Toomuchornot Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 Dating someone for 6 months. He has had 2 failed marriages and has been alone for several years now. Since meeting me he keeps saying I nice I am (which he said wasn’t the case with his 2 exes), how much he loves me and only wants me for the rest of his life. He keeps also always saying “I love you”. By always I mean always like during the night if we wake for a few moments and during all waking hours. Seriously I haven’t added it up but probably 20 times in a 24 hour period. I love him too but don’t say it so many times. He’s also very affectionate and yes he wants to move in and marry me. We are both older and so before I move forward I’d have a prenup etc. I do feel pressured a bit on time to move forward too. He says he will doesn’t want the 2 hour drive every weekend to see me forever which I understand. Do you think his feelings are all genuine and why constantly tell me how he feels. I don’t need to hear it that many times in one day.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 (edited) What do you mean older? He, you may be at an age where finding a prospective partner is becoming more complicated. He may realize this. I suspect he may have said the same things at the beginning with his exes. He may be the excessively affectionate type. You have been dating for 6-months. Was he like this at the beginning? You also love him. Great. If the 'I love you' bombing is a little too much , gently let him know. It may dent his ego, but he may be feeling insecure right now. He may be feeling that he needs to keep up the affection to ensure your connection with him. Perhaps you are not as vocal? A few more I love you's may be helpful? Edited March 9, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Miss Spider Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) Nah, he really just sounds needy/clingy. Basically what most men turn into after a couple months of dating or less lol Edited March 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
HappySenior Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 By move in, you mean he wants to move in with you or vice versa? If he has to drive two hours to see you, chances are you are not spending enough time together to really know him. When I was dating my recent ex, we spent most of our hours together and it still took three months before the bloom began to fade from the rose. Even at that we were off and on for the two years prior to marriage. You just can't tell. what a person is like when they have to be with you all the time. Is he retired? If he just says he loves you (in bed) but is not being specific what it is about you (other than being nice) that he admires, I'd be a bit wary. Some people can sound sincere when they talk about how lucky they are to have found you, and yet it is just a reflection of the rosy glow of the moment. Plus if he is into you because you are "nice" it is possible that he will not tolerate someone who challenges him and you may get stuck in that "nice" role for the rest of your life (or be subject to verbal abuse if you deviate from the planned program). Try giving him a couple of challenges and see how he handles it. If it causes trouble, you just might be with someone who is in a hurry to pair down and really isn't into you. Disagree with him on something. IF he asks you to help with something or go somewhere out of the blue, maybe turn him down a time or two and see how he handles it. I know it's a s*** test, but I wish I'd done that with my now ex. We probably would not have been together five years and I might have found better in that time,. 1
Realitysux Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Toomuchornot said: Dating someone for 6 months. He has had 2 failed marriages and has been alone for several years now. Since meeting me he keeps saying I nice I am (which he said wasn’t the case with his 2 exes), how much he loves me and only wants me for the rest of his life. He keeps also always saying “I love you”. By always I mean always like during the night if we wake for a few moments and during all waking hours. Seriously I haven’t added it up but probably 20 times in a 24 hour period. I love him too but don’t say it so many times. He’s also very affectionate and yes he wants to move in and marry me. We are both older and so before I move forward I’d have a prenup etc. I do feel pressured a bit on time to move forward too. He says he will doesn’t want the 2 hour drive every weekend to see me forever which I understand. Do you think his feelings are all genuine and why constantly tell me how he feels. I don’t need to hear it that many times in one day. 2 failed marriages, my guess is you are going to see why after he moves in! 3
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Yes I would be wary of someone talking about moving in after only 6 months and on top of that someone I only see on weekends. It takes at least 2 years to know someone enough. I dated my ex-husband only on weekends for 3 years and when we married and finally moved in together he was nothing like I had imagine on a day to day basis. I am older and no one and no prince charming would pressure me into moving in with me, or moving with him. Yes his 20 ILY a day is love-bombing to me. It's to convince you to move in together. I find him a bit in a hurry for a man with 2 divorces. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 He sounds needy, OP. I think he's showering you with "I love you" because he's desperate to hear it back and get reassurance. Pump the brakes. If he doesn't take the hint and continues to pressure you, you might want to reconsider the long-term viability of this relationship. 1
BrennaR Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 17 hours ago, Toomuchornot said: Dating someone for 6 months. He has had 2 failed marriages and has been alone for several years now. Since meeting me he keeps saying I nice I am (which he said wasn’t the case with his 2 exes), how much he loves me and only wants me for the rest of his life. He keeps also always saying “I love you”. By always I mean always like during the night if we wake for a few moments and during all waking hours. Seriously I haven’t added it up but probably 20 times in a 24 hour period. I love him too but don’t say it so many times. He’s also very affectionate and yes he wants to move in and marry me. We are both older and so before I move forward I’d have a prenup etc. I do feel pressured a bit on time to move forward too. He says he will doesn’t want the 2 hour drive every weekend to see me forever which I understand. Do you think his feelings are all genuine and why constantly tell me how he feels. I don’t need to hear it that many times in one day. Two not nice ex wifes? What are the odds? I agree with the posters, where you will have to carry the "nice" label, when you really need to express yourself. I agree with the "challenge" suggestion. I would see if you could accomplish together a challenging situation and see how each other fares. But someone saying I love you twenty times a day would not be my cup of tea. In fact someone contacting me 20 times a day, when I am working would simply not be feasible for me. Maybe on a weekend, when he knows I am home in my pjs watching TV or quarantined with Corona Virus would that work for me. 1
simpycurious Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, BrennaR said: Two not nice ex wifes? What are the odds? I agree with the posters, where you will have to carry the "nice" label, when you really need to express yourself. I agree with the "challenge" suggestion. I would see if you could accomplish together a challenging situation and see how each other fares. But someone saying I love you twenty times a day would not be my cup of tea. In fact someone contacting me 20 times a day, when I am working would simply not be feasible for me. Maybe on a weekend, when he knows I am home in my pjs watching TV or quarantined with Corona Virus would that work for me. I agree Brenna. It is just too much and seems as if he needs reassurance ALL THE TIME.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 It's a red flag that he's putting the blame for the failed marriages on the ex-wives. I'm sure their versions of the story would be different from what he's told you. 2
Calmandfocused Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Be careful that there are no secondary gain factors at play here. Stop, analyse and assess why he wants to marry and move in after only 6 months. Is it because it’s “true love” or is he set to gain much more? Financial gains, a live in housekeeper perhaps? I’m assuming by “older” that you’re at retirement age or thereabouts? Some women in your position may be a very lucrative prospect for some. Be very careful op. Don’t rush into anything, especially not marriage. Get to know who he is first
smackie9 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 (edited) Let me guess...he hasn't a pot to piss in, and you are worried your retirement nest egg will get jacked by this guy am I right? If it's too good to be true, then it is. Again don't marry this guy. Edited March 9, 2020 by smackie9 2
Author Toomuchornot Posted March 10, 2020 Author Posted March 10, 2020 Yes him and my son get along. 1
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