Madeleine Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Ok, so they say actions speak louder than words but just how true is this? Let me explain why i ask. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and it has been the most wonderful year of my life. He is like no man i have ever known and i adore him. We usually spend one or two nights during the week together (we live a 45 minute drive apart) and spend almost every weekend together, sometimes he comes to my house, sometimes i go to his. He always arranges our next "date" before we part and has never cancelled or even rearranged once in an entire year. He calls every evening without fail and also sometimes during the day too, if he says he will call at a specific time, he does, he also text messages during the day if he's not too busy with work. He always asks me to text message him that i have arrived at my destination safely when we part. We have taken 2 short vacations together which were great and he has spoken recently of wanting to take more. He is already talking about how much time we can spend together over Christmas and New Years and where we can spend it. He is also saying he would like us to spend more time together, spending the whole week together sometimes instead of just the weekend. He takes me out at least once a week and cooks dinner for me most nights when we stay home. I have met his family (although i only met them a month ago) and he has invited me to a very big family wedding. I have met a lot of his friends and he tells his work colleagues all about me. He refers to me as his gorgeous girlfriend and says he likes to show me off to people (i would say i'm pretty average looking!) We are intellectually on a similar level, we have a similar sense of humor and have similar interests. Conversation flows easily and the silences don't seem awkward. We respect each others' need for personal space and occasionally go out with our own friends, we are both happy with this. He is ok that i have guy friends and he gets along with them just fine. He is the one who brought up the exclusivity talk and then asked me to be his girlfriend. He is considerate, kind, thoughtful and listens when i talk. He notices when i seem unhappy or down and asks me if i want to talk about it. When i have been a little upset about something he offers advice rather than telling me what to do. He has never got cross or angry with me about anything. On two occasions during our relationship we have had minor fallings out, on both occasions he talked rather than argued. He offers to help with things like car and home improvement stuff and offers to drive if we go places. He is extremely affectionate, always hugging me, giving me little kisses and touching or stroking my face. He holds my hand or puts his arm around me in public (we're both in our 30's!) He hugs me in bed and if i stir in the night he asks if i am ok. He always wants to hug and talk after sex!!! He gets up before me in the morning to get me coffee and he fixes me breakfast. He always has a massive smile on his face when we meet, he says i'm gorgeous and beautiful. He tells me he cares deeply about me and that he is very fond of me. He says i am very special and that i am a big part of his life. BUT He has never actually said "I love you" Am i being obtuse here?!?!
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Have you talked to him about this? Have you told him how symbolically important those words are to you, and that despite the fact that he is a great guy and shows you in so many ways that he does love you - that you need to hear them too?
slubberdegullion Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 IMO, actions do speak louder than words. If, for instance, he was effusive in giving you the three magic words but was otherwise completely undemonstrative, you'd have reason to be wary. He may be nervous about saying it, but it seems pretty clear that he's crazy about you. When he's ready, the words will spill forth like a Niagara of affection. You are very fortunate. The glass is definitely half-full. Enjoy.
Author Madeleine Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I haven't spoken to him about it, no. But having said that, actually hearing those three little words isn't THAT important to me. I would rather be shown someone loves me as opposed to being told they love me. It's easy to say "i love you" over and over and not mean it, whereas actually showing love on a constant level takes dedication and effort and probably can't be faked as easily. I guess my post should have ended with the question - "do his actions spell love?"
gidgit1961 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 It's easy to say "i love you" over and over and not mean it, whereas actually showing love on a constant level takes dedication and effort and probably can't be faked as easily. I think you answered your own question. Whether he "says" the words or not, his actions are speaking very loudly.
basscatcher Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I'M SO JEALOUS I want what you have He love's you girlie.....
loony Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 "do his actions spell love?" Do you know how many women here would kill to have a boyfriend like you have??? About saying these three words, I once read that men (maybe "men" should be replaced with "people") are reluctant to say these words again once they had said them and got burnt. It doesn't mean that they don't love you, it only means that they are afraid of saying these words that have meant so much and yet were not able to stop the love from ending. Don't overreact (you're not, but just in case ) and talk with him about him. You seem to have a very beautiful relationship, congratulation.
Topper Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Some guys will say The I loves you just to get laid. They are honey and they are not above saying anything to get a woman into bed. There an old joke. A boy and girl are talking about having sex for the first time. She isn't sure. The Guy says "Of course I love you just take off your dress and I'll prove it." OK I never said it was a good joke. I'm one of those guys who just won't say those three words unless I am deeply and hopelessly ( by the way why do we say hopelessly) In Love. When I do say it I am 110% Committed to that woman. After Those three words my next four words would most likely be I want to marry You. From his actions I would say the guy is very much in love with you. Be thankful that he just doesn't toss out those words like a fishermen tosses out chum to lure in fish. When he does say it, it will be the most meaningful three words he has ever said.
Keslove Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Have you said "I love you" to him yet? If not, make the first move and say it to him because undoubtedly he will say it back to you. But already it seems that his actions speak those three words. Go ahead and say it to him if you mean it on your part. Good luck.
megabit15 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Gosh, men can be so sweet can't they? My guy is kinda similar to yours, but no cooking, and we've both had to cancel a few things, and we've had a bit of struggle here and there, but all's good now....Annnnyyyway, after 10 months of dating we still had not exchanged the "I love you's". He's told me "you know you're the most important thing in my life, right?" His actions and they way he looked at me told me he loved me. But it felt like there was this 'thing' that was not being talked about in the air, you know? One night he asked me how I felt about him. Casting my "rule" of never saying it first aside, I told him "Very simple, I love you". He said "I love you too". I told him about 'my rule' when he asked why I never told him, to which he asked then why did you say it? "Because you asked". When I asked why he never said it, his reply was "I think actions are more important than words." Of course I agreed He added "I wanted to tell you, but it just never seemed the right time, and I didn't want to do it over the phone." (He travels for a living) I'd rather know I'm loved than hear it in words - but I like both better. And of course I rang up the girlfriends to gush about it the next day Just thinking about men like ours makes my heart get all gooey, they are rare breeds indeed! I'm so happy that you have a great guy too!!!
Jtizzle Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 yea im jealous too...i meet alot of assies who always end up saying i love you, but never show it..well i had one bf that showed his love to me, before he said it..but lately the guys i have met now, always said i love you, but actions showed me other wise. whereas with me, me sayin i love you to them as well i showed it (one was in the army stationed in hawaii, and the other had just moved to nj and i stay in texas, and i sent the army buy carepackages and things to remind him of me and he was supposed to do it vice versa, but never did. Also didnt get me a gift for my bday which was on tuesday. and the Nj dude bday came up on the 23rd and i had sent him a big old box of birthday cards that i had spent weeks making, and candy, and all that other goodstuff, and then from that day on that he received it, i get a half ass'd thankyou, and then i havent heard from him sense:mad: , but yet, both of these guys LOVED ME, well verbally).. but yes girly, his actions speak so much louder than words and its like his words would be a understatement for how he felt. so maybe he feels its better he just show you...if its a concern for you, talk about it,im sure he understand that we as women like to hear those words:love: goodluck girl
dcsmom97 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Your guy sounds just too sweet! We want to rush everything these days - it's hard not to - but with all the other ways that he showing you how much he cares...there are TONS men out there who say the words, but don't put any actions worth anything behind them. Give that man some time. He'll say it one day when you least expect it!
gevoraksix Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Most men have difficultiy with those three little words. some have been "toughened" in their childhoods or by life will often be unable to say, "I love you." Some of us will place a huge barrier between ourselves and those words, a barrier such as: "I can't say them until I know the other person feels the same". He seems to express his feelings emotionally, physically, verbally and lustily with you! you are a lucky lady! My exboyfreind took a year and a half ,but i felt the words coming,through his actions. It just took him longer to admit how he felt i didnt say it until he did,but i did love him and questioned like you are. I think things are going wonderful ,i would wait until hes ready to say the words.
jaye Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 He always wants to hug and talk after sex!!! He gets up before me in the morning to get me coffee and he fixes me breakfast. He always has a massive smile on his face when we meet, he says i'm gorgeous and beautiful. He tells me he cares deeply about me and that he is very fond of me. He says i am very special and that i am a big part of his life. I think you are dating a girl in a man's body. Just kidding you are one woman i found who likes to be treated good. or say who know what she wants and how to get it Good Job Lady
Jtizzle Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 you are one woman i found who likes to be treated good. or say who know what she wants and how to get it Good Job Lady so are you saying that the rest of us like bein treated like dirt (if we are in that situation)?, or that we go out loooking for scumbags who will take and take and not give?
jaye Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 so are you saying that the rest of us like bein treated like dirt (if we are in that situation)?, or that we go out loooking for scumbags who will take and take and not give? Most Deffinately women like to be treated like crap dating all the crap and love to complain a lot
elijahBailey Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 He always wants to hug and talk after sex!!! : : He gets up before me in the morning to get me coffee and he fixes me breakfast. Freakin' shyt!! I could never do THAT and THAT. I'm 100% sure he's the last one left on the planet who could He has never actually said "I love you" For me to say those three words is like.... eeeeeeewwwwwwww. Only time I said it was when I was intoxicated. Am i being obtuse here?!?! Definitely Keep this puppy on a short leash. He's definitely a keeper.
gevoraksix Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Most Deffinately women like to be treated like crap dating all the crap and love to complain a lot And as a woman you feel this way why?
gidgit1961 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I was confused by that also Gevoraksix, as most of Jaye's posts have led me to believe Jaye was female. I finally found time to look at Jaye's profile...seems Jaye is male, and apparently knows what every woman on earth is like. Funny thing is, as a woman, I actually don't like being treated like crap, but then what do I know?
gevoraksix Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I was confused by that also Gevoraksix, as most of Jaye's posts have led me to believe Jaye was female. I finally found time to look at Jaye's profile...seems Jaye is male, and apparently knows what every woman on earth is like. Funny thing is, as a woman, I actually don't like being treated like crap, but then what do I know? Exactly! Maybe he doesnt know many women?
Jtizzle Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 I was confused by that also Gevoraksix, as most of Jaye's posts have led me to believe Jaye was female. I finally found time to look at Jaye's profile...seems Jaye is male, and apparently knows what every woman on earth is like. Funny thing is, as a woman, I actually don't like being treated like crap, but then what do I know? yea as a woman myself..i hate being treated like crap, especially if im doing good by my man
jaye Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 And as a woman you feel this way why? i'm not a woman, thanks if i was maybe i'll act the way i said they all do.
Author Madeleine Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 Well after having spent many years married to THE most abusive and controlling man on the face of the earth, a marriage that was unbelievably hard to get out of and very nearly destroyed me, i can assure you that women do NOT like being treated like crap. I appear to have experienced both extremes of the relationship spectrum and i now consider myself to be incredibly lucky to be with the guy i referred to in my original post.
gidgit1961 Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 i'm not a woman, thanks if i was maybe i'll act the way i said they all do. Since I doubt you know ALL women Jaye, not sure how you can make that statement, and if all the women you've met, in your area, act that way maybe you should consider moving, or looking for a man.
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