Azincourt Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 Way more people than just some, and I have enough self-awareness to know I'm one of them.
stillafool Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 14 hours ago, h0000 said: Frankly, if you ask me, I think he is very lucky to have me as GF. I think you are lucky to have him as a boyfriend also. 1
stillafool Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 6 minutes ago, Azincourt said: Many women look at a college graduate guy like he's Cristiano Ronaldo and gonna make $600 millions before he's 40 He's a unicorn. There aren't many of these guys and they want top tier women. So I wouldn't advise women to hold out for someone like him.
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 17 hours ago, h0000 said: I had a talk with him and am surprised to see how he sees things differently than me. he sees it as we are both renting this place now and I should pay my rent. Essentially I’m paying to the landlord, not him. So if I don’t pay, he feels like being taken advantage of. he feels if I get into financial hardships like losing my job, it’ll be a different story. But now I am capable and independent, I should pay. if I can’t find tenants after a month, he says we could renegotiate then and probably just have me pay half rent. i never see it as “taking advantage “ but I suppose different people see things differently. So yes I will pay, I never wanted him to feel being treated wrongly. But I’m still trying to get my head around it. Honestly, I also saw it as you taking advantage. You wanted to change up the deal to keep the good part of the deal intact for yourself--at his expense. Now, to be honest as well, the fact that he saw it like this is something you should take into consideration with him as a partner. I had a feeling your gut was telling you something that he would be resisting your new plan; it says that you are on different pages and see things differently value-wise. I don't think it makes him a bad person that he is not ready to "share" these types of financial ups and downs with you--not any more so than it would make you a bad person for wanting to have your finances remain advantageous while his take a hit (even if he can afford it). It may be an impasse--time will tell. I think he said and did the right things with offering to talk about financing things differently if you get into a hardship. I think you absolutely did the right thing to talk to him to see what his stance was. I'm a little surprised that as a couple at this happy stage together that while not his obligation to that he did not make more of a compromise for a decision that you both took together, ie living together. IMO, being that this is his current stance, I think he should hold firm on the rent for now but of his own accord be generous with household things. That would be a nice way to show that he plays fair when it is his choice to do so and he can do so. You shouldn't ask or demand but see what he does. You are gathering valuable info. One of my friends is with a guy who makes a ton--he is cheap though, not generous financially, not so fair or overly so in the way that it becomes "unfair" to the health of the relationship. She does kind of brag about his success when to the rest of us, it just draws attention to the fact that he is not generous, either financially or of spirit so WTcares. I think if EITHER partner doesn't do the right thing in this case it shows an unhealthy balance that is likely to manifest itself more an more as time goes on. (which it definitely has with my friend). I also know people where the girl takes an attitude like "he can afford it" so they effectively take advantage; it's a slippery slope and distasteful to a lot of guys as you've just found out. You don't want to be that either. I think it takes time to build financial trust and you can't assume someone is on the same page as you. You also can't assume that the trust is earned due to surface steps such as moving in or the actual dollars and cents of what a person physically has, as it's a lot more. You can't force it. And while I don't think you were in the right with your assumptions, I would treat his response as somewhat of a yellow flag--maybe he needs time to see where things are going with you, maybe your actions make him weary or maybe he is inherently tight-fisted and closed off. I think you just have to keep asking yourself if the roles were reversed, ie you made more and he was moving into your place and his place failed to rent, how would you handled it? I think your hypothetical answer might be different than your answer if it was really happening. Also i think you want to be careful of not doing a princess thing, ie "i'm the girl so he should do this for me so he should do whatever I want or he doesn't love me and I'm out". All that said, all the good guys I know willing feel protective of the girls they plan to get serious with, including financially. They do it willingly and forcing it or demanding it is the wrong way to find out what is in his heart. Wait and observe. Good luck 1
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 16 hours ago, h0000 said: If I cant find one in 3 months, then yes I will move back home. Why? I get it that you don't want to take too much of a financial hit. But then you can't separate the fact that your financially gain was a significant part of your decision. If he takes a hard line stance where he is the only one benefiting financially from you paying into his rent that he used to pay fully, then why would you even want to be with him?
introverted1 Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 17 hours ago, h0000 said: Around “ we are renting this place together so should share rents together “ vs “ he rents this place and I’m moving in with him. Paying him rent is actually a bonus for him “ And you renting out your place and pocketing the money is actually a bonus for you. 16 hours ago, h0000 said: I'm happy to pay rent, just maybe after a month or two, when I find a tenant. Because circumstances has changed. I just thought the original agreement could change a bit too to make both of us happy. I never intend to live there rent free forever. If you live rent-free with your bf for now, would you be paying him back once you found a tenant for your place? Are you planning to split the income from renting your place with your bf? Frankly, I think the decision to live together should be made based on the status of the relationship, not how one or both parties will gain financially. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with pursuing a living situation that enhances one's finances. That's a smart thing to do. But what isn't smart, imo, is to have this weird hybrid where on the one hand your decisions are based on finances but, on the other, you want your bf's decisions to be based on his feelings for you. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 Hate to say it but there are two separate issues here. And trying to commingle them is a mess. Theres the proper answer if you two were platonic roommates. You should pay your share if you live together and keep whatever you rent your unit for. Now there's the "I am with someone I love and see a future with". In that scenario you may want him to be more of a provider. I don't know. That's a very personal decision. Im not overwhelmingly impressed with his answer to you and I think your responses in here don't come off great either. So what do you want from a partner you live with in terms of supporting you? 1
Author h0000 Posted March 25, 2020 Author Posted March 25, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Why? I get it that you don't want to take too much of a financial hit. But then you can't separate the fact that your financially gain was a significant part of your decision. If he takes a hard line stance where he is the only one benefiting financially from you paying into his rent that he used to pay fully, then why would you even want to be with him? We originally planned to rent a new place together and in that case, I would pay rent, regardless of my other income. That was the agreement too. But plan changed and when his lease was up we decided I moved in to his. So he notified the agent about it. Not that it matters legally but he thinks we are both renting this place now so the agreement stays the same: I pay my rent regardless of my other income. He says he will pay my rent if I lose my job, to help me out. But since I’m still earning salary he doesn’t understand why I would not pay rent. But I see it differently as I’m moving in with him and it should benefit both of us . Not just him. anyway looks like we just have two different views on things but my friends can see his side too. I’m not sure this is a deal breaker that I shouldn’t wanna be with him anymore. Edited March 25, 2020 by h0000
Author h0000 Posted March 25, 2020 Author Posted March 25, 2020 (edited) Just to clarify I’m not on the lease cuz I choose not to. He asked me , but I can’t be bothered with paper work. I know he’s not gonna kick me out, even if I don’t pay rent lol I don’t think it matters but maybe , thats why me and my bf sees this thing differently. I dunno .... Edited March 25, 2020 by h0000
Author h0000 Posted March 26, 2020 Author Posted March 26, 2020 (edited) Excuse me? I didnt say I dont sign lease because I intend to not pay rent. Im actually saying that to defend HIM because someone here suggested that I put myself in a vulnerable position because he can kick me out whenever he wants. I'm defending him and saying that he wont. To those of you who look at us with pathetically sick intention, truth is I just cant be bothered with the paperwork. He wont kick me out even if i dont pay because he is not that kind of person. But I also wont "not pay" because Im also not that kind of person. If you want to go down that road and calculate every dime, I can tell you the rent I pay him is more than half of the rental income from my apartment. So you tell me if I share my income? And I also add that I share all living cost and utilities at his place, But I dont ask him to share any of my rental cost. And I dont ask him to share any on-going fees, rates and taxes related to my apartment. If you think I have an expensive vagina, good luck finding a millionaire GF who wont care how much money she spends on you then lol I suppose no matter what I say, people are going to either hate him or hate me. LOL. I cant be bothered explaining myself anymore. Whatever you think. Edited March 26, 2020 by h0000
SweetCharity Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 For the love of Gosh, just move back into your place. 2
simpycurious Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 4 hours ago, SweetCharity said: For the love of Gosh, just move back into your place. I agree with Sweet Charity. Just have your own arrangement and stop fussing about who pays what. I can't believe a BF would want or accept $ in the first place.
Azincourt Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, simpycurious said: I agree with Sweet Charity. Just have your own arrangement and stop fussing about who pays what. I can't believe a BF would want or accept $ in the first place. I would. I don't need help to pay the mortgage or to buy groceries, but I would still request of any live-in girlfriend to pull her weight. Only people who'd get to live rent-free in my home would be a biological son/daughter, and even then as soon as were to become young teens, I would have them pay by doing chores, fixing the oven, carrying groceries to the grandparents, walking, feed, and taking care of the dog etc etc. Edited March 26, 2020 by Azincourt 1
stillafool Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 12 hours ago, h0000 said: truth is I just cant be bothered with the paperwork. This pretty much says it all. 2
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 Strictly from a business standpoint, owning a single apartment is a money pit... You need at least 11 units in order to create a positive cash flow and this takes into account transitions between renters and staff. You should either invest in more units, live in the one you own or sell it, attempting to rent out a single apartment is just a waste of time/money, in the future dont rent to own, simply buy the 11 unit minimum or dont. 2
SweetCharity Posted March 26, 2020 Posted March 26, 2020 10 hours ago, stillafool said: This pretty much says it all. I agree.
Noproblem Posted March 27, 2020 Posted March 27, 2020 (edited) I think you should continue paying your part and if he never asked you to stop paying after a month or two, even though he knows you can't afford it because your appartment didn't get rented Then, that is a perfect sign that you are with the wrong person and that would be your quo to leave. Same applies to him, if you didn't pay your share or attempted to pay for at least one more month, you'd prove that you are not reliable and you don't keep your part of the deal. So, he can see you for what you really are. Moral of the story, you should pay your part until he tells you to stop paying, if he didn't then he is insensitive and uncaring and a not supportive boyfriend! Edited March 27, 2020 by Noproblem
somywatchends Posted March 27, 2020 Posted March 27, 2020 I would not expect my girlfriend to pay rent in this situation and figure things would even out later. A good relationship is all about give and take. Hell I'd just be happy to have my girlfriend with me in a time like this.
dangerous Posted March 29, 2020 Posted March 29, 2020 On 3/23/2020 at 10:49 AM, h0000 said: Well...yeah kinda...Not just not making profit, I’m taking up a cost. i just moved in a week ago..moving is exhausting not to mention the money I spent to get my place ready for rent. it’s crazy to move back after just a week and pay the money again to rent my place again. If moving back and paying rent were my only two options I’d pay rent. Sorry, you sound selfish. You are making good money, you have savings, you said you'd pay, AND you have your own place to go back to. If I was your BF I'd be really fed up with your complaining. If you were hard up, then I'd help you and relax the agreement. But then again, if he is earning well, he doesn't need the rent so the fact that you now have a flat without a tenant, perhaps he should look at easing your financial agreement. So therefore you are both hard-nosed: either you are well suited because you have similar standpoints, or you are incompatible because one of you needs to accept the other is selfish ie. co-dependency. 2
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Posted March 29, 2020 I don't think she ought to pay until she has income from her place. That doesn't seem at all fair. At this point, maybe she ought to just move back to her place. His request isn't fair.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/25/2020 at 3:36 PM, h0000 said: Just to clarify I’m not on the lease cuz I choose not to. He asked me , but I can’t be bothered with paper work. I know he’s not gonna kick me out, even if I don’t pay rent lol I don’t think it matters but maybe , thats why me and my bf sees this thing differently. I dunno .... This was a mistake on your part unless you wanted a way out in the event things didn't work out. Legally, the apartment IS his. You are the guest and he has the right to kick YOU out if things don't work out. So, you can move back to your apartment, of find someplace else if your apartment is being rented out. You laugh, but there will be resentment. You don't pay and he will let you know his dissatisfaction either passive aggressively or some other ways. You say you don't think it matters, but it clearly does to you for certain, and from the sounds of it, for your bf to some extent. 1
Versacehottie Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 13 hours ago, S2B said: She made an agreement and should keep her word until she changes that agreement by discussing changes with him. I absolutely lean toward this. It's a character thing as much as a money thing. It's a financial compatibility thing as well as a dollars and cents thing. They kinda both are failing this test if you ask me. Sorry 3
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