Moos Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Hi ya’ll. So I’ve been seeing this girl [29] for a while. Nothing too serious yet. We hooked up a few times and hung out a few more. We both have busy lives so we don’t message each other every day. It’s normal for us to not text for several days. She sent me a text which I completely didn’t see until 2 days later. I sent her a message saying I had only just seen it and I got an ‘ok’ reply. I asked her if she was angry at me and she read it, and hasn’t replied to it since. I’m one who likes to keep my pride, so because we’re not that serious, I don’t want to message again and come across too needy - I have carried on my life as normal, going out and posting on social media too. Then again, if I don’t message I may never be able to sort it out or find out if she just isn’t interested anymore. She’s posting on social media and is also flying to another state for a while in a few days so I’d like to see her before she leaves. Should I wait for her to contact me (it’s been two days since she read my message) or should I initiate contact? Any advice would be great.
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Yes. Message them if you want to. Ask them if they’d like do get together before you leave. Who cares if you’re not that serious or not. Treat them like you would any human being. 2
MeadowFlower Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I understand her. If you care, message her again. You could send a message explaining that you genuinely didn't see her message and you'd like to see her again before she leaves. If you don't care, then don't. 2
Author Moos Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 Thanks. I do like her so I think I am going to try and explain what happened. Il ask her if she is still interested to catch up or not. I guess if I don’t hear back from her this time I will have my answer. 1 1
Blind-Sided Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Yep... contact her a gain. If nothing else... say "Have a safe trip".
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Talk about over thinking this. Your mistake wasn't missing the message but it was asking if she was upset. You should have simply said sorry I missed the message & then carried on as if nothing was wrong. At this point if you want to smooth things over, call her, don't mention the missed message or your unfortunate follow up & offer to take her the to airport & pick her up when she returns. 4 2
JTSW Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 3 hours ago, Moos said: Should I wait for her to contact me No. 3 hours ago, Moos said: or should I initiate contact? Yes. d0nnivain is right, you are over thinking it and staying quiet is going to make it worse.
Redhead14 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Frankly, if it was truly a mistake in that you simply didn't see it, you might have called her instead of texting. If you want to make another attempt at connecting, then I think a phone call is in order now for sure. It would be more "sincere".
ExpatInItaly Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 What do you want with this girl, OP? If you want to get a bit more serious, then I think now is the time to pick up the frequency of contact. Playing it too cool is going to backfire. Try calling her. 1
smackie9 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 It's a crap shoot but give it a shot and see what happens.
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 29 minutes ago, BrennaR said: Why would she be "angry". Disappointed. maybe? My thoughts too. That was a odd thing to say. I would think the guy was trolling me. “U mad tho?”
Uptown182 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I’d say call her and explain, if she doesn’t pick up then text her your explanation. But yes either way definitely reach out to her, I think she took you responding to her text 2 days later as a lack of interest even though you said you didn’t see the message.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) Again, I just do not see any normal reason to not communicate regularly with the person you are dating and supposedly enjoy being with. NONE. People have time to go on social media, but no time to text. Silly. After that...contact her! Why the wait? Do you really like her that much? Edited March 2, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Author Moos Posted March 3, 2020 Author Posted March 3, 2020 UPDATE I sent a message explaining that it was an accident and I didn’t mean to miss the message. I thought it was also kind of weird why she would react in such a way but she replied: ‘I don’t play games’. I again insisted I’m not playing games and it was a genuine mistake and my message has been read, and I am again being ignored. So I guess that is that. She would of accepted my apology and understood if she still was really interested. I guess it’s time for me to move on and leave it at that.
Miss Spider Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 Hmmm sorry to hear that. At least you tried and know now. I think she thought you were playing games by not answering her text for 2 days and lost interest. Oh well. What can you do 1
introverted1 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 2:00 AM, Moos said: UPDATE I sent a message explaining that it was an accident and I didn’t mean to miss the message. I thought it was also kind of weird why she would react in such a way but she replied: ‘I don’t play games’. I again insisted I’m not playing games and it was a genuine mistake and my message has been read, and I am again being ignored. So I guess that is that. She would of accepted my apology and understood if she still was really interested. I guess it’s time for me to move on and leave it at that. Sorry, but this was lame. Look - you did something -- inadvertently, perhaps, but you still did it -- that was construed as lack of interest. You tipped the scales away from your favor (terrible mixed metaphor there, sorry). So your next action has to compensate for that tip so you can get back to an even keel. And what you did - sending a message saying you missed her message and then another message defending that you don't play games -- did nothing to get you back to even ground. A better approach would have been to call her, as some have suggested, or even to just apologise briefly and then ask her for a date. You need to do something to move forward, not stay mired in the misunderstanding. The corollary to "She would of accepted my apology and understood if she still was really interested." is that you would have taken an actual action if you understood the impact of what you did and were really interested. 1
Alex90 Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) On 3/3/2020 at 7:00 AM, Moos said: UPDATE I sent a message explaining that it was an accident and I didn’t mean to miss the message. I thought it was also kind of weird why she would react in such a way but she replied: ‘I don’t play games’. I again insisted I’m not playing games and it was a genuine mistake and my message has been read, and I am again being ignored. So I guess that is that. She would of accepted my apology and understood if she still was really interested. I guess it’s time for me to move on and leave it at that. It was a genuine mistake on your part not seeing the message. As others have said by over-apologising (is that a term?) it seems to have lowered her attraction somewhat. You have reached out and not got the reply you were looking for. Let it be for now, no contact and if she is interested then she'll reach out. When she does (I think she will at some point) just say it was great to hear from her and then make a date. Forget about the missed message thing. If you don't hear from her then it wasn't meant to be. Move on and enjoy your life Edited March 4, 2020 by Alex90
SumGuy Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 I personally think your message defending yourself was fine. It was polite and honest and if she was open to it being a mistake don't see it as hurting. When did open, polite, honest and genuine communication become some negative or sign of weakness? Likewise if she was convinced you lied nothing you say would matter. Or if she believed you and she can't overlook that you missed her message. I think it is game playing to think there are some magical words you could have used. If someone can't accept my genuine, polite and honest words, then they are not a person I'd want to be with. That being said, I don't fault her for thinking you lied (it is not an unreasonable assumption) and if she can't give someone a break for missing a message she is not for me.
Fletch Lives Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 On 3/2/2020 at 4:05 AM, Moos said: I’m one who likes to keep my pride, so because we’re not that serious, I don’t want to message again and come across too needy - I have carried on my life as normal, going out and posting on social media too. - You were playing games and she dropped you. 1 1
introverted1 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 On 3/2/2020 at 4:05 AM, Moos said: She sent me a text which I completely didn’t see until 2 days later. I sent her a message saying I had only just seen it and I got an ‘ok’ reply. I asked her if she was angry at me and she read it, and hasn’t replied to it since. I’m one who likes to keep my pride, so because we’re not that serious, I don’t want to message again and come across too needy - I have carried on my life as normal, going out and posting on social media too. Then again, if I don’t message I may never be able to sort it out or find out if she just isn’t interested anymore. She’s posting on social media and is also flying to another state for a while in a few days so I’d like to see her before she leaves. I think the overlooked message is less important than how it was addressed. If you had said "Oh wow, just saw your message! I was wondering where you went but I must have missed the notification. How about dinner Thursday night - I'd like to see you before your trip" (or whatever) that would have had a different outcome than a flat "I only just saw your message" (what else could she say but "ok"?), followed up by asking whether she's angry, which implies your actions were deliberate. And then, you waited another day and texted again just to repeat that it was an accident. Nothing you did created a path forward so it's no surprise she's irritated or feels you're playing a game. 1
Mrin Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 On 3/2/2020 at 2:30 AM, MeadowFlower said: I understand her. If you care, message her again. You could send a message explaining that you genuinely didn't see her message and you'd like to see her again before she leaves. If you don't care, then don't. This. 100%. It isn't about appearing needy. It is all about cleaning up some hurt feelings.
Mrin Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 12:00 AM, Moos said: UPDATE I sent a message explaining that it was an accident and I didn’t mean to miss the message. I thought it was also kind of weird why she would react in such a way but she replied: ‘I don’t play games’. I again insisted I’m not playing games and it was a genuine mistake and my message has been read, and I am again being ignored. So I guess that is that. She would of accepted my apology and understood if she still was really interested. I guess it’s time for me to move on and leave it at that. Ok. Just saw this. Yab she got bent out of shape about it. If i were you I think I would reply with something like "okay I can understand your perspective. Just so you know I genuinely missed your message and now really regret it. I'm sorry that it made you feel like I was playing games. But I can respect where you are coming from. Best of luck."
ExpatInItaly Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Why all the texting, OP? Why did you not pick up the phone and actually call her? I don't get the fear of a live conversation.
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