Happy Lemming Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 My girlfriend's lease is up this fall and she'll be moving in with me, as she just can't afford another rental increase. I'm paying some of her bills this year, so she could afford the last year's rental increase. I don't need the money, so she'll be signing a $1/month lease, so we are both protected by the tenant/landlord laws that govern our state. She desperately needs a new car or a better used one. So, she is going to save every dime she can (once she moves in) to get another vehicle. We are hoping I can keep her old Dodge alive long enough for her to get a new "economy" car. My opinion is... if he doesn't need the money, he should understand the situation and charge "no rent" until your place is re-rented. This virus is unprecedented and we are all in this together. We need to help each other out to get through this pandemic. If I were you, I'd save as much as physically possible, you don't know what the future holds and you may need that money. As a boyfriend, he owes you nothing and can ask you to leave at any point, at which time you may need money to relocate, especially if your place rents out. 2 1
Starswillshine Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 If I were in your BF's situation, I would be understanding that you no longer have a tenant, and I would not expect you to pay your share of the rent until you do. I would have already been paying the rent alone anyway. Especially if you still have to make payments on your place. Income for each is irrelevant, imo 1
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 Stay and make a compromise, like: he goes back to paying full rent but you cover the food, do most of the chores, do the cooking, until you do find a renter which would probably take a month or two anyways. This is only short term. I'm one of those that gets irked when I hear , "well he makes more than I do" ...so what. You need to be able to pay half IMO. I don't think it's fair to expect your partner to "pay more" because they make more. If the roles were changed everyone would be calling him a scrub and he needs to pull his own weight financially. 4
introverted1 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I'd say there is already something wrong with your relationship with your BF if you aren't able to have this conversation with him. Presumably, he knows that he makes more than you do and than your tenant fell through. What does he say about what you should next? 4 1
FMW Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I agree with those who say it doesn't matter who makes more money, everyone should be responsible for their half of the financial burden. The exception would be if one person offers of their own volition to cover the expenses for the other because of specific circumstances (like Happy Lemming's situation with his girlfriend). But I do believe that depending on the circumstances, OP's boyfriend should make certain allowances if he wants for them to live together in his apartment. There will be certain expenses that the OP will still be paying at her own apartment (utilities, taxes, etc) even if she owns it free and clear. Plus, if she did own her place outright, then she's going to go from having zero mortgage/rent payments to having to paying half of his rent PLUS additional utility expenses. So he gets a big break on expenses while she's out more money. When she is able to find a renter and has that income then she should of course pay her half. But in the meantime, since moving in with him is something that benefits them both (seeing if they are compatible cohabiting), she shouldn't have to be the one to fare worse financially with the arrangement. They need to crunch the numbers and determine an equitable division of the burden.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 If I were in your situation, I would pay half the rent as agreed. The only other alternative I see is to move back to your place. He's already offered to ease up on that if you lose your job or your situation worsens. It's very likely that as the higher earner, he's already been covering a greater share of your shared expenses. If you don't pay rent as agreed, it's likely to set up an odd parent-child dynamic and could kill the attraction.
preraph Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 I don't think you should have to pay rent until you find a tenant. But I'm not him. I would say if he feels differently, move back home. 2
Beendaredonedat Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 12 hours ago, h0000 said: I have an apartment and BF rents a place to himself. Lately we decided that I rent out my apt, move in with him, and pay him my share of rent. Now I have moved in but with the current coronavirus issue I'm having trouble finding tenants. So I wont be having rental income, but I have to pay BF rent. Here is the question, should I continue paying him rent? Or should he cover my share because he makes enough money and he doesnt need my rent? Why would you leave yourself so vulnerable? I don't know what the common law rules are where you live but if you are paying him rent and you're not on the lease then he can "evict" you with the proper notice. If you rent out your place, you will have to give your tenants notice and good luck getting them out (possibly). I suggest you stay in your own place until his lease is due and then you have him put your name on the new lease so that you covered. If you're going to pay half then you should be on the lease. 1
Tribble Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 This situation did come up when my bf and I moved in together, although we both own our houses. We split everything fairly down the middle: tax, mortgage, utilities, internet etc. When we first moved in together, he moved in with me and rented his house but he moved in with me before the tenants did. So he was paying his mortgage and I was paying all of mine. Once they moved in, we split mine. We have always had the agreement that if the house we are not living in is not covering the mortgage that we would split the expenses. That's what it takes for us to live together. Neither of us could afford the mortgage on the house we own plus half of the mortgage on the house we share while the other person is only paying half a mortgage. And it goes both ways. We recently moved in to his house and I didn't pay a share of the mortgage until I had a tenant a couple of months later. The thing that bothers me about this is the fact that you would expect him to pay you if the roles were reversed. It doesn't matter who earns more. Why should anyone pay more when living together than you would need to apart. 2
Author h0000 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 If this is a test, did he fail by not offering to cover my rent
basil67 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 7 hours ago, FMW said: I agree with those who say it doesn't matter who makes more money, everyone should be responsible for their half of the financial burden. The exception would be if one person offers of their own volition to cover the expenses for the other because of specific circumstances (like Happy Lemming's situation with his girlfriend). To me, it's a no brainer that we financially support our partners in times of need. My partner has supported me and I have supported him. When I was working, I didn't make nearly as much as him, but we did what we could on my wage. 1
basil67 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 18 minutes ago, h0000 said: If this is a test, did he fail by not offering to cover my rent No. Because you'd apply the same rule to him. It's apparent that you have the same morals and ethics, so I'd call it a win. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 42 minutes ago, h0000 said: If this is a test, did he fail by not offering to cover my rent I get the impression you expect your boyfriend to take care of your financial obligations, even though they're your obligations, not his. Since he hasn't offered, he's clearly not that guy. 1
Author h0000 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 If it was my obligation, I wouldn’t expect anyone to take care of it for me. If I expected him to pay , I would not have offered half rent in the first place . The question is , I don’t know if it is my obligation .
salparadise Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, stillafool said: I just don't consider it fair to expect another person you aren't married to to pay your share of rent even if they have more money than you. I think you would resent it if your bf expected the same from you. Exactly. This rationalization only works because she is female. Flip it around and she'd appalled if he expected her to absorb his cashflow irregularities. It's not his problem, plus she stands to benefit when the apartment is rented. Does she intend to share that extra income with him when it is rented? Of course not! Edited March 23, 2020 by salparadise 4
basil67 Posted March 23, 2020 Posted March 23, 2020 19 minutes ago, salparadise said: Does she intend to share that extra income with him when it is rented? Of course not! Actually the whole point of the arrangement was that she would share that extra income with him - in the form of the rent she'd be paying him.
Author h0000 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 20 minutes ago, salparadise said: Flip it around and she'd appalled if he expected her to absorb his cashflow irregularities. Im not sure he is absorbing my cashflow irregularities. His rent doesnt increase, it's not like he needs to pay more. He is not absorbing anything. He is just not making money.
Author h0000 Posted March 23, 2020 Author Posted March 23, 2020 I'm not ready to talk about this issue with him yet cuz I havent figured out what's the right thing to do . Also I hate talking money with family/friends lol
salparadise Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 (edited) Never mind- not the hill I want to die on Edited March 24, 2020 by salparadise
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 12 hours ago, h0000 said: I'm not ready to talk about this issue with him yet cuz I havent figured out what's the right thing to do . Also I hate talking money with family/friends lol You are in for a whole crap load of pain in your relationship(s). Money is among the top 2-3 reasons why they fail. Just take the monthly loss of thousands. You have a job and not wanting for money, right? Done. No talk. No further action required. 1
Versacehottie Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 wow, ok. I haven't read the responses yet (can't wait to)....all I can say is if you can't discuss this issue and come to a normal and fair resolution, you probably shouldn't be living together yet. I would address having better communication, ie not being afraid to talk to him about stuff or making assumptions etc. I kind of think you have an gut feeling that he will want you to pay which is why you are tiptoeing around it. I actually don't think he should be expected to front your half either just because he "makes more". The hard thing about it all is neither one of you is right or wrong about the money part; you've just come to a crucial path in the road about splitting finances and how you lean on each other sooner than it seems you are ready for. IMO, as you are making the decision to live with someone this is the type of stuff you should discuss BEFORE you move in. The coronavirus is just a catalyst. There are many things that could have prevented you from renting you place and therefore needing to deal with it with him, including the assumptions that each of you hold. I'm all for the bigger breadwinner pitching in what they can handle as it is definitely a sign that a person sees you as a solid part of his or her future. However, it can be a big decision for him and also potentially a burden realistically on both of you to the detriment of the relationship if you accept financial help and where he feels backed into a corner to do it. What I think you should do is offer to have it be a temporary thing and set a time frame and work really hard visibly to rent your place. Personally, I think you should frame it as a loan until your place is rented (because then you will have money coming in from that while he's covered you diminishing what he has). If he decides to waive the loan, that's on him and his decision. You should both try to proceed in the good faith in which you each took the decision to move in together. Look at the bright side: even if it has come up too soon, I think it's important to see how you deal with money & financial responsibility issues in order to know if you should plan a future with each other. So in that way it's a blessing to know now. Good luck 1
Versacehottie Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 On 3/22/2020 at 9:28 PM, h0000 said: It was an attempt to see if we are compatible living together. This will be a great test of that!!! Living together is not just how you occupy the same space. It's also how you deal with issues exactly like this.
Allupinnit Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 I'm with @clia - take everything and split it in half (your mortgage, his rent) - these are unprecedented times and if he loves you of course he'll want to adjust to the situation in a way that will help both of you. Make sure your name is on the lease - protect yourself in case you determine you're not compatible.
Versacehottie Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 On 3/23/2020 at 2:55 AM, h0000 said: Look, if situation reversed, I would be happy if he still pays. Because he makes lot more money than me. And he has more savings than me. He doesn’t need my money to help out his rent. I offered to pay because it’s fair and it wouldn’t cost me anything, had my original plan worked out. but my plan didn’t work out. I could be making money, but now Im paying money. Not that I can’t afford, it just wasn’t the plan I had. But it’s also not his fault. of course I will pay for my living cost and utilities. I’m just not sure how should I handle the rent situation I'll be honest: would you want your guy to read what you wrote above^^. I think that the fact that you would consider holding tightly onto a plan where you COULD be making money at his expense and against the original deal the two of you had based on your judgement that he makes a lot more than you etc. Yet you'd be effectively forcing him into a plan so you COULD keep making the money you planned. I don't know how to say it but it would make me feel used if I was him. It's the opposite of compromise. I think if you gave him a choice and he's a generous person, he may come to a solution where he does not make you pay rent and does not feel resentful about it. I definitely know people with lots of money that can afford lots of things but it doesn't mean they want to buy them or share willingly. I also think based on your thought process that this isn't the best test of his generous spirit--after all, you are not using a generous spirit with your thinking on this issue. 2
Versacehottie Posted March 24, 2020 Posted March 24, 2020 (edited) On 3/23/2020 at 3:49 AM, h0000 said: Well...yeah kinda...Not just not making profit, I’m taking up a cost. i just moved in a week ago..moving is exhausting not to mention the money I spent to get my place ready for rent. it’s crazy to move back after just a week and pay the money again to rent my place again. If moving back and paying rent were my only two options I’d pay rent. Maybe this thread is helping you through the flow chart of decision making. When you started the thread, you wanted to get everything as you wanted at no cost to you. You want to try out living with your bf, you want his place because it's bigger, you sought to earn a little extra money by subleasing your place, you don't want to be hassled by moving again (and don't seem to want to have an forthright conversation with him about it). With your back up against a wall, you would choose to pay rent on both places rather than move back. That's what you should do then Sometimes we don't get everything we want. I would have said why don't you just let your lease lapse or break it (if financially good to do relative to other costs), but at the moment I think you would be better off having another place you could retreat to if this relationship doesn't work out. I think you should pay your own way exactly as you planned. I think you should also talk to him just because it's the level you hope to get to with him eventually in terms of you guys making financial decisions more like a couple on the same page and he hasn't been given the opportunity to be involved. I think it's best to communicate with someone about your financial decisions so they know the decision making you need to make before you ask or pressure or they feel pressured to participate in them. Do you see the difference? Edited March 24, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
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