smackie9 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Why not tell him that he need not worry, you have no interest in marrying him? I'm sure that will shut him up. Edited March 5, 2020 by smackie9 2
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 MsJayne, I have read the replies here, and have given this some thought. I think this guy is the type that talks all this garbage, but in the end he is going to be the one pushing for the relationship to go forward, possibly wanting to marry you eventually. The man doth protest too much, methinks 1
Author MsJayne Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: To me that's an important detail. In my culture only 50% of couples marry the others will live their life together, buy a house, have children, without being married but with a good Will. So when I read your boyfriend never wanted and never wants to be married it didn't come across as a big deal BUT, this one bit here, not wanting to buy a house with his partner, indicates it's not the 'marriage paper' that bothers him, it's the long-term aspect and the commitment he doesn't want to get into. So he says he wants to be with you till you're old, lets say you don't marry, how will you get there? Will he want to buy a house with you? will he want children? will he agree for a notarized agreement between you to protect each other in case of death? if the answer is no…..then don't pursue. We're both way past the age of wanting children together, he already has two grown up kids from his first marriage, and I've never wanted kids, so this isn't an issue. Also, I own my house and he's currently building a small house on a nearby island, so future security, etc, isn't really an issue either. In fact, if we do progress to a long term relationship we'll be quite well off between us, but I would be the bigger contributor. That would be where it could potentially get murky in the future, say if we lived together in a house jointly owned by us and he died first, I don't know what rights his kids would have as far as estate and probate as I know nothing about that stuff. It's been over 20 years since I've even considered moving past the dating phase . I guess it's something to think about if things get more serious.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 57 minutes ago, MsJayne said: say if we lived together in a house jointly owned by us and he died first, I don't know what rights his kids would have as far as estate and probate as I know nothing about that stuff. It's been over 20 years since I've even considered moving past the dating phase . I guess it's something to think about if things get more serious. Do not let it be the decision of the government. Any couple can go to a notary and make a Will to protect their partner in case of death. If you purchased the house together than your half should go to your partner, he could take a life insurance with his children as beneficiaries. Has he spoken about purchasing a house together? If you are both owners and living closed by then why not just live happily like this? At our age do we really want to submit ourself to social pressure, meh! My boyfriend and I are both in our 50s. He spends 5-6 days a week with me and 1-2 days a week at his place. It's been like that for 4 years. He spent last night and spending tonight at his place, I use that time to relax and enjoying LS. 1
preraph Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 Well even if he is wanting to be talked into it, he's failed at it twice. And if he actually wants to be talked into it, if you do that you're just giving him an out to not take responsibility and do his part. When too much is expected of him or things don't go his way, he has the handy excuse: "I told you I didn't want to get married again." 1
Author MsJayne Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Well even if he is wanting to be talked into it, he's failed at it twice. And if he actually wants to be talked into it, if you do that you're just giving him an out to not take responsibility and do his part. When too much is expected of him or things don't go his way, he has the handy excuse: "I told you I didn't want to get married again." You're on the same wavelength as me, Preraph. Even though I like to think people usually say what they mean, they often don't. I kinda go with the "methinks he protesteth too much" theory. Luckily I'm way too smart for that, and also I'm not into nagging or begging or any other form of self degradation. We're only a new couple but he already tells me he misses me on the nights we're not together, so I'm predicting that the question of living together will come up within the next few months, which is why I was asking what people thought about his attitude to marriage. I don't need to live together, I'm one of those people who enjoy my own company and I like living alone, (in charge of the remote and can drop as many crumbs in the bed as I like), so it's not particularly important to me. Of course we could be wrong about his anti-marriage declarations, but we will see
Author MsJayne Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 11 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: MsJayne, I have read the replies here, and have given this some thought. I think this guy is the type that talks all this garbage, but in the end he is going to be the one pushing for the relationship to go forward, possibly wanting to marry you eventually. The man doth protest too much, methinks I missed your comment earlier - spot on I think 1
chillii Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 Well if it is reverse psychology who cares , that's a long way off yet anyway. That's what makes me think he's just warning you but oh well. l was actually gonna mention that possibility though in my other post, l was with someone way back , kept swearing black and blue she'd never want kids or marriage dumped me two yrs later because she wanted kids and marriage , always knew she would . Difdn't matter really l'd decided by then she wasn't for me anyway buttt, just sayin.. 1
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