manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 Hello all my brothers and sisters on Loveshack Such a shame that I had to open a topic like this, on my own case. I'll get straight to the point: I have recently noticed my girlfriend is getting more cold and distant. From a sweet girl that used to text me non-stop everyday to the point that she doesn't even bother to reply to my text. Or it takes quite long for her to answer my texts. You know what I mean? 100% of this is on me. I have been displaying an immature, childish, short-tempered and rough attitude towards her during our relationship. In her eyes now, I look like an idiot who keeps making her frustrated time and time again. So, yeah, she has that "I'm tired of your ass" look that she doesn't even bother to hide. So, is there anyway I can turn things around? Big thanks.
FMW Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 12 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: I have been displaying an immature, childish, short-tempered and rough attitude towards her during our relationship. Stop doing this immediately, and start acting in a patient, loving and caring way with her. Take her out for a nice dinner, buy her flowers. Show her you value and care for her. But it may already be too late. Why were you such a jerk with her to begin with? 2
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Posted March 15, 2020 1 minute ago, FMW said: Stop doing this immediately, and start acting in a patient, loving and caring way with her. Take her out for a nice dinner, buy her flowers. Show her you value and care for her. But it may already be too late. Why were you such a jerk with her to begin with? Nice dinner and flowers could be seen as "bribe" in her eyes. About your last question: Well isn't self-sabotaging our own happiness and luck what human beings have always done since forever?
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) Yes. You can do 4 things: 1. Stop behaving like this. 2. Send her flowers 3. Step up the romance Treat her like gold. 4. Stop thinking texting is a good thing Nice dinner & flowers are not a bribe as has been suggested. The flowers are an apology & the dinner is the start of you turning over a new leaf & being a good BF again. Edited March 15, 2020 by d0nnivain 3
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Posted March 15, 2020 You guys know the feeling of realizing the thing you're about to lose is the thing that you really want? Damn that's exactly my situation. It hurts like hell.
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Yes. You can do 4 things: ----------4. Stop thinking texting is a good thing Can you please elaborate on the 4th? Are you advising me not to text too much? Edited March 15, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redhead14 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) You're treating her like crap and she's treating you like crap? The two of you shouldn't be together PERIOD. A break up would be the best thing for both of you so I'm not going to give you advice for how to make things work. You don't love her or you wouldn't be behaving the way you do. If you loved her, it would show naturally and she'd be feeling it. You're only dating, you aren't married. That's when a couple should "work on" a relationship if it's faltering. If you're only dating and it's taking this much work, it's not a good match up anyway. I don't advocate "working on" relationships in a dating scenario (unless its very long term and had been well established up to the point when a issue arose). Edited March 15, 2020 by Redhead14 1
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: Can you please elaborate on the 4th? Are you advising me not to text too much? I am advising that texting is not the best basis / foundation for a relationship. It should be used a convenience, not as a substitute for a real relationship which takes time & in person contact. Do communicate but you mentioned that your GF used to text you all day. You sound like you liked that. I'm suggesting it was not a good thing. Quality interactions are far superior to a bunch of empty texts. 2
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Posted March 15, 2020 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: but you mentioned that your GF used to text you all day. You sound like you liked that. Who wouldn't lol?
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 15, 2020 Author Posted March 15, 2020 Please help! I do not want to be dumped.
simpycurious Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 36 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Yes. You can do 4 things: 1. Stop behaving like this. 2. Send her flowers 3. Step up the romance Treat her like gold. 4. Stop thinking texting is a good thing Nice dinner & flowers are not a bribe as has been suggested. The flowers are an apology & the dinner is the start of you turning over a new leaf & being a good BF again. DO THIS ^ plus can control of yourself and put yourself in her shoes. What would you do if she was acting like that towards you? If you value the relationship SUCK IT UP and turn it around, fight for the relationship so you have ZERO regrets if and when it blows up. You are the MAN show her you care about her and that she is IMPORTANT TO YOU by your ACTIONS not hollow words 1
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 41 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: Who wouldn't lol? I would HATE that. I have dumped men for less. Get a freakin' life. I have one. Don't pester me all day. Be independent. That way when we are together we have things to talk about. I don't have time to respond to meaningless drivel all day long. 5 1
homecoming Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 Hopefully now you’ll see that the attitude you’ve adopted towards women doesn’t really pay off. Be kinder. 1
elaine567 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 Her texting all day was a huge ego boost for you, She loved you sooooo much.. But I guess you kept testing her, the rougher, the more short tempered you were, the more she tried to please you and that felt good. No matter how nasty you got, she still loved you and that made you feel "awesome". But whilst you were feeling oh so good she was starting to hate you. You ruined it, she will never forget... women rarely do. Even if you did manage to turn this around with flowers and dinner, she will likely still dump you eventually... If you love someone you need to show them and make them feel good. Treat em mean keep them keen may work short term, but no sane woman really wants a mean man as a long term partner. 3
basil67 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) Give her a genuine apology and change yourself immediately. Be patient, kind and thoughtful. It could be too late, but it's the only option you have. And self sabotage is strictly reserved for humans who have significant issues going on. Well balanced humans don't do this stuff to themselves and loved ones. Please don't try and minimise what you've done as regular behaviour. Edit to add: patience includes accepting that she's still unsure about you and your future. You messed it up, so if you want her in your future, you have to wait for her to trust you've changed permanently. Edited March 15, 2020 by basil67 2
Youngbess Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 You have to change your attitude, but you have to TALK TO HER about it. I don't think that sending flowers and making big gestures is gonna change anything (yet). COMMUNICATE. Tell her you realize you haven't been the best bf, you've taken her for granted, you failed to show appreciation, whatever it is that you have done. Tell her she deserves better and you're only beginning to comprehend how much damage you may have done. Tell her you understand if she needs time, space, whatever she needs. Tell her you still love her and you still want to be with her, but you want to have a healthier relationship with her. What needs to change so you don't fall back into old habits? Tell her you're ready to wait, to talk, to go to therapy, to do whatever it takes because you want to come out of this a better person and a better partner. And if she feels like your relationship is not salvageable, tell her you love her, and you always will, and you hope you can keep the lines of communication open (she may change her mind in the future). Don't do any big gestures...just TALK first. Good luck. 1
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Posted March 16, 2020 Thank you all for the input. You are all correct. To guys out there: Please don't follow my steps. When you have a woman who is head over heels for you, don't give her reasons to stop doing it. Don't make her resent you, like I did. I will update my story in a few months.
basil67 Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 Please promise that you're going to dump the PUA stuff. Despite what the authors write, it's a really crappy way to treat women. Even the initial steps which assume all women want the same thing is going to make you crash and burn with an actual girlfriend. 3
simpycurious Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 At least the OP has OWNED and recognized how wrong his behavior has been. I hope that he can turn things around and if that happens then I believe he will be better going forward. Good Luck OP 2
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Posted March 16, 2020 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Please promise that you're going to dump the PUA stuff. Despite what the authors write, it's a really crappy way to treat women. Even the initial steps which assume all women want the same thing is going to make you crash and burn with an actual girlfriend. I told you I personally hate the term "PUA". But if what you meant is I should abandon my NARROW and SELFISH view on my partner in our relationship. YES I DO PROMISE. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON (hopefully not the hard way).
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Posted March 16, 2020 41 minutes ago, simpycurious said: At least the OP has OWNED and recognized how wrong his behavior has been. I hope that he can turn things around and if that happens then I believe he will be better going forward. Good Luck OP Thank you so much.
basil67 Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) 55 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: I told you I personally hate the term "PUA". But if what you meant is I should abandon my NARROW and SELFISH view on my partner in our relationship. YES I DO PROMISE. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON (hopefully not the hard way). What I meant was if you treat her in the same way that the dating gurus tell you to. The fact you use the word Narrow makes me think that you wer following the advice and will now cease. Good for you and yes, I hope it's not too late. Edited March 16, 2020 by basil67 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 Why did you mistreat her to begin with? Until you address that, all the flowers and promises to change aren't going to make any difference.
Rex12 Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 I could be wrong with this but your behaviour towards her could be stemming from the fact that you thought you had all the power in the relationship. Complacency can set in & you start to take her for granted. You probably didn't think you were being untoward with her at the time until that wonderful thing hindsight kicks in. You sound like a good guy who has recognised & willing to rectify his mistakes. As others have said, show her that. You've nothing to lose now by being authentic with your feelings towards her. Good luck. 1
Author manfrombelow2 Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 21 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why did you mistreat her to begin with? Until you address that, all the flowers and promises to change aren't going to make any difference. Because I was an idiot???????
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