Malin889 Posted April 19, 2020 Posted April 19, 2020 On 3/30/2020 at 8:00 AM, stillafool said: If you are annoyed that a guy you're dating is contacting you too much he's the wrong guy for you. Let him go because lots of ladies would love that treatment. Go for the emotional unavailable men, they rarely contact. Agreed. As a lot of other people said here, if you're bothered by this, then you're probably not interested. That's great that he's a nice guy and all, but it's not fair to him for you to continue to see him if you're not that interested. I've been there -- trust me, I've been there. I've dated a lot of "frogs", and then I've also dated nice guys. A couple times when start talking to a nice guy, but I don't like him that much, I always feel bad that I want to stop talking to him. But if I'm not into him, than that's not fair either. You'll find someone who is nice and who you are into. But let this one go.
CLS63AMG Posted April 19, 2020 Posted April 19, 2020 58 minutes ago, rjc149 said: A lot of it is societal programming and conditioning. Men who are compliant, attentive, eager to please, and subservient make better long-term nesting propositions, thus women are instructed to value these traits, which is often in direct conflict with their sexual desire, especially when they are younger. It is very much societal programming, they tell women to find an attractive pushover. If I remember correctly, right when that started happening, so did the 50% divorce rate because its not what women are hard wired to want. Keep your eyes open for it (as I assume you already have) in malls and what not. You'll see these Ken and Barbie couples and the woman looks absolutely cold as ice, detached and almost unhinged. Its last place she wants to be "but she did everything she was supposed to". 1
skywriter Posted April 19, 2020 Posted April 19, 2020 Missy Love, I'm sorry it sounds like this guy is smothering you and overstepping his boundaries with your family. It sounds like he is trying too hard and it's actually hurting his chances with you. I don't understand why he can't see this and maybe reign it in a little. 2
preraph Posted April 19, 2020 Posted April 19, 2020 That contacting family is on the list of red flags for stalkers, which are guys who can't take no for an answer and let go. 2
rjc149 Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 But... he's so affectionate, attentive, sweet, communicative, buys lots of presents and flowers, always being there, always checking up on her, always showing her cares, constantly telling her how much he loves her and how he'd be lost without her... how romantic, right? She would be CRAZY to find him unattractive! He is every woman's dream! He texts all day and night, calls several times a day, and she needs to reply to his texts immediately and let him know he still has her, that she's all his, and no one else's. When she doesn't respond, he sends a barrage of follow-up texts, then calls her friends, calls her family, and doesn't stop until she replies to him. She feels smothered, trapped, like he's everywhere, always there, always present. She wants out. One night she calmly tells him that she needs a little space, it's too much, that he needs to respect her wishes. He does not respect her wishes. All that effort and attention and sweetness was never about her -- it was about HIM and getting what's HIS. He shows up at her work each day with flowers, waits outside of her apartment each evening, sends letter after letter begging for her back, fills her texts and voicemails with messages which vacillate from angry and verbally abusive to apologetic and pleading. She is terrified and files an injunction against him, changes her number, and moves in with her parents because she is afraid of being alone in her apartment. Fine, he thinks. If I can't have her, no one can. Long story short, she ends up in a Hefty bag in his storage locker a few days later. This is why women, despite whatever social conditioning they've undergone to find needy, overly attentive men "romantic," are instinctively wary of it and put off by men who behave like this. Dead girlfriends on Forensic Files typically start off being pampered by their very romantic and attentive boyfriend. 1
Miss Spider Posted April 20, 2020 Posted April 20, 2020 (edited) sorry wrong spot Edited April 20, 2020 by Cookiesandough
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