Should I pay rent to my BF?

[Versacehottie]

On 3/23/2020 at 6:08 AM, clia said:

Take the total amount of his rent + your rent, split it in half, and you each contribute half.  

We aren't in a normal world situation right now.  He should be sympathetic to the fact that you might not be able to find a tenant quickly, and I don't think it's fair that you should have to solely bear the burden of paying double rent due to these circumstances that are beyond your control.  If he doesn't understand this, then that should tell you something...  

I agree that this is something that could be proposed to him.  I don't think he HAS to do it or he's a bad person if he doesn't or the OP should demand it.  I think since it's a completely reasonably solution, how he responds to this will tell you a lot OP that frankly you should want to know about him before you get more serious with him.  After all, he also wanted you to move in with him.  I think the deal financially should be the same for him because it's a deal but how he is willing to work with you when circumstances change is important to know from a couples standpoint.  Basically while it's not his obligation to deal with your cashflow problems, I don't know if I would want to move in with someone who didn't play fair--that goes for both of you  

[stillafool]

16 hours ago, h0000 said:

If this is a test, did he fail by not offering to cover my rent 

No because you are a grown, healthy woman.

[stillafool]

Maybe OP could get a second job to pay her share of the rent until she finds a Tenant.

[Malin889]

Simple thing: I would tell him you are not moving in until you find a tenant. 

[OatsAndHall]

If you were hurting for money, I would say that he should cut you some slack. But, you're in a financially stable place right now so I would ask that you pay rent as well. If your financial situation changes drastically, then I would back off completely. But, you're essentially asking him to let you live rent free so that you can save money in case of things go south.  I wouldn't be alright with that as I have bills to pay as well.

Edited March 24, 2020 by OatsAndHall

[h0000]

I had a talk with him and am surprised to see how he sees things differently than me.

he sees it as we are both renting this place now and I should pay my rent. Essentially I’m paying to the landlord, not him. So if I don’t pay, he feels like being taken advantage of.

he feels if I get into financial hardships like losing my job, it’ll be a different story. But now I am capable and independent, I should pay. 
 

if I can’t find tenants after a month, he says we could renegotiate then and probably just have me pay half rent.

i never see it as “taking advantage “ but I suppose different people see things differently. So yes I will pay, I never wanted him to feel being treated wrongly. But I’m still trying to get my head around it. 

[stillafool]

15 minutes ago, h0000 said:

But I’m still trying to get my head around it. 

Around what?  That you have to pay your way in life?

[h0000]

Around “ we are renting this place together so should share rents together “ vs “ he rents this place and I’m moving in with him. Paying him rent is actually a bonus for him “

[Ruby Slippers]

21 minutes ago, h0000 said:

Around “ we are renting this place together so should share rents together “ vs “ he rents this place and I’m moving in with him. Paying him rent is actually a bonus for him “

I don't understand why you expect your boyfriend to pay your bills. You're able-bodied and can work and pay your own bills. My boyfriend makes 4 times as much as I do and I don't expect him to pay any of my bills. (For any of my buds on here, we got back together. I figured it was wise to stick together during this strange time and we'll see how it goes.)

Now, if you get married, all finances should be merged. But until then, legally and financially you are roommates. This is one reason I would never completely move in with someone before being married - spend lots of time together, sure, but we maintain our own independent domiciles and cover our own financial obligations independently until married.

Edited March 24, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[h0000]

Like I said, I dont see it as "he pays my bills". Because I dont bring it extra rent. He isnt paying more rent because of me. I see it as "he pays the same bill. But I could make the bill less for him". 

If I had him move in with me, I would not charge him rent at all. Because Im not paying rent so it will be wrong to make money out of him.

Now I'm moving in with him, he has been paying the same rent himself all these years and I dont see the urge to have me pay half right away.

Im not saying I shouldnt pay forever, Im saying maybe i can wait a bit and just pay when i find a tenant.

But apparently he sees it differently. I suppose there is no right or wrong here.

 

Edited March 24, 2020 by h0000

[basil67]

 

Why can't you rent your place?  Are you living in an area where there's an over supply of housing or are you asking too much?  

Edited March 24, 2020 by basil67

[stillafool]

52 minutes ago, h0000 said:

Around “ we are renting this place together so should share rents together “ vs “ he rents this place and I’m moving in with him. Paying him rent is actually a bonus for him “

You can always decide to go back to your place and then you both will be on an even keel.

[h0000]

32 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Seems more like you want a free ride.  

 

If I wanted a free ride, I would not have moved in with him. There was a post here suggesting we split all our costs together, my rent, his rent etc etc. Well guess what, I paid my whole bloody place off and am still paying on-going bills for state taxes and various government charges, but I dont ask him to share a dime. Frankly, if you ask me, I think he is very lucky to have me as GF. 

I'm happy to pay rent, just maybe after a month or two, when I find a tenant. Because circumstances has changed. I just thought the original agreement could change a bit too to make both of us happy. I never intend to live there rent free forever.  

But he doesn't see it that way. So yes, I will pay, because it's what he feels right and I respect that. But to say I want a free ride, is plain laughable.

As for your last question, it's because the virus has hit the economy hard so it may take a lot longer to find tenants. I never said I cant find one. It will take longer, but it;s all too unpredictable. If I cant find one in 3 months, then yes I will move back home.

Edited March 24, 2020 by h0000

[basil67]

36 minutes ago, h0000 said:

If I wanted a free ride, I would not have moved in with him. 

Thing is, this is at odds with your comment of "paying him rent is actually a bonus to him" 

[Azincourt]

On 3/23/2020 at 3:51 AM, h0000 said:

I have an apartment and BF rents a place to himself. Lately we decided that I rent out my apt, move in with him, and pay him my share of rent. 

Now I have moved in but with the current coronavirus issue I'm having trouble finding tenants. So I wont be having rental income, but I have to pay BF rent.

Here is the question, should I continue paying him rent? Or should he cover my share because he makes enough money and he doesnt need my rent?

You can't move back to your own apartment?

is it a total lockdown like they're putting down in India, people won't be able to leave the house at all?

Go back to your home if you can, stay with your boyfriend for the time being. Make sure you scribble down the money you owe him if you aren't paying him, then when the corona virus gets dealt with, and you have a new source of income  - pay your boyfriend the money you owe him with interest.

It's not really about making enough money and not needing your money, it's about not feeling like he's being taken advantage of.

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If I wanted a free ride, I would not have moved in with him. There was a post here suggesting we split all our costs together, my rent, his rent etc etc. Well guess what, I paid my whole bloody place off and am still paying on-going bills for state taxes and various government charges, but I dont ask him to share a dime. Frankly, if you ask me, I think he is very lucky to have me as GF. 

You've already paid off your apartment? Doesn't that mean you make good money?  You never saved up money for a rainy day? Like, if you aren't paying a mortagage you are bound to make a lot of money. That's one of the ways my parents have had to save quite a very large amount of liquid cash. Why don't you use that money to pay rent?

And why did you move in with him? Wouldn't it have been smarter to have him move with you and have him pay rent?

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Now, if you get married, all finances should be merged. But until then, legally and financially you are roommates. This is one reason I would never completely move in with someone before being married - spend lots of time together, sure, but we maintain our own independent domiciles and cover our own financial obligations independently until married.

Even when married or in a common-law marriage, people shouldn't merge their finances or their assets or anything of value. Let people own what they own from before the marriage, and if someone is married to someone who makes much more, an iron-clad prenup should be devised by highly skilled lawyers so that the high-earner doesn't end up having it's feathers plucked when/if a divorce occurs.

Edited March 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, h0000 said:

If I had him move in with me, I would not charge him rent at all. Because Im not paying rent so it will be wrong to make money out of him.

You said on the first page that if he were living with you, you would expect him to contribute - perfectly reasonable. Even though you don't pay rent at your house, you pay property tax, home owner's insurance, utilities, maintenance, etc. It's only fair that anyone sharing your home would contribute financially to all those expenses.

My boyfriend has a house out of state and an apartment in the city where we live, as he moved here only for work. He has suggested we might live together, and in the various arrangements we discussed, he said that if he lived with me in my house until we go in together on a house closer to where we both work, he would contribute to the mortgage and bills.

I insist we maintain independent domiciles unless we get married, at which time we can merge to one, but his suggestion for how to handle finances if cohabiting as a non-married couple is fair and reasonable. Unless you're married, 50/50 for basic housing expenses is fair.

[Azincourt]

Even if they end up married, it's only fair if it's 50/50 regardless of how much money he makes or how much money she makes. Always 50/50 in everything. If he or she can't afford to keep up, then find someone else who can.

[Ruby Slippers]

^ In most cases in the modern world, the law disagrees with your opinion, and all earnings and debts accrued during marriage are owned 50/50. Prenuptial agreements are rare among anyone with assets of less than a few million, which is the vast majority of people.

[Azincourt]

2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

^ In most cases in the modern world, the law disagrees with your opinion, and all earnings and debts accrued during marriage are owned 50/50. Prenuptial agreements are rare among anyone with assets of less than a few million, which is the vast majority of people.

Yes, because marriage is an institution which purpose is to ruin people's lives, and considering how high the divorce rates are(about 54% in the states, much higher in several Countries outside of the North American continent) most people eventually come to agree with that sentiment.

There is no need for marriage in this day and age. Even if they want children, yes. 

I suppose middle-class men have nothing to worry about, considering the only thing they possess is college debt, credit card debt, healthcare debt, and they lack their own house, but people who are part of the upper middle-class and above should seriously not consider getting the govt. involved in the relationship by getting married or by co-habitating for a fair amount of time, making it a common-law marriage.

Imagine someone's parents working hard an entire life to amass land and property, wealth and financial freedom, only for the guy to get married and then lose half of it or even more, because some outdated law from hundreds of years ago feels that she's entitled to your money because she cooked you lunch once.

Nah, nah.   I still love weddings, tho!

[Ruby Slippers]

Your views are on the fringe. Also, if you look closer at data for people who divorce, you find they have certain risk factors in common. For example, lower education levels are associated with higher divorce rates. Having kids before being married then marrying later is associated with higher divorce rate. And a whole host of other behaviors that society in general discourages are associated with higher divorce rates. 

[Azincourt]

Not really on the fringe, it's that many people are loathe to badmouth marriage because it's considered a vital part in a person's life's screenplay.

Be born, grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. When someone deviates from that, people become suspsicious and wonder what's wrong. Since the only people whose opinion about me I care about are 21 and work for victoria's secret, most of the time I am quite honest about the whole marriage business, which is a business after all. With the divorce industry bringing in billions per year.

Yes, college graduates seem to have more lasting marriages. Because most of the people who go to college are women, making a male college-graduate more valuable, especially when you graduate from a top 15 worldwide college and you graduate without debt with 2 degrees that are actual useful and profitable. That sure as heck makes you an eligible bachelor, and in turn the women you marry are far more interested in staying married to you than say, if you were a bricklayer instead, but those women are gold-diggers as they wouldn't be interested in you if you weren't highly educated, and they're selfish because they don't want to let you have an open marriage(goes both ways).

Still, the divorce rate in say Luxemburg and Denmark is at 66% and 56%, and most of the citizens are probably college graduates. Not to mention all of the religious people who are unhappy with each other but aren't allowed to divorce, in the western nations.

Saudi Arabia has a 0% divorce rate for the most part. Ya figure the women are happy with their husbands?

 

Edited March 25, 2020 by Azincourt

[clia]

Wait a minute, you aren't even paying rent/mortgage at your place?  That changes my opinion.  Yes, you should be paying your share of the rent to him.  I can't imagine for the life of me why you would move out of a place that is paid off and into a place where you have to pay rent.  If you don't want to pay rent, move back into your paid off apartment.    

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Azincourt said:

and in turn the women you marry are far more interested in staying married to you than say, if you were a bricklayer instead,

Not if you luck up and marry a brick contractor, they make tons of money.  Even brick layers make good money.  They are in high demand.

[Azincourt]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Not if you luck up and marry a brick contractor, they make tons of money.  Even brick layers make good money.  They are in high demand.

yes, but most women don't know that. There are tons of men who work in the trades making close to 100k a year or more than that after taxes, but there's something charming about replying with, ''my husband is a doctor,'' when someone asks her what her husband does for a living, no?

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Women are struggling to find men who make as much money as they do

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The country is facing a crisis of broke dudes, according to new research from Cornell University — and it’s left successful ladies single and disgruntled.

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In the study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, Cornell sociologists explored America’s declining marriage rate. They discovered a lack of financially eligible bachelors.

 

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“There are shortages of economically attractive men,” lead study author Daniel T. Lichter tells The Post. Although we like to think marriage is based on love, he says, it “also is fundamentally an economic transaction,” and women want partners whom they can call their equals.

Many women look at a college graduate guy like he's Cristiano Ronaldo and gonna make $600 millions before he's 40

Edited March 25, 2020 by Azincourt

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

yes, but most women don't know that. There are tons of men who work in the trades making close to 100k a year or more than that after taxes, but there's something charming about replying with, ''my husband is a doctor,'' when someone asks her what her husband does for a living, no?

 

Yes some people are very shallow.  I'd rather have someone who owns their own company.

Edited March 25, 2020 by stillafool