gevoraksix Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Hi ! found this website searching for Breakup advise. I miss My Ex pretty bad! We were together almost 3 years ,we almost lived together ,he started having commitment issues. We have been fighting non stop past year. Just wondering if anybody else ,has broken up with a guy over this and if he will come back and settle down?
helena abadi Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 i think it is a common problem. three years is a long time for a relationship not to have moved on to serious commitment. a commitment-phobe should be booted out on his ass, after all this time. i think the chances of him settling down are zero in his current frame of mind. it's hard, but looks like you have no choice but to step back, and allow some distance. pursuing a distancing partner just makes them run away even faster. if he misses you, he will come back. if you have made your needs clear, then he knows what the stakes are.
slubberdegullion Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 What do you mean, "commitment issues"?
Author gevoraksix Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 I mean He's not ready for Marriage or for us to move in together,Sorry i wasnt clear! He's not interested in anyone else,He's just happy where we are at. Im ready to settle down with him, not just thought of settling down. Im so good with giving other people advise,but not me. I know my answer ,i think,maybe just need to hear it from someone else.
helena abadi Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 yes, i think you know you have no choice but to let it go, for the meantime. if he changes his mind and wants to settle down with you, then he will be back. it is a big difference in intended goals. you want to progres the relationship into something more permanent, he wants to just keep drifting along as it is.
Guest Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Hi, I can't seem to be able to register on the site. It gives a page not found error. I've hoping this will allow me to post as guest for now. To the original poster, I am in the exact same boat as you. It is so similar it is scarey! I am/was going out with someone for 3 years next month and he wanted to move in after Christmas, but he could not give me any idea about what the future might hold in our relationship. I think moving in is a big commitment in itself, however, if the person cannot say "I would like to commit to you one day, but not just yet", that would be enough. To say, "I cannot answer that question" and give a reason "but I love you" .. after 3 years isn't enough. I think 3 years is plenty time to know if someone is for you. In addition, further down the line "I'm not sure if I want kids". People can argue .. which is more important, kids or your bf. People make their own decisions and depending on age, there is no time to wait until a guy either makes his mind up or not. A relationship will only survive if you are both on the same page! Hope this helps. I'll be 5 days without him today. Its not easy, but I know its for the best. I will find someone who is truely on the same page .. love wize, accepting me wize and everything wize. B
brandy123 Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 Hi, To the original poster, you did the right thing. I am in the exact same boat as you. It is so similar it is scarey! I am/was going out with someone for 3 years next month and he wanted to move in after Christmas, but he could not give me any idea about what the future might hold in our relationship. I think moving in is a big commitment in itself, however, if the person cannot say "I would like to commit to you one day, but not just yet", that would be enough. To say, "I cannot answer that question" and give a reason "but I love you" .. after 3 years isn't enough. I think 3 years is plenty time to know if someone is for you. In addition, further down the line "I'm not sure if I want kids". People can argue .. which is more important, kids or your bf. People make their own decisions and depending on age, there is no time to wait until a guy either makes his mind up or not. A relationship will only survive if you are both on the same page! Hope this helps. I'll be 5 days without him today. Its not easy, but I know its for the best. I will find someone who is truely on the same page .. love wize, accepting me wize and everything wize. You don't say what ages you are .. but the relevance of your choice has a lot to do with how much time you want to spend waiting. In some cases .. he might NEVER make a choice! B
Author gevoraksix Posted October 9, 2005 Author Posted October 9, 2005 thank you brandy! I am 28 ,he is 30 and yes ages has something to do with it! I want children one day and dont want to keep wasteing my time with him! Hes goes back and forth if he wants to get married one day,hes sure he wants a child in 2 years. OK but you cant even move in together! I am better off without him,i miss him but i cant live like this .all this back and forth . He was suposed to move in a few times already ! enough is enough.
brandy123 Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I am not as strong as you. I am absolutely gutted. Cannot stop crying. I love him so much. But we go through the same thing every 6 months or so and have had several arguements like this. I was just speaking with him and he has just told me that he thinks it is best that we move on because he cannot give me what I want right now. I don't want to loose him, I really love him and I want to work on this. But I think it is too late. I know I am not totally in the wrong here. But should I just be happy for the moment? Is it my doing, am I just driving him away. I feel so lost and lonely without him. What have I done!
SuperMonk Posted October 9, 2005 Posted October 9, 2005 I mean He's not ready for Marriage or for us to move in together,Sorry i wasnt clear! He's not interested in anyone else,He's just happy where we are at. Im ready to settle down with him, not just thought of settling down. Im so good with giving other people advise,but not me. I know my answer ,i think,maybe just need to hear it from someone else. Let me tell you the truth about some men out there: When a guy totally digs another girl for the way she looks, the sex he gets, and all the personality quirks - he wants to marry her after a year of knowing her. The least a guy can do is allow you to move in with him, and then the question should be popped soon after, if he's just saying "maybe tomorrow or I'm happy where I am" he's just bullcrapping. He doesn't really like you 95%, he likes you 75-80% That's just the case for men and women though what I just said.
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