ljwentworth32 Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 Just want to poll the audience here to get a gauge in terms of who (man or woman) and usually when ( how many months?) brought up the Boyfriend/girlfriend label?
basil67 Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 I've never had the talk. In the area and generation I was dating in, exclusivity was assumed. 3
snowboy91 Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 The person who wants it brings it up. And it's brought up when they feel like the relationship is going somewhere - depending on the frequency of dates, progression of feelings, etc, I've found it's often a few weeks to a month or two. 3
RecentChange Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 In my experience (all my dating was when I was young - and yes people did muti-date, I multi-dated).. I guess the guy usually brought it up, but honestly it felt mutual. If things were going well, and we were clicking in a way that made us feel like making it exclusive, then we talked about it. Could start "so have you been seeing anyone else?" or with my now husband "so what is this? What are we doing?" I asked. When we met I was kinda dating someone else, as was he, we were both aware of that. I remember kinda blushing and saying "well I don't want to see anyone else" and he said me neither with a big grin.
SumGuy Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 I’ve always found it assumed after 3 or 4 dates, but do bring it up before sex or confirm for them after. Never had an issue where she wasn’t thinking and doing the same. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Sometimes it's just simultaneous ... Other times, it's the most paranoid person who brings it up.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 If all the dates have been going well, say around the 3rd date after two parties have had sex, it should be the woman to want to bring it up because that's how things work. If - for whatever reasons - this comes from the guy, he'd get a high chance of getting rejected and friendzoned because that's how things work.
basil67 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 If I was dating now, I'd bring it up before I have sex. 2
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: If I was dating now, I'd bring it up before I have sex. The problem is, if you haven't had sex, then your emotions can't be pumped high enough for you to "feel" the need to bring it up.
alphamale Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 I always wait for the woman to bring up "the talk"...
greymatter Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) My BF brought it up before we had sex, on the first night we spent together. Edited March 13, 2020 by greymatter
MsJayne Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 30 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said: The problem is, if you haven't had sex, then your emotions can't be pumped high enough for you to "feel" the need to bring it up. Why? Are your emotions controlled by your penis? Why should a girl sleep with you before you decide you're genuinely attracted to her? There's what's wrong with modern dating, right there.
MsJayne Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Third date is good and it doesn't matter who raises the subject. Stops it going any further if someone's not really interested, and gets the show on the road if you both are. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Why? Are your emotions controlled by your penis? No, but the contrary is true: Female emotions are largely controlled by sexual tension and activities. Why would a girl has to sleep with me before deciding she wants to be exclusive? Because that's how things work.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, AngieH said: My BF brought it up after about 3 months. Still together?
basil67 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 1 hour ago, thaygiaogiang said: The problem is, if you haven't had sex, then your emotions can't be pumped high enough for you to "feel" the need to bring it up. It can't be true because some PUA told you so Do you have any idea how foolish your comments sound to those of us who've successfully dated and married? Do you really think that all women are identical in how they date? Go and look at the thread where women are wanting guys to spend time wooing them before having sex. 5
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: It can't be true because some PUA told you so Do you have any idea how foolish your comments sound to those of us who've successfully dated and married? Do you really think that all women are identical in how they date? Go and look at the thread where women are wanting guys to spend time wooing them before having sex. I have never, at least in this topic, for once mentioned the term "PUA" (I personally hate it though). So why is it that some of you, especially women, feel like you need to shove it down my throat? Is it truly impossible for your brains to even consider the fact that maybe - just maybe - my comments and insights are from my own and personal experience, just like you, instead of having to borrow from some "PUA" on the Internet? I don't care what you want. Why is it alwasy what YOU want instead of the person who is going on dates with you? Edited March 13, 2020 by thaygiaogiang
basil67 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) Why do we do it? Well in this case, it's because I write my thoughts and you tell me that it can't be so. You're behaving like you know what's in my mind. And mate, you couldn't be more wrong. Broadly speaking, you're getting the reaction you do because you keep quoting stuff from books as if they are facts rather than recommendations. It's because you have no space in your mind for the idea that people are diverse and want different things. And no, I haven't considered that they are your own thoughts because I have never seen you write from a perspective of personal experience. Why is it what I want when dating? Because I have to make a choice as to whether or not I will go out with them again. Just as my date would make a choice about what he wants before deciding if he should see me again. Edited March 13, 2020 by basil67 2
SumGuy Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 14 hours ago, thaygiaogiang said: If all the dates have been going well, say around the 3rd date after two parties have had sex, it should be the woman to want to bring it up because that's how things work. If - for whatever reasons - this comes from the guy, he'd get a high chance of getting rejected and friendzoned because that's how things work. I'm really guessing you are not in the US. I am curious about how much experience you have in these matters, as this stuff is straight out of PUA talking points for how to be a "player." In the US, in my experience, if every woman you ever dated friendzoned you when you first brought up exclusivity...it's not because men don't do that, it is almost invariably something about the man. To me it just makes sense, if she is really in to you, she wouldn't want some other woman to pull you away so she likes it when you say you'd like it to just be you and her. Even if she is just into FWB... she would not want to lose a man who can provide really good "benefits." Me bringing it up first has never resulted in friendzone, ever, never, ever. It has always made things better, her even hotter for me. 3
SumGuy Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 12 hours ago, thaygiaogiang said: I have never, at least in this topic, for once mentioned the term "PUA" (I personally hate it though). So why is it that some of you, especially women, feel like you need to shove it down my throat? Is it truly impossible for your brains to even consider the fact that maybe - just maybe - my comments and insights are from my own and personal experience, just like you, instead of having to borrow from some "PUA" on the Internet? You may hate the term PUA but you seem to have adopted the philosophy. Maybe you came up with this stuff on your own without any influence from others. Your views to me are still firmly within the PUA mind-sphere. If you are curious why people think you are parroting PUA talking points go to a few such sites. If this stuff is really gleaned from your personal experience, good luck with that. If you need to run games to acquire and maintain interest, instead of being real and genuine, I'd say work more on yourself. 4
SumGuy Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 12 hours ago, MsJayne said: Are you serious? Calling someone "woman" in such a belittling way? Wait! What? You are not now going to work hard to get his approval after he negged you? Clearly you must not be a woman, as all women respond with seeking approval when negged by an "alpha" male. And you feel that it's up to the woman to request exclusivity because you're afraid of getting rejected? ...yep such fear lies at the heart of much of such PUA advice. Better to blame one's failures on lack of game and "unnatural" women...than to take a risk. 4
alphamale Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 13 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Clearly you must not be a woman, as all women respond with seeking approval when negged by an "alpha" male. wtf?
SumGuy Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, alphamale said: wtf? It's PUA talk/game. Have to admit have read way more PUA websites than may be good for one's confidence in humanity. It's kind of fascinating though. My advice, read PUA stuff and then do exactly the opposite It is part of "game" to show you are "alpha.' You say something negative about her (hence "negging") to show your sexual market value (SMV), i.e. that you don't need her and are so confident you can neg her. PUA theory then says she will respond positively with attraction to prove herself because all women desire the alpha male, even when they put them down. I'll be the first one to say it is complete and utter BS...buy PUA theory swears by it I believe. Edited March 13, 2020 by SumGuy 3
Ruby Slippers Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 I've always let the man bring it up. It's usually within a few weeks. I love the way boyfriend handled it. Right after we had sex the first time, he goes, "I want to be your boyfriend." I agreed and that was that 2
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