Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) He was a mess. Rightfully insecure. And honestly, it sounds like his I love you was disingenuous or in-congruent with how he really felt. Sounds like it was mostly insecurity talking. Regardless of the reasons for ending, you don't just ghost someone you claim to love and desperately sought reassurances for said 'love.' Edited May 5, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 5, 2020 Author Share Posted May 5, 2020 6 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Oh, ok. Hmmm, I got the impression from your original post that you were still together. Maybe you are just going through things in your head, wondering if you could have or should have done anything different? Don't. It's pretty messed up that he would disappear on you after dating 7 months. He's in a difficult situation with the kids thing because though she shouldn't have phrased it as a demand, I do think it's probably the right thing to do to minimize potential contact with the kids and his responsibilities as a dad come before everything else. I would say that the non-fight tiff you had probably played more into it than you realize. Also depends on how long he's been divorced from his wife. Could you have been a rebound and COVID is actually bringing them closer & potentially back together? Or just that he can't deal in general and it's now hitting him that perhaps he moved on too fast. I don't think it serves you though to keep thinking about it. You did your best & the ball is definitely in his court. I think if he was to try to pick things right back where they left off when this is over or even before, you should really figure out if getting back together would be the right thing. I'm not so sure it is. Good luck He had been divorced for about a year and a half. I don’t think I was a rebound since he had a girlfriend whom he dated for about 4-5 months prior to me. I would not get back together with him. I am still a bit heart broken and question the validity of the relationship and whether or not he actually loved or cared about me. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 I get it. It's hard not to think about a relationship, especially if you were just disappeared on without an explanation. I think when he was in it, he probably did or thought he did. I'd be surprised if you didn't hear from him at some point in the future. While 1.5 years seems like long enough for some people and considering he had someone else in between, sure it can be more likely than not that he was actually not rebounding with you. That said, 1.5 years after a marriage in which there are kids, of which he's had a gf (either you or the other gf) for about 1 year of it, to me, still sounds fast and like he wasn't really processing things. The girlfriends have been a distraction to KEEP from processing things. Also as a neutral observer, sounds like he may jump really fast into relationships in general which may be why he needs the reassurance of those ILY words--this speaks more to the way he is rather than anything to do with you. I hope that you find a way to move on & not think about him too much and if he comes back that you are really discriminating about whatever he presents to you. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Share Posted May 6, 2020 Weird thing happened last night, I got another friend request from him on facebook (we are already friends on facebook, but I unfollowed him), seems as though he created another account with no picture and no other info really. Also the name on this account is his birth name which he doesn't really use, so strange. I didn't accept the request. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 Can't you block him? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) On 5/5/2020 at 10:50 AM, Versacehottie said: potentially back together? That was the read I get from it, it was awful controlling of her to make him stop seeing people.. who does that? Maybe if it was NEW people but people who he already had a relationship with are part of his inner-circle and should have been good to be around. I suspect he is back with her and he threw her under the bus..will it last.. who knows but really you shouldn't care.. he treated you subpar. Good luck Edited May 6, 2020 by Art_Critic Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Share Posted May 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Can't you block him? I didn’t want to block him because I felt like that was petty, but I did unfollow him so that I wouldn’t see his posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Uptown182 said: Weird thing happened last night, I got another friend request from him on facebook (we are already friends on facebook, but I unfollowed him), seems as though he created another account with no picture and no other info really. Also the name on this account is his birth name which he doesn't really use, so strange. I didn't accept the request. Might have been the ex-wife, too, spying on you. You should block whoever it is. They're just trying to spy on you. Petty, I don't think so. He walked away. Edited May 6, 2020 by preraph 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Share Posted May 6, 2020 31 minutes ago, preraph said: Might have been the ex-wife, too, spying on you. You should block whoever it is. They're just trying to spy on you. Petty, I don't think so. He walked away. The page is gone now. Might’ve been a scammer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 7 hours ago, Uptown182 said: The page is gone now. Might’ve been a scammer I think not--TOO coincidental. I hate to say it but this is pretty common spying type stuff jealous women do on social media. Typically it means he's messing around with someone who is not convinced that he's done with you or is jealous of you. So I'd guess it was a new person he is seeing or the ex-wife. A good friend of mine has had a girl do this to her for over 4 years; the crazy girl has made over 40 accounts in an attempt to follow her. She's followed her friends (or attempted to) in order to see what my friend is doing. I'd guess he's falls into new things really quickly so it could be a new thing but because of COVID, I'd guess it's the ex. Bet there is renewed hope or something like that, either formally or very vague, and she doesn't have enough information about where he stands with her so she is snooping. Sorry this is happening to you. I think the best part is that you plan to stay broken up with him. So this hopefully is a minor annoyance. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 6 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I think not--TOO coincidental. I hate to say it but this is pretty common spying type stuff jealous women do on social media. Typically it means he's messing around with someone who is not convinced that he's done with you or is jealous of you. So I'd guess it was a new person he is seeing or the ex-wife. A good friend of mine has had a girl do this to her for over 4 years; the crazy girl has made over 40 accounts in an attempt to follow her. She's followed her friends (or attempted to) in order to see what my friend is doing. I'd guess he's falls into new things really quickly so it could be a new thing but because of COVID, I'd guess it's the ex. Bet there is renewed hope or something like that, either formally or very vague, and she doesn't have enough information about where he stands with her so she is snooping. Sorry this is happening to you. I think the best part is that you plan to stay broken up with him. So this hopefully is a minor annoyance. Hang in there. The thing is there were two male friends on this page who were also friends with him on his actual page, so I don’t know why the ex wife or any other women would friend them as well. The only reasons I question the scammer theory is because it’s too coincidental as you say, and his friends list is private so how would the scammer know to friend me? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Well, if I hadn't seen it all with my friends situation and just even other social media stuff....all i would say is that anything is possible. "She" might have done that to provide legitimacy to her little fake account; see how desperate you were to keep tabs on him or something like that. The fact that it was 2 guy friends of his also floats the theory that it's HIM checking up on you. Which I've absolutely seen that before too. Lol, that theory is gaining credence. The one thing that has no validity, to me, is that it was a random scammer. Nope, nah-uh. I'd say it's tied to him/your romantic situation with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Versacehottie said: Well, if I hadn't seen it all with my friends situation and just even other social media stuff....all i would say is that anything is possible. "She" might have done that to provide legitimacy to her little fake account; see how desperate you were to keep tabs on him or something like that. The fact that it was 2 guy friends of his also floats the theory that it's HIM checking up on you. Which I've absolutely seen that before too. Lol, that theory is gaining credence. The one thing that has no validity, to me, is that it was a random scammer. Nope, nah-uh. I'd say it's tied to him/your romantic situation with him. Him and I are already friends on Facebook, so I don’t see why he would have to create a fake account to check up on me. He can check up on me from his actual account lol, he wouldn’t see anything different from his fake account. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 like i said you can't imagine the games people play with fake accounts or maybe he doesn't want her to look at his history or whatever. Usually girls do the spying thing more often so it probably leans more to a girl then if you say so. The thing I'm sure of is that this is related to your relationship with him. 100% 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 So little update, yesterday i put up a few pics of me and my mom for mother's day on social media and he "liked" the post. I was surprised that this infuriated me and now I really think it's time to remove him from my social media, I was avoiding doing this because I didn't want to look bitter or petty. I know some of you have told me to block him, I wouldn't block but I would remove and unfriend him. If he went about the break up like a grown adult, the "like" wouldn't have bothered me so much, but given that he basically ghosted me, that "like" signified to me that he doesn't even feel ashamed about what he did. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 16 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: So little update, yesterday i put up a few pics of me and my mom for mother's day on social media and he "liked" the post. I was surprised that this infuriated me and now I really think it's time to remove him from my social media, I was avoiding doing this because I didn't want to look bitter or petty. I know some of you have told me to block him, I wouldn't block but I would remove and unfriend him. If he went about the break up like a grown adult, the "like" wouldn't have bothered me so much, but given that he basically ghosted me, that "like" signified to me that he doesn't even feel ashamed about what he did. What nerve he has to do that after ghosting you like he did! I'd be furious too. He has no right to see anything about your life right now. I would honestly just unfriend him immediately and make sure everything on your page is private. Then I would block his phone number in case he tries to reach out afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 5 minutes ago, hippychick3 said: What nerve he has to do that after ghosting you like he did! I'd be furious too. He has no right to see anything about your life right now. I would honestly just unfriend him immediately and make sure everything on your page is private. Then I would block his phone number in case he tries to reach out afterwards. Exactly! I’m not sure if it was a respect thing for my mom since he had met my mother a few times. But he couldn’t even show me enough respect to officially break up with me, so don’t think it’s that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) Update: He texted me in the early evening yesterday 3 months after his disappearing act, saying he just wanted me to know he was very sorry for the way he acted and that I’m one of the most amazing, honest and beautiful people he’s ever known. He then followed up with another text saying he’s not saying that to try to get back together with me, he just wants me to know that. Edited July 3, 2020 by Uptown182 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 On 5/11/2020 at 11:54 AM, hippychick3 said: What nerve he has to do that after ghosting you like he did! I'd be furious too. He has no right to see anything about your life right now. I would honestly just unfriend him immediately and make sure everything on your page is private. Then I would block his phone number in case he tries to reach out afterwards. On 5/11/2020 at 12:02 PM, Uptown182 said: Exactly! I’m not sure if it was a respect thing for my mom since he had met my mother a few times. But he couldn’t even show me enough respect to officially break up with me, so don’t think it’s that. I thought you were going to block him from contact. At least he finally ended it in a more respectful way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, stillafool said: I thought you were going to block him from contact. At least he finally ended it in a more respectful way. I Unfriended him on social media, I never blocked his number. I still don’t feel like he ended it in a respectful way, sending some low effort text like that 3 months later. I guess it’s better than nothing though. Edited July 3, 2020 by Uptown182 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Uptown182 said: He texted me in the early evening yesterday 3 months after his disappearing act, saying he just wanted me to know he was very sorry for the way he acted and that I’m one of the most amazing, honest and beautiful people he’s ever known. He then followed up with another text saying he’s not saying that to try to get back together with me, he just wants me to know that. How magnanimous of him. I would remind him that you already know you're a great person, and cut all contact. This isn't a guy you need in your life. Plenty of others would not disappear and then rock up out of the blue to sing your praises. They would not let someone they hold in such high regard slip away. People who blow hot and cold and hot like this man cannot be trusted with your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 3, 2020 Share Posted July 3, 2020 Don't let his too little too late text sway you about staying away from him. It was all about him, his guilt, his need for you to not think badly of him. I hope you didn't and don't respond to him. He lost his right to have access to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 3, 2020 Author Share Posted July 3, 2020 38 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: How magnanimous of him. I would remind him that you already know you're a great person, and cut all contact. This isn't a guy you need in your life. Plenty of others would not disappear and then rock up out of the blue to sing your praises. They would not let someone they hold in such high regard slip away. People who blow hot and cold and hot like this man cannot be trusted with your heart. Yup! My thoughts exactly. I will not respond to his text, giving him a taste of his own medicine! Its funny that I’m hearing from him now when things are starting to reopen here. I think a few people on here predicted this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 6, 2020 Share Posted July 6, 2020 On 7/3/2020 at 9:15 AM, Uptown182 said: Yup! My thoughts exactly. I will not respond to his text, giving him a taste of his own medicine! Its funny that I’m hearing from him now when things are starting to reopen here. I think a few people on here predicted this! This sounds to me like you're getting something out of playing this game along with him Link to post Share on other sites
Author Uptown182 Posted July 6, 2020 Author Share Posted July 6, 2020 2 hours ago, kendahke said: This sounds to me like you're getting something out of playing this game along with him How so? Because I’m not responding? Or because I’m getting a bit of satisfaction from not responding after what he put me through? Link to post Share on other sites
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