Author Emmafive Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 3 hours ago, hercules22 said: 17 hours is really bad shows very little interest on your part when you finally have the first date you would expect communication to pick up a little aswell it looks like you ghosted him for not replying after he said his got conference on the weekend. alot people hate double texting i am one of them i know you have received the message and would have read it the only time i would double text is if a week gone by and if still nothing i give up and move on from that point but i will refuse to send another text. you could say anything i dont think all hope is lost need to maintain the interest otherwise people are going to lose interest not saying I handled this properly, but I didn’t respond because all he said was he was going out of town- didn’t ask me what I was doing that weekend, didn’t mention getting together once he got back...so I was kind of like, “....okay” and backed off. But as someone else said, “guy seems bold enough to suggest another possible meeting on the first date. He got an affirmative response to that. I see no reason he’d suddenly become meeker/change it to and not want to show too much interest for 2 days after the positive interactions he had with OP. After that, this guy also knew OP was an admitted “bad texter”, so it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for him to become extremely discouraged by her long response time to his small talk” Again, not saying I handled this the correct way, but is 17 hours really enough to make someone back off/give up though? ^^^^
Ellener Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 19 hours ago, Emmafive said: He must have been kind of full of it 21 hours ago, Emmafive said: I hate dating 21 hours ago, Emmafive said: I responded 17 hours later saying "we're horrible at this haha" and asked what he was up to that weekend. He responded that he was going out of town for a conference. I didn't respond back. You are giving off a negative 'vibe' here! People pick up on that, subconsciously at least. He sounds like a man who has his life together. You sound a bit confused and lacking confidence.
Fletch Lives Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 A reply within 24 is okay. Don't be so quick to judge. Give it a week and let's see what happens.
fly_five Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 20 minutes ago, Ellener said: You are giving off a negative 'vibe' here! People pick up on that, subconsciously at least. He sounds like a man who has his life together. You sound a bit confused and lacking confidence. I don’t get all the coming down on OP. She said that HE said he was a bad texter too, implying that’s he takes forever to respond to her too. This guy does sound full of it. Why tell a woman you enjoy spending time with her and mention you’d like to see her again but not follow through? That’s kind of a jerk move. 1 1
Author Emmafive Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 8 hours ago, hercules22 said: 17 hours is really bad shows very little interest on your part when you finally have the first date you would expect communication to pick up a little aswell it looks like you ghosted him for not replying after he said his got conference on the weekend. alot people hate double texting i am one of them i know you have received the message and would have read it the only time i would double text is if a week gone by and if still nothing i give up and move on from that point but i will refuse to send another text. you could say anything i dont think all hope is lost need to maintain the interest otherwise people are going to lose interest I know I dropped the ball after seeing these replies. I do feel a little worse now because I forgot before an hour before our date he texted me asking how I was. I said I’m good and then he asked if I was still on time for our date because of the other times went he wanted to double check. I guess if hewasn’t really interested he wouldn’t have been worried about the date falling through, right?
Shining One Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 5 hours ago, Emmafive said: Again, not saying I handled this the correct way, but is 17 hours really enough to make someone back off/give up though? I'd probably back off if I had other prospects who didn't do that. Generally speaking, I'll give higher priority to the women displaying more enthusiasm and effort. If I have no other / better prospects at the time, I'll keep trying despite the 17 hours. 1
Leojax Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 30 minutes ago, Shining One said: I'd probably back off if I had other prospects who didn't do that. Generally speaking, I'll give higher priority to the women displaying more enthusiasm and effort. If I have no other / better prospects at the time, I'll keep trying despite the 17 hours. I don’t know if @Shining One would agree, but even if I don’t have any other prospects I still would back off. He owns his own business, so I’m assuming he’s not super young-early 30s so he’s been around the block , and demonstrated high interest. All those 3 things points to a man who probably doesn’t have time to waste on someone who isn’t interested him-other prospects or not.
Calmandfocused Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 I agree that he was interested but gave up. You gave him signs that you weren’t interested even if this wasn’t intentional. so if you still like this man and want to pursue YOU need to do something. Put on your big girls panties, allow yourself to be vulnerable and take some action: message him, say that you’re aware that you might have given him the impression that you weren’t interested. However the opposite is true and that you’d be very interested in going out with him again if he still wants to? You then leave the ball in his court and his response will give you your answer. Either way learn from this and don’t be so unresponsive in the future. It will turn men off as they’ll think you’re not interested and/ or playing games. Text back within a reasonable time frame. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 interested men don’t back off from women they like just because of a late text. Especially when she told them it might be late, they’re out of town, and their texts are late all the time too.. Doesn’t happen lol. 2
Blind-Sided Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) On 3/4/2020 at 2:23 PM, Cookiesandough said: Interest should be seen as more of a sliding scale rather than black/white. .................... I agree. There is a girl who I like... but she's having a harder time with her new found position in life, that I am. (info from a common friend) SO... things are going slow. There is a second girl who I have been chatting with, and when I asked her out... she already had plans, but was told to come join her and a (female) friend for a drink. But since the interest wasn't super high (haven't had a proper introduction yet) ... I told her to have fun with her friend, and we could get together another time. Edited March 5, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) blind-sided, you always are chatting with a ton of women like a boss xD I agree and don’t understand why the guy is getting flak. Really common for multi-dating to have several people you’re trying to balance and giving more priority to others. When he said “maybe we should do this again sometime” it didn’t mean he was lying. He probably does have a little interest to do it again maybe. But just not enough to pursue her right now,m. I’d just move on to more interested guys for now .:) Edited March 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Blind-Sided Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: blind-sided, you always are chatting with a ton of women like a boss xD ... When he said “maybe we should do this again sometime” it didn’t mean he was being disingenuous or lying. He probably does have a little interest to do it again maybe. But just not enough to pursue her right now........ LOL... I know. It was something I was worried about when the exW left. (not finding anyone, since I'm not a bar/club kind of guy) But I'm a good talker, and I'm learning that a "Normal" looking, late 40's guy, who has his own house, and a job is all it takes. Since it's kind of relevant to where the thread has gone... with me... there are 3 main girls. The one who I would like to get together with... the second girl as mentioned... and the 3rd girl who is cute, and sweet... but she's only 27. (trying to keep that in the friend zone) From there... there is 3 more girls. One is 40, and a lawyer. I'm really kind of interested in getting to know her, but I don't even know how to approach her. next is another young girl (30) who is painfully shy. We have sat and talked on 3 occasions now, and the last time we were together... she was much more chatty. And finally... one of my neighbors was telling me about a single friend of hers just a couple days ago. I told her that I was open to meeting anyone, and going out... but I'm actually having issues knowing what I want. You see... my last "Real Date"... I had a hard time making any physical contact at all... and a 4some date a couple months ago ended with me in a silent panic. I'm a good boy who doesn't cheat, and I guess spending 20 years with someone is hard to shake that feeling. Now to the question at hand... I'm not on OLD... and all the girls mentioned above are friends of friends. And most meetings start in a group, so there is no pressure. But as I got to know a few of these girls... some were put on the back burner (like the lawyer, and girl #2) because I was more interested in possibly getting to know girl #1 better. (but that may not work out, and may never be more than friends) But the other side of this is... if the man in question is recently divorced (a year or so) then he may be having his own issues with dating. Edited March 5, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1
fly_five Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 34 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: I agree. There is a girl who I like... but she's having a harder time with her new found position in life, that I am. (info from a common friend) SO... things are going slow. There is a second girl who I have been chatting with, and when I asked her out... she already had plans, but was told to come join her and a (female) friend for a drink. But since the interest wasn't super high (haven't had a proper introduction yet) ... I told her to have fun with her friend, and we could get together another time. What you’re describing is completely different than the OP though. This girl invited you out m. OPs guy said he enjoyed spending time with her and said he wanted to see her again. He went out of his way and drove her home.
fly_five Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: blind-sided, you always are chatting with a ton of women like a boss xD I agree and don’t understand why the guy is getting flak. Really common for multi-dating to have several people you’re trying to balance and giving more priority to others. When he said “maybe we should do this again sometime” it didn’t mean he was lying. He probably does have a little interest to do it again maybe. But just not enough to pursue her right now,m. I’d just move on to more interested guys for now .:) He’s getting the flak because he said he enjoyed spending time with her and said he wanted to see her again then contacted. If you have no intent on seeing her again why say those things? Especially saying you enjoy spending time with her. Just don’t say those things at all. He should’ve just had the date and then never said a word. Edited March 5, 2020 by fly_five
Blind-Sided Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 @fly_five You are missing the point of my story, and @Cookiesandough comments. We are trying to show that the OP's guy could be interested... but there may have already been someone he was talking with. The comment by cookiesanddough was "Interest isn't black and white." But so many people on this forum make it seem that way... "You either want me sexualy/LTR or you don't!!" That simply isn't how life works... especially as an adult. So to just say he's not interested is a bad assumption. He may have other things going on. But... if you are the kind of girl that needs to be in that next relationship... then ok, pass on him. But by doing that... you are possibly throwing out something good. 1 1
fly_five Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 6 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: @fly_five You are missing the point of my story, and @Cookiesandough comments. We are trying to show that the OP's guy could be interested... but there may have already been someone he was talking with. The comment by cookiesanddough was "Interest isn't black and white." But so many people on this forum make it seem that way... "You either want me sexualy/LTR or you don't!!" That simply isn't how life works... especially as an adult. So to just say he's not interested is a bad assumption. He may have other things going on. But... if you are the kind of girl that needs to be in that next relationship... then ok, pass on him. But by doing that... you are possibly throwing out something good. And you’re missing what I’m saying. No one has said anything about a relationship. What I’m saying is don’t ask a woman out AND say I’m enjoying spending time with you if you’re not going to follow through with the date. That is just wrong. Say what you mean and mean what you say. At that point you’re giving someone else false hope.
Allupinnit Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, fly_five said: And you’re missing what I’m saying. No one has said anything about a relationship. What I’m saying is don’t ask a woman out AND say I’m enjoying spending time with you if you’re not going to follow through with the date. That is just wrong. Say what you mean and mean what you say. At that point you’re giving someone else false hope. This used to really frustrate me, too. What helped was realizing that people can get caught up in the moment on the date or perhaps get a bit tipsy and suggest another date or agree to one only to go home and think about it a bit and decide that XYZ wouldn't gel with him/her or their lifestyle. It happens all the time - to men and women. Nobody wants to be the @$$hole. Edited March 6, 2020 by Allupinnit 1
fly_five Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 2 hours ago, Allupinnit said: This used to really frustrate me, too. What helped was realizing that people can get caught up in the moment on the date or perhaps get a bit tipsy and suggest another date or agree to one only to go home and think about it a bit and decide that XYZ wouldn't gel with him/her or their lifestyle. It happens all the time - to men and women. Nobody wants to be the @$$hole. Exactly. What makes me even more confused and angry is why even make contact after the fact? like OP’s guy he contacted her 2 days later so he had enough time to decide that he actually wasn’t into her, so why not have left it there and go silent?
Allupinnit Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 Honestly to me it just sounds like neither one of them were all that into each other.
hercules22 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 10:06 PM, Emmafive said: not saying I handled this properly, but I didn’t respond because all he said was he was going out of town- didn’t ask me what I was doing that weekend, didn’t mention getting together once he got back...so I was kind of like, “....okay” and backed off. But as someone else said, “guy seems bold enough to suggest another possible meeting on the first date. He got an affirmative response to that. I see no reason he’d suddenly become meeker/change it to and not want to show too much interest for 2 days after the positive interactions he had with OP. After that, this guy also knew OP was an admitted “bad texter”, so it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for him to become extremely discouraged by her long response time to his small talk” Again, not saying I handled this the correct way, but is 17 hours really enough to make someone back off/give up though? ^^^^ no not entirely if he enjoyed his time with you i dont think he would write you off completely just loss of interest that why i was like this could be salvaged so did you end up talking again? plus everyone different you got nothing to lose the more you wait he might just forget about it especially if he has other prospects 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Emmafive - When you mention last Friday. Do you mean Friday 6th March or Friday 28th March? 1
Recommended Posts