max3732 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 With someone I met through OLD that lives about an hour from me we've already agreed on the date, the general place and that we are meeting for lunch, but I haven't picked a specific restaurant yet. The place I suggested is around 45 minutes from me (15 from her) and has pretty much every kind of restaurant you can imagine within walking distance. One thing I've found dating is that there are a ton of people with different dietary restrictions. I've met women that don't eat meat, seafood, bread, shellfish, etc. Considering I eat pretty much everything there are a lot places that look good to me. I've also only been there once (like 5 years ago) so I don't have personal experience with most places and would be going by online reviews. Apparently a lot of people think the last time I asked someone out I made a mistake so I want to get it right this time. Is there anything wrong with saying like "I've been to place X before and enjoyed it, but think that Y and Z could also be good. Do you have a preference?" Basically I don't want to pick a really expensive place, but also don't want something super fast/casual where I'm going to drive for 45 minutes each way to meet her for 10 minutes. If things go well I was also thinking it would be nice to walk to a dessert place. If she agrees to that and it seems like she's enjoying my company would going for a kiss at the end be ok? I don't know why, but the fact I'm investing 1.5 hours in driving time makes me want to go for the kiss earlier than if I was meeting someone 5 minutes away. 1
RecentChange Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Driving distance, amount spent on a meal etc should NOT factor in to the equation if you should try to kiss someone or not. That is a question you can't begin to answer until after you have been on the date. Is the date going well? Conversation flowing? Are you attracted to her? Is she indicating with her eye contact and body language that she is attracted to you? Does she enjoy you being in her space? Does it seem like there will be a second date? If all is going well, then yes, go in for a kiss. But it's not a choice you can make before you have even met her in person. As for where, I like th idea of recommending one place, ask her if she has any food restrictions or preferences and go from there. Don't make her pick the place, lead and be open to her input, but take the responsibility for choosing. 9 2
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Dude, just pick a place and let her know where you two are meeting. Don't ask her for a preference (but I would stay away from a specialty restaurant like a seafood place just in case). I'm sure most places you go there will be enough menu options for her to choose from. As far as the kiss, you need to wait for the date to happen and judge things accordingly. You might not like her, she might not like you. Forget about the money spent, or the drive time. If those are really important factors, date someone closer, and meet them for a drink or coffee instead of a full blown dinner. Good luck! 7 1
simpycurious Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 I agree with Back in that you shouldn't worry about the cost of the restaurant nor the distance you drive. Focus on having FUN with your date. I wouldn't even think much about whether to goodnight kiss or not. Just Have Fun. 1
preraph Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 If she seems into you, then kiss her at the end. If she hasn't warmed up much, then don't. Go to a place with a variety of food. I agree, avoid seafood or poke or sushi, and instead opt for a place like Italian or a variety such as Cheesecake factory (which is awful expensive). 1
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Just pick a place that serves a variety of different food, like a pub. 2
clia Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 I see no problem with suggesting a few places and asking if she has a preference. "I was thinking we could try A, B, or C. Do you have a preference or would you like me to pick?" Don't even worry about kissing her yet. Cart before horse. Just see how the date goes and go from there. 2
Author max3732 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 Thanks everyone! I picked a place and also mentioned that several other choices and that I had been to the place I picked and she accepted. So we're all set. Now for the actual date... 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 2 minutes ago, max3732 said: Thanks everyone! I picked a place and also mentioned that several other choices and that I had been to the place I picked and she accepted. So we're all set. Now for the actual date... Is the date tonight? Exciting! Good luck Max!
basil67 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Best of luck on the date. Now, regarding the kiss....it entirely depends on whether or not there is chemistry. You'll have to trust your gut on that one. 1
JTSW Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 17 hours ago, max3732 said: Is there anything wrong with saying like "I've been to place X before and enjoyed it, but think that Y and Z could also be good. Do you have a preference?" That sounds perfectly fine. 17 hours ago, max3732 said: would going for a kiss at the end be ok? That's not for us to answer. We can't give you the permission for that. Personally, i wouldn't want anyone to try and kiss me on the first date and meeting for the very first time. 1
PRW Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) As far as the kiss you need to have the self awareness and ability to observe the other person's behavor to determine if she seem like she "wants it". If she seems uneasy and looks like she might take off running down the middle of the street screaming if you try,...then don't. See if she is more comfortable on later dates. It is not a "regiment" or a "step", it needs to be natural. Age group can matter too.. Edited March 4, 2020 by PRW 1
Author max3732 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 12 hours ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: Is the date tonight? Exciting! Good luck Max! It's this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will go well 2
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Just now, max3732 said: It's this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will go well Nice. I have a date Friday as well that I am SUPER excited about. I wish us luck!!! 2
Author max3732 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 2 hours ago, PRW said: As far as the kiss you need to have the self awareness and ability to observe the other person's behavor to determine if she seem like she "wants it". If she seems uneasy and looks like she might take off running down the middle of the street screaming if you try,...then don't. See if she is more comfortable on later dates. It is not a "regiment" or a "step", it needs to be natural. Age group can matter too.. The thing with a 1st kiss is that as recently as a few months ago it was a huge deal to me. It had been 10 years since my last kiss and I didn't remember what it felt like and I was so scared to try it. Now I've kissed 2 women in last 3 months, but it's been over a month since my last date. As much as I enjoyed kissing, it's not like this huge, life changing event where I'd be willing to risk losing someone over trying it. On the other hand if I like her and I think there's interest on her part it would be more symbolic to show her I'm interested. If it's not considered a normal "step" then I'm fine waiting. 1
Gaeta Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 I don't think you should go for lip kissing on a first date. What's the rush? That first meet is to check out each other, not to make out. If you both like each other then a kiss on the cheek will just feed the anticipation for next date. Now, I suggest you put yourself in her shoes for a moment. She probably has several 1st date so she's not into kissing every man she meets for a 1st time, right? Her dating experience is different than yours. You see a kiss at the end of your 1st date as a sign of interest, she may see it as another pushy man. 2 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 14 minutes ago, max3732 said: The thing with a 1st kiss is that as recently as a few months ago it was a huge deal to me. It had been 10 years since my last kiss and I didn't remember what it felt like and I was so scared to try it. Now I've kissed 2 women in last 3 months, but it's been over a month since my last date. As much as I enjoyed kissing, it's not like this huge, life changing event where I'd be willing to risk losing someone over trying it. On the other hand if I like her and I think there's interest on her part it would be more symbolic to show her I'm interested. If it's not considered a normal "step" then I'm fine waiting. Try not to think of things as "steps" and such. Let things happen organically and naturally. Personally, if I really like her, I would go in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek at the end of the date, with a follow up text asking if she got home safely. Then, after she responded back, I would let her know I had a good time and ask for the second date right away. Then give her some space so you don't look clingy and let her text back. From what I have seen in real life, and read on here, everyone is different. Some like to go fast, some slow. I would shoot for the middle ground so you have less chance of being off-putting to both types of people. 4
SumGuy Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Agree with the above. If you are uncertain about signals, don't try for a kiss on the first date, but the text asking if she got home safely and you had a great time shows your interest. Of course if she is all over you...adjust I go into these things looking for someone to have a good conversation with, get to know, and have some good beer and food. A very much an adventurous and exploratory attitude. It's always a positive experience just from the exploration stand point, even if her company is blah and the food and beer so so...but I don't pick places with so so drinks so never have encountered that problem It getting physical is not an expectation or much of a thought for the evening. 2 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Just don't do what I did - invite a woman to meet you at a resturant that's closed for renovations! That place was dark and empty like a bad alley on the wrong side of town! It all worked out okay though, I flagged her down in the parking lot, we laughed about it, and met at another resturant down the street. Turned out to be a great meet. Kiss her within the first few dates. Date one is fine. 3
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Just pick some place that has a variety of foods. If the stars align & she seems open to a kiss, go for it. If you are not getting a clear green light don't force the issue. I was surprised by the responses here on LS that so many women do not want a first kiss on the first date. I'm different. When DH didn't kiss me on the 1st date I was miffed. It finally happened on the 3rd date but if he hadn't kissed me then I was fully prepared to dump him. So glad I didn't but you have to read the particular person in front of you. 1
simpycurious Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Exactly, DON'T force the issue take it as it comes and go where the date leads you. You will know what is appropriate and what's not. 1
Author max3732 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 12:55 PM, d0nnivain said: Just pick some place that has a variety of foods. If the stars align & she seems open to a kiss, go for it. If you are not getting a clear green light don't force the issue. I was surprised by the responses here on LS that so many women do not want a first kiss on the first date. I'm different. When DH didn't kiss me on the 1st date I was miffed. It finally happened on the 3rd date but if he hadn't kissed me then I was fully prepared to dump him. So glad I didn't but you have to read the particular person in front of you. It's great to get multiple points of view. I do feel some pressure to kiss her in the 1st or 2nd date out of fear she will think I'm not interested in her. Ideally I'd wait to kiss someone until we were actually in a relationship. Maybe I'm out of the ordinary, but I feel like kissing someone means you care about her and it's hard for me to know if I like someone that much after a single date or even 2 dates. That being said I do enjoy kissing and of course part of me would like to kiss every attractive woman I see. I think the main thing for me on the date is to relax, have fun, and see if she's right for me. A big change has been to try and see if she's worth pursuing instead of trying to make everyone like me. 3
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 59 minutes ago, max3732 said: I think the main thing for me on the date is to relax, have fun, and see if she's right for me. A big change has been to try and see if she's worth pursuing instead of trying to make everyone like me. Exactly! Now you are beginning to understand. Since this is a lunch 1st date, there may not be an opportunity for a kiss. Don't sweat that; it's just a complication of the time of day, not lack of interest. 2
manfrombelow2 Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 The point of the 1st first is for the guy to create and maintain a fun-filled, comfortable and relaxing atmostphere for two parties - especially the girl - to enjoy together. It has no places for pushing or forcing anything, especially the kiss. So just give her (and yourself) a good time. That's all about it. Don't think about the kiss just yet. 2
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