on the good times and the things we have shared, but that is what I find myself doing. I guess I am addict too in a sense. I am addicted to the good side of him. I have also been looking up addictions as he is addicted to codeine, and some of the behaviour listed are what he has done. You would never know he had a pill problem, a highly-functional drug addict. I am still in shock.
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