A little help please...

[MechaGouki]

Hello all,

I have been a long time lurker to LS and the insight of LS members have helped me out before, but I have a possible problem that I need some help on. Here is the quick story. I got winked by girl (call her "D") on match.com, I return the wink, with a wink, and its followed by a nice email from D. We talk a little via email before we exchange phone #’s (she gave me hers without me asking). We have some nice phone conversations, and make plans for dinner on a Saturday night. We meet, very attractive, but very tall (I’m 6’4, and shes 6’3). Nice dinner, followed by a nice “get to know you” conversation. During the week, I call her cell and get her voicemail, so I leave a message, saying hello, and if you get a change, give me a call. I don’t hear from her the rest of the week, and I thought she changed her mind about going out (which would fine by me) I get an email Sunday morning from D saying: “Wish I heard from you, guess you are busy or don’t want to go out with me, good luck.” I email back saying I called and told her I thought she changed her mind. Anyway, we straighten things out, and go out again the next weekend, I show up with pink roses, just to do something nice, and she pays for dinner, and I treat for the movies. Next day I get a phone call saying the evening was great, and the roses were beautiful, I want to see you again) The next weekend was Labor day weekend and she was busy all weekend, but calls the Thursday before, saying next week we’ll touch base when we can go out again. So next week I call on tues, get the voicemail, left message, call Wednesday, left a message (maybe too many phone calls, but was checking if she got the voicemail since she didn’t get anything last time). I call Thursday after I had class and I woke her up (call was about 9:30 at night) but she wanted to talk, said she got the voicemails, and said “she was afraid I thought she forgot about me” since she didn’t have time to return my phone calls. I say its ok, didn’t mean to call a lot, but wanted to make sure she heard from me. We ended with her saying she wanted to see me again, but to be patient because she was going to be busy the next two weekends, and could’nt even meet during the week. (she works for a boarding school). She ends with “I will try and give you a call this weekend.” Ok fine. I don’t hear from her for the next three weeks. I call and leave a message, saying hope all is well, I have been a bit busy also and call if you get a chance. I try again one week later, and she picks up, shes wondering why she hasn’t heard from me, since she said she replied to the last voicemail I sent her (I never got a message back from her.) I told her I never got it. We seemed to clear the air, but she says she will be busy this weekend and next weekend shes going away, maybe we can do something when I get back. I say ok I will call you soon. – Sorry for the long read - Ok, heres my question, Am I dealing with someone insecure (especially since shes very tall) or an attention hog? Her profile has been hidden since our second time of going out, so I don’t think shes playing the field. I always pay attention to someones actions and not words, and for someone who wants to see me, like she says, I don’t really see any schedule shifting on her part, or a lot of phone calls to me. She was very aggressive in the beginning, but now she’s acting too aloof. I’m getting this hot/cold thing which I cant figure out, and maybe I’m too stubborn, but don’t want to be a total lap-dog either. My friend thinks she wants to be chased maybe because she might not be approached by a lot of guys cause of her height. I figure I’d see what opinions you guys might have…

[d.s.]

I was in the same situation before. I came to the conclusion that the girl was unable to say "No" and therefore agreed, and kept insisting on going out, but always made excuses in the end. Do you think she is doing the same thing?

 

I read an interesting post that said that you should not let emotions affect you. People tend to always think about "bad" occurences as if they are not good enough, or maybe she is not interested. Think about it in a good way, like maybe she is not ready-it is moving to fast and she needs her time.

 

In my humble opinion, I would suggest taking a break an not calling her for a bit. Let her initiate the next call and the next get together.

 

HTH

 

Good Luck

[slubberdegullion]

...She was very aggressive in the beginning, but now she’s acting too aloof. I’m getting this hot/cold thing which I cant figure out…

She's playing the "come here, come here, come here / go away, go away, go away" game with you.

 

Have none of it. A quality woman doesn't play games.

 

Move on.

[Keslove]

I would say with her busy schedule (and what you've described above) that a dating situation just isn't going to work out between the two of you. Try to keep her as a friend, if you want, but otherwise drop your focus from her and search elsewhere.