greymatter Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 7:45 PM, mortensorchid said: We all have mood swings and whatever else due to horemones and chemical imbalances. Women are more pron to them due to their already unstable selves which is the result of chemical warfare in their bodies to begin with, me being no exception to it. It's natural to have them but we must control them at all times. Speak for yourself. That does not apply to me. You seem hostile to men and women with some of the statements you make. It is revealing. 2
greymatter Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 What did the two of you talk about? It's possible he was fidgeting because you were saying things that he found offensive. That could also explain why he walked away from you without saying goodbye. 1
basil67 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 54 minutes ago, greymatter said: Speak for yourself. That does not apply to me. You seem hostile to men and women with some of the statements you make. It is revealing. Yup, I thought it was only me who didn't relate to having chemical warfare and mood swings. 3 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Well, I think a handshake would be lame. I'd like to see a hug or a kiss. Maybe he's not interested or does not know what to do, or not interested enough to do it yet.And with this virus, it will be interesting to see if dating behavior changes. I guess you'll just have to see what happens - maybe he'll text or call. In the mean time, I would date others.
Author mortensorchid Posted March 13, 2020 Author Posted March 13, 2020 43 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: Well, I think a handshake would be lame. I'd like to see a hug or a kiss. Maybe he's not interested or does not know what to do, or not interested enough to do it yet.And with this virus, it will be interesting to see if dating behavior changes. I guess you'll just have to see what happens - maybe he'll text or call. In the mean time, I would date others. Yes, unfortunately I think that's the case. I liked the guy just fine but because of that ending behavior I think he's not interested enough to continue it.
nospam99 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) Quoting OP: ''Then we left the place, he asked where I was parked and I point to a parking lot across the way. He said he was around the corner. So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. No high or handshake. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. ''OMG. You have no clue! Or I don't. If it's me (and lets hear from some other guys), I'm going to walk you to your car. Until .... "Well this was fun, good night." I'd take that as a dagger to the heart. IMO you shot yourself in the foot ... again. Up to you whether you try to recover. Again, if it was me, I'd be looking for a phone call from you, the theme of which would be ''I didn't mean to brush you off with my timing of saying good night.'' In nospam's world, the date isn't over until she's in her car. But if SHE says good night before that, the date's over then. Edited March 13, 2020 by nospam99
Zippy2000 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: To update everyone on this ... Tonight I met him. We agreed to meet at this local bar/restaurant and we had a good time talking. He was nice, kind of figity being that I was a new person and we didn't know each other. I was calm, cool and relaxed. He was/is a teacher at a local university, teaches theater (something in common) and it was a nice evening. Then we left the place, he asked where I was parked and I point to a parking lot across the way. He said he was around the corner. So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. No high or handshake. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Why didn't he even offer a handshake? What now does one do? Who offers a handshake on a date? That would be like a business meeting or formal meeting. There isnt much in you post to go on. Was he talkative? Did he flirt or compliment you? Did he ask you any questions? Without out more information its hard to gauge if he is romantically engaged with you. With the information quoted above and no handshake at the end. Its possible he either doesnt know how to end a date or hes not attracted to you. Why do I think this?............He just walked away. If I ws interested id ask to see you again.
Mystery4u Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 11 hours ago, mortensorchid said: To update everyone on this ... Tonight I met him. We agreed to meet at this local bar/restaurant and we had a good time talking. He was nice, kind of figity being that I was a new person and we didn't know each other. I was calm, cool and relaxed. He was/is a teacher at a local university, teaches theater (something in common) and it was a nice evening. Then we left the place, he asked where I was parked and I point to a parking lot across the way. He said he was around the corner. So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. No high or handshake. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Why didn't he even offer a handshake? What now does one do? Your post is confusing. He was around the corner what? Parked? Living? What light changed? Why did you abruptly say good night, at least that's how it comes across? What did he respond?
Happy Lemming Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Zippy2000 said: Who offers a handshake on a date? I did once... Many years ago, I had a first date with this woman I had met at a local pub & exchanged phone numbers. We met at a restaurant (for our first date). We were just chit-chatting and the subject of jobs came up. She worked for the government in one of their labs, but she couldn't say much more, which was fine. During the evening, she slipped and said something about monkeys and testing. At that point the hair on the back on my neck stood up. At the end of the evening, I walked her to her car, shook her hand (good night) and couldn't get away from her fast enough. After she made the monkey / testing comment (by accident), I pictured myself in the basement of some government building, strapped to a table being injected with all manner of chemicals. I know this would not have happened, but I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I could never date her. I didn't want to kiss her goodnight, but wanted to leave after walking her to her car, so a handshake got me out of there. To the OP, I agree that it was rude not walking you to your car. If he was interested, I think he would have tried for a kiss goodnight. Just my two cents. 2
rjc149 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I liked the guy just fine but because of that ending behavior I think he's not interested enough to continue it. Reading through your posts, I believe you go into dates expecting a negative outcome, already resigned to the guy not being interested, and you want a guy to come along and prove you wrong. You were, consciously or not, preemptively snubbing this guy before he could snub you. You wanted to hear "wait, hold on a sec" as you walked away from him. You wanted him to fight for you, to be the one who wants to break down your walls, to prove himself to you. Putting myself in his shoes, if the date ends with the woman abruptly saying "Welp, my car's over there. This was fun. Seeya." I would take that as a snub. I can already feel my brow furrowing with "um, okay?" indignation. Men with any dating experience know that women communicate with subtext. You left him no window of opportunity to offer to walk you to your car, or ask what you were doing now, or maybe even move in for a kiss, or anything. The subtext here was "thanks, bye." You cut him off. Honest question: obviously he found you attractive enough from your profile pics -- are they reasonably honest photos? I've been on dates where she did NOT look like she did on her profile, almost to where I felt catfished. I humored her for a few drinks, then took my exit at the most socially graceful opportunity. Maybe this explains his fidgeting? I don't know what you look like so that's only a guess. You'll just need to be honest with yourself. The fact that you go on Tinder expecting the date to end with a handshake -- that speaks volumes about your mindset toward dating. I'm guessing that men get a very non-sexual and possibly adversarial vibe from you that will be a challenge to thaw in any reasonable time period. That could be shutting down their interest. Men don't want to spend their time breaking down walls. They want to enjoy female company and have sex. Edited March 13, 2020 by rjc149 4
Author mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2020 Author Posted March 14, 2020 Well I suppose some can read it like that it was a snub but I didn't intend it to be. He asked where I was parked and I pointed to the parking lot across the street. He said he was in another parking lot around the corner. We were at a crosswalk on the street and I said since he seemed like he was headed in that direction and not going to walk me to my car I said "Well, this was fun, see ya." And off he went. Haven't heard from him since. Disappointed? Well, yes I was. I thought we had kind of a connection, we had a good time talking and we covered a lot of things. There have been times when I have had OLDs literally walk away from me or they stop, put out their hands to shake, and that's that. The ones who walk away are telling me they are not interested and don't even think about it. The ones who just stop and give handshakes are saying bye because they don't intend contact me again but they have enough courtesy to at least shake hands. And some would have literally walked away because they are/were rude or socially awkward. Negative? Well, after all the experiences I have had, I think you'd be negative too. I take a beating and I keep getting up, which is more than I can say for a majority of people. 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 2 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Negative? Well, after all the experiences I have had, I think you'd be negative too. I take a beating and I keep getting up, which is more than I can say for a majority of people. Go you! Yes, dating is difficult but I admire people who never give up because one day. One day your numbers will come up.
nospam99 Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 (edited) Quoting OP: ''Then we left the place, he asked where I was parked and I point to a parking lot across the way. He said he was around the corner. So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. No high or handshake. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. '' Quoting OP again: ''Well I suppose some can read it like that it was a snub but I didn't intend it to be. He asked where I was parked and I pointed to the parking lot across the street. He said he was in another parking lot around the corner. We were at a crosswalk on the street and I said since he seemed like he was headed in that direction and not going to walk me to my car I said "Well, this was fun, see ya." And off he went. '' I'm going with your description of what happened and what I, as a hopefully observant man, would do. You were waiting for the light TOGETHER. You had to wait for the light to change to go to YOUR car but NOT to HIS. He didn't go to his car. Instead he waited for the light with you. If he was going to walk you to your car, he was going to wait until you started walking. But you SHUT HIM DOWN by saying either 'good night' or 'see ya' BEFORE proceeding to your car. Why am I the only person noticing this? I've had a run of lack of dating success, too. And I 'keep getting up', too. But I'm going to plead not guilty to projecting any negativity. Every date is a new experience with a different person. So you haven't heard from him since. If it was me, I'd take your words AND your timing as a 'not interested' signal. Therefore I'm saying (again) that it's ON YOU to contact him. Edited March 14, 2020 by nospam99 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 Hmmmmmmmm.........I'd have to see it with my own eyes to see what went down. I'll say this........if it were me and I wanted to walk a lady to her car, I would have said, "Where are you parked"? Her: "Over there (pointing)". Me: I'll walk you to your car.
Blind-Sided Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 On 3/13/2020 at 8:52 AM, Zippy2000 said: Who offers a handshake on a date? That would be like a business meeting or formal meeting. ........ .... Its possible he either doesnt know how to end a date or hes not attracted to you. .................. If I ws interested id ask to see you again. OK... I'm going to sound like a total dork... but out of habit... I have done that. I'm just back into the dating world after a 20 year relationship, and a bad divorce. I felt like an ass after. But then again... it was a casual meeting, and there was other friends involved. (there was a group of us) But I did say I enjoyed talking with her, and hope to do it again. So... that kind of answers the 2 first points. (just throwing it out as a guy's perspective of what could have happened) but to the last point... I have kind of passed on several attractive girls, just because I didn't know where my own head was at. Are you sure he wasn't just out of a long relationship?
greymatter Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 MO hasn’t responded to my question about the topics they talked about. I wonder why. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2020 Author Posted March 14, 2020 4 hours ago, greymatter said: MO hasn’t responded to my question about the topics they talked about. I wonder why. Prey tell what questions were/are those?
greymatter Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 43 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Prey tell what questions were/are those? From my post above: "What did the two of you talk about? It's possible he was fidgeting because you were saying things that he found offensive. That could also explain why he walked away from you without saying goodbye." You seem to think you had a great conversation. So what were the topics you discussed? Please list them all, if you remember. It's pray tell, by the way.
Author mortensorchid Posted March 14, 2020 Author Posted March 14, 2020 18 minutes ago, greymatter said: From my post above: "What did the two of you talk about? It's possible he was fidgeting because you were saying things that he found offensive. That could also explain why he walked away from you without saying goodbye." You seem to think you had a great conversation. So what were the topics you discussed? Please list them all, if you remember. It's pray tell, by the way. Ah I see, shame on me. I am making a point to answer any and all questions related when I had skipped them before in other threads. We talked about our basic information (are you from here originally, what do you do jobwise, what do you do for fun, do you have a lot of friends, etc.) which I think most people would talk about. We ordered food (nothing like that one idiot from the recent past who said "I ate already", so I got a glass of water, drank it down and it was over within 20 minutes) and ate. He paid. We had a good time, we talked about some mutual silly experiences in internet dating and what we experienced with Tinder and Bumble. I said I'll not do Bumble again, most guys I connect with there ask me to choke them or beat them, he said "I can't imagine what it must be like to be a woman on the internet, especially an attractive one like you". It was a happy evening. Which is why I was so sad to have the ending the way we did. I took the advice of another on this thread saying that it was now my turn to contact him. So I said I was hoping he wasn't too bored because of the quarantine this afternoon (Saturday), and haven't heard since. Moving on. 2
FMW Posted March 14, 2020 Posted March 14, 2020 I think nospam might be right. It sounds like he had a good reason to see what you said at the light as preemptively putting an end to the evening. Of course none of us were there, but it does sound a little abrupt and maybe caught him off guard so he just let you go. Sometimes those of us women who are more independent, or in what I believe is your case have walls up to protect from hurt/rejection, can come off in a very different manner than we intend. It happened to me a few months ago with the guy I've been seeing. I was telling a friend of mine about what happened, telling her I was waiting for him to issue an invitation again, leaving the ball in his court. She basically said "wtf?!" and said I had shut him down and it wasn't likely he'd come back to try again. So I got over myself and contacted him, and all is still going well. But it very well might have ended right there if I hadn't looked at things from another point of view. So good for you for reaching out. It sounds like you just reached out this afternoon- so way to soon to "next" him for not immediately responding to your text. Even if he's stuck at home, he may not be looking at his phone, sleeping, etc. Or maybe he has strict/arbitrary rules like you and nexted you after feeling "dismissed" from the date.
Miss Spider Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) You have self- described ‘sociopathic’ behavior and pride yourself on your cold demeanor, MO. Can you really be surprised when men aren’t interested. You should get help for those things. Be more of what people want in their life Edited March 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 On 3/12/2020 at 10:24 PM, mortensorchid said: So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. Poor guy. He could tell right there you were not interested.
rjc149 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 20 hours ago, mortensorchid said: Negative? Well, after all the experiences I have had, I think you'd be negative too. I take a beating and I keep getting up, which is more than I can say for a majority of people. Like the old cliche: "the definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome each time." Or another cliche I like: "if everyone is being an a**h*** to you, you're the a**h***." You seem to have a rigid, bitterly defiant "that's just who I am" attitude underscoring a lot of your threads and posts, almost a sneering contempt for men and dating and relationships that you practically boast, followed up with "why is this so hard for me?" Women, even less-than-attractive women, have to be pretty off-putting to have trouble getting laid. Clearly, it's not your looks. Guys are looking through your photos and showing up to dates with you. You'll just need to figure out what you can change and improve, and if you're willing to, or if that's compromising and betraying the pride you take in who you are. 2
rjc149 Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 17 hours ago, mortensorchid said: We talked about our basic information (are you from here originally, what do you do jobwise, what do you do for fun, do you have a lot of friends, etc.) which I think most people would talk about. We ordered food (nothing like that one idiot from the recent past who said "I ate already", so I got a glass of water, drank it down and it was over within 20 minutes) and ate. He paid. We had a good time, we talked about some mutual silly experiences in internet dating and what we experienced with Tinder and Bumble. I said I'll not do Bumble again, most guys I connect with there ask me to choke them or beat them, he said "I can't imagine what it must be like to be a woman on the internet, especially an attractive one like you". I just can't help but surmise that during this utilitarian interview date, your negativity about men and dating, and how it's so idiotic and frustrating, was just oozing out. It's tough building rapport with a man over how they all want to beat and strangle you, and why that makes dating such a disgusting, pointless chore. 1
ChatroomHero Posted March 15, 2020 Posted March 15, 2020 On 3/14/2020 at 3:02 AM, mortensorchid said: Well I suppose some can read it like that it was a snub but I didn't intend it to be. He asked where I was parked and I pointed to the parking lot across the street. He said he was in another parking lot around the corner. We were at a crosswalk on the street and I said since he seemed like he was headed in that direction and not going to walk me to my car I said "Well, this was fun, see ya." And off he went. Haven't heard from him since. You're doing this to yourself. If you said that to me, I probably would have responded, "It was fun. Try not to get hit by a bus on your way back to your car", that would meet the same level of "get lost" that you relayed to him. The way your comment above reads is because you determined he wasn't walking you to your car you dismissed him intentionally with a "get lost" message..."it was fun, see ya!"...and then you write, "And off he went. Haven't heard from him since." What did you expect him to do? He did exactly what you directed him to do, left and didn't contact you. You said 'you're dismissed', he saluted and walked away. Did you think you could dismiss him like that and then he would be begging to contact you later? I think you need to internalize it. What would you think about him if he dismissed you because of something meaningless thing you did or didn't do during the date? How dumb would it sound if he dismissed you because you didn't ask to walk over to his car with him so he could drive you to yours?...because he expects a girl to ask for a man's protection or some stupid sh*t test he had. Here's what i see from your comments on LS. You spend the entire time on a date counting or looking for red flags, no matter how big or little. You dismiss a good deal of guys for minor infractions. You expect guys to think how you do, act how you want them to act, make the moves you expect them to make in your mind and when they don't magically make that happen, you bail out. Then when a guy somehow survives your red flag test, he ends up disappearing on you. If everything seems good, you post on here that everything was great so is that a red flag and does that mean the guy won't call? I think the problem is you are looking for a guy with no red flags more than an actual connection despite red flags. I bet the real you...over analyzing, judgmental, picky, sub conscious sh*t testing and easily dismissive...comes across to the guys. I am sure your body language and subconscious facial expressions just scream to them that you are looking for red flags. I think you are driving guys away and I think you know exactly how you are doing it even if you don't want to admit that to yourself.
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