simpycurious Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 6 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: I was doing some reading about dating across different cultures, and came across an article that explained why time and time again, India is the country with the highest rates of sexual satisfaction. The link is below: https://www.sexual.nu/thats-why-indians-are-more-sexually-satisfied-than-americans/ Turns out they wait longest before having sex!! They build the anticipation and connection, which makes sex much more satisfying despite the fact that they have the smallest penises (from what I have read, I've never been with an Indian man so I have no real frame of reference). This article is exactly my view of sex. I'm now considering dating Indian men (although this is very much out of my comfort zone, I've only ever been with white men). Curious what you guys think? This seems like a lot of generalization. I think it simply comes down to the individual MALE. I am a white male and see no reason to ever push a situation and genuinely believe that "things" happen when the time is right for BOTH SIDES. A little anticipation combined with some romance along the way is not a bad thing sure it might be outdated or old fashioned to some. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 Right on, man! And the way some men cling desperately to their porn like a whiny kid with a pacifier is plain SAD. Meanwhile, my guy who thinks men who watch porn instead of have sex with their real life women must be gay... is feeling me up for the 10th time that day, getting all frisky yet again. Guess whose woman is glowing and smiling.
chillii Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 l feel bad for my ex , she's ltalian but living in the US , they could not even comprehend her ways and thinking the poor thing is such a duck out of water there as a single woman , 51. l couldn't wouldn't anyway talk about it here and no one would know what l'm talking about anyway or believe it but her only hope is to meet someone from os. l'd really like her to be happy and meet someone worthy but seeing such a woman just wasted like she's being truly upsets me. 1
chillii Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 7 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Right on, man! And the way some men cling desperately to their porn like a whiny kid with a pacifier is plain SAD. Meanwhile, my guy who thinks men who watch porn instead of have sex with their real life women must be gay... is feeling me up for the 10th time that day, getting all frisky yet again. Guess whose woman is glowing and smiling. Haaaa well , l hear ya , as l said , she would blow minds round here , we would. But it's not about that or a competition or numbers , it's 100 other things just so lost to most it seems.
basil67 Posted March 11, 2020 Posted March 11, 2020 1 hour ago, SummerDreams said: No woman wants a man who will take the easy way towards things. Life is not easy. Companionship is not easy. To keep a decent marriage going is one of the hardest things. Have you been married? Keeping a marriage going is only hard if you've got the wrong partner. With the right partner, companionship is easy. And life becomes easier with them beside you. 5 1
chillii Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 To me , the way this whole thread goes and the talk and thinking about all this stuff, the new modern l suppose you'd call in in many parts of the world, attitudes, it's like comparing now contemporary architecture to the Temple of Apollo . The materials they're built from and the lack of just about, well everything , that goes into them , is just junk, rubbish. And on that note l swear to God and somebody hit me if l show up here again , l'm departing from this thread. 1
chillii Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Right on, man! And the way some men cling desperately to their porn like a whiny kid with a pacifier is plain SAD. Meanwhile, my guy who thinks men who watch porn instead of have sex with their real life women must be gay... is feeling me up for the 10th time that day, getting all frisky yet again. Guess whose woman is glowing and smiling. ps, That's weird , the post this is about , has disappeared , l wasted 20mins on that , sorrow . Edited March 12, 2020 by chillii 1
5x5 Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 5 hours ago, SummerDreams said: No woman wants a man who will take the easy way towards things. Life is not easy. Companionship is not easy. To keep a decent marriage going is one of the hardest things. That attitude reads like a surefire recipe for relationship misery and failure. Yet it doesn't have to be that way if you have a different perspective and approach things differently. In my experience great relationships are very easy, while bad relationships are hard work. In fact the best way to tell that you are in a bad relationship, is to notice that it is hard work to maintain. Likewise the best indicator that you are in a good relationship, is that it feels easy, effortless, natural and is a pleasure to be in. Now sure there are plenty of people who ascribe to the philosophy that maintaining a decent marriage is one of the hardest things to do. Yet it's pretty clear that such statements come from those ,who haven't been in a decent marriage or haven't been married at all. So absent better information, they simply presume that it requires a lot of work when it doesn't. For example my wife and I have a great marriage, it really is a pleasure to be in and isn't hard work at all. Plus it also affords us a safe port together against external challenges as well. On the other hand if our marriage was hard work, we wouldn't be well placed to support each at all in the face of any challenges. At the end of the day if you find yourself in a relationship that s hard work for you to be with them, then you are evidently in the wrong relationship and you would do well to end it. It really is that simple. 2
SummerDreams Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 7 hours ago, chillii said: To me , the way this whole thread goes and the talk and thinking about all this stuff, the new modern l suppose you'd call in in many parts of the world, attitudes, it's like comparing now contemporary architecture to the Temple of Apollo . The materials they're built from and the lack of just about, well everything , that goes into them , is just junk, rubbish. I feel you, but it's the way young people are raised now and it's what they see from their friends. When parents are proud for being that open minded that they buy their sons condoms at 14 or that they buy their daughters pills for contraception at 15, you can see how these kids will behave. Hopefully some of them have the skills to see this is a weird road to follow and change it.
SummerDreams Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 7 hours ago, 5x5 said: In my experience great relationships are very easy, while bad relationships are hard work. At the end of the day if you find yourself in a relationship that s hard work for you to be with them, then you are evidently in the wrong relationship and you would do well to end it. It really is that simple. I have never heard an old couple who is together for many years to say that keeping their marriage going was easy. Never. In fact, we hear a lot people asking old couples what the secret for a long time marriage is and they always reply that you have to keep working on it to keep it alive. Maybe there are these happy couples who meet very young, they get together and they just grow old together, having no other experience from other partners so they find it easy to build their life together without having to compromise anything. But for people who meet when they are older and have already created a personality and a character, it's a challenge to come together and face all the compromises they have to make for one another. This doesn't mean that they stay in an unhappy relationship, rather that the sacrifices they have to do to make their partner happy may be hard. I met my husband at 29, I used to be an angry, loud person and he is someone who doesn't like confrontation at all. It took me 4 years to realize that I have to change in order to be with him because my nerves and our fights over nothing were making him sick. I did some therapy and through it I have managed over the years to be way more calm, we can have a calm and proactive conversation and make each other understand one another. All this was (and still is) hard for me but I choose to do it to keep my relationship, to make myself better and him happy. Does this mean I am in an unhappy marriage? Hell no. It just means I had to make sacrifices for it that are hard for me. 1
Blind-Sided Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 1 hour ago, SummerDreams said: I have never heard an old couple who is together for many years to say that keeping their marriage going was easy. Never. In fact, we hear a lot people asking old couples what the secret for a long time marriage is and they always reply that you have to keep working on it to keep it alive........ Yep... My folks have been together for 53 years, and my mom tried to tell my exW that it would be easy to have walked away a bunch of times... but you work together, as a family... and you make things right for everyone. But, since my ex went nuts (clinical/medicated) she didn't care. I understand walking away with it's real, and tangible (Drugs, abuse, alcohol, gambling, money, cheating, so on) but when you get blamed for not changing diapers 12 years prior... that's just someone looking for an excuse. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Posted March 12, 2020 17 hours ago, SummerDreams said: No woman wants a man who will take the easy way towards things. Life is not easy. Companionship is not easy. To keep a decent marriage going is one of the hardest things. I agree with this. How a man approaches you in the initial stages demonstrates his overall character. It's like a preview for the relationship. When a man jumps to sex, I feel like he will behave the same in parallel approaches (business, family dynamics, friendships, etc.). As in, short-cuts or avoiding the hard work. As other posters have mentioned, relationships require genuine effort. There are no short-cuts to making marriages work. In the early dating stages, I foresee jumping to sexual advances without even knowing my last name an indicator of impatience, 'short-cutting' and lack of depth. 2
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Posted March 12, 2020 13 hours ago, chillii said: To me , the way this whole thread goes and the talk and thinking about all this stuff, the new modern l suppose you'd call in in many parts of the world, attitudes, it's like comparing now contemporary architecture to the Temple of Apollo . The materials they're built from and the lack of just about, well everything , that goes into them , is just junk, rubbish. And on that note l swear to God and somebody hit me if l show up here again , l'm departing from this thread. This is the natural evolution of the discussion. Similar to the natural evolution that (should) take place leading to sex. The only difference between your architectural analogy and this thread is that no one builds Temples of Apollo anymore, but individuals with this approach to sexual intimacy continue to be born regardless of generation.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 It's all very nice philosophy but you live in the present world and having dreams of Temples of Apollo will not land you a relationship. Concrete actions, a good plan aimed at your goal, clarity in early communication, narrowing your pool of men, will bring you better prospects. 12 pages of 'men aren't what they used to be' isn't gonna help. 1
SumGuy Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 5 hours ago, SummerDreams said: ...I met my husband at 29, I used to be an angry, loud person and he is someone who doesn't like confrontation at all. It took me 4 years to realize that I have to change in order to be with him because my nerves and our fights over nothing were making him sick. I did some therapy and through it I have managed over the years to be way more calm, we can have a calm and proactive conversation and make each other understand one another. All this was (and still is) hard for me but I choose to do it to keep my relationship, to make myself better and him happy. Does this mean I am in an unhappy marriage? Hell no. It just means I had to make sacrifices for it that are hard for me. SummerDreams I applaud you for working on this, and especially your husband for his years of patience. For a lot of people they are looking for a person who can have calm and productive discussions out of the gate, who does not fight over nothing. I do believe that relationships take effort, its the kind of effort that matters, it is how you argue and resolve differences that matters to me. 1 1
SummerDreams Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 58 minutes ago, SumGuy said: it is how you argue and resolve differences that matters to me. One thing my therapist has taught me is, we can't avoid a fight, but lets use this fight to see how we can make things differently next time this happens and this is what we try to do. Make the fight useful not only to understand each other better but also to know what to do next time the same matter occurs. 1
Shining One Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said: It's like a preview for the relationship. Isn't a woman who avoids all touch giving a preview for the relationship as well? 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Posted March 12, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Shining One said: Isn't a woman who avoids all touch giving a preview for the relationship as well? Yes. It's an indicator of her comfort levels about physical touch. However avoidance of touch and premature sexual advances are two different things. Edited March 12, 2020 by Hopeful30
2BGoodAgain Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 20 hours ago, SummerDreams said: No woman wants a man who will take the easy way towards things. Life is not easy. Companionship is not easy. To keep a decent marriage going is one of the hardest things. said easier, not that it was the right path... you're completely right... but many many many people fall into the trappings of either consciously choosing sex over true intimacy or confusing the two...
simpycurious Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 7 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said: Yes. It's an indicator of her comfort levels about physical touch. However avoidance of touch and premature sexual advances are two different things. I agree Hope. Just because a LADY is initially NOT comfortable DOES NOT mean that is a sign of her being aloof or cold or whatever. Again, why is it so important to rush something physical? Is it a race? Doesn't SHE have a right to feel comfortable? I think she certainly does. 1
Shining One Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 1 hour ago, simpycurious said: Again, why is it so important to rush something physical? For me, it's an important step in determining relationship potential. I've wasted plenty of time on women with no sexual interest in me. It's in my best interest to determine sexual interest before investing heavily into winning her heart. 1
simpycurious Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, Shining One said: For me, it's an important step in determining relationship potential. I've wasted plenty of time on women with no sexual interest in me. It's in my best interest to determine sexual interest before investing heavily into winning her heart. I totally understand that is your view and respect that. However, I just don't see it that way. I don't consider dating someone that I ENJOY a waste of time even if it does not work out relationship wise in the long run. 1 1
SumGuy Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 Not sure that taking it “slow” or “rushing” should be read as anything more than a preference. It’s a mistake in my opinion to then paint all sorts of other traits on to people with those preferences. Why worry about what other consenting adults do in their bedroom? You can focus on what you prefer and want without disparaging those who prefer otherwise. 4
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 12, 2020 Author Posted March 12, 2020 39 minutes ago, Shining One said: For me, it's an important step in determining relationship potential. I've wasted plenty of time on women with no sexual interest in me. It's in my best interest to determine sexual interest before investing heavily into winning her heart. I was under the impression that relationship potential has to do with compatibility and understanding, now how bodies mush together lol 1
Shining One Posted March 12, 2020 Posted March 12, 2020 Just now, Hopeful30 said: I was under the impression that relationship potential has to do with compatibility and understanding, now how bodies mush together lol Sexual interest is a component of relationship potential, one of many, along with compatibility and understanding. 2
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