major_merrick Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 IDK if this is the right place to put this thread, since this issue crosses mental and physical health lines. Wife #1 is getting more stressed as the coronavirus issue continues. She's generally high-maintenance, to the point that being alone is bad for her and employment outside the home isn't a good idea. She relies heavily on our husband for support and mental balance. And she's pregnant....due next month, so there's hormone stuff going on too. The last couple days, she's been having more nightmares than usual and is now having panic attacks. Our husband isn't around much due to his other duties, which has added to the stress. I've been giving her plenty of physical affection and staying close to her. I rub her back and hold her to calm her down (and it does help) but I don't know what else to do. Anybody know of massage techniques or pressure points that are especially helpful? Herbs that can be taken even during pregnancy?
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 I would think valerian root herb or passion flower herb could be taken during pregnancy but I don't know. You'd have to research it. You folks are a Bible believing group, aren't you? Have her read the book of Psalms for five minutes each day and pray. Also the book John in the New Testament. Getting to know Jesus Christ through His word is faith building and calming because the Bible teaches that God can do anything for us; that He's the ultimate power and not to stress over what life may dish out to us on this earth. Also, get outside and walk in the sunshine if she can do so. Stay away from eating sugar and white flour. Get her rest. Be sure she's taking her prenatal vitamins.
Ellener Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 (edited) Hi @major_merrick I developed severe anxiety disorder/PTSD after Harvey and a very good psychiatrist doctor told me panic attacks are the body's adrenalin stress response, not mental illness as such- he prescribed me very low doses of a beta blocker so when my heart started racing I could immediately slow it down. I still carry them but rarely use them, instead I follow the advice of my dr's wife who is a specialist in that she not only teaches anxiety management she has and manages anxiety disorder herself. She told me that when the anxiety/panic mounts we need to focus outside ourself on something physical, she said the first technique is snapping an elastic wristband. That became a whole 'thing' with me, I bought beads and made literally hundreds of bracelets, some for me to focus on during anxiety, some to make for myself or with others and patients as positive activities...I still wear one daily to match my outfit and have pulled down my box of beads and elastic to make some kits for my neighbours during this anxious time. Meditation breathing, prayer, being in nature, yoga, walking and reciting the scripture/poetry I have committed to memory all help me. For the self-isolation period I have pulled out adult colouring books and puzzles ( Dollar Tree! ) and bought seeds and am taking plant cuttings etc. For massage I bought a simple $20 cushion from Amazon, it operates with 2 D batteries and a trigger switch when you lean on it, I drive a lot so also got a plug-in massage seat pad for the car. Avoiding the triggers for anxiety is important, for me that's excessive 'gossip' which for other people is stress-offloading but to me it just makes my head want to expload, I eat 8 small healthy meals a day to keep my blood sugar steady, vitamin supplements if my diet seems off especially B vitamins. I don't know if you have tv but I don't watch tv news or feel compelled to have endless background tv like is so popular in America these days. The sensationalist graphics and music and announcements are very stress-inducing to me. I clean and 'nest' a lot during times of stress, which helps others around me I have found if I do it positively, since most people don't enjoy deep-cleaning and organising much! The best thing you can do is be patient and loving, for my worst panic attacks there were a handful of people who new exactly what to say or do and it was always just be there with me quiet and reassuring and let me calm myself. Music is a big part of my life and there are so many genres of helpful and beautiful music to take us to calm and happy places- I recommend jazz and swing and positive beat and lyrics modern music and for modern hymns 'As the deer' and 'Untitled Hymn' for Christians. I drink hot earl grey or black tea with milk, or herbal tea and eat simple oatmeal or cheeses which seem to be calming. Avoid sugar and caffeine ( and of course alcohol ) You seem calm and sensible abut the pandemic so set the tone- positive and kind. Practice holistic wellbeing yourself. Don't dwell on negatives: people endure, survive and afterwards thrive throughout human history, focus on the stories of caring positive people who changed our world gaint all odds and made new discoveries, created masterpieces or improved conditions etc. I'll post links to things I think of, they'll show up later when approved. Take care. Edited March 17, 2020 by Ellener spelling
alphamale Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 she needs to see a mental health professional m_m
Ellener Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 Desiderata GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Author major_merrick Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 18 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I would think valerian root herb or passion flower herb could be taken during pregnancy but I don't know. You'd have to research it. You folks are a Bible believing group, aren't you? Have her read the book of Psalms for five minutes each day and pray. Also the book John in the New Testament. Getting to know Jesus Christ through His word is faith building and calming because the Bible teaches that God can do anything for us; that He's the ultimate power and not to stress over what life may dish out to us on this earth. Also, get outside and walk in the sunshine if she can do so. Stay away from eating sugar and white flour. Get her rest. Be sure she's taking her prenatal vitamins. I might try getting some valerian root. That seems to be safe. She reads quite a bit, but there's only so much that can do against a chemical imbalance. The weather hasn't helped....it has been nothing but rain and storms for weeks. And when it isn't raining, farmers are burning their fields and filling the air with tons of smoke. She has a fear of thunderstorms and a fear of fire (especially the uncontrolled outdoor kind.) It hasn't been a very friendly spring so far. @Ellener Thanks for all the stuff! Thankfully, our house is TV-free. But the stress level has still been too much. I think the biggest part is the change in routine. First our husband was gone on a business trip. Now he's constantly busy when he's home and gone the rest of the time. He does his best to be calm and reassuring, but there's not much hiding what's going on. I've tried to keep her pleasantly busy. She likes doing housewife/mommy stuff, so I keep her company in the kitchen and while doing laundry. Took a bath with her for over an hour this afternoon, and the hot running water seemed to help. What has surprised me in all this is how much she's reaching toward me for support. We used to have some pretty intense conflict, although that was some time ago. I think we've reached a decent level of affection and understanding, and she feels comfortable with me. When we bathe together, she sits close and runs her fingers over the scars on my back and arms. She's got significant marks as well, so I think its a physical reminder to her that she's not alone. 12 hours ago, alphamale said: she needs to see a mental health professional m_m IIRC, that was tried when she and our husband were first married. Some things just don't go away, they just lessen with time.
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 If I remember correctly you are a religious family. Pray with her. Seriously. It's better then meditation or mindfulness. Do get her some sunshine everyday. Vitamin D helps. 1
Author major_merrick Posted March 19, 2020 Author Posted March 19, 2020 7 hours ago, d0nnivain said: If I remember correctly you are a religious family. Pray with her. Seriously. It's better then meditation or mindfulness. Do get her some sunshine everyday. Vitamin D helps. She's probably the most religious of all of us. She spent quite a bit of time praying today. Well, more like crying to God. She gets pretty worked up. I finally got her calmed down and put her in bed for a nap, and she's stayed asleep since. She doesn't know yet that our husband won't be back tonight, and I doubt that news will go over very well.
d0nnivain Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 That has to be taking a toll on you. Maybe try to find some uplifting passages in the Bible for her to read. Download a copy of Footprints in the Sand for her & have her read that.
Foxhall Posted March 19, 2020 Posted March 19, 2020 Raspberry Leaf is an excellent female herb, particularly in the late stages of pregnancy, balances hormones and promotes an easier delivery
Author major_merrick Posted March 20, 2020 Author Posted March 20, 2020 @Foxhall Thanks for the recommendation. I'll try to get some, as it looks promising. She was able to relax a bit today. Our husband (FINALLY!) came home to sleep for a bit. After he'd decontaminated and showered, he crashed. She curled up in bed with him immediately and they got six good hours of sleep. She seems somewhat better now. I'm trying to figure out how to replicate whatever it is that my husband does that calms her. He's quite good at calming me too, and IDK what the secret is. Even when I'm mad or worried, I'm a lot better with him than without. It seems like sort of a combination of breathing and touch, and perhaps there's a pheromone component.
FMW Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 It's most likely just the connection she feels with him, and that you feel with him. Something in the way he is makes you feel safe and calm. I feel that way with someone in my life right now - I don't think it's something that could be replicated with someone else by them mimicking his actions.
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