Dating (kinda) a younger girl

[mtnbiker3000]

Hello LS community. Been a while, but thought I would come back here to vent a little and maybe seek some advice.

So, there is a bartender at my local watering hole who I have been hanging out with a bit in the last few months. She is 34, her daughter is 10 and I am 48. First time we hung out, around Christmas, we went to the new Star Wars movie and later picked up her daughter and went out for some sushi. I’ve also had them over to my place for bbq and chilling about 3 times. There is always drinking going on. Last Friday they came over and we were hanging out in the garage drinking (daughter inside watching TV). At about 10:30 daughter went up to my room to go to sleep and roommate went upstairs too. So now it’s just she and I. We were both pretty drunk, and it wasn’t long until she leaned over and whispered to me “I’m really horny”.  Had to clarify what she said, and she repeated herself. So, I was like “me too”. We ended up having pretty awesome sex in the garage for a pretty long time. In my opinion, we have good chemistry, because it was pretty damn fun, and not awkward at all (like the first time can be). Did have a little trouble cumming mostly due to whiskey d*ck. LOL!! I did cum once. And finally at the very end of the evening, she was sucking me sitting on the couch, and I started to lose my erection after about 10 minutes. Again, too much whiskey?

Finally at about 2:15 she went upstairs to go to sleep and I crashed on the couch downstairs. They left pretty early the next morning without saying anything. We texted a bit that day and I told her how much I enjoyed that and I would really like to see her again. I also asked if she wanted to go for a hike or something later in the week since there isn’t much else to do.  She responded, but didn’t seem too thrilled. It was more like ‘yeah, we could probably do that…”

Of course, I haven’t been able to think about much else since then. I haven’t texted her since Saturday and she hasn’t texted me either.  Problem is, I really want to see more of her. 

Man, as I write this it seems so clear to me now- probably a one-time thing. And that is frustrating and quite difficult for me to deal with as I want more. I’m afraid to push her away by coming on too strong, but I really want more! Could she be frustrated/upset with my inability to cum and stay hard at the end of the night? I mean I was hard for probably 2 hours as we went at it pretty good!

[basil67]

This response is not what you asked for...but here it is:

The thing which stands out to me are her poor mothering choices.   Taking her 10yo with her to your house (you being someone she really doesn't know that well yet) and goes off to have drinking sessions with you.  Poor kid sounds like she's on her own...then puts herself to bed upstairs and your flatmate also goes upstairs to bed....while you're drinking and later shagging in the garage.   I am NOT suggesting that your flatmate is a pedophile, but this is the kind of absent parenting which can leave children at risk.    A good mother would have gotten a baby sitter and come home relatively sober and at a decent hour.

She sounds like an absolute mess of a woman.  Do not go out with her again.  And if the next woman you meet has a child, make sure she cares for the child properly if you're going to continue with her.

[mtnbiker3000]

Thank you, Basil. I do appreciate your response and not entirely disagreeing with you. But, I may have also not described the situation accurately. Yes, we do drink, but rarely are we 'drunk'. Its mostly all of us watching TV while the adults have a couple of drinks. That was the first time they stayed the night, and Mom did put her to bed. I'm thinking she just had an itch and wanted me to scratch it. LOL!! Problem is, I want to continue to scratch it!

[basil67]

So glad it wasn't what it sounded like. 

From this woman's perspective, my partner of nearly 30 years had been drinking and couldn't cum on the night of the day we met.  Despite this, it was awesome sex and he more than made up for it in future couplings.  Except for when he's had too much to drink...but that's OK because it's not frequent.   Men are not machines.

[mtnbiker3000]

I would just hate to think that she would seriously be blowing me off because of that. I want to reach out to her and tell her I want to see more of her, but I already did that and she's kind of hard to read. I think I always am the one to initiate a text message.I don't want to come across as clingy. Been there don that with younger, hotter females. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens, if anything? Man, I do not like doing that. Ha!!

[Fletch Lives]

Well, if you are only dating her about once a month, that does not sound like she's serious about you.

The latest date sounds like it was alcohol induced. Drunk girls are easy.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she was just looking for a little fun, OP. 

She sounds like the rather reckless type if she's bringing her daughter around a guy she's only causally seeing, much less having her spend the night there.  That says a lot about her character, and it ain't good. It's a reflection of her as a person, which very likely  manifests itself in her love life, too. Based on observation of people I know, the ones making poor choices as parents also have messy love lives. It speaks to a generally flawed value system and personal code of conduct, in other words. 

I wouldn't get your hopes up, here. 

Edited March 26, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Blind-Sided]

This is kind of a tough one.  She knows you are local... you have been hanging out already (for a while).......   HUMMMMMmmmmmm.

OK... I'm going for the other side.  I'm a single dad, and I have my kids more than the ex does.  That has messed up a bunch of dates for me.  Even this one girl I liked... she wanted to do a hockey game, and we looked at dates/times for the next few months, and nothing was going to line up. (COVID19 now would have been an issue anyway) This girl was nice, and understands that while I could get a sitter, or just ask the ex to watch them that day/night... I don't want to because emotionally, the exW has abandoned her oldest daughter. (and DAD WILL NOT do that)  So, there is the possibility that you just caught her at a bad time.  Maybe she was thinking about her kid, and if she should get a sitter with what is going on in the world.  Also... maybe she does like you, and doesn't want to have sex again with her kid so close. OR.. just want to hold/kiss you.  Something else that shouldn't happen in front of the kid.

The reason I'm going down the path of being positive, is because if she thought it was going to be a mistake... she would have held off with someone she already felt comfortable enough to be at their house.

Oh... on the whiskey dick thing... I talked to a college buddy about age and performance because I've been dry since my divorce. (he's 41) He told me he uses bluechew already. So... could be alcohol, or it could just be an age thing.  I would have felt bad if I didn't finish the first time with someone new... but it's just something to consider.

[mtnbiker3000]

Thanks BS. That is the tough part. Maybe it's this, or maybe it's that. I don't really know. All my years of men's group would tell me to just express my intentions and ask hers. Yet easier said than done. We have known each other for close to a year so it's not like we don't know each other. And yes, you're right, I am close by and I am not a risk. The more I think about it, I believe I am just a safe guy to fool around with. A FWB type thing. I don't think we will be dating. I just don't know if I can be OK with that, cause I do like her quite a bit.

Yeah, it probably is an age thing as well as whiskey. Need to drop some lbs too. Ha!!!

[basil67]

Thing is, if it is FWB only, then it's still questionable that she brought her child along.  There's a 'good parenting' rule of thumb about not introducing kids until you've got a good feeling that it's an actual relationship which has legs.

[mtnbiker3000]

Agreed. There are some reasons behind that, but bottom line is, yes, she should have come alone. And, when I invited them over, I didn't think it was going to end with a sleepover/shag fest. Ha!!

[Azincourt]

First of all, she's  not a young girl. She's a woman. What's up with guys and calling women ''young girls'' or ''girls''? I'm waiting for the day someone starts calling 60 year old women ''girls.''

Second, she's 34, not 24.  You're not  that much older than her.

She has a daughter, which is a big red flag for me, not because being a single mother or a divorced mother makes her a bad person, it doesn't, but because I'm not interested in raising anyone's kid, and if you begin a relationship with her you'll probably become emotionally attached to the kid.

Text her telling her you want to see her.

She jumped your bones despite barely knowing her. That means she hasn't had sex in a long time. Maybe she wants a relationship, maybe she just wants to have fun. Who knows. Only you can find out by actually asking her what she's looking for with you. 

Edited March 26, 2020 by Azincourt

[basil67]

6 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

First of all, she's  not a young girl. She's a woman. What's up with guys and calling women ''young girls'' or ''girls''? I'm waiting for the day someone starts calling 60 year old women ''girls.''

My father in law always called his +60yo female friends girls.   They tittered like the teens they once were and thanked him for making them feel young. 

Come to think of it, my +60yo SILs are collectively called 'the girls'.

Edited March 26, 2020 by basil67

[mtnbiker3000]

Ha. I only say younger because she is 14 years younger than me. And that is quite a bit in my book. Ex-fiancee was 10 years younger and even that seemed like were from 2 different time periods.

Actually, I do like her kiddo quite a bit too and the idea isn't totally off the table as far as stepping in if that's where it was to go.

Totally agree in your assessment of her reasoning. I think she even said something along the line of it being a while since she has been with a man. She has a studio, so I know she doesn't bring guys there (I've never been there either). Again, I've known her for about a year, so it's not like we just met last week. 

I know I probably just need to ask her, but like many people, I already have created stories in my head of what the answer will be and I am afraid to confirm it. I made it pretty clear that I wanted to see her again, and she hasn't really responded so I think that is my answer.

[Azincourt]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

My father in law always called his +60yo female friends girls.   They tittered like the teens they once were and thanked him for making them feel young. 

Come to think of it, my +60yo SILs are collectively called 'the girls'.

see, that's because it's ingrained in our society for women to be infantilized by men. Women are always made to feel inferior, like people being extra nice to them because they're afraid women are fragile little things and need to be treated with gloves on. Meanwhile, my 5'6'' 110lbs mother once broke the nose of a 6 feet tall 200lbs man who was sexually harassing her. 

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Ha. I only say younger because she is 14 years younger than me. And that is quite a bit in my book. Ex-fiancee was 10 years younger and even that seemed like were from 2 different time periods.

Younger woman, yes. Not young girl. I once worked for a guy who was 75 years old and his wife was 21. Now that's an age difference. 14 years is nothing, especially when both aren't in their 20s anymore.

Well, most of the women I date are in their late teens and early mids. I'm in my 30s. I don't feel like we're from 2 different time periods. They listen to the same music, watch the same movies, and enjoy the same things. Sure, I never listened to One Direction but then again who has.

Don't feel like you're the ''old man'' in the relationship because you aren't.

Edited March 26, 2020 by Azincourt

[mtnbiker3000]

3 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Don't feel like you're the ''old man'' in the relationship because you aren't

And that is another issue (of mine). I am starting to feel kinda old, and tired of dating women that I'm just not into. I am starting to feel lonely. So, that makes this young woman all the more attractive to me. It somehow makes me feel younger too.

[Azincourt]

1 minute ago, mtnbiker3000 said:

And that is another issue (of mine). I am starting to feel kinda old, and tired of dating women that I'm just not into. I am starting to feel lonely. So, that makes this young woman all the more attractive to me. It somehow makes me feel younger too.

 

You're only old when you can no longer get attractive women to sleep with you without money.  You think Brad Pitt feels old? Why would you feel old? You got yourself an attractive younger woman, bro. She obviously doesn't think you're old if she bangs you like it's 1999.

There's nothing wrong with dating younger women because they make you feel young. I prefer younger women because young women are easy to impress. You're easy on the eyes? You can look them in the eyes while flirting with them unlike many 20 years old who haven't even had their first shave yet?

Boom, you're in.

Women my age are interested in things that I'm absolutely not interested in. Marriage and children or co-habitation. Now any of THAT makes me feel old. But when I'm hanging out with a 20 year old at the beach, I feel like I'm 20 years old again, and man, let me tell you. It's the best feeling in the world. When you can still get young, attractive women, without pulling your wallet like many older guys have to do just to have their existence noticed by young women.

Enjoy yourself. Life's short and you're not hurting anyone. You're having sex with this woman, yes?  Then keep yourself in her life.  It will only get better from this moment on, and it's been pretty freaky great so far, heh, heh?

[Marc878]

I wouldn’t chase to hard that sometimes pushes them away.

14yrs isn’t that uncommon. There aren’t a lot of solid guys out there.

take it slow and see where it goes 

[mtnbiker3000]

Your totally right. Yes she is awesome and we did have fun. A lot of fun! I guess I'll just suck it up and text her and ask her when I can see here again?

[mtnbiker3000]

2 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

I wouldn’t chase to hard that sometimes pushes them away.

14yrs isn’t that uncommon. There aren’t a lot of solid guys out there.

take it slow and see where it goes 

That is what I'm afraid of. But also just sitting in my condo thinking about s*** is killing me. Ha!!

[Azincourt]

2 minutes ago, mtnbiker3000 said:

Your totally right. Yes she is awesome and we did have fun. A lot of fun! I guess I'll just suck it up and text her and ask her when I can see here again?

That's my man! Grab your phone and text her asking when you can see her again.

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That is what I'm afraid of. But also just sitting in my condo thinking about s*** is killing me. Ha!!

Fear is the mind-killer. Let your fear walk past you, just take a deep breath and smile. You got a date to plan! But first you gotta talk to her. Grab the phone and say hello.

Edited March 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Azincourt said:

see, that's because it's ingrained in our society for women to be infantilized by men. Women are always made to feel inferior, like people being extra nice to them because they're afraid women are fragile little things and need to be treated with gloves on. Meanwhile, my 5'6'' 110lbs mother once broke the nose of a 6 feet tall 200lbs man who was sexually harassing her. 

 

Nothing of the sort.  It’s a turn of phrase from a fun old guy who likes to flirt with women who enjoyed it.  And he would bring them his home made cakes too.  

Lighten up.  

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, mtnbiker3000 said:

I made it pretty clear that I wanted to see her again, and she hasn't really responded so I think that is my answer.

I agree. As a woman, I can tell you that if a guy I wanted to see again made his interest in my clear - I would make sure he knew I was also interested. 

She sounds very lukewarm to me. 

[Blind-Sided]

11 hours ago, Azincourt said:

First of all, she's  not a young girl. She's a woman. What's up with guys and calling women ''young girls'' or ''girls''? I'm waiting for the day someone starts calling 60 year old women ''girls.''

....

If I'm 75.... then yes... 60 will be a "Girl".   LOL.  As an fyi... most women aren't offended by it.  I was in bed last night with my new GF, and called her "little girl".  She seemed to like it.

[elaine567]

5 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

  I was in bed last night with my new GF, and called her "little girl".  She seemed to like it.

Of course she did, you are her Daddy substitute...