commercial_fox Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Ironically yesterday my friend and I went to some cafe and coincidentally my most recent ex (we broke up 2 months ago) was there. I saw someone staring at me from the side (but couldn't make out the face without my glasses). Then he texted me and asked if i was at the cafe and told me he saw me (and asked how long I was staying for). I asked him if he wanted to join, he said he was there with his friends so couldn't leave them. Then he asked if I wanted to talk for a bit outside. I told him I couldn't because I didn't want to leave my friend alone (she felt kind of uncomfortable there cause social anxiety). He said it'll only be 5 mins. My friend really wanted to leave but didn't want me to be alone. I told her it's fine and she left. Then my ex came and sat with me, we had a conversation catching up on our lives. He stayed and chatted until his friends came and told him they were leaving so he had to go. I mean it wasn't just a quick pass by, he sat down and joined me/caught up. Was he trying to reconcile? Does he still have feelings? Or is this normal for exs?
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Could be any of the above. I take it he broke up with you? It does sound as if he thinks a lot of you and misses you at least somewhat. However, there may be reasons he doesn't want to get involved again, idk. If you're wanting to get back with him keep doing what you're doing (staying away and not calling him?) and if he's ever ready for a more serious relationship he may contact you since it sounds as if he thinks a lot of you and enjoys your company. You didn't mention your age or why you broke up? Those would be things I'd have to factor in before guessing as to why he wanted to visit with you. If he's young and wants to date around, it could be he just isn't ready to settle down.
Miss Spider Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Maybe he saw you looking right in those high heeled boots and talking to that other guy and got a little jealous. What’s the story behind you guys? 1
snowboy91 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 An ex has been a significant part of your life for a significant amount of time. It's hard to cut them out completely, immediately. And after 2 months, he's obviously still going to care about you and see how you're going, even if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. At this point I wouldn't read into it any further.
Author commercial_fox Posted March 3, 2020 Author Posted March 3, 2020 14 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: significant amount of time We only dated for 3 months
Author commercial_fox Posted March 3, 2020 Author Posted March 3, 2020 57 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Maybe he saw you looking right in those high heeled boots and talking to that other guy and got a little jealous. What’s the story behind you guys? OMG ahahaha this comment made my day! xD But I met the other guy when I was leaving, the ex was gone by then. But I figured out the guy was the owner because someone wished him happy birthday and it was my ex who told me that they were throwing a surprise party for the owner. So thanks to him, I know who he is. I feel bad because he kept asking me questions but I never even asked him for his name. 1
snowboy91 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 19 minutes ago, commercial_fox said: We only dated for 3 months Still not insignificant (as in, an ex doesn't become "nobody") 1
basil67 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Could be any reason. Did he tell you that he misses you? Why did the two of break up? Who ended it?
Author commercial_fox Posted March 3, 2020 Author Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) My current ex and I broke up because I'm going to be honest I had insecurities and trust issues from my previous relationship before this (it was extremely toxic and that ex was a serial cheater, pathological liar, manipulator... I am certain he is a sociopath). And because I moved on too quick, I projected my insecurities on my recent ex and he decided to end things with me. At first he said he wanted a break (and we could give our relationship after we both heal) then later I got drunk and said some stupid things and he decided to break up with me. He said I was too controlling and always wanted it my way and couldn't even give him space when he asked for it. Following this, I kept begging him for a second chance (this I now realize was a needy and ugly/immature thing to do) and he absolutely refused to give me one and was persistent in his decision. So I decided to just accept it (it's always best to live in reality even though it's painful. It's better to be hurt by the truth now then to live in a fantasy and have your feelings crushed even further). Then I went no contact with him (I mean I definitely don't feel as hurt as I did the first time and am moving on. Also I did change my ways and don't even drink alcohol or push anyone to see me or talk to me. I am actually a much more mature person then back then). After a month of no contact I sent him a lengthy apology and he accepted it saying "you don't have to apologize for anything, we're good honey ". We talked here and there a bit after that but then he gave me a one worded reply so I just left him on read (didn't wanna bother him). Then after that he wished me a happy birthday. Then ironically the next day we bumped into each other at the cafe. Edited March 3, 2020 by commercial_fox 1
Author commercial_fox Posted March 3, 2020 Author Posted March 3, 2020 1 hour ago, LivingWaterPlease said: You didn't mention your age or why you broke up? We are in our early 20s and TBH it was him who wanted a relationship and was the first to say "I love you" and he would say it a lot through out the relationship and there were times where I couldn't bring myself to say it back (mainly because for me, i take that saying serious and won't say it until I really and truly feel it. It's more meaningful that way). The whole story is actually messy and it was difficult for me because I was still in love with my first true love (from 5 years ago) we would have this on again/off again and would even have intimate moments like a "fling" with each other (I was not officially committed to the recent ex at this time tho) & we never were really able to let each other go but he never was able to commit to me. But either way I did feel guilty and bad for how I was going about it with my recent ex. I do care for him a lot. But I am not sure if he's ready or even willing to give it another shot (I only want one so I can be everything I wasn't back when I was dumb and immature & give him what he deserves).
Miss Spider Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) Delete Edited March 3, 2020 by Cookiesandough
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 What do you want? When you were with him, it sounds like he as a rebound. You were still hung up on the person you call your "true love." When he said ILY you didn't respond. From his perspective you didn't seem to care I found it really odd that your EX texted you from the very café where you all were. What's wrong with people? You can't walk a few feet to speak in person? Anyway he sounds polite. Your relationship wasn't all that long. A lot of young people think you need to stay friends with an EX. This could be that. It could be an attempt at reconciliation. I would need to see his body language & hear his tone to be sure.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 9 hours ago, commercial_fox said: Was he trying to reconcile? Does he still have feelings? Or is this normal for exs? This may be 'normal' for exes who still have feelings and trying to reconcile. OR... He doesn't have anyone right now and feeling lonely and seeing you re-ignited a few embers. Honestly, he didn't contact you otherwise, right? I would be wary. He may just be looking for something short-term with you until he finds something/someone better. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: What do you want? When you were with him, it sounds like he as a rebound. You were still hung up on the person you call your "true love." When he said ILY you didn't respond. From his perspective you didn't seem to care 3 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: He doesn't have anyone right now and feeling lonely and seeing you re-ignited a few embers. Honestly, he didn't contact you otherwise, right? I would be wary. He may just be looking for something short-term with you until he finds something/someone better. Seems to me he really likes you but his dating experience with you left a lot to be desired as you were hung up on your other ex while you were dating him. To me, that's like throwing cold water on a fire, so to speak. Who wants to be telling someone, "I love you," and not getting same responses? Sounds as if you were lukewarm about him and he got tired of it, as most people would. But, he still likes you as a person. Also, no offense because there's nothing wrong with not being ready for a relationship, but you're writing about this recent ex during the same time period as you're wondering about the owner of a restaurant who walked you to your car with his arm around your waist, if I'm not mistaken. Correct me if I have you confused with another poster. The point I'm making is it seems you're a bit all over the board, not sure of what you want, but just looking for someone, anyone, to date. Perhaps your recent ex is looking for something more thoughtful, deeper, than just a casual relationship, which it seems to me is what you might be ready for at this point. Nothing wrong with that, but if you just want casual, then your recent ex is not your guy, I don't think. 2
kendahke Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, commercial_fox said: Was he trying to reconcile? Does he still have feelings? Or is this normal for exs? No. He was taking your temperature to see if he could persuade you into a NSA/FWB set up. Do you want to get back with him and is he going to give you that chance? Edited March 3, 2020 by kendahke
Author commercial_fox Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 13 hours ago, d0nnivain said: r EX texted you from the very café where you all were. He texted to me first to tell me he saw me, then we met up inside the cafe a few minutes later. I guess he wasn't sure if I would reciprocate
Author commercial_fox Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 13 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I would need to see his body language & hear his tone to be sure. Well some cues I picked up were when he sat across from me he would keep leaning in towards me to talk and we would keep the convo going He got up and left for like 2 minutes cause they were throwing some surprise party for some guy. I wasn't sure if he would even come back to me or go back to his friends (that he came with) so I texted and asked. Before he even read it or responded he straight up just came back. I told him to sit next to me this time (it was like a couch) and he did. When he sat down he "manspread" his legs (lol) and had his arm stretched out behind me then we continued to talk. He stayed for as long as he could and only left when his friend came up to our table (who said hi to me) and told him they had to go. And when he left he was like "I have to go now cause my friends are al leaving. It was nice seeing you and I'll come see you another day"
Author commercial_fox Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Honestly, he didn't contact you otherwise, right? The day before he wished me Happy birthday (and the messages prior to that I left on read since I didn't want to feel like I'm bothering him) and before that I apologized to him and he said: "you don't have to apologize for anything, we're good honey " Edited March 4, 2020 by commercial_fox
Author commercial_fox Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 8 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: The point I'm making is it seems you're a bit all over the board, not sure of what you want, but just looking for someone, anyone, to date. I was talking to my friend the other day. And the ex from 5 years ago, after he blocked me (I accepted it as being over and moved on). And yes that was me, coincidentally, the recent ex and owner situation happened on the same day (maybe an hour a part). Anyways, when I was talking to my friend it really hit me that I am in love with the idea of "love" and being in love more-so then the person themselves. I know that the only guy I have truly loved was my ex from 5 years ago and we both held onto each other for so long, but he had issues of his own and for whatever reason would not commit and constantly acted hot/cold towards me. He's also moving out of state and far away soon (so that ship has sailed) and it just wasn't meant to be. 1
Author commercial_fox Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 2 hours ago, commercial_fox said: 16 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I would need to see his body language & hear his tone to be sure. Oh yeah another thing I noticed is that he would keep shaking his legs a lot (this was especially common during the early stages and our first few dates) 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 3 hours ago, commercial_fox said: Oh yeah another thing I noticed is that he would keep shaking his legs a lot (this was especially common during the early stages and our first few dates) So he's a little hyperactive... 1 1
Author commercial_fox Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 18 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: So he's a little hyperactive... Yeah seems to be a sign of ADHD, which is common among younger guys especially. Not sure if I mentioned but he's 20 and I'm 24 (yeah... I didn't know his real age until after we started dating and didn't really mind)
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 You sound like you are all over the place. You are thinking about maybe trying again with the ex so you can "give him what he deserves", but in your other thread, you then get escorted around by the bar owner after he leaves and you are into it, and wonder if you should get his number and try with him too??? It sounds like your ex was there with friends for the owners birthday, so they all know each other. You plan on giving him "what he deserves". Which sounds like heartache and drama just like the last time you guys were together. My advice to you would be to find a different place to hang out, and not get involved with multiple guys in the same social circle. You sound like a trainwreck.
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 2 hours ago, commercial_fox said: Yeah seems to be a sign of ADHD, which is common among younger guys especially. Not sure if I mentioned but he's 20 and I'm 24 (yeah... I didn't know his real age until after we started dating and didn't really mind) He's fairly young. Maybe he wants to be single for awhile and date around.
hercules22 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 i think he still has the attachment there if he never saw you at the same place probably wouldn't of bothered to contact you. sounds like he really liked you but your heart wasn't there for him so he had to cut ties i would say he would find it harder to trust you again only you can test the waters with him if you do fancy him now?
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