Blind-Sided Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 Good luck ! I'm sure it will all work out for the best !
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 36 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Good luck ! I'm sure it will all work out for the best ! Stopped for lunch we are about 90 minutes away now. I'm so nervous. I've been telling my little boy what the adventure is, he is excited.
Blind-Sided Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 Just now, AnnabelleLB said: .....I've been telling my little boy what the adventure is, he is excited. As a single parent... that's a big part of it. I know people here say... "Your kid doesn't dictate your love life"... but the reality... it kind of does. You may have strong feelings for your new BF... but if your son doesn't like him for some reason... that will put a wrinkle in things, since you don't want your boy to be miserable. My new female friend came over yesterday, and when she got here... both of my girls were happy to see her. My youngest wanted her to play Barbies with her. While she isn't my "GF"... she isn't one of the "Female Friends" my kids normally see. But like you... the COVID19 is bad, and we should probably stop seeing each other for a while. Again... good luck, and keep us posted.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 5 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: As a single parent... that's a big part of it. I know people here say... "Your kid doesn't dictate your love life"... but the reality... it kind of does. You may have strong feelings for your new BF... but if your son doesn't like him for some reason... that will put a wrinkle in things, since you don't want your boy to be miserable. My new female friend came over yesterday, and when she got here... both of my girls were happy to see her. My youngest wanted her to play Barbies with her. While she isn't my "GF"... she isn't one of the "Female Friends" my kids normally see. But like you... the COVID19 is bad, and we should probably stop seeing each other for a while. Again... good luck, and keep us posted. @Blind-Sided Thank you. Ive actually moved up to stay with him. Because where I was I was quite isolated. My family lived a fair distance away. They're now a lot closer. (Less than an hour compared to two hours). We are here now. Unpacking and my son has a much bigger room. The house is much warmer, makes me feel like a bad mum. The house is much warmer and even though I had loads of stuff in, everything just seems more stocked here. Hes gone and got all our favourites. An example is, He knows I love herbal tea, hes got me different flavours. Hes got my son his favourites, hes got my son some toys. I'm very teary he has done this. He doesn't have to. He has gone out and got new bedding. I do feel like a bad mum though. he won't let me pay anything for us to stay, He says I'm paying for my place back home, I offered to pay for shopping, he said no its fine. but I feel I should contribute something. 1
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 I have explained to my son on the way up that mummy and my boyfriend love each other very much and nothing stops me loving him. Son seems happy. One thing I am excited for. Watching TV with someone when my son is in bed, and just having someone and sharing a bed will be strange! (We've slept together but on a regular basis) 3
Blind-Sided Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 Well... that's the key to this. (at least to me) Someone you can just have a quiet evening with... and don't have to always be on "a Date". My new female friend has also suggested that to me. She knows I'm out of a long relationship, with a bad ending... but she said to me yesterday... "If things don't get bad (COVID19)... the next time your girls are with their mom... we need a quiet movie night." The thought of just holding someone again, on a simple evening is very appealing. I'm glad it's working out so well for you.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 1 minute ago, Blind-Sided said: Well... that's the key to this. (at least to me) Someone you can just have a quiet evening with... and don't have to always be on "a Date". My new female friend has also suggested that to me. She knows I'm out of a long relationship, with a bad ending... but she said to me yesterday... "If things don't get bad (COVID19)... the next time your girls are with their mom... we need a quiet movie night." The thought of just holding someone again, on a simple evening is very appealing. I'm glad it's working out so well for you. I can't wait for the normal none-date nights and us just being us. The most appealing thing for me about the nights, The TV, the conversation, and going to bed and the other person not expect sex. Asking what time to go bed and getting in cuddling up. Actually having someone to cuddle up to and being asked what side of the bed. Sounds simple to some but to me its going to be bliss. I'm scared about how it will all pan out. I'm not entirely happy he won't let me contribute to costs. 2
Blind-Sided Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, AnnabelleLB said: ... Sounds simple to some but to me its going to be bliss. I'm scared about how it will all pan out. I'm not entirely happy he won't let me contribute to costs. Agreed. Simple, and blissful. As far as money... from the guy's side... let him show he wants to help you in the adventure. Since he obviously has some money, and wants to spend it on you and your son... just let him. If he's like me... simply offering to help, and thanking him for his generosity is reward enough for him. I'm sure as time goes by... he will let you pick up the bill eventually for something. Or better yet... once you are settled in... tell him you want to take him out on a date, to show your appreciation. That way... it's known before hand that you will be picking up the bill. This happed to me just a few nights ago. My friend told me she was taking me to dinner... so I let her. Edited March 17, 2020 by Blind-Sided
SumGuy Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 50 minutes ago, AnnabelleLB said: @Blind-Sided Thank you. Ive actually moved up to stay with him. Because where I was I was quite isolated. My family lived a fair distance away. They're now a lot closer. (Less than an hour compared to two hours). We are here now. Unpacking and my son has a much bigger room. The house is much warmer, makes me feel like a bad mum. The house is much warmer and even though I had loads of stuff in, everything just seems more stocked here. Hes gone and got all our favourites. An example is, He knows I love herbal tea, hes got me different flavours. Hes got my son his favourites, hes got my son some toys. I'm very teary he has done this. He doesn't have to. He has gone out and got new bedding. I do feel like a bad mum though. he won't let me pay anything for us to stay, He says I'm paying for my place back home, I offered to pay for shopping, he said no its fine. but I feel I should contribute something. I'm thinking he is really in to you for the long term, especially if all these costs are not trivial to him. He sounds magnanimous and thoughtful...yes men like that exist. Let him take care of the costs especially if you get the feeling he would never hold it over you, which he shouldn't since he offered and insisted. On your other posts, the snuggle and quite moments, just watching TV together or reading together, those are pure bliss to me as well. (Hey don't get me wrong love the amazing sex as well) But those "mundane" moments pure hygge and intimacy. Sounds like he is really good at hygge. My kids were all older when started dating after my divorce, but one thing to have a conversation about (when you son is no where around...you'd be surprised what they can hear) is his and you approach to the less smooth moments of child rearing, basically parenting styles. Better to have an idea of this up front (and no one says views need to be cast in stone) and not when ones child has melt down or is grumpy. It also helps you to know not just that he has your back but how you'd like him to have it.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 40 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Agreed. Simple, and blissful. As far as money... from the guy's side... let him show he wants to help you in the adventure. Since he obviously has some money, and wants to spend it on you and your son... just let him. If he's like me... simply offering to help, and thanking him for his generosity is reward enough for him. I'm sure as time goes by... he will let you pick up the bill eventually for something. Or better yet... once you are settled in... tell him you want to take him out on a date, to show your appreciation. That way... it's known before hand that you will be picking up the bill. This happed to me just a few nights ago. My friend told me she was taking me to dinner... so I let her. He does earn a bit more than me, He looks after me, he never asks for anything in return, No I lie once I was insistent on something and he just said a hug. A meal out does sound a good idea. We have a large list of people who are willing to babysit if we want to go out, We've had a fair few visitors of my boyfriends friends introducing themselves to my son he loved it. 42 minutes ago, SumGuy said: I'm thinking he is really in to you for the long term, especially if all these costs are not trivial to him. He sounds magnanimous and thoughtful...yes men like that exist. Let him take care of the costs especially if you get the feeling he would never hold it over you, which he shouldn't since he offered and insisted. On your other posts, the snuggle and quite moments, just watching TV together or reading together, those are pure bliss to me as well. (Hey don't get me wrong love the amazing sex as well) But those "mundane" moments pure hygge and intimacy. Sounds like he is really good at hygge. My kids were all older when started dating after my divorce, but one thing to have a conversation about (when you son is no where around...you'd be surprised what they can hear) is his and you approach to the less smooth moments of child rearing, basically parenting styles. Better to have an idea of this up front (and no one says views need to be cast in stone) and not when ones child has melt down or is grumpy. It also helps you to know not just that he has your back but how you'd like him to have it. He never holds anything over me. He really does take care of me. Its even little things that make the difference, I'm a bit ashamed to admit. Back home I didn't have the heating on all the time because it was either food or heat. and this has made me realise I'm the worst mum in the world. but then its made me think We've gone on this adventure and our situation is good. I love the "mundane" moments like reading a bed time story to my son watching him sleep after reading him a bed time story. going downstairs and watching TV with my boyfriend. The house is strange. I'm in a new city but its an adventure. As for parenting skills. I'm really not sure who his style would be, its not something we've discussed. I'm not sure how I'd even raise that with him.
Erik30 Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 1 hour ago, AnnabelleLB said: As for parenting skills. I'm really not sure who his style would be, its not something we've discussed. I'm not sure how I'd even raise that with him. I don't know if your boyfriend has kids of his own, but if he doesn't, it all sounds a bit much to me... suddenly living with a child. I guess it's also a good test for him in that way. He has only seen the "fun" side up until now 1
SumGuy Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 1 hour ago, AnnabelleLB said: He never holds anything over me. He really does take care of me. Its even little things that make the difference, I'm a bit ashamed to admit. Back home I didn't have the heating on all the time because it was either food or heat. and this has made me realise I'm the worst mum in the world. but then its made me think We've gone on this adventure and our situation is good. I love the "mundane" moments like reading a bed time story to my son watching him sleep after reading him a bed time story. going downstairs and watching TV with my boyfriend. The house is strange. I'm in a new city but its an adventure. As for parenting skills. I'm really not sure who his style would be, its not something we've discussed. I'm not sure how I'd even raise that with him. You are not the worst mum in the world. I grew up where such choices had to be made at times. A blanket, a full belly and love is more than enough Parenting style can come up most when a kid misbehaves and how one reacts. For example, what if he is a little to exuberant at dinner and not working well to calm him down and he spills over a few drinks? What about bed time and if he resists going to bed? Things like that. If your son is overall a good kid you are doing something right. Sometimes it is as simple as your boyfriend taking your lead and letting you know it's your way as it is your son. 1
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 17, 2020 Author Posted March 17, 2020 17 minutes ago, Erik30 said: I don't know if your boyfriend has kids of his own, but if he doesn't, it all sounds a bit much to me... suddenly living with a child. I guess it's also a good test for him in that way. He has only seen the "fun" side up until now I've seen him with other kids when they've melted down and he is so calming to them, Doesn't raise his voice or go "I'll smack you". He is a good person with kids. 19 minutes ago, SumGuy said: You are not the worst mum in the world. I grew up where such choices had to be made at times. A blanket, a full belly and love is more than enough Parenting style can come up most when a kid misbehaves and how one reacts. For example, what if he is a little to exuberant at dinner and not working well to calm him down and he spills over a few drinks? What about bed time and if he resists going to bed? Things like that. If your son is overall a good kid you are doing something right. Sometimes it is as simple as your boyfriend taking your lead and letting you know it's your way as it is your son. I feel like I am. I worry that when my son is older he will hate me for all this. The fact he hasn't got his dad in his life, His father wanted me to abort. I've struggled, Days even as recently as a few weeks ago. I didn't eat to make sure my son had something. When I went on dates with my boyfriend I had to hold back from eating lunch/dinner so quickly because I was hungry. Having a warm house is like a thrill to me, I'm just hoping my son doesn't hate me, My boyfriend doesn't find out I'm someone who is making ends meet because he might not think I'm amazing. Why I got in to baking, it helped make what we had go further. My son is generally well behaved. He always does what he is told. Being told I've got to move up to keep money coming in has got to me a bit if I am honest. I'm being treated like a princess and I totally don't deserve it.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 Even though I feel a bit lot about things, Last night was the best nights sleep I have had in a while. Knowing it wasn't a date but just us was really nice. Son did come in during the night to ask to use the toilet. but he slept right through otherwise.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 I'm on my way home, Got a message saying my dinner will be ready for me when I get in and my boyfriend is running me a bath. I'm really not used to this. I actually don't deserve this. Although it was the first day my son spent with my boyfriend. as I had to go in. I was texting a lot through the day asking if he is being good and ok. No issues, ate all his lunch and my boyfriend was working from home. I did tell my son that he has to listen to my boyfriend
Blind-Sided Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 (edited) It's good that it's working out well. AND... yes, you were right to tell your son to listen to your BF. Regardless of what level you want your BF to be able to discipline your son... your BF is still an adult, and should be able to have some control over him... and your son should respect that he is on someone else's house. (I know he is young, but that should also be a topic od discussion) Honestly... you and your BF should have a private talk on what you would allow. (Discipline levels) I know I've seen people break up over it. With my brother... his GF has a son who is a little rambunctious, and that partly because his mom always gives into him. But when they started being at my brother's house more... my brother told his GF that he needs to deal with things the way he saw fit. She agreed, and things have been great. Her son has even settled down some. ****EDIT***** Funny story on that... a friend of mine also had a kid that was a little nutz... and one day when we were all at the mall... I kind of yelled at his kid. At first, I thought it would be a problem... but my and my buddy talked about it alter, and he said... "If my kid was a brat... you have my permission to smack him." I'm glad it worked out this way, because it could have ended a 20 year friendship. Edited March 18, 2020 by Blind-Sided
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 I did say to my boyfriend I'm against smacking, My boyfriend is too. So that is something. My son apparently was just sat there, My boyfriend said he asked him if he wants to colour or draw, they did then an activity together, My son said he really enjoyed himself. He drew me a picture he said and something else but I don't know what. I am not used to someone looking after me, being nice to me and cooking for me. Today was strange having lunch and actually having something. I feel very spoilt. I shouldn't be spoilt 1
Timshel Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Your posts seem happy and of course, we will be happy for you. This reminds me of some of my training though and I certainly would not want to spoil what seems a great thing; This is textbook grooming and I don't know if you've set it up this way in your posts, for research or such but no sex from you, setting everything up for your son and now you leaving him there. Again, good for you and your son for this generous and kind man in your life. Watch out for your child.
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 My boyfriend isn't a paedophile. I never said no sex, just no sex all the time. My boyfriend really is a nice guy. 1
preraph Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Since it is a lot so soon, all this togetherness, be sure and offer him space if he starts looking like he needs it. Just like, Hey, if you have anything you need to do, me and my son can always go in the other room and play for awhile, so please don't feel you have to entertain us continually. 2
SumGuy Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 1 hour ago, AnnabelleLB said: I did say to my boyfriend I'm against smacking, My boyfriend is too. So that is something. My son apparently was just sat there, My boyfriend said he asked him if he wants to colour or draw, they did then an activity together, My son said he really enjoyed himself. He drew me a picture he said and something else but I don't know what. I am not used to someone looking after me, being nice to me and cooking for me. Today was strange having lunch and actually having something. I feel very spoilt. I shouldn't be spoilt Good for you. it’s good to be spoilt a little bit, bath and dinner sounds great. my girlfriend loves when I draw her a bath or get her those bath salts, it’s really no big effort but it feels good she likes it so much I also love to cook, and even more love when people enjoy it. If your boyfriend is the same he is getting something out of this as well. now if he was really spoiling you he’d throw in a massage as well or is that spoiling himself? Never sure with massages they seem pretty win-win The thing is if he is really in to you, you being happy makes him happy and you sound like a great, centered and appreciative person who is not bitter or a whiner (so many are it seems). You are a catch especially for a man who is interested in a family.
preraph Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 (edited) This sounds like a fun adventure alright! And good guys love to be the hero, so he will be basking in your gratitude. Edited March 18, 2020 by preraph
SumGuy Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: This sounds like a fun adventure alright! And good guys love to be the hero, so he will be basking in your gratitude. Not too get to vulgar, but the intimacy and sex I’ve found is always great when you’re her hero...but I’m a romantic 1
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 7 minutes ago, preraph said: Since it is a lot so soon, all this togetherness, be sure and offer him space if he starts looking like he needs it. Just like, Hey, if you have anything you need to do, me and my son can always go in the other room and play for awhile, so please don't feel you have to entertain us continually. I have said this, he has said he does has things to do but if I need time I can go to the other room or out I don't need to stay with him, This Corona virus has drawn us closer together. temporarily. 11 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Good for you. it’s good to be spoilt a little bit, bath and dinner sounds great. my girlfriend loves when I draw her a bath or get her those bath salts, it’s really no big effort but it feels good she likes it so much I also love to cook, and even more love when people enjoy it. If your boyfriend is the same he is getting something out of this as well. now if he was really spoiling you he’d throw in a massage as well or is that spoiling himself? Never sure with massages they seem pretty win-win The thing is if he is really in to you, you being happy makes him happy and you sound like a great, centered and appreciative person who is not bitter or a whiner (so many are it seems). You are a catch especially for a man who is interested in a family. Thank you. 1
Author AnnabelleLB Posted March 18, 2020 Author Posted March 18, 2020 7 minutes ago, preraph said: This sounds like a fun adventure alright! And good guys love to be the hero, so he will be basking in your gratitude. 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Not too get to vulgar, but the intimacy and sex I’ve found is always great when you’re her hero...but I’m a romantic It is a fun adventure. I love a good hero. He is a hero to me so far. I love romance. 1
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