helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 here's some thorny questions...how many of you have slept with your ex? and for how long? why does this happen? is it just the sex you can't let go of? have you ever got back with your ex, as a result? or is it just ``well, he/she is getting what he/she wants without even trying, so why bother making any extra effort?'' if you are still sleeping with each other, texting, seeing each other and enjoying it, after mutually declaring it's all over, is it really all over?
kscholze Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 me an my ex considered ourselves together while we were having sex (we broke up once, but no sex until we were back in a relationship). When we broke up the second time we textd and went out to dinner afew times. She was with someone new, but still telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me. bottom line is one of you doesnt want to be in that relationship, and the person who does will end up getting hurt over and over until you stop talking
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I did the casual thing with an ex for longer than I was in a relationship with him I think he much preferred the no strings thing because we worked together. In the end I found out he had three of us on the go at once
Author helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 oh my god! three at once? what did you do about it?
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I didn't find out until recently, five years after the fact. I was angry, but supposedly I knew the "rules" of it being casual. I had always wanted it to be more and he knew how much he meant to me. Basically he used me. He has said sorry for hurting me. If I'd known what was going on at the time I would have dumped him like a sack of potatoes. He is now married with a baby, and I know he is not the sort of guy I would want as my husband. But we are very close friends so it is all still very strange
Author helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 yes, it is strange. you are fortunate he said sorry for hurting you. maybe it is better you didn;t find out at the time! damn i would have been so pissed about it. i wonder if an enduring friendship would have been possible, without this remorse. the ``casual rules'' are really tough going. i wonder how many people can really stand it. maybe more men than women?
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 There are a lot of men that like to have their cake and eat it too. I suppose there are women out there like it too. I think if you know someone has deep feelings for you and wants more then you shouldn't lead them on. Sex with someone you have feelings for, casual or not, means something. I think it gives a lot of women, in particular, hope that there is a possibility of more. I thought that by seeing me, and sleeping with me, I must have meant something to him more than a friendship. To him, it was just sex If I'd found out at the time I would have been a depressed wreck. Finding out later just made me angry but there was no point throwing a tantrum after all this time. One thing I did learn was to not have any more casual relationships. Saves a lot of heartache.
Author helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 depressed wreck is right on. one of my best friends just found out her man has been cheating on her for quite a while with various women. of course they have broken up, but she is so angry, because he had assured her ``she was the one'', that she is furiously angry and wants to wreak revenge on him. she is alternately depressed wreck and screaming angry. i think if she gets a chance to hurt him back, she may feel better. DON'T GET MAD, GET EVEN. he needs to be taught a lesson. casual sex winds up hurting lots of people. you are right, not worth the headaches. when people break up and continue having sex, when there are other parties involved, this becomes part of the casual sex turmoil.
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 The best revenge is moving on and being happy. If she tries to get revenge then it just shows him how caught up in him she is. It only stresses you out more trying to plot the perfect "attack" and there is no guarantee that he's going to give a damn anyway. She should hold her head up high and laugh in his face because she knows she is better and deserves more than that. If he keeps having sex with various women, then it's likely he'll fall in his own pile of poo somewhere down the track.
Author helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 i agree she should move on and laugh in his face. but i think he shouldn't get away with what he's done. i thought he was such a good guy for her, and i encouraged her to stay with him. i feel dumb as a result. she slept with him once after they broke up, which punished her more than him. i am really angry with him too.
Zaira Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Tell him that. I would. Apart from that I don't think there is much she can do without coming off second best, emotionally anyway.
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