In Sync Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Each passing day I am changing the guide of my Internal Map. The old map I had was my guide in how I related to the the ex...in other words, my identity was sooo linked to what he felt about me. That is why when he let go I felt shattered. Because I lost some, no, a large part of "me" by being with him. We play different parts when we are in love and when the person we love so much stops loving us back, we feel like "we are falling apart" when in it's really our identity we so closely tied to them that's crumbling apart. Slowly I am rediscovering who I am again. It was like I was going through a fog and finally it's getting clear again. To anyone out there going through what feels like excruciating pain of losing a love, you will get through it too...there's no dobt about it.
bendit Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Hello, The other thing to keep in mind is that maybe we don't miss the person so much as the "idea" or rather the dream, the romantic ideal, of what we were going to do together as a couple. We finally found the one, the relationship that will bring everything we ever wanted in a coupling, to life, for the rest of our lives. When that goes, its traumatic. Sometimes that dream was conjured up by a false promise from the other person...something they could never back up because they don't know how. That was the case with me. Learning from this, and my own role in this, as painful as its been, is a gift that I will have for the rest of my life. regards Mike
slubberdegullion Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I just can't get my map to fold back up the way it was.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 its crucial pain, i hate it..the memories just make me want to vomit...i do know what you meen though...because it might not be him i miss as much...but maybe the environment( and i just dont nkow it)...even though i broke it off he rebounded...and things still suck but im gettin through it and have not talk tohim even though he wouldent talk to me...it just makes me feel like" how can we just move on...what about what we had its scary
gevoraksix Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 How long did It take you to get to this point? Any advice to speed it up for me?
JosiePosie Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Hello, The other thing to keep in mind is that maybe we don't miss the person so much as the "idea" or rather the dream, the romantic ideal, of what we were going to do together as a couple. We finally found the one, the relationship that will bring everything we ever wanted in a coupling, to life, for the rest of our lives. When that goes, its traumatic. Sometimes that dream was conjured up by a false promise from the other person...something they could never back up because they don't know how. That was the case with me. Learning from this, and my own role in this, as painful as its been, is a gift that I will have for the rest of my life. regards Mike I agree, I just broke up with my ex and it has been pretty devastating. We had plans of children, our future, everything. It seemed like he wanted it as much as I did. Even his family were so supporting and welcoming. Then a month and a half ago, our relationship fell apart. He said that he needs time to be by himself, and hopefully we can talk about it later. I haven't made any contact with him. Now he is behaving like a jerk online. Taking every reference of us out of his profiles. Like what we had didn't matter. It has been pretty hurtful.
Baz Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 We are all in love with love for sure. Maybe if we strengthened our boundaries then our screening process will become more thorough. Then these low down, F***ed up cranks wouldn't get near us!
gevoraksix Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I just can't get my map to fold back up the way it was. :lmao: Me neither!
Author In Sync Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 gevoraksix, The ex broke off with me in April and as we each know how painful it is for this to happen to you, trust me, I felt like the earth had opend under my feet and my world was shattered. Mind you, the guy was no prince charming, still he was the one I defined myself by. If he thought I looked sexy I looked sexy, if he'd insinuate I was getting fat despite knowing it was not true, I assumed it was and watched my weight more, etc. If he thought my opinions were off base.. I questioned myself. I loved him and I wanted to be what he wanted. I followed his guide and made it my internal map and got off course from the true ME. But to answer your question in how long it took me to get to this point. It's October, and though I have been through every emotion, I made strides to reach this point. This site was a great help for one thing, I began meditating and started reflecting more recently about the idea of not wanting to be a victim by this. These heartaches are life changing. Sure I have had my heart broken before, but everyone has one that is not garden variety and changes them for the better. (I could say the worst but that's not my thinking on it). I don't think one can just heal without some deep soul searching and allowing the persons you loved to call the shots in your life by playing phone tag and e-mail tag. Especially if they were the one to drop the axe. If you were crushed by them breaking off from you no doubt your identity was tied to that person.
pippen_2k Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I want an internal map too! Do they sell them on e bay?
Author In Sync Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 Do they sell them on e bay? AhhhhhhhhhhHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! that was funny!!!!
brittanyjean259 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 your right about the map thing. and your right about how he deffined you..he was the one who made you feel like blahblahlblah... yeah i never thought my relationship would have this turn about!...but here in 2 years... he has always done mean thigns to me...like when wed fight...he wouldent talk to me,( ingore me for a week)....get really mad break my phone...burnt my stuff b4.... so i guess its for the better right?...the first month when i broke it off( he rebouned) so that month i was like AHHHH but it was good....my emotions are diff now im not in shock any more...and sad and it will probaly get worse b4 it gets better?... i saw him on the rode the other day he saw me i said hey with a smile haha... grr i cant stand this i never thought it would happen..but its happening...and HOLIDAYS are coming up TALK ABOUT GUT RENCHING:(
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