Blondegirl89 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 So this is a super weird one, and I don’t even know how I get myself into these situations but here I am. I recently accepted a date Friday with a guy, it was very last minute but he was persistent. Anyway I met him and it was going so very well. He wouldn’t be my normal type but I was going with it because I felt my normal type usually turned out to be a**h***s. anyway, my friend called my during our date so I excused myself to answer and explained she was going through a difficult time. He understood and we then got onto the topics of friends. He began chatting about his friend, he started mentioning things, that I then started to think it couldn’t be my ex could it? but I said nothing. He told me his friend hated himself that he’s constantly looking for perfection in all his partners and so on. He showed me a picture and low and behold it was my ex. I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing. The date went really well and he asked me out for a second time. I later texted him explaining that his friend was my ex and that it would be awkward. He told me he didn’t care and that he wanted to see me again. I feel like this never happens and maybe it was the universes way of giving me a sign. I don’t know what the sign is but it’s odd because he really is a nice guy kind, genuine, caring but he also is close to my ex. My ex is still in my life, I didn’t tell him that. But that very day he asked me out my ex called into my job and asked me for lunch. part of me feels like it’s too big of a coincidence that he asked me out the same day my ex surprised me and I’m concerned they either planned it or it was just a mother f***ing huge coincidence. He told me my ex was seeing someone in December and lied to me that he wasn’t, he said a lot about my ex that shocked me. It was like finding out he was living a double life!! The guy I once loved turned out not to be the man I thought, I was hurting but I kept it together but it made me reevaluate our relationship. that has opened a can of worms for me, I’m now in a situation. I’m so pissed off with my ex finding out what I did and hurt and sad. I think maybe the universe wanted me to meet this guy to show me what my ex really is like. Do I say it to my ex I had a date with his friend? what if his friend says he had a date with me? what should I do? I never met his guy before, I never knew he was a friend of my exes. We did add each other on insta and I did see my ex was a follower but I didn’t assume anything. Now he on the other hand told me he had a snoop on my page so he would’ve seen one or two of the pics with me and my ex.
simpycurious Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 He's your EX (not your current) and it's JUST A DATE. If you like the guy why not go on the date? Let me ask this....would your ex go out with one of your friend's???? 2
Miss Spider Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Small world, huh? I doubt it is a sign of anything. Just a really weird coincidence. Also weird how he was telling you all that about your ex and didn’t suspect anything. He was your ex’s best friend, but you never met him? As for telling your ex about it, no!!! Obviously that guy hurt you and you should leave him alone/NC. I’ve dated people’s acquaintances and people who knew each other, but, I’ve never dated an ex’s best friend or close friend. Just dating someone an ex is friendly with with can get really messy. Let alone a best friend. I hope it works out for you . 1
Ami1uwant Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 It’s far weirder to dateyour bf ex if you actually kne2thrm. it seems like you two never knew each other...so your relationship with his bf wasn’t all that long or before thry became bf. it really isn’t an issue.
Erik30 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 He doesn't sound like such a great guy if he's talking about his friend behind his back... I think that says a lot about his character. He's basically throwing his friend under a bus to get a girl 1 2
preraph Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 It's not any coincidence. He listened to your ex talk about you and went after you like the vulture he is. And if this is his best friend than what's he doing going around exposing him and talking crap about him. all he's doing is leveraging that relationship to try to get a woman. That's not a nice person. That's another ahole. He's an opportunistic feeder and he's betraying your ex. I've had similar things happen to me both by a supposed friend and by a supposed friend of an ex. He's self-serving so you can't trust everything he's saying and he's light on ethics. 1 2
kendahke Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) 53 minutes ago, Blondegirl89 said: but he was persistent. he started mentioning things, that I then started to think it couldn’t be my ex could it? but I said nothing. He told me his friend hated himself that he’s constantly looking for perfection in all his partners and so on. He showed me a picture and low and behold it was my ex. I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing. I later texted him explaining that his friend was my ex and that it would be awkward. He told me he didn’t care and that he wanted to see me again. My ex is still in my life, I didn’t tell him that. But that very day he asked me out my ex called into my job and asked me for lunch. part of me feels like it’s too big of a coincidence that he asked me out the same day my ex surprised me and I’m concerned they either planned it or it was just a mother f***ing huge coincidence. He told me my ex was seeing someone in December and lied to me that he wasn’t, he said a lot about my ex that shocked me. It was like finding out he was living a double life!! The guy I once loved turned out not to be the man I thought, I was hurting but I kept it together but it made me reevaluate our relationship. that has opened a can of worms for me, I’m now in a situation. I’m so pissed off with my ex finding out what I did and hurt and sad. I think maybe the universe wanted me to meet this guy to show me what my ex really is like. Do I say it to my ex I had a date with his friend? what if his friend says he had a date with me? what should I do? Don't give your ex's friend that big of a benefit of the doubt. This is either your ex put him up to it to see what you would do or he's got an axe to grind with your ex and this is his way of making sure the blow lands hard. Neither prospects are good as far as you're concerned. And this wasn't a coincidence or sign: this was plotting and calculating. I find it incredibly hard to believe that this guy has never seen a picture of you with his best friend. It'd be different if they went to school together and had a couple of classes together or played on the same sports team together, but he's saying he's your ex's boy. He knows exactly who you are and the fact that he's running his boy down like a dog in the street to you is really suspect. I don't believe a word he's saying. I don't think he means you any good. Proceed with extreme caution. Edited March 10, 2020 by kendahke 3 1
Calmandfocused Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) Irrespective of whether this is a coincidence or not (I don’t believe that it is) let’s think about whether this is a good idea for you. Clearly you still have feelings for your ex. Even if these feelings are negative, they are still unresolved. Getting involved with your ex’s mate will not help you move on. At all. In fact it will just rub your face in it. Why are you still in touch with an ex who treated you less than well? My advice is to go no contact with the ex and find someone else to date. It’s not worth it Op. Edited March 10, 2020 by Calmandfocused 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 19 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: what should I do?
Miss Spider Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) Wow how horrible would it be if her ex put his best friend up to it just for luls. Had his friend hit on her, get her on the date, then talk about him, Sociopathic Edited March 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
simpycurious Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Wow how horrible would it be if her ex put his best friend up to it just for luls. Had his friend hit on her, get her on the date, then talk about him, Sociopathic I think that "sociopathic" would not nearly be a strong enough description if that actually happened. I can think of a few other CHOICE words 2
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 Ditch this date, and stop talking to a guy that out right cheated on you. 1
Beendaredonedat Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 I never met his guy before, I never knew he was a friend of my exes. We did add each other on insta and I did see my ex was a follower but I didn’t assume anything. Now he on the other hand told me he had a snoop on my page so he would’ve seen one or two of the pics with me and my ex. Ignoring this huge flag tells me that you've not honed your own personal boundaries, that you won't cross, enough to be able to pick a good partner. Logic and your gut is telling you to NOT see this guy again. Ask yourself why you are ignoring both those things and are here having to ask strangers on the internet what you should do. 1
Mystery4u Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 So much wrong here OP. Why is your ex still in your life that he is asking you out for lunch? He is your ex, move on. The fact that his 'friend' said he doesn't care you went out with his best friend shows what kind of person he is - not a good or loyal one. Do yourself a favour, move on from your ex as it sounds like you have not, and find someone completely new. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 Something is very off about this. How long ago did you break up with your ex, OP? I ask because it seems quite strange to me that this guy is so close to your ex, and yet you had no clue who he was. Did you not date your ex long enough to meet his friends or something? Where was this mystery best friend when you and your ex were together? 1 2
Author Blondegirl89 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Posted March 16, 2020 On 3/11/2020 at 12:11 AM, ExpatInItaly said: Something is very off about this. How long ago did you break up with your ex, OP? I ask because it seems quite strange to me that this guy is so close to your ex, and yet you had no clue who he was. Did you not date your ex long enough to meet his friends or something? Where was this mystery best friend when you and your ex were together? Well we dated for about 6 months and stayed in contact nearly a year, I met most of his friends not them all though. Sure I didn’t meet one of his best friends saw pictures of them but never met them. I only ever met a handful of them
stillafool Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 What do you want to do? What are you going to do? 1
Author Blondegirl89 Posted March 16, 2020 Author Posted March 16, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: What do you want to do? What are you going to do? Well I told my ex that I had a date with his friend. he told me his friend already told him, he asked my what he said and I told him and he got so angry with me over text as if I had done something bad. I just said “I didn’t do anything wrong he was the one who brought you into it not me, so when you calm down, feel free to get in touch” to be honest I feel like he is going to take his friends side. Not that I need him to take mine either but I don’t think he believes what I’ve told him, that or the stuff his friend said is true and he’s annoyed I now know?
Miss Spider Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) Doesn’t matter but it seems clear you are still hung up on your ex... why? I have no idea Edited March 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Hopeful30 Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 I say come clean and let the chips fall where they may. If you don't, you risk making things much more complicated than they need to be. Besides, if you're serious about this new guy, it's best to start with an honest and genuine approach. 1
kendahke Posted March 16, 2020 Posted March 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Blondegirl89 said: he told me his friend already told him, he asked my what he said and I told him and he got so angry with me over text as if I had done something bad. That's because you got set up. Funny how he went running to his boy like a little tattletale to get his story to him first. You wouldn't have come out on the good side of this no matter who got to your ex first. Block both of them and move on. You can do better and deserve better than these two cretins. 1
OatsAndHall Posted March 17, 2020 Posted March 17, 2020 On 3/9/2020 at 5:57 PM, preraph said: It's not any coincidence. He listened to your ex talk about you and went after you like the vulture he is. And if this is his best friend than what's he doing going around exposing him and talking crap about him. all he's doing is leveraging that relationship to try to get a woman. That's not a nice person. That's another ahole. He's an opportunistic feeder and he's betraying your ex. I've had similar things happen to me both by a supposed friend and by a supposed friend of an ex. He's self-serving so you can't trust everything he's saying and he's light on ethics. I have to say that I agree with this statement. Something about this situation just doesn't seem right. I'm not one to be paranoid but this guy just pops up, starts talking about his "best friend" on your date and now wants to see you? It all seems too convenient. I don't know if he's being opportunistic or if he and your ex are playing a game but I think I would distance myself from this thing. 1 1
stillafool Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 I agree with above. There are just to many men out there to get tangled up with an ex and his best friend. No.
Fletch Lives Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Wow, what a drama queen. Why all the drama, why date this guy? Why are you trying to put the screws to your ex by dating his friend? 1
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