Lovezen_30 Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 I met a guy through a volunteer group several months ago. He made a big effort with me straight away and focused on being with me over anyone else. After a period of catching him looking at me a lot I asked him to an event with me. He said he was busy that day but thanked me for the invite. He then asked me to let him know if I wanted to go to another similar event soon. A month or so passed with the connection growing & spending the occasional break togther getting coffee etc. So last weekend I asked him to go out with me this weekend. He said he had plans but immediately offered alternatives days. We decided we would go to a festival & he came back with a few suggestions (which were very expensive & not really suitable). When I made some counter suggestions, that were cheaper but a similar theme he said 'hmm maybe' and that was the end of it! I asked him to get back to me soon the event is next week. I saw him last night with friends and he acted normally with me, laughing & flirting like always. But didn't mention getting together or the festival and I don't think he is going to. If he doesn't bring this up again, do I just drop it? It's like the elephant in the room now and we're part of the same friend group. I feel rejected and upset tbh.
stillafool Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 Yes I would definitely drop it until he shows enough interest to ask you out first. If you guys had already decided to go to the festival, what happened to that? If he suggested taking you somewhere expensive was he going to treat you or were you going dutch? If he was treating why would you consider it not suitable?
Author Lovezen_30 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Posted March 12, 2020 No I don't think he was 'treating' me, the expectation was each buying a ticket. I am not cheap, but this was ridiculous! He said he hadn't realised the full cost and thought my alternative idea was probably better but then didn't confirm anything. To be honest I was really surprised when he said we could 'maybe' go after seeming keen. He seemed to like me and I feel a bit awkward now as we are still in the same friend group and will see each other often
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Quit embarrassing yourself by chasing him. He knows how/where to find you if he's interested.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 A person's true intentions are found not in his/her words, but rather their actions. In OP's case, that guy's actions (not putting effort to ask you out and spend time with you) said it all: He is simply not romantically interested in you. Hope from now, you'll know what to do.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 27 minutes ago, S2B said: HE isn’t making effort! he isn’t interested - or interested enough to make plans and take/ASK you out on a date! any man seriously interested would chase. Or find tickets to an event and make sure he invites you. he isn’t your guy. Exactly. I'm always amused as how much people try to convince themselves otherwise than the existing reality right before their eyes. Most of the time, all the data and evidence are already right there, but people just refuse to see it.
Fletch Lives Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 If you are having problems making a date, it just means it's not a match. That's a problem when you are in a group and have to see them and it does not work out. There is a saying - Don't poop where you eat.
Mystery4u Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 He's just not that into you. Stop wasting your time on him and find someone who can't wait to plan to see you because they love your company.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 He's not that interested, unfortunately. He would have found a cheaper date alternative if he had truly wanted to meet on a romantic level. I would not ask him out again. You're in the friend zone. Kudos to you for putting yourself out there, though 1
smackie9 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 An interested guy IS a guy that makes an effort to see you, talk to you, wants to be with you.....it's a no brainer. Stop accepting bread crumbs as interest.
Author Lovezen_30 Posted March 13, 2020 Author Posted March 13, 2020 Thanks all. You are right, I have no choice but to stay friends and move on. I definitely don't think it was all in my head. He initially asked me to go an event in December which was cancelled. He asked me to have coffee with him a month ago and aside from that...I always caught him looking at me & I just felt sure he liked me on a gut level. Even a couple of our friends asked me even something was going on. I feel quite down and dejected. I am also surprised at myself for getting it so wrong, I felt fairly certain. It has made me lose confidence in my judgement!
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Maybe he was interested but has since met someone else?
chillii Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 lt's not all your fault op , he is giving you a lot of mixed on off signals too.
Author Lovezen_30 Posted March 13, 2020 Author Posted March 13, 2020 To my surprise he contacted me tonight and said he noticed the events we were looking at going to were cancelled due to coronavirus but we should do something else once we know the lie of the land? So I suppose we'll see what happens and in the meantime I should keep living my life and doing my hobbies.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 11 hours ago, Lovezen_30 said: To my surprise he contacted me tonight and said he noticed the events we were looking at going to were cancelled due to coronavirus but we should do something else once we know the lie of the land? How did you respond to that?
Author Lovezen_30 Posted March 14, 2020 Author Posted March 14, 2020 I haven't responded to it yet, Expat. I think I should probably just keep him in mind as a friend for now and hopefully meet someone else. I don't think he is going to be proactive and make the effort I'd like from someone I'm dating. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) oh well, more where that came from. Edited March 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
simpycurious Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: oh well, more where that came from. Exactly, more fish in the sea 1
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