wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Okay so my g/f's ex is taking her out for dinner tonight for her birthday (birthday is monday). I mean at least she told me that he was, and she knows I'm not happy with it at all. I asked her if she knew how hard it was for me to not feel like **** for her going to dinner with him. It makes it even worse that I am at college right now (but only about an hr and a half away). My gut and my intuition are both telling me this is a mistake and I told her that 90% of the time its right. Well she said "then this is the other 10%, itll be okay" I feel so clingy when I get like that, I feel like I'm getting too emotional. He WAS her first love, and they are friends, and they very rarely hang out (last time was 4th of july), but it still hurts. I'm 98% sure I can trust her, but she is a flirt and a tease and alot of guys hate her for that. I can't stand the thought of her with him and liking it. She has told me she is over him, she said when she finally realized she was over him was the time she realized she loved me. But still, I have been ****ed over one too many times because of ex's. What should I do? Is it really possible for girls to stay friends with their EX and go out as JUST friends?
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Okay so my g/f's ex is taking her out for dinner tonight for her birthday (birthday is monday). I mean at least she told me that he was, and she knows I'm not happy with it at all. then that is the part that matters. she is blatantly disregarding your feelings by doing this. that 2% of distrust for her is going to bite you in the a$$. it would be one thing if she had already gone out with him and told you about it after...then she would have made the conscious decision to disrespect your feelings on her own, and you would have no choice but to deal with it or get out of the relationship. the fact that this has been discussed between the two of you, and she is still going, well, it speaks volumes about your relationship--at least from her side. i am over my exes, and harbor no ill feelings about them...because i don't care about them either way anymore. so if i am over them and don't care about them anymore, why would i be willing to sacrifice a relationship for them? think about it.
Art_Critic Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Nothing good can come from your GF going to dinner with her Ex.. It shows that she is not over him yet !! I would have a problem with it.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I think I really messed up.... I called her this morning to apologize for acting like I did. Then I called her agian at 12 (like I do everyday when I get off work) and thats when I explained about my intuition and stuff. Told her I was over it and when I got off the phone said I love you. She said it back but didnt sound like she meant it. I called agian at 3 just to see what was going on, I said "You dont sound too happy to hear from me" and she responded with "No its fine". Some of you may think Ive called her too many times but we talk 4-5 times a day on average. Well I had forgotten to tell her what I have been meaning to tell her for the past 3 days, about a hockey game that I am comming home to play. So I called agian before I forgot and she was just like "you've called me 3 times in the past 30 minutes, I just want to relax leave me alone" so I said "okay talk to you in a few days" and hung up. Ive left my phone in my truck so if she calls I dont pick up and say anything stupid. I think I messed up, actually I know I did. I came across too emotional and stuff. Dammit....
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 look wez. Your concerns are valid. My ex has a new b/f and she calls me and tells me she still wants to be with me. We went to lunch about a month ago and she said that she loves me and wants to be with me but right now she has a boyfriend She has done this in a bar while her B/F could see her hugging me. BE CAREFUL
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I would drop my gf if I she hugged her ex infront of me. (You can usually tell if its just a friendly hug or if it has feeling behind it). The next gf I have, will not have the baggage of still loving the ex. If she does, she will not be my gf. I have been burnt one too many times (4) because of an ex.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Any tips on what to look for when she calls me after her dinner? What if something happened what should I look for to be able to tell?
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 she told me she loved me and misses me so much she cant handle it while she hugged me in front of him. TO think I wanted her back. Im sure she did the same thing when I was with her. Everyone is different though this is just my situation
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 wezo said Any tips on what to look for when she calls me after her dinner? What if something happened what should I look for to be able to tell? Dont know on this one. If she is your G/F you should be able to tell if she is hiding something
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I think I messed up, actually I know I did. I came across too emotional and stuff. Dammit.... you may have "messed up" by being too emotional or clingy, but it didn't have anything to do with this situation...she was feeling this way before you even called her. it sounds like she's over the relationship. sorry, dude. i don't see this going anywhere good.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I dont think shes over the relationship...at least I hope. She tells me all the time how much she needs me. She tells me how much she loves me (all last night before I found out she is going to dinner) and stuff like that. Shes not the type to just get over the relationship that fast...
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I dont think shes over the relationship...at least I hope. She tells me all the time how much she needs me. She tells me how much she loves me (all last night before I found out she is going to dinner) and stuff like that. Shes not the type to just get over the relationship that fast... okay. and for your sake, i hope you're right. but from an outside person's point of view, you're not right. on the other hand, you say she's not the type to get over a relationship that fast.......so isn't is possible she's not over her relationship with the ex that she is celebrating her birthday with? i don't know. i'm a girl and i know how girls work, and this just isn't looking good.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Dammit.....well I guess I'll find out tomorrow. And take lots of Nyquil so I can sleep tonight...or just drink.
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Dammit.....well I guess I'll find out tomorrow. And take lots of Nyquil so I can sleep tonight...or just drink. just don't do both!!! i don't think you'll find out tomorrow. her passive-aggressive/avoidant behavior suggests she is going back and forth on this issue. for all you know, she may be acting this way because she is planning on hooking up with her ex, so if she is fighting with you, she won't feel as guilty....which would explain her sudden "mood swinginess"--as in trying to pick fights with you. then afterward, she may be as sweet and loving as always. that's a huge sign that someone totally cheated on you, or is planning on it. i've done this myself.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 That is one of the main reasons I called to apologize this morning... I wont lie, that has crossed my mind. Ive got a feeling in my gut that she will call before she goes to dinner. I left my phone in my truck for that reason, so I wont be there to answer. Good idea or bad? If she calls before she goes should I answer? I think that if I dont answer she will take that as being pissed and then not feel as guilty about cheating?
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 maybe you should answer, and give her one last chance to do the right thing. if she doesn't, i say drop her. i am sorry, i am sure you care about her, but a one-sided relationship is all gain for one and all pain for the other--and that can go either way. at least show her you're not someone to be messed with. if she can get away with going out to a birthday dinner with her ex, she'll know she can pretty much get away with anything. and after this you can't blame her for anything that she does to upset you, because you're letting her do it. if she thinks this guy is worth arguing for, and she uses this is an excuse to keep arguing with you or even break up with you, you'll know what she is thinking...and what she is planning on doing. i hate to tell you, but if she is insisting on going, she is seriously going to do something with this guy.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I think I might call her before she goes, and be real nice and tell her that I seriously want her to have a good time. Good idea? Then tomorrow break up with her.
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I think I might call her before she goes, and be real nice and tell her that I seriously want her to have a good time. Then tomorrow break up with her. well, while that is mean, cold, immature, and also passive/aggressive....it sounds perfect. i would say something like "you know, i thought i trusted you, i really did, but while you were out with him, i thought more about it and i just don't. and even if i did trust you, it doesn't matter, because you still don't give a shyt what i think anyway. sorry. it's not me, it's you. " then tell her you would like to make plans with her for her next birthday dinner, to keep up the birthday-ex-celebration going. i'm sorry, i'm just joking, i'm trying to cheer you up a little. well, okay, so i am half-joking.
Author wezol Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 lol thanks I called and said this...or along the lines of how it went down... Me-"just callin to let you know that i hope you have fun tonight, and eat alot cause you need it" she was like alright mister sarcastic Me-"no im serious. im over it. i was over it along time go. have fun and be careful. where are yall goin" Her-"some pizza place with real brick ovens that used to be a 7/11" Me-"thats cool" Her-"was this just an excuse to talk to me" Me-"no i just didnt want you to go all pissed at me" She sounded happy to hear from me. I asked her what time she would be home and she said not late. When she says she wont be home late 9/10 times she wont be home late. Either way I'm over it and I could give 2 ****s what she does. Im in college, I'll stay with her. Have fun with it and take it all in stride. What the hell am I doing!!
BadBadGirl Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Her-"was this just an excuse to talk to me" She sounded happy to hear from me. Either way I'm over it and I could give 2 ****s what she does. Im in college, I'll stay with her. that doesn't sound like something that someone happy to hear from you would say. why should you need an excuse to talk to her?! and the second part not in bold...i don't get it.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 ill put my input on this, and hope its not too late... if she is not over him yet...and doesnt go out to eat with him...you are still doomed. why? well because once she is over him( thats if she still loves him...she will get rid of you possibly)..first loves? eh...... thats BIG NONONONO she should not be doing that at all...
88888888 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I personally would not let her go. There are too many things that could be said to spark up old feelings again. Ask her this question,"If I dispprove of you going, would you still go?" I am sure she will bring the trust issue into play but it is not about trust. It is about her mentality and how she feels about how you feel. If she truly cares, then she will not go to hurt you. My best friend once told me, there's nothing good with an ex still in the picture.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 yeah, if she chooses your feelings..over going out to eat with an ex....thats a good sign.. but be prepared for anything
BadBadGirl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 uh hey guys, if you read the whole thread, which isn't that long, you'll see that she's out with him right now, meaning it's already clear that she chose the ex over wezol's feelings.
Author wezol Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 I guess now I have no choice but to trust her. Shes already out right now. She said she wont be out too late (means about 1030 or so). But one more thing and Im sure this is a stupid question and probably one that I dont want to know.... But IF I ask her if she shaved down there before she went...and she says well yes...should I be worried? She doesnt shave all the time, she will on the friday that I come home from school for that weekend....
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