Picking the restaurant for the 1st date and should I go for a kiss at the end?

[princessaurora]

Every girl is different and you need to feel out the situation to determine if a kiss on the first date is appropriate. If she''s making a lot of eye contact, touching your hand and seems genuinely interested I would give her a cheek kiss, but linger there for a second or pull away slowly so she knows you're open to more. At this point things should flow naturally because she's either going to make extended eye contact with you and smile (which means you should totally go for it)or she''s going to pull away ( meaning that's as far as its going to go tonight). 

If there is not any sort of physical contact throughout the date and she seems interested, yet reserved I wouldn't do anymore than hug her and you might even ask her permission for that. While I've always  hated when guys ask permission for a kiss, it's never bothered me with a hug. I actually find it quite adorable:)

 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

On 3/4/2020 at 11:29 AM, max3732 said:

As much as I enjoyed kissing, it's not like this huge, life changing event where I'd be willing to risk losing someone over trying it. On the other hand if I like her and I think there's interest on her part it would be more symbolic to show her I'm interested. If it's not considered a normal "step" then I'm fine waiting.

It's considered normal, but make sure to accurately read her.

[Miss Spider]

So how’d the date go 

[PRW]

Last one for me didn't have to worry about it.  She leaned over and nailed me with it before I was even expecting it.

[5x5]

I don't know how it works for you, but I always found that if I got that tingling sensation and the air felt like it was as thick as butter when I was looking into a woman eyes that I ought to kiss her. While on the occasions I felt none of that, I wouldn't kiss them at all. Of which that always worked for me.

[basil67]

5x5 just nailed 'chemistry'.   It's the thick air and tingles... I've never known how to word it before - and yes, if there's no chemistry, don't kiss.

[simpycurious]

There's no right or wrong answer here.  It's all about how things are going and what you feel. Sometimes you just

gotta go with the flow and see where it leads you.

[max3732]

On 3/7/2020 at 7:29 PM, Cookiesandough said:

So how’d the date go 

She cancelled on me the morning we were supposed to meet saying she wasn't feeling well, but would like to meet later in the week. I told her no problem and I hope she feels better and let's make plans later this week. She reached out to me this morning asking how my week is going and I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

I'd much prefer to meet during the weekend and for lunch since we can walk around and it's a bit more casual. During the week I'd have to go at night and later to avoid traffic. So I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

[Mystery4u]

11 minutes ago, max3732 said:

She cancelled on me the morning we were supposed to meet saying she wasn't feeling well, but would like to meet later in the week. I told her no problem and I hope she feels better and let's make plans later this week. She reached out to me this morning asking how my week is going and I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

I'd much prefer to meet during the weekend and for lunch since we can walk around and it's a bit more casual. During the week I'd have to go at night and later to avoid traffic. So I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

So you respond with exactly that... your week is going fine bla bla bla, are you free on saturday or sunday to meet up for lunch? Simple.

[max3732]

2 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

So you respond with exactly that... your week is going fine bla bla bla, are you free on saturday or sunday to meet up for lunch? Simple.

For some reason I really dislike that kind of question. "How is your day going" or "how is your week going". Part of me wants to go into detail... I did x, y and z or this was good or this was bad. On the other hand I know it's probably just more of a greeting and I'd like to say something a bit more creative. 

[Mystery4u]

1 minute ago, max3732 said:

For some reason I really dislike that kind of question. "How is your day going" or "how is your week going". Part of me wants to go into detail... I did x, y and z or this was good or this was bad. On the other hand I know it's probably just more of a greeting and I'd like to say something a bit more creative. 

I agree the question itself sucks, it's just her way of getting into contact in a neutral way. That's why you keep your reply simple. No need to go into details. You have not met yet. Save the long conversations until you at least meet for the first time. Now your only goal is to set up the date. Anything else is just wasting time at this stage.

[manfrombelow2]

19 minutes ago, max3732 said:

She cancelled on me the morning we were supposed to meet saying she wasn't feeling well, but would like to meet later in the week. I told her no problem and I hope she feels better and let's make plans later this week. She reached out to me this morning asking how my week is going and I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

I'd much prefer to meet during the weekend and for lunch since we can walk around and it's a bit more casual. During the week I'd have to go at night and later to avoid traffic. So I'm trying to figure out how to respond.

1. Lunch dates are for platonic friends and female friends. Men don't do "lunch" dates with women they want to seduce.

2. When she reaches out to you, you grab that window opportunity to make a definite date and then you stop texting back & forth with her. 

Do otherwise and you'll surely be friendzoned.

[max3732]

9 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said:

1. Lunch dates are for platonic friends and female friends. Men don't do "lunch" dates with women they want to seduce.

2. When she reaches out to you, you grab that window opportunity to make a definite date and then you stop texting back & forth with her. 

Do otherwise and you'll surely be friendzoned.

So I should ask her to dinner Friday or Saturday night?

[max3732]

What's wrong with lunch for a 1st date to try to seduce a woman?

[manfrombelow2]

23 minutes ago, max3732 said:

So I should ask her to dinner Friday or Saturday night?

I normally prefer Thursday for the 1st date because that indicates I have "other plans" for the weekend íntead of making her the priority which is not sexy.

But in your case, I guess Friday is fine. 

[manfrombelow2]

9 minutes ago, max3732 said:

What's wrong with lunch for a 1st date to try to seduce a woman?

Because lunches are wrong for such purposes. You and her can't consume alcohols. The daylight gives off a neutral and de-sexualized (is this even a word?) vibe that kills any romantic and sexual chemistry between the two of you before they were even born.

[2BGoodAgain]

it all depends on you two.... and you.

i've had dates where all we did we touch hands and no kiss... and dates where i had her bent over a hood of a car before the 1st kiss... and another where she had me bent over a car seat, slapped me for being crude then assaulted me the rest of the night... i still don't know her name... 

at any rate, you gotta ask yourself.. do you think it'll last for a while or is this ur one chance to show her how deeply you affect her? does she prefer respect, or passion? or both? or neither.. 

it's okay, you just have to READ HER MIND...  

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

What's wrong with lunch for a 1st date to try to seduce a woman?

Nothing it is just more difficult and perhaps unrealistic to expect sex on a first date.   If you are getting such vibes, a very high end hotel with a great lunch venue, make sure they have rooms.  I find such lunch time rendezvous better for after you’ve slept together a couple times.  
 

The lunch date during the work day can be limited by the need to get back to work.   That can also be an advantage.   It can make the date seem short and want to continue, hence an easy segue to asking her out Friday or Saturday night to continue. Anticipation can be your friend.  

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, thaygiaogiang said:

Because lunches are wrong for such purposes. You and her can't consume alcohols. The daylight gives off a neutral and de-sexualized (is this even a word?) vibe that kills any romantic and sexual chemistry between the two of you before they were even born.

They are not wrong for seduction just more difficult.  Also harder because of time constraints for many.  

Who says you can’t have a drink at lunch?   People do it all the time in the US.  I think it is a national law in the AU you must, especially if a business lunch.    

Daylight kills sexual chemistry?  Where do you get that?   Is this PUA stuff as your phrasing seems to be very PUA.  

Love my candle light but most people are attractive enough to stand the light of day.   And if you are in good shape daylight is your friend. 

Nothing like sharing a beer or wine with someone in the nice light of day, can see their smile and eyes, etc.  Even better if a warm spring day outside.  

Have had plenty of day dates and lunches turn into more, it’s somehow extra fun for me to flirt over lunch. Naughtier   ?

Now morning coffee meets not so much success but that may just be have only done 2 or 3.  

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, thaygiaogiang said:

I normally prefer Thursday for the 1st date because that indicates I have "other plans" for the weekend íntead of making her the priority which is not sexy.

In my mind that is pure game playing and again sounds like PUA BS. 

Ask yourself if you’d really want to date a woman you’d have to do that for her to find you attractive.  

In general, I think women are attracted to men who value them and have there act together enough to keep a weekend night free if dating.   

[SumGuy]

No chemistry in the daylight?!

“Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight...”

I rest my case.  

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

For some reason I really dislike that kind of question. "How is your day going" or "how is your week going". Part of me wants to go into detail... I did x, y and z or this was good or this was bad. On the other hand I know it's probably just more of a greeting and I'd like to say something a bit more creative. 

Yes feel yah, but cannot tell you how many times have heard women complain her man never asks her how her day was.

Nothing wrong with being specific, but think it reaches as well to your feelings about your week.  It’s not an invitation to an emotional dump on your part though.

[basil67]

There's nothing wrong with a lunchtime date.   Good chemistry isn't affected by time of day.  

[max3732]

3 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Nothing it is just more difficult and perhaps unrealistic to expect sex on a first date.   If you are getting such vibes, a very high end hotel with a great lunch venue, make sure they have rooms.  I find such lunch time rendezvous better for after you’ve slept together a couple times.  
 

The lunch date during the work day can be limited by the need to get back to work.   That can also be an advantage.   It can make the date seem short and want to continue, hence an easy segue to asking her out Friday or Saturday night to continue. Anticipation can be your friend.  

Sex on a 1st date? Just getting a kiss would make me ecstatic. On top of that I haven't ever had sex in my entire life. So that's out of the question no matter the time of day. Any suggestions on seduction?

[SumGuy]

Just now, max3732 said:

Sex on a 1st date? Just getting a kiss would make me ecstatic. On top of that I haven't ever had sex in my entire life. So that's out of the question no matter the time of day. Any suggestions on seduction?

 Well I mentioned sex because you said seduction.    So with your response even more reason a lunch date is fine in my book.

I gave up long ago on trying to "seduce."  Instead I want to look for connection and when I feel it, build on it, reciprocate it.  When that is happening we are making each other laugh, getting references, and flirting.  It's palpable. 

So my "seduction" is being me, being centered.   So in that regard it is easy, so you are at ease, confident and genuine.  Have good manners, be a good conversationalist (i.e. listen) and don't try to impress.   Don't be afraid to talk about your passions.   Do seek what inspires her.   Do I need to say don't whine or pontificate?

When entered dating life again in my later years came across Mark Manson.  Don't know all his stuff but it is fairly anti-PUA from what I've seen, and to me seems to be about being you, don't put on a facade, and not getting wrapped up in BS dating advice.  Of course he is rediscovering the wheel a lot of times, but still like his irreverent presentation.