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First date - should I pass on her for this?

Leojax

By Leojax
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Leojax Established Member

Leojax

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So I had a date with this absolutely gorgeous woman. The check comes and she didn’t offer to pay. I’ll admit she did say thank you. She ubered to the restaurant and I offered to take her home, which she took me up on. After I drop her off she texted me and said, “thanks again for the ride :) ”

Should I next her for not even offering to pay? She didn’t even do the fake grab at the check.

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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
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many women like the man to pay on the first date, if he doesn't then they call him cheap

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's entirely up to you.  

Before you decide, I suggest you read the consolidated paying for dates thread here on LS to get hundreds of perspectives.  

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Leojax Established Member

Leojax

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19 minutes ago, alphamale said:

many women like the man to pay on the first date, if he doesn't then they call him cheap

I have no problem with paying. She didn’t even offer, so doesn’t she seem entitled?

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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12 minutes ago, Leojax said:

 doesn’t she seem entitled?

No.  You invited her on a date.  That implies an offer to pay, IMO.  the person who asks pays.  It doesn't make her entitled.  

But if you think she's entitled, don't date her.  Dating is a try out.  If she's failing the try out, just let her go.  

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Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

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It's within the bounds of what's normal.

You'll have to date her more to find out if she's high maintenance or not.

Edited by Fletch Lives
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girlinNYC Established Member

girlinNYC

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Many women still believe in the traditional man pays on the first date type of scenario. Any first date I’ve been on the man has paid habitually and blatantly refused to only pay half. You’ll probably find many guys with that traditional mindset too, which reaffirms to most women that that’s just how it is. 
Dating might not be the place to be if you’re concerned about paying cheques on the first date. 

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manfrombelow2 Established Member

manfrombelow2

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2 hours ago, Leojax said:

So I had a date with this absolutely gorgeous woman. The check comes and she didn’t offer to pay. I’ll admit she did say thank you. She ubered to the restaurant and I offered to take her home, which she took me up on. After I drop her off she texted me and said, “thanks again for the ride :) ”

Should I next her for not even offering to pay? She didn’t even do the fake grab at the check.

As a man myself, I always pay on the 1st date. Yes I do admit I find the act of the "fake grab" by the woman is somewhat cute and all, but I don't expect it at all. Why should I? I offered her the date, so I will pay for the date. 

About your case, it's entirely up to you. I guess it's part of going on a date with an "absolutely gorgeous woman" because with that level of beauty, she might be used to free meals all the time. Next time try dating someone whose look is not too stunning if the "fake grab" is what you so desire at the end of the meal.

 

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Silver_star Established Member

Silver_star

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It depends on your boundaries. Next her if you want, but it's about YOU and not her.

You don't know if she is entitled. You feel she is because she didnt do what you hoped/expected she should do.

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SunnySide0418 Established Member

SunnySide0418

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3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

It's entirely up to you.  

Before you decide, I suggest you read the consolidated paying for dates thread here on LS to get hundreds of perspectives.  

You're the MAN. You're supposed to pay!!! Sheesh

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Beendaredonedat Established Member

Beendaredonedat

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This isn't 1945 where woman didn't work and had no money to pay.  I believe she could have, at the very least offered to pay for her own meal.  If she actually liked you she wouldn't care that she picked up the cost of her side of the bill.  If she didn't like you much, you'd be some kind of huge turd.

.... just sayin.

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Leojax Established Member

Leojax

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14 minutes ago, Beendaredonedat said:

This isn't 1945 where woman didn't work and had no money to pay.  I believe she could have, at the very least offered to pay for her own meal.  If she actually liked you she wouldn't care that she picked up the cost of her side of the bill.  If she didn't like you much, you'd be some kind of huge turd.

.... just sayin.

So you’re saying she’s not interested because she didn’t offer to pay her half? 

Beendaredonedat Established Member

Beendaredonedat

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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, Leojax said:

So you’re saying she’s not interested because she didn’t offer to pay her half? 

No, I'm saying that it should NOT just be assumed that "the man pays."  Are you a man or are you a woman?

The last part of what you quoted was a (weak) joke.

Edited by Beendaredonedat
added NOT AND the last sentence.
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Nobody said she's not interested.  You can't come to that conclusion solely based on her decision to not offer to pay . 

But what difference does it make?  Your post leads me to believe that you are not interested in dating her.  Remember financial incompatibility breaks up more relationships then anything else 

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SunnySide0418 Established Member

SunnySide0418

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Leojax said:

So you’re saying she’s not interested because she didn’t offer to pay her half? 

Why are you so hung up on her not offering to pay??? It was a first date. MAN UP. 

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Beendaredonedat Established Member

Beendaredonedat

Posted
Posted

Or, if you don't like that she didn't offer then just adhere to your own male principals and find a woman that doesn't have expectations that it's the man's responsibility to cover the first date.  There are plenty of women out there like that.  Those that don't want to feel obligated to you in anyway so early in.

Was this a "first date" or was it a "first meet?"  There is, IMO a big difference between the two.

 

 

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zawadi16 Established Member

zawadi16

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Posted

She told you thank you. Then she texted you to thank you for something else. So she’s obviously gracious, which to me is way more important IMO.

 

unless she ordered a million things or the most expensive thing on the menu I don’t see the problem...

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manfrombelow2 Established Member

manfrombelow2

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Posted
21 minutes ago, SunnySide0418 said:

That's a broad question. In certain situations, yes but not all. 

Then why you insisted that men are supposed to pay?

If you believe in gender equality, what's wrong with letting the woman pay?

Ellener Established Member

Ellener

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, zawadi16 said:

unless she ordered a million things

for some reason that gave me a funny mental image of someone ordering everything off the menu :classic_laugh: 

It's been a hysterical sort-of day...

I let the man pay first date, I like to pay second.

Oh and if a man is financially stretched I am way more impressed if he made a picnic or baked cookies or scored free tickets or went to Dollar Tree and bought me a notebook or a plastic rose than if he spent money he couldn't afford and I'm then picking up on some subtle stress vibe or resentment 🍪

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Leojax said:

So I had a date with this absolutely gorgeous woman. The check comes and she didn’t offer to pay. I’ll admit she did say thank you. She ubered to the restaurant and I offered to take her home, which she took me up on. After I drop her off she texted me and said, “thanks again for the ride :) ”

Should I next her for not even offering to pay? She didn’t even do the fake grab at the check.

When a woman invites you to dinner, I hope you don't feel uncomfortable when she passes on you for not having offered to cook your half of the meal...

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simpycurious Established Member

simpycurious

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, zawadi16 said:

She told you thank you. Then she texted you to thank you for something else. So she’s obviously gracious, which to me is way more important IMO.

 

unless she ordered a million things or the most expensive thing on the menu I don’t see the problem...

I don't care what she orders if we are on a DATE then I am paying REGARDLESS.  I won't offend her but I would NEVER let her pay and it has NOTHING 

TO DO WITH GENDER (to me).  She did thank you which is nice to hear and she's gorgeous so if you had fun ASK HER OUT AGAIN and stop worrying 

about all the paying stuff.  

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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted

Her behavior is far from entitled.  I’m more interested in why with everything else you describe you believe her failure to make a “fake grab” for the check signals entitlement.   
It seems too much like keeping score.   
There are a plethora of reasons she may have let you pay that are for your benefit.

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Beendaredonedat Established Member

Beendaredonedat

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Should I next her for not even offering to pay? She didn’t even do the fake grab at the check.

Yes.  Yes you should.  I think at this point, you'd both be better off.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Posted

Wait, who's the entitled one in this scenario?

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Shining One Established Member

Shining One

Posted
Posted

One date is not enough to draw a conclusion. I give it 3 to 5 usually.

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