Negotaurus Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 Like the title says. I am putting myself through hell for someone who cheated on me throughout our entire relationship, who lied so much, who threw me under the bus. Who still lies and betrays months after I found out. I am borderline suicidal. I’m losing hope and I’m running on empty. I have no idea how to walk away. How does this end? When I’m hurt enough? When I allow myself to be completely beaten down? How can I make myself walk away, I feel like I’m trapped while I’m the one holding the key to my freedom. What is wrong with me.
stillafool Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 Giving up on a dream is heartbreaking when you know you have to let it go. Have you tried therapy? 1
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 Stop taking this so personally....you were dating a psychopath. They use people as objects, they basically have no empathy or respect....they act it out, and mirror responses in an effort to con, and get what they want. It's time to let it go and know this had nothing to do with you. Find things to do to distract you like take up running, hiking, or volunteering and make someones day. You just need to feel reward, so get out there and live life. Eventually all these negative thoughts will dissipate.
Hopeful30 Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 (edited) The questions you must ask yourself are: Why am I allowing my worthiness to be determined by relationship status/boyfriend response? Why don't I love myself enough to put myself first? What underlying beliefs do I hold about how relationships and their outcomes contribute to my identity? How has my upbringing contributed to these beliefs? Edited March 19, 2020 by Hopeful30 2
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 This will stop when you stop it. You have more power then you are giving yourself credit for. Now start exercising it. First if you already know this person is lying cheater who betrayed you & threw you under the bus, why on earth do you think that person is worth your LIFE? 'Cause if you commit suicide, they win. You are dead. You sacrificed yourself for nothing. This person is not worth that. So take killing yourself off the table. If you can do that alone call a Suicide hotline or a therapist. Normally I'd tell you to go to an ER but they are overwhelmed right now. Now take a deep breath & take some stock. Think about all of your good qualities. Make some future plans -- where do you want to go? how do you want to live your life? Then start writing down some action steps to achieve those goals. Meanwhile do these things: 1. grieve for the loss of what you (wrongly) thought was a good relationship 2. implement NC -- disconnect & block 3. box up all the mementos. If you can't throw them away put them in a box, tape it shut so it's a real p.i.t.a. to re open & put the box in the attic or the back of your deepest closet. All pictures should be deleted or stored to a thumb drive which also gets thrown in the box 4. keep busy 5. rearrange your living space so you don't see him in your space anymore. Make it different. 6. surround yourself with positive supportive people. 2
Calmandfocused Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 I’ve never been suicidal but I have been when you are currently op. Where the pain of trying to unhook yourself is more unbearable and torturous than the pain of staying in the relationship. Where you can see the relationship for exactly what it is but merely the thought of leaving is so utterly bleak and exhausting ..... You’re in exactly the position he wants you in and he knows it. You’re his puppet. You move and feel exactly the way he wants you to. You are only ready when you decide that it’s You who is in control. When you build your self respect and you move into a position when the fear is far greater by staying in the relationship. When you feel some excitement about the future/ unknown and realise that there is better out there than the hell you’re currently living. I, nor any other poster knows when you will reach this new position. But you will, and only you will know when that time arrives. You’ll get there, but suicide is not the answer and never will be. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 Can you get to a therapist? There are underlying issues that are blocking you from letting go. Right now is the time to go ... to release your pain ... and to grow ... to learn how to let go of people who don't treat you right. Letting go of such people is harder than it looks if you didn't learn how to voice your feelings and say no growing up. So take it easy. Your issue can definitely be addressed effectively in therapy. 1
simpycurious Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 21 hours ago, d0nnivain said: This will stop when you stop it. You have more power then you are giving yourself credit for. Now start exercising it. First if you already know this person is lying cheater who betrayed you & threw you under the bus, why on earth do you think that person is worth your LIFE? 'Cause if you commit suicide, they win. You are dead. You sacrificed yourself for nothing. This person is not worth that. So take killing yourself off the table. If you can do that alone call a Suicide hotline or a therapist. Normally I'd tell you to go to an ER but they are overwhelmed right now. Now take a deep breath & take some stock. Think about all of your good qualities. Make some future plans -- where do you want to go? how do you want to live your life? Then start writing down some action steps to achieve those goals. Meanwhile do these things: 1. grieve for the loss of what you (wrongly) thought was a good relationship 2. implement NC -- disconnect & block 3. box up all the mementos. If you can't throw them away put them in a box, tape it shut so it's a real p.i.t.a. to re open & put the box in the attic or the back of your deepest closet. All pictures should be deleted or stored to a thumb drive which also gets thrown in the box 4. keep busy 5. rearrange your living space so you don't see him in your space anymore. Make it different. 6. surround yourself with positive supportive people. It will subside and nothing will help like the start of a relationship. Time has the wonderful ability to heal so many wounds. The above POST has many helpful tips please read it.
spiderowl Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 You are feeling beaten down and blaming yourself for struggling with what to do. The good thing is you’ve realised how much damage this guy is doing and that you need to get away from him. You have that insight. But you can also appreciate that feelings are not rational and that they may try to persuade you to stay in the situation or blame yourself. Anyone who thinks it is easy to walk out of a bad relationship is underestimating the pain, the disappointment and the practicalities. It is not easy but you can do it once you realise your feelings are not following reason at the moment. They will catch up later on when you’ve been out of this toxic relationship for a while. In the meantime, you need to value your safety, your self-respect, and your ability to recover from this. Try to remain focused on the goal of getting yourself into a better position in life where he is no longer allowed to mess you about. I guess at some level you must be aware that by walking out of his life you are cutting the line between you that gives him power over you. No-one else can see that line but it is there in your mind. You can cut his power off like that and free yourself, scary though it seems. How do you feel he will react? Is that bothering you? Are you fearful of him and afraid for your safety? If thisbis the case, then please contact a women’s refuge or an organisation that supports women suffering domestic violence. There is no shame or harm in admitting that you are struggling with escaping from this demoralising relationship. When you are in a situation, it is hard to see the wood for the trees. Prioritise looking after yourself and getting out of the relationship before everything else. Once his toxic behaviour is no longer dominating your life, you will feel so much better. You have nothing to blame yourself for, you just need some support to get to that happy and healthy state that you deserve to be in. People here are supportive so please keep posting. X 1
littleblackheart Posted March 22, 2020 Posted March 22, 2020 On 3/19/2020 at 1:15 PM, Negotaurus said: What is wrong with me. Nothing. Heartbreak is tough to deal with, betrayal is tough to deal with, lies and manipulations are tough to deal with, all 3 together build up to what feels like a mountain de climb. You can get out of this mindset by giving yourself little targets that you know you can achieve, and by talking it out with anyone who would listen until you get it out of your system. You can't go back and undo what was done. Cry it out, forgive yourself, and treat yourself with patience like you would treat a good friend going through the same. Baby steps by baby steps, you'll slowly detach from the whole situation and look at it as though it happened to someone else. Take good care of yourself, and the rest should follow.
Recommended Posts