Angel29 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I am on a course with a man in his 40's. There has been a spark between us and we get on well but it has gone no further. I'm starting to think now I need to move on. Today he asked how I have got on with my coursework and I said I am up to date with the work. He 'jokingly' called me a 'b**ch' as he didn't like that I am ahead. I have no problem with swearing but didn't think we were that close to be throwing insults at each other. I just sat there quiet as I was surprised he said that. Other people didn't say anything as obviously they don't need to get involved. I don't know why he thinks he can say that when I have other commitments too and have had to manage my time whilst having health issues which he does not know about. The tutor asks for the class for their ideas and he keeps mentioning to the class 'social anxiety' in relation to the topic of the lesson. I'm starting to think he has social anxiety as he has joined meetup groups (there are some odd people at them) and Plenty of Fish dating site to meet a woman. He also said he gets drunk a lot. Personally, I'm thinking this guy has issues and the 'b**ch' comment he made to me really got to me. I'm not saying we would even go on a date but if we did get into a relationship is that how the abuse starts with 'joking' insults. Please can I have your thoughts. I have helped him out a few times over the course when he has asked for my help and been nice so don't see how that is being a 'b**ch'. A 'b**ch' would be someone who would let you struggle. I don't know if I am overreacting.
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I wouldn't date him even if he was the last man standing on earth. He's in his 40s. He should know by now that calling someone names even for fun is inappropriate under any shape or form, then add on top of that alcoholism. That man is really your best pick? Stay away. 1 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Angel29 said: I'm not saying we would even go on a date but if we did get into a relationship is that how the abuse starts with 'joking' insults. You say there's a spark between you, but didn't clarify how you know that. Has he otherwise flirted with you in the past? Asked you out? I am unclear how it's gone from a man in your course to thinking about going on a date with him. I think he has a crappy sense of humour, with the b***h comment, and I would also be put off by his lack of common sense and consideration. But I don't think he has specific animosity towards you, unless you're leaving something out. 1
kendahke Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Angel29 said: He 'jokingly' called me a 'b**ch' I'd have come back at him with "Excuse me, what did you just call me?" And I wouldn't accept it as a "joke". There's truth in jest and no, it wasn't a joke --it was him negging you because he can't get his $#!+ together... and that's his problem, never yours. 2 hours ago, Angel29 said: There has been a spark between us and we get on well but it has gone no further. Please can I have your thoughts. Let whatever it was you thought you were feelings for him die right where it stands. He's not worth it. Quote I have helped him out a few times over the course when he has asked for my help and been nice so don't see how that is being a 'b**ch'. A 'b**ch' would be someone who would let you struggle. It's time you showed him what one really is. And quit helping him. He doesn't deserve your help. Edited March 2, 2020 by kendahke
Zippy2000 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Depends which side of the Altantic you are from. If youre british then its a sign of sarcasm its a british way for humour which a lot of people dont understand in the states. Sarcasm - the use of irony to mock or convey contempt. However some people dont understand how to be sarcastic and convey it wrong and it can come across as insulting. He could have been facetious? Facetious - treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humour; flippant. If you have a insecure or sensitive personality. You will need to communicate that to him you dont like being called names and to you it isnt funny. It really depends on how it was said and in the tone it was said and if it had any malice or intent.
Author Angel29 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 9 minutes ago, Zippy2000 said: If you have a insecure or sensitive personality. You will need to communicate that to him you dont like being called names and to you it isnt funny. It really depends on how it was said and in the tone it was said and if it had any malice or intent. I know he meant it in a jokey way but I suppose he feels close enough to me to do that but it made me realise I don't know him well enough to know what his sense of humour is like. I am not sensitive but the fact I am interested in him romantically I just don't want to be called crappy names. I think if he knew I would have took it that way he would be very apologetic as he is usually really nice to me.
JTSW Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 It's clear that he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Tell him though that you didn't appreciate it.
kendahke Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 5 hours ago, Zippy2000 said: If youre british then its a sign of sarcasm its a british way for humour which a lot of people dont understand in the states. I understand that being called a b***h is not funny on any continent and is an invitation to a beat down .
Rockdad Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 @Zippy2000 Don't the Brits commonly use other words that are deemed bad words to use in the States?
Redhead14 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) On 3/2/2020 at 12:04 PM, Angel29 said: He also said he gets drunk a lot. Isn't this, by itself, enough to know you should move on???? Calling you "bitch" isn't really the problem it's a symptom. The problem is that alcohol is addling his brain. Edited March 5, 2020 by Redhead14
Zippy2000 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 6:38 PM, kendahke said: I understand that being called a b***h is not funny on any continent and is an invitation to a beat down . Like I say. Its meant to be sarcasm or facetious. It also depends on HOW you say it and NOT everyone understands it. They way youre describing things sounds like a beatdown and as you suggest it that way Kendhake then the OP needs to be more assertive an tell her partner that. Im offering a solution to a post an I certainly wouldn't find it funny either so thank you for your input. Im well aware of it.
JTSW Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 I think it got taken out of context. He didn't mean it in the way she thought. OP took it to too much to heart.
Recommended Posts