Hopeful30 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 Is chemistry felt immediately? If not, how soon after dating are you certain it won't develop?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I recently dated a woman where we both really enjoyed one another each and every time we met. I feel the chemistry was immediate...but the more often we dated, I realized that there was not move on her part to progress the relationship beyond the teeny-bopper stage of goofiness and giggling and flirting... that is, for me, the chemistry began to lose its potency. Chemistry can be immediate, but sustaining that is what is key in my experience. 2
simpycurious Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I am not sure if "chemistry" is felt immediately. IMO attraction and/or interest in someone is much instantaneous. To me the chemistry element comes when you spend LENGTHS of time with someone.
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 10 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I recently dated a woman where we both really enjoyed one another each and every time we met. I feel the chemistry was immediate...but the more often we dated, I realized that there was not move on her part to progress the relationship beyond the teeny-bopper stage of goofiness and giggling and flirting... that is, for me, the chemistry began to lose its potency. Chemistry can be immediate, but sustaining that is what is key in my experience. Hmmm... perhaps this wasn't chemistry but excitement/lust?
preraph Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I think chemistry is kind of immediate at least as soon as you have a prolonged conversation or two. I don't think it's the same as lust. You can have chemistry with a friend were you just hit it off and never lack for anything to talk about it get excited about your friendship. I'd love to meet a new person like that just for a friend. It's been a long time. I've certainly had lust more than I've had chemistry with men. But one of my ideals is to have that kind of easy banter.
Malin889 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 Are you still with this person? How long have you been with them?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said: Hmmm... perhaps this wasn't chemistry but excitement/lust? Of course there was some of that. Lust or physical attraction is a necessary component of 'chemistry.' We had same interests, humor (lot of laughing), outdoor/athletic interests, intellectual, but it soon became clear to me that each meeting was on the same level as the previous...no growth. It could simply be that she didn't want to go further, but it became too much of a hangout session each time we met...friendship more than romantic though our kissing and more intimate touching suggested otherwise. Edited March 23, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
kendahke Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: Is chemistry felt immediately? If not, how soon after dating are you certain it won't develop? By at least the end of the first date, I know if there is no chemistry. For me, chemistry and excitement are the same thing and if I don't feel it, I'm not going to develop it in the next two weeks. Edited March 23, 2020 by kendahke 2
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 24, 2020 Author Posted March 24, 2020 15 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Of course there was some of that. Lust or physical attraction is a necessary component of 'chemistry.' We had same interests, humor (lot of laughing), outdoor/athletic interests, intellectual, but it soon became clear to me that each meeting was on the same level as the previous...no growth. It could simply be that she didn't want to go further, but it became too much of a hangout session each time we met...friendship more than romantic though our kissing and more intimate touching suggested otherwise. Perhaps the kissing and touching was how she determined if she was genuinely attracted to you. In my experience, when it came to sexual attraction, I only learned this after kissing. I've been pleasantly surprised and sadly disappointed. A kiss reveals a lot about sexual attraction (at least for me). Perhaps you had chemistry/compatibility but she wasn't into you sexually?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: Perhaps the kissing and touching was how she determined if she was genuinely attracted to you. In my experience, when it came to sexual attraction, I only learned this after kissing. I've been pleasantly surprised and sadly disappointed. A kiss reveals a lot about sexual attraction (at least for me). Perhaps you had chemistry/compatibility but she wasn't into you sexually? I don't think so. We had multiple dates, close to ten, and each involved a lot of kissing, touching...I don't know for sure, but it just felt like we or she was satisfied with the status quo. I received additional messages from her after we decided to move on. It could very well be that she wasn't quite comfortable yet for a more serious relationship. Too bad. I liked her. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 24, 2020 Author Posted March 24, 2020 4 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I don't think so. We had multiple dates, close to ten, and each involved a lot of kissing, touching...I don't know for sure, but it just felt like we or she was satisfied with the status quo. I received additional messages from her after we decided to move on. It could very well be that she wasn't quite comfortable yet for a more serious relationship. Too bad. I liked her. As in, the sex didn't happen soon enough?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: As in, the sex didn't happen soon enough? We had actually planned and talked about the event, so nothing that would have been surprising or not discussed. It just seemed like I was dating someone who didn't quite know how to progress. Immature. Water under the bridge. I met one other person like this before, but had sex early. So, not too sure.
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 24, 2020 Author Posted March 24, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: We had actually planned and talked about the event, so nothing that would have been surprising or not discussed. It just seemed like I was dating someone who didn't quite know how to progress. Immature. Water under the bridge. I met one other person like this before, but had sex early. So, not too sure. Inexperience is different than immaturity. I agree, though, that if it doesn't develop naturally, there's nothing we can do. That's why I was curious if chemistry is immediate or develops naturally. According to posters, it's usually felt quite early on. I shall include this in my screening process Edited March 24, 2020 by Hopeful30
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 10 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: Inexperience is different than immaturity. I agree, though, that if it doesn't develop naturally, there's nothing we can do. That's why I was curious if chemistry is immediate or develops naturally. According to posters, it's usually felt quite early on. I shall include this in my screening process Yup. Could have been inexperience.
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