BadBadGirl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 yes you should be worried. you are in total denial. do what you will, but you will get hurt or she will play you like a fiddle and you will never know. you have no choice but to trust her?! why is that your only choice? she shaved her freaking twat to go out and celebrate her birthday with an ex-boyfriend. hello?!?! another choice would be to have some self-respect. i think you should go out with an ex, or another "girl" friend. see how it makes her feel. no offense, and this will just make you defend her, but your girlfriend is acting like a total who*re--and you are encouraging it.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 that could be a red flag...dont ask her though! find out...she could just say no and hold out for a cuple days b4 it grows back...that could be a posibilty right? haha just be careful...how long did they go out? and how long did she wait to go out with you? i should ask
BadBadGirl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 okay, sorry, i didn't realize you were asking if you should ask is she shaved. but honestly, think about it...don't you feel dirty even being put in a position to feel the need to ask her about it? that's kinda sick. you're setting yourself up for disaster with this chick.
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 They were together for I want to say 2 years? They have been apart for over a year. She dated 2 or 3 guys between the time they broke up and me.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 than your good for the most part, how did her dinner go?..
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 Basically I notched it down to just dating. She told me nothing happend, and I believe her. She actually said she cried, thinking of me while she was with him. She said that his phone kept ringing and ringing and he actually picked it up while they were watching a movie. She said it was a silent single tear cause she knew that if she was with me I wouldnt of picked up. We talked about alot of things. Ever since the get go of this she told me she didn't want a boyfriend. I told he I was okay with that but that it would be nice to have something figured out by the time I leave for college. So she started calling me her bf and I calling her my gf when I moved down here. Found out last night that really isnt what she wants. She doesnt think that she can be anyones gf right now, and for personal reasons. The reason she started calling me her bf when she didnt want to was cause she didnt want to loose me. I know thats selfish but in a way it shows me that she really does want me to stick around. I went out on a limb and believed everything she said. Her personal reasons for not wanting a boyfriend are valid. Even though she didnt say exactly what they were, Im pretty sure that I know most of the reasons just being around her and they are valid reasons. I told her that we both need to be on the same page about everything, and that if we need to take a step back then we will. But before I asked her to assure me that it wasnt cause of her ex and she said "hell no, we will never be back together" and "tonight was the first movie we've ever actually watched" ^they havent watched a movie together since about a week after we first started dating. Did I do right or did I make a mistake by taking it back a notch...
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 I want to keep things between us, and I am one of those guys who will exhaust every option before ending it with a girl. I love her and I know she loves me. Love sucks.....
mixwell Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 yeah good job.. Im sure the only reason your ex wants to take it back a notch also is to be with her ex b/f..I would put money on it that your g/f hooked up with her ex or will now that you took it back a notch. just forget this chick and move on.. Im surprised no one asked WHY wasn't your "g/f" hanging out with you on her birthday instead she was hanging out with her ex ?? that makes no sense and if you can't see that then you are an idiot.. no offense... seriously its like she is walking all over you and you are accepting it.. grow a backbone and learn to stand up for what you believe in... seriously !! Wow I can't believe you are also buying into all the BS she is feeding you too.. stop validating her BS.. Why would you in the first place ? ditch this chick and find a girl that will actually care about what YOU think and not be a selfish wh0re.. Sorry I am not trying to be an arsehole but its the truth and I am not going to candy coat it.. Peace, MixweLL
gidgit1961 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 She told me nothing happend, and I believe her. She actually said she cried, thinking of me while she was with him. She said that his phone kept ringing and ringing and he actually picked it up while they were watching a movie. She said it was a silent single tear cause she knew that if she was with me I wouldnt of picked up. ok...I'm sorry, I've been following this thread from the start. You told her how you felt about her going, yet she still went, and NOW she wants you to buy the BS that she felt bad???? I have to admit the "silent single tear " was a nice touch...lol A good point was made, as to why she was spending her Bday with him and not you. You said you're not that far away from where she lives, so why didn't the two of you make plans? they havent watched a movie together since about a week after we first started dating. Your whole post has me confused. Did I read correctly that she went to a movie with him, a week after you started dating her??? I know thats selfish but in a way it shows me that she really does want me to stick around. Now THIS I agree with!! You're correct, she really does want YOU to stick around, and see yourself as her BF. This seems like a really good deal for her, she can date her ex, and whoever else she wants while you're away at school, and you'll be right there panting for her, waiting for her to give you a little time. Do you honestly enjoy all this drama????
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 No I really dont enjoy all this drama. For the last time for those who ask why I wasnt with her, I live 90 miles away....I dont get paid till...well today. The only days I DONT work are sunday and wednesday, and wednesday is full of classes. It costs me $75 to fill up and I only get 260 miles out of it. Her parents wont let her drive her car out here, or let her meet me halfway. I dont see myself as her boyfriend anymore. I will date other people also and not just stick around for her. I honest to god dont think anything happened. She has felt this way for a long time and still hasnt hooked up with her ex. How do I know this? Cause I have not been out here but for a month, but when I was at home I saw her every day and we hung out everynight unless she had to babysit or work. As for the reasons why she doesnt want a boyfriend for personal reasons...Ill do my best to fill in and ya'll can tell me what you think. She has not said this but I think its why... She has BPD, not severely but she does. Her parents treat her like complete **** and tell her all the time that she can leave if she wants too (shes a senior in high school). They tell her she's a disruption to the family(Ive been there to hear those words exactly out of her moms house). She is a very good kid, does the best she can and tries to do right by her parents standard even though its impossible. She is scared to stay at home with her dad alone (not her real dad). He told her that she will be 18 soon and she can leave whenever and they cant do anything about it. But when she gets somethint set up so she can leave and still be under a roof they tell her she cant and deny ever saying stuff like that. I have personally heard them tell her they dont want her. That along with her BPD is really hard on her. She will get attacks that she blacks out, Ive been there for those too. She will curl herself up into almost impossible positions and not even know it. The next day she will have bruises on her arms and not know where they came from. She is doing all she can (minus going to a shrink) to fix things with her family and get that life in order. This is all stuff that I personally have witnessed and not just what she has told me.
gidgit1961 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 ok..I apologize...you obviously have made your mind up already about standing by her...regardless of all that's been going on. I evidently misunderstood all the posts to this thread and was under the impression you were asking for advice. I wish you the best of luck with this girl.
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 There was no reason for you to apologize. I asked for advice and ya'll gave it to me. I probably left stuff out that could of been mentioned that could of ya'll. I guess things can get complicated and I'm not great with words. I guess in a way Im being a puss by not breaking it off with her, but Ive got this gut feeling right now that she is being sincere, and I cant help that feeling.
Growup Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I haven't posted before but I just couldn't stop myself with this post... What is wrong with you people?! You all must have been in some seriously messed up relationships if you automatically assume that she's going to cheat just because she's going out to dinner with an ex. It's her birthday, of course she wants to go out but her family sound like they could care less, the boyfriend is unable to be there so why not with the ex? They are friends after all and it IS possible to be friends with an ex, whatever you cynics think. Give the girl a break I say. And btw, 4-5 phone calls a day? Not normal. Everyone needs space and you clearly weren't giving it to her. Even if you say that's usual for you guys, it sounds like you're always the one ringing her so maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you to cut down on your calls. No wonder she doesn't want a boyfriend if you can't trust her enough to go a couple of hours without calling. And yes, I KNOW you've had problems with others in the past but at some point you have to leave the past behind otherwise it'll just keep affecting your future. And you BadBadGirl give girls a bad name. Rather than speaking for all of girlkind ("I'm a girl and I know how girls work"), why don't you work on sorting out your own issues? Anyway, sermon over - grow up kids
gidgit1961 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Well, I told myself I was done with this thread, but I have to respond to Growup. People responded to this thread, based on the information they read here. I asked her if she knew how hard it was for me to not feel like **** for her going to dinner with him. It makes it even worse that I am at college right now (but only about an hr and a half away). Now that made it sound like he was upset, didn't it? Also made it sound like his being only an hour and a half away wasn't such a big deal, correct? But one more thing and Im sure this is a stupid question and probably one that I dont want to know.... But IF I ask her if she shaved down there before she went...and she says well yes...should I be worried? She doesnt shave all the time, she will on the friday that I come home from school for that weekend.... That whole question left me shaking my head. Sounds like HE really is questioning this, doesn't it? He also states here that he comes home on Friday for the weekend. For the last time for those who ask why I wasnt with her, I live 90 miles away....I dont get paid till...well today. The only days I DONT work are sunday and wednesday, and wednesday is full of classes. For the LAST time? This was the FIRST time we got THIS information. Conflicting information was given throughout this whole thread apparently. And lastly, from Growup... You all must have been in some seriously messed up relationships Nope, I'm sure we've ALL had trouble free relationships, each and every one of us, with no issues whatsoever. Well, obviously not you, as WE seem to be the ones who need to grow up. As I said, people responded to the information given, and gave their oppinions and advice based on that. Perhaps people who post a thread and ask for advice need to be a bit clearer when they post.
BadBadGirl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 growup, you're an idiot. and i am probably older than you, and definitely smarter. yes, i know how girls work. why shouldn't i? it doesn't mean i know every single girl's mind, of course not. stop thinking so literally. a mechanic knows cars, but he still has to look at the car to figure out a problem right? it doesn't mean he doesn't know cars. i know girls. i read the thread. i see the problem. simple. if you can read this whole thread and think he's not being cheated or at least played, then i have a feeling there's probably a whole lot going on behind your back too. you must be a cheater's dream girlfriend--stupidity and naivete are your best qualities, in that case. in any case, back to the real issue, wezol, you are going to do what you want to do. i am sorry you are falling for all this girl's bullsh*it, but if you want to, it's obviously your choice. one question though...why was she watching movies with her ex a week after you got together? she is not over him. i am a girl, and i know how girls work. if she has been pulling this behavior since you started dating, you should have known what to expect. if you get hurt, it's because you let it happen. and i thought she was going to dinner with him; when did it turn into a movie too? and yes the "single silent tear"--that's freaking classic. this girl must be a pro. too bad everyone can see right through her. well, except, wezol. i wish you luck.
Kengne Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I've been reading this thread from the jump, and feel compelled to respond. I don't agree with all of Grow-ups comments, but I too, did find it a lil odd how strongly some posters jumped as soon as they heard wezol's gf was having her b-day dinner with the ex. IMO -> I didn't particularly see anything wrong with it, if HE wasn't available to spend her b-day with her (and that was my impression when he said he lived an hr & 1/2 away from her). I mean, it IS possible for ex's to still be friends! What I DO find odd... is how after the dinner, ALL OF A SUDDEN --> she isn't ready for the rel'ship?? This sudden turnaround in her feelings makes me wonder about the dinner. But the dinner by itself, would not raise any major red flags for me. My mentality is if someone is gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat - period. Hmmmmmmm... I'd like to hear an update & see if she gets with the ex. K.
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 And btw, 4-5 phone calls a day? Not normal. Everyone needs space and you clearly weren't giving it to her. Even if you say that's usual for you guys, it sounds like you're always the one ringing her so maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you to cut down on your calls. No wonder she doesn't want a boyfriend if you can't trust her enough to go a couple of hours without calling. 75% of the time she calls me. She called me this morning at 11, talked for a few minutes and told her I would call her back in a few (I was working). I called back talked for 5 minutes and told her I had to go. She didnt want me to and wanted to talk to me more. I said that I would call her when I went on lunch (where I am right now). She left for an hour or so from home and when she got home called me and asked if I called her. Thats about how it always goes. It makes it even worse that I am at college right now (but only about an hr and a half away). That was in my original post. I assumed that my reading that I am an hour and a half away one would say that I am between 80-100 miles depending on how heavy your foot is. When I made it seem like an hr and a half wasnt a big deal...well its not. It could be worse. But that doesnt mean that I can go home whenever I want. She doesnt shave all the time, she will on the friday that I come home from school for that weekend.... I meant that when I DO come home. This will be the 2nd weekend I havent been home since Ive been here. When I do go home its on friday nights for the weekend. This was a stupid question to even think about asking, I was just caught up in the moment. i am sorry you are falling for all this girl's bullsh*it, but if you want to, it's obviously your choice. one question though...why was she watching movies with her ex a week after you got together? she is not over him. i am a girl, and i know how girls work. if she has been pulling this behavior since you started dating, you should have known what to expect. if you get hurt, it's because you let it happen. and i thought she was going to dinner with him; when did it turn into a movie too? and yes the "single silent tear"--that's freaking classic. this girl must be a pro. too bad everyone can see right through her. well, except, wezol. I know...and I know that you are 99% correct. Its just all confusing to me. This it the first decent relationship Ive been in. Im sure it would be better to end it, Im sure you are all right. Im going home next weekend and we will see how things pan out and I will make a final descision from there. I will take into consideration everything everyone has said here when I do. Thank you.
babybear Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 WEZOL: I havent read the whole thread - so I am not sure what's been going on, but let me say this: I was dating someone (Jon) long before I met my current bf. Jon and I ended on the most amicable of terms. We still lived in the same college town, so we ran into each other a lot. When I would see him - I would still get nostalgic for a while...but eventually, he and I reached a place where it was really platonic, and where the past WAS the past. He helped me through some really difficult times even after our breakup, like when someone else cheated on me, etc. Eventually, he met his current gf and I met my bf. I chat with Jon online all the time, and if I visit his town, I call him up to grab lunch or whatever. My bf was not happy with it at first - but I had NEVER given my bf a reason to doubt me. And I asked him to TRUST me. He did, and all was well. What I'm saying is that if she's got tons of guy friends that she's out with all the time, okay...maybe that's weird. But, if she and this guy went through a lot together, and you trust her, then 2 exes being casual friends is not absurd. Again, lunch here and there is ok - but romantic dinners and such would be crossing the line, IMHO. Bb
88888888 Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Babybear, I do agree with on some points but in general I disagree with you. I believe it is hard to have an ex/filler in the picture. It's not a trust issue but as I said before it is the mentality. If I don't appreciate your ex or filler calling at midnight just to see how you are doing, then please try make some assurances that he doesn't call around that time. And please, do you really think your ex/filler is calling at a crazy time just to see how you are doing? I have another time when my GF and I will were having a moment in bed and her filler calls "just to see how she is doing." She didn't pick up the call but the mood was killed. It use to be an every other day thing that she would get a call. And yes, I did let her know my feelings about it but she never said or did anything to prevent it from happening. The calls did stop eventually but not by her doing. I just think her ex got the message. She ALWAYS defensive about it. I am still hurt today that she never did anything but only to tell me to TRUST her. As I told her, it is not a trust issue, it's your mentality. If the situation was reversed, I am sure she would have a big problem with it. Bottom line, if you want to have a good current relationship, then the ex has to be out of the picture.
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