confusedandazed Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Me and this guy have known each other(at a distance) for roughly five years. He has admitted that he had wanted to date me for a long time but I appeared to be uninterested. (True fact). However, last June we began hanging out as friends which gradually progressed into FWB and then around September we became official; I was his girlfriend. He is a very sweet, caring guy but lately I don’t know what has happened. He pretty much stopped having sex with me(even when I spend the night over) but he does still kiss me and hold my hand, etc. His excuses will be like “I am tired, I was too drunk, etc”. Like he can go weeks without having sex with me and be just fine. Is he sleeping with someone else? Is he tired of me? also, he is completely fine with seeing me once or twice a week, even though he works about 10 minutes from my house, and five minutes from where I go to school. He lives about 25 minutes away. he calls me every day, sends me good morning and good night texts and tells me he loves me but something isn’t right. I just can’t put my finger on it. In the beginning, he wanted to hangout all the time and have sex, etc but now it’s different. the last couple times we had planned to see each other, the day of or the day before he would be like “so do you still want to....” etc etc. like it could be up in the air. when I go out with my girlfriends drinking/hanging out, etc. he starts acting clingy and texting and calling me all the time and actually comes around more. Im not doubting that his feelings are genuine, but something is off. Also, he is constantly on Facebook and Instagram at work in between clients. Like I won’t hear from him all day sometimes but he’ll be active on Facebook most of the day and on Instagram liking peoples photos. He also has not taken “single” off his public fb profile and I don’t know why. His ex girlfriend from years ago added him over New Years and started liking his pictures. I told him it bothered me a little, but he just said it was Facebook friends, no big deal, and that she doesn’t even live here. I don’t know where she lives, but she put on her profile the other day that she attends the same school as I do. Weird. I’ll sometimes complain about never hearing from him all day (yet he’s on fb) and he’ll be like omg stop I’m talking to you now and call me. Also, he just picked up a second job on the weekends that is night shift. he has worked the same day job for four years, I don’t understand why he suddenly decided to get another job and why does it have to be at night? what is going on and what should I do? HELP
Beendaredonedat Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 If she goes to the same school as you, and that school school is only 10 minutes away from where he works, and with his changed behavior and all of a sudden night job to go to, I'd be wondering too. I dunno what to tell you except that a private investigator would help (half kidding). Have you talked to him about taking "single" off his profile? What did he have to say about that if you have. If you haven't, why not? Maybe he liked it better when you were just friends with benefits and he didn't have to do any nurturing of the relationship? I could speculate for hours but I'm thinking that the two of you are just not compatible, that the trust is gone and that you're probably with the wrong guy for anything serious. Sorry, sis.
Author confusedandazed Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 I mentioned taking it off a couple months ago and he really didn’t say anything. Is hiring a private investigator legal? Lol like could I get in trouble? he says he loves me and wants to be with me. I don’t know what to do.
alphamale Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 something funky is up with him, if I was you I would let him go and move on
snowboy91 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 I don't think he's seeing anyone else, but I also don't think he's as into you as he expected to be or you want him to be. He might be just saying he wants to be with you because it's what you want to hear, not necessarily what he feels. He's not living up to your expectations in terms of how often you want to see him, have sex with him, etc. I'd have a chat to him about that, and his hot and cold behaviour (only seeing you a couple of times a week, but then being clingy when you go out with friends).
JTSW Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 I'd keep an eye on this ex girlfriend of his. The connect back up on Facebook and he's on it all day. He lied about where she lived and now he has a 'second job' that takes away his weekend nights. I'm not buying it. Look her up, find out what she looks like and see if you can spot her in school. Follow her and see if she meets up with him.
Beendaredonedat Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) ^^^^ If I had to go to all that trouble in a relationship, then just kill me now. No one needs to do all that. If there is that much doubt and suspicion then clearly you are not with someone who is going to make a good life mate for you.... either because they are cheating or because they aren't but you don't trust them. When there is no trust then you are in for a life of angst and anxiety. Edited March 4, 2020 by Beendaredonedat
Redhead14 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) Don't play games. Don't look up/follow his Ex. The guy isn't making you happy and you're feeling unfulfilled, especially in the bedroom. Have a heart to heart with him then observe whether things improve over a period of time (with a limit you set in your head, a month, 2 months, whatever you want to tolerate but don't string yourself along for an extended period of time. It won't happen overnight but you should see at least some effort. And, if he does make an effort, continue to observe whether he falls into his old pattern quickly). Don't accuse him of anything, don't mention the EX. Only talk about how he's making you feel and explain what you need from him. Edited March 4, 2020 by Redhead14
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 These are classic signs that you're with someone who really isn't into you (at least not anymore), but you still offer some form(s) of benefits to him--and he hasn't secured anything with anyone new yet--so he's biding his time and giving you the bare minimum to keep you around until he's ready to leave. Sounds like he may be trying to re-secure something with his ex.
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Yes hiring a PI is legal but it's expensive & unwarranted here. Don't waste your money. If this relationship is soooo unfulfilling that you are seriously considering this, just break up. Lfe is too short. Dating is a try out / a rehearsal for how you will spend the rest of your life. It's not working. Do something else.
Author confusedandazed Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 4:19 PM, GeorgiaPeach1 said: These are classic signs that you're with someone who really isn't into you (at least not anymore), but you still offer some form(s) of benefits to him--and he hasn't secured anything with anyone new yet--so he's biding his time and giving you the bare minimum to keep you around until he's ready to leave. Sounds like he may be trying to re-secure something with his ex. I don’t know...I’ve even told him I feel like he’s loosing interest and if that’s the case than we need to part ways...and he says that’s not true he loves me and wants to be with me and he’s tired of me doubting him... he blames a lot on being “tired” bcos of work but he wasn’t this tired in the beginning of our relationship and I don’t understand why he has to pick up a second night job working crazy hours all of a sudden. Smh
Author confusedandazed Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 I just find it odd that as soon as his ex finds out we’re dating she’s posting on fb all the time, uploading photos of herself. And the other day she uploaded a picture of her and a brand new TV. Weird. And it just so happens his new job is near the area where me and her both live . I do love this guy but she looks nasty- nasty...I don’t want him cheating on her and me catching aids or some s*** too....
Beendaredonedat Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 ^^^ Why are you creeping her profile so much? If you don't trust you partner then you're not with the right man and you will be angst ridden and paranoid like this all of the time. He's not making you happy with his choices and you're bugging the bajeezus out of him with your insecurity and suspicions. It's time tor rethink if who you are with is for a lifetime or for the time it gets you to get your ducks in a row so you can get out, heal and find a guy that you feel safe and happy with... someone you trust.
maintainsub Posted March 18, 2020 Posted March 18, 2020 Sometimes heart sees what is invisible to the eye, so better follow your instinct!
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