DevinWolfe Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Hey everyone, For the past 2 years my girllfriend and i have been known as siamese twins by everyone that knows us. We have always had small issues like every other couple and we always worked them out.... ALWAYS. But it seems like when a larger issue or problem would come up she would seem to want just take the easy way out and say "im tired of everything." like she didnt want to be with me anymore because that was easier than her having to work on the problem. We still managed to work everything out after i would talk some sence into her. We are each other's first major love. We met my sophomore year in high school dated for a short while. We each took a break and dated 1 other person and came RIGHT back. Now for the past couple weeks tension has been higher than ever and we had been on the brink of breaking up again for a while. Then i thought about and i decided that it's not what i wanted this time. I talked her into sticking it out for 2 weeks and giving it one more chance before turning her back. She agreed and we worked things out. She spent the night with me the following day and brought me a card saying she was sorry for all the crap in our relationship and we worked everything out. 3 nights later she calls me and tells me she was extremely ill that morning and went to the hospital and found out she has ulcers caused from stress. Her exact words were "i have too much stress in my life and you're one of the main causes right now" so technically we are on a break that we agreed would only last a short while. What i don't understand is why would she wait until the problems were resolved and things were on the way back to being great to break it off over stress. Is she just looking for a way out or what? She graduates this year and i just graduated last year so we're not far off from having a lot more time to spend together. Normally because i'm a student at ITT Tech and i work full time we only see each other about 6-8 hours a week becuase she works too. So should i just wait to see what she has to say after she has had some time away from me and then make a decision or would it be better for me to bak things off at leaast until she graduates so that she'll possibly be a little more mature about a relationship? I feel like this whole time i have been the only one trying and i feel like she has been taking it all for granted. Should i really just give her space? Again? Or do i try to take action now? I can't stand not talking to her or seeing her. We have always been one of the biggest things in each other's lives. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.
georgiagirl76 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You need to really think and decide if she is worth fighting for- not fighting with. You need to think if you really want a lifetime of stress and having to fight to keep her. If you love her you need to give her what she is asking for-sometimes what our SO asks for is at odds with what we want. If you love her you will let her take the space and time. There are many forms of stress- good and bad. It is possible that your relationship is both for her and if she is sick she needs to heal with as little added stress as possible. Take the time to reflect on yourself and how you can be a better partner and a better individual. Good Luck
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I would say for you to make sure she knows how you feel (if you already have, dont do it again) Then give her the space she requests. DO NOT PUSH!! You will lose her for good. She will miss you as much as you miss her, I cant predict the future but I can say that you should pursue other goals in your life in the meantime.
Author DevinWolfe Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 She is ABSOLUTELY worth fighting for and worth waiting for but i don't know if she will take her time apart and miss me or if she'll be done and forget i even exist. We have always been such a big part of each other and i don't see how this kind of news from the doctor can do so much damage AFTER we were on our way to fixing things that had gone wrong. Do you think she just wants out all together and is using this as a scapegoat to do it?
georgiagirl76 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 There is no way to know what she really wants. The only thing you can do is listen to her and give her space. You can't control whether or not she comes back. If you take care of you and figure out a way to cope and be happy it will be 1000 times better if she does come back. Then again if she doesn't you will still be better off because you used the time to grow. I know it is hard in the beginning not to analyze the situation and go through "What ifs." However, you do need to take what her doctor is saying seriously. You may not feel stress right now but the cycle of having problems and working them out can cause stress and also there are most likely other things in her life that are causing her stress as well that she can't eliminate. Give her time. If you love her then let her heal
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 georga is right on here. If she knows how you feel, give her space. iIf you want to be with her respect her and dont push her. I promise if you push you will lose her. Be there for her when she needs you. Take your space to
Author DevinWolfe Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I think i'll wait for her to come around. In the meantime should i date someone else or would i be better off just mostly keeping to myself? We have had one of these breaks before and we each dated one other person and neither of the other people turned out to be a good experience. Pretty much i dont know if i should wait on her and focus on school and work or if i should try to get into dating to show her i have moved on. This will give her the mentallity that i won't wait on her forever and make her realize she misses me and this is a mistake?
georgiagirl76 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Devin I am not trying to be harsh but I don't think you understand. You are approaching this as a game it seems. You need to do what is best for you- you are still framing what you are going to do in the reference of what effect it will have on your ex. You should never date someone in order to show someone else that you have moved on- it isn't fair to the new person you are dating. Also, it is important that you really work on you and your needs. By still trying to figure out how to get her back you are going to fail to improve or move on. Good LUck
Author DevinWolfe Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 So is a rebound a bad thing? I have never had one but this time i feel like i need someone to be with. I have feeling of fright, love, anger, and many others all at once like i have never felt before. Not even with our previous breakups.
georgiagirl76 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I do believe rebound is a bad thing. You are delaying processing your grief by getting involved with someone. You will fail to process your emotions by jumping into a relationship too soon. It hurts, it is scary, it is sometimes physically painful- but it is normal. If you start to process it every day will get easier. Also, do you want to potentially make someone feel as you feel now- what if your rebound relationship falls for you and then your ex comes back- would you really want to drop that person flat and have her hurt like you are. It is irresponsible to jump into a relationship if you haven't processed the last one. Also, you will most likely make some of the same mistakes you made in the previous one. Even if you don't think that you made mistakes- every person can grow and learn from each failed relationship. Good luck.
Author DevinWolfe Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 Well, i guess the rebound idea is out. I see how it would potentially cause harm to the other person. But i still don't know if it would be best to wait it out or move on... this is only the 3rd day of our "break" and i havent talked to her since the beginning so it is killing me to be apart. I know this pain will pass but i think im recieving mixed messages from her. She seems to act like it is going to be temporary but she acts like it's forever. What i dont understand is that she hasnt even proposed the exchange of each others things. We each have MANY pictures of the other, pillows, shirts, stuffed animals, etc.
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