Why would a girl constantly flirt, then ghost me when I made a move?

[Teewrecks]

I met a woman who seemed really reserved and not super friendly, but she was educated and really pretty. At first, she never smiled or really talked to anyone, and had a stoic serious vibe. I had patience and was warm and friendly, and one day she started flirting and giving me glances. And when we clicked, I noticed she suddenly had a warmer presence to everyone.

We developed chemistry: we flirted constantly, she acted giddy/happy at times. She would often look away fast, but occasionally give smoldering deep eye contact. She would blush and smile around me. In passing, she would whisper sweet nothings about loving being around me. And the sexual tension was pretty heavy, and was obviously mutual. She was really shy though, so it was hard to develop comfort and rapport.

I was pretty happy: I thought it was cool that she shared the side of her personality that few see, and I thought I was good at connecting with women. I thought it would give her confidence if I let her know I was interested. Wrong! That broke the spell. I told her I wanted to hang out and get to know her better, and she said “I’d like that”, but then she said “you know what, give me your number and I’ll call you” (which is never a good sign). She didn’t call me, and when I saw her a couple times after that, she completely ignored me and didn’t even make eye contact. That was awkward and uncomfortable.

Any idea why a girl would put so much effort and emotion into something like that, the *poof* like a ghost the moment I made a move? It makes no sense. She never said “sorry, I have a boyfriend”, or “I’m not ready” or anything. She just bolted like a scared bunny. I was pretty confident and excited about seeing where it went, so her behavior was sort of a slap in the face.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Teewrecks

[preraph]

You said she was well educated and really pretty, so I would imagine she already has a man or has her eyes on one. She may have enjoyed that someone was being friendly to her. As you said you noticed she was being warmer to everyone. 

[alphamale]

some females really love attention

[Teewrecks]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

You said she was well educated and really pretty, so I would imagine she already has a man or has her eyes on one. She may have enjoyed that someone was being friendly to her. As you said you noticed she was being warmer to everyone. 

I noticed she became friendlier in general, immediately after we clicked and developed a connection, but she reserved the flirting, uncontrollable smiles, and deep eye contact for me.

She did make comments here and there about me boosting her mood, in a mousy tone and shy body language. What I really don't get is why, if a guy is a source of boosted confidence and heightened self esteem, a girl would run for the hills and ghost him when he said he wanted to get to know her better. It's like a house of cards suddenly collapsed, and any sense of accomplishment and satisfaction was replaced with confusion and ?????'s. 

[preraph]

I can't read her mind, and I've never once met what guys call a "shy" girl (which I've usually found to be one who is avoiding said man and isn't really shy) but maybe she enjoyed the admiration but simply doesn't reciprocate the attraction.  I mean, you said she was pretty, so I can't imagine she's that hungry for validation she's pretty, though.  My guess is she is into someone else, whether she is dating him or not.  Women nearly always have a guy they have set their sites on.  It isn't always returned, by any means.  All you can do is stand by and see if her behavior keeps changing or not and if you have any opportunity to get to know her, then you'll find your answer.  But you can't force that on her, of course.  

[Beendaredonedat]

A girl would run for the hills under the circumstances noted in the quote below,  if she was afraid to do more than flirt.  If she's shy or an introvert then she would be more inclined to run in fear then to jump at the chance to go forth.

What I really don't get is why, if a guy is a source of boosted confidence and heightened self esteem, a girl would run for the hills and ghost him when he said he wanted to get to know her better.

Edited March 18, 2020 by Beendaredonedat

[lurker74]

2 hours ago, alphamale said:

some females people really love attention

Fixed it for you.

[elaine567]

My guess she opened up and became a lot friendlier.
You saw sexual tension, she saw comfort and an opportunity to be herself.
You made a move, she went "OMG he got the wrong idea..."
Women are great at platonic friendships, and yes the spell is broken when that "friend" declares he wants to date and sleep with her.
That was never her intention, and she feels betrayed and used by someone she thought was a friend, hence she feels the need to ostracise and ignore that "friend".

Of course during the course of the friendship she may have been turned off for some reason and when the move came, she was just no longer interested...

[Yosemite]

You said that she’s really pretty, are you equally handsome?

A lot of what you posted is made up in your mind. Smoldering deep looks, blushing every time she saw you, whispering sweet nothings to you? Come on. It sounds like a romance novel.

I’m guessing that this is a co-worker. Maybe she doesn’t want to date someone at work, maybe you’re a lot older than her, maybe she has her eye on someone else, maybe she understands that it’s good for her career to be friendly to co-workers so she returned your friendliness when you were friendly with her. There are a million reasons why a co-worker would be friendly with another co-worker without there being any romantic interest involved.

You invented a story in your mind that she wasn’t cold because she wasn’t interested in you, she was cold because she was shy. You were wrong…and when you asked her out, she turned you down in a polite way. That’s it and that’s all.

You were wrong about her attraction/flirtation with you. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s no one’s fault and no is to blame. She’s not required to be attracted to you because you’re attracted to her. It’s pretty uncommon for a grown woman to be so shy that she can’t be friendly/flirtatious with a guy she has a crush on…so if a woman is being cold, especially if it’s a co-worker, instead of assuming she’s shy, you should assume that she’s not interested. Or not, and just ask her out as you did here and get your answer. If you’re not devastated by being turned down for a date, there’s nothing wrong with asking someone out ONCE and finding out if the attraction that you feel is mutual. But once you get your answer, don’t be shocked that a beautiful woman who’s being cold/shy with you was never romantically interested in you in the first place.

[alphamale]

^^this

[alphamale]

42 minutes ago, lurker74 said:

Fixed it for you.

[preraph]

You didn't do anything wrong.  She didn't do anything wrong.  Just stop pursuing her and be polite and professional only.

[manfrombelow2]

22 minutes ago, Yosemite said:

A lot of what you posted is made up in your mind. 

You invented a story in your mind.

 

That's called "projection". Usually happens when a guy's interest in a girl is so high that he assumes she likes him too. In other words, he projects his (inner) interest for her onto herself.

Edited March 18, 2020 by thaygiaogiang

[Azincourt]

There are women who are in relationships who will flirt with men they aren't interested in because their boyfriends ignore them, or because they want to feel like they ''still have it.''

There are single women who just want an ego-boost.

[2BGoodAgain]

many enjoy the fantasy, but not necessarily the reality. 

[manfrombelow2]

1 hour ago, Azincourt said:

There are women who are in relationships who will flirt with men they aren't interested in because...

Because WHY NOT?

[Azincourt]

Because causing blue balls in a guy is a fun activity for some women, especially when they are young.

[smackie9]

I'm gonna go with the "Wanting attention" camp here. If she backs off. Then you back off and stop wasting your time.