Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Ok, so here we are... I met a gal on Tinder a while ago. We chatted back and forth for about an hour or so, convo flowed well, and we seemed to hit it off. She complained about men being flaky and not able to setup a proper date. So I Immediately asked her out, gave her a time and place, and she agreed. I gave her my number, and she texted my phone about 5 min later... We texted back and forth for a bit and she asked if I could talk, and I said yes. She called me, and we talked for about a half hour. Things were going great! I set the date up for the following Friday, and I was very excited. Then, I got sick and was feeling terrible. I didn't really want to cancel the date, since this is usually where things die and I was very into her and didn't want to blow it. I figured I would fight through it, load up on medicine and vitamin C, and when I got to the date explain how I felt and keep my distance so I didn't get her sick. She texted me a couple days before our scheduled date and said she was sick too and just couldn't make it, and wanted to reschedule. I told her I had been under the weather as well, so that sounded fine. I told her we could go through with the original plan the following Friday provided we felt better, or we could go watch my friend's band play if she would like that instead. She explained that this weekend was her daughter's bday, and she wasn't sure what her ex was doing, etc, etc.. I told her no problem, just let me know what is going on so I can plan accordingly. We texted back and forth casually for a couple days which is normal, but then on Tuesday she said that she was talking to her ex on Wednesday and would let me know. Great! I sent her a random 'how are you' text on Tuesday night around 7pm, which she never responded to. Ok, no big deal, she is sick, I get that. So I wait all day Wednesday for info for the upcoming date. No response. Ugh. I am a patient guy, and not needy or clingy at all. I have my own life and keep plenty busy. I go on Tinder this afternoon, and she unmatched me! Wait, whaaaat??? So, I thought F it I'll just text her so I don't waste anymore time. I text her and said that I hadn't heard from her in a couple days, and saw that she unmatched me, so I am assuming we are not going out? She responded with no, why would you think that? I told her that it just seemed odd that she left me hanging and unmatched. She said that we have each other's phone numbers and the app wasn't necessary. Ok I thought, no big deal, whatever. She said that she didn't know what was going on for the weekend yet and that's why she didn't get back to me. So now here I am, the texts aren't as frequent and I can see the storm clouds forming lol. I don't need any advice or anything as I am going to lay low and just see what happens, but I thought I would share since I know you guys like messed up OLD stories haha. Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion! 2 1
Silver_star Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 It doesn't sound like that messed up of an OLD story....yet. haha. Just sounds like bad timing with getting sick and mismatched schedules. Especially since she relies on others for her schedule to be freed up (Ex schedule for child care) makes sense why there might be a wait. If you want to get to know her in the mean time you could just text her, and let her set the next meeting place/venue. Even if it is just a short meet/greet type thing for coffee. 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 8 minutes ago, Silver_star said: It doesn't sound like that messed up of an OLD story....yet. haha. Just sounds like bad timing with getting sick and mismatched schedules. Especially since she relies on others for her schedule to be freed up (Ex schedule for child care) makes sense why there might be a wait. If you want to get to know her in the mean time you could just text her, and let her set the next meeting place/venue. Even if it is just a short meet/greet type thing for coffee. Haha... yet. Classic. Yeah everyone has been getting sick around here so no big deal on that front. And I know she is really busy, she owns her own business and has 3 kids that she has every other week Mon-Sun so we both have limited time (and we live 40 minutes apart). We have texted casually for a bit now so I know a little about her, but I don't want to get in the pen pal zone so I am keeping more distance than I would if we had already met and things were going well. I've been around long enough to know that the longer it drags out, the odds start decreasing rapidly for an actual date.
Erik30 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Unmatching you doesn't have to mean anything. Girls have done that to me after we exchanged numbers. I think it's because they don't want you to see if they change up/update their profile, and also so you can't keep track of the distance between the two of you. I do get why you're a bit worried. It's best to have the first date as soon as possible. Because now; Back off too much, and she'll think you've lost interest... Text her a lot, and risk saying something stupid that might turn her off, or you kill off any romantic feelings because the texting is too friendly... 3
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 15 minutes ago, Erik30 said: Unmatching you doesn't have to mean anything. Girls have done that to me after we exchanged numbers. I think it's because they don't want you to see if they change up/update their profile, and also so you can't keep track of the distance between the two of you. I do get why you're a bit worried. It's best to have the first date as soon as possible. Because now; Back off too much, and she'll think you've lost interest... Text her a lot, and risk saying something stupid that might turn her off, or you kill off any romantic feelings because the texting is too friendly... Yes, this is exactly what I'm thinking
preraph Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Well, one thing you know is SHE isn't the one making the decisions about how she spends her time, so that's a bad sign. 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 10 minutes ago, preraph said: Well, one thing you know is SHE isn't the one making the decisions about how she spends her time, so that's a bad sign. It's not that. I understand she has kids, and so do I. And if she has to coordinate bdays and stuff with her ex I also understand, I do the same with my ex. But the Tinder unmatch was the red flag. It's just bizarre how she complained about flaky guys, and then did the exact same thing. Her last text was "thanks", so I guess another one bites the dust. If she comes back I would still go on a date, but for now it looks like I am going dark. I doubt she will be back, but I'll update y'all. 2
preraph Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 It's not that weird the who complains ends up being the flaky one. I mean, it's kind of weird to complain to a new guy about guys in general, just like it would be if you complained right out of the box about women being flakey. I mean, it's a little uncalled for. 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 10 minutes ago, preraph said: It's not that weird the who complains ends up being the flaky one. I mean, it's kind of weird to complain to a new guy about guys in general, just like it would be if you complained right out of the box about women being flakey. I mean, it's a little uncalled for. Thanks. I just really don't get it. I am like an exact list of what most women say they want. And I'm not homely looking either haha Oh well, the show must go on...
preraph Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 And it will go on without any worries it sounds like. Onward and upward. 1
dramallama Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 10 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: But the Tinder unmatch was the red flag. It's just bizarre how she complained about flaky guys, and then did the exact same thing. I know exactly how you feel. The guy I've been seeing unmatched me on tinder before our first date but he had added me on Instagram. That gave me a wobble but happened in late August and we're still seeing each other, have been exclusive from 3 weeks in, and all is good. You never know... 1 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 Well, she texted me this morning and said that her ex has the kids until Sat morning. She apologized for the short notice and said she wanted to go out if I hadn't made plans yet and was still interested. I told her I was going to see my friend's band play at a bar and grill, and she was welcome to meet me there if she would like. I'm not sure if she had another date that fell through, or if she is being legit. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but OLD has soured me a bit. She might also be testing my thirsty-o-meter haha. Wish me luck guys, I'll let you know how it went! 4 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Did ya’ll meet? We met, it went ok. No match though 2
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 9 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: We met, it went ok. No match though So what happened? Not what you were expecting?
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: So what happened? Not what you were expecting? No it wasn't that. She is really beautiful, smart, successful, etc. The conversation went well and I dont have any complaints at all. It was a nice date. I just didn't feel any sexual tension or chemistry, and I don't think she did either(she had 1 beer and left the 2nd almost full). We met up at 7:30, and she headed home about 9:30. I texted her to make sure she got home safe and she thanked me for a nice evening. Oh well, at least it wasn't a date from hell lol 1
Miss Spider Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) A lot of people here would say you were wrong to text her after the first date if you had no interest lol, what are your thoughts on that? Did you allude to doing it again sometime ? Edited March 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 37 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: A lot of people here would say you were wrong to text her after the first date if you had no interest lol, what are your thoughts on that? Did you allude to doing it again sometime ? I always text to make sure they get home safe. I told her I didn't feel any chemistry, but if she ever wanted to go out bowling or something as friends to let me know. She really is a nice girl, and we had a nice time talking. She didn't respond, so that's that. Next. 1 1
MeadowFlower Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: She is really beautiful, smart, successful, etc. The conversation went well and I dont have any complaints at all. It was a nice date. I just didn't feel any sexual tension or chemistry, ? Is this how it really works? If there's no sexual tension, then that's it??
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 32 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said: ? Is this how it really works? If there's no sexual tension, then that's it?? Yep, that's it. No attraction, no chemistry, no dice. Again, she is gorgeous and we had a nice time. But I dont want to be with someone because of looks. My next relationship is going to be amazing, and special. Is that bad? Do you think I should have strung her along for a dozen more dates or something just to see if anything develops? I'm not looking for a hookup, but there has to be that fire! 1
Miss Spider Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 2 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: I always text to make sure they get home safe. I told her I didn't feel any chemistry, but if she ever wanted to go out bowling or something as friends to let me know. She really is a nice girl, and we had a nice time talking. She didn't respond, so that's that. Next. Oh okay. That’s nice of you. If it’s not there , it’s not, nextttt 1 1
Author Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Oh okay. That’s nice of you. If it’s not there , it’s not, nextttt Thanks Cookies. Is that a heeler in your profile pic? 1
basil67 Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 Can I just say that I would have unmatched her as soon as she started complaining about other men being flakes.
5x5 Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 6 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: ? Is this how it really works? If there's no sexual tension, then that's it?? Since romantic relationships are ostensibly sexual ones, I think it works better that way. As far as I am concerned there should be some decent amount of mutual sexual desire and tension. Since absent that I don't see much value or durability in continuing to pursue a sexual relationship with someone, when there's no desire for sex to begin with. 3 2
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