mortensorchid Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 I am on Tinder these days, I had one date with someone last week and haven't heard a peep from him since so that's done. I was to have another date with this other guy tonight. We'd been chatting online for a bit and then we agreed to meet. Last weekend we were going to meet the Friday before this last, but I texted him saying I was under the weather and I hope that we can have a rain check. He said okay. And I was under the weather, had a bit of a cold and I was staying isolated. We resumed contact this week and we agreed to meet this evening (Sunday), then he just texted me saying that he himself was under the weather and he was not giving me payback for canceling the last time. I said in my last text "Okay, not a problem get well soon and text when you are up to it". And I am not offended by any means. So ... Waiting for now. How long should I stay in the shadow?
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) I think what you said was good. NP. Don’t stay in the shadows. Go talk to other dudes! If he comes around, cool. If not, no big deal Edited March 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Author mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 ^ I was waiting for a mention of the sickness du jour. But I don't think either party does. 1
OatsAndHall Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 If a woman cancels on me, I try to get another date planned ASAFP. If they can't nail down another date within a few conversations, I write them off and move on. I'm not upset but I'm also not going to waste time. 2
alphamale Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: ^ I was waiting for a mention of the sickness du jour. But I don't think either party does. i couldn't resist
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 3 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I am on Tinder these days, I had one date with someone last week and haven't heard a peep from him since so that's done. I was to have another date with this other guy tonight. We'd been chatting online for a bit and then we agreed to meet. Last weekend we were going to meet the Friday before this last, but I texted him saying I was under the weather and I hope that we can have a rain check. He said okay. And I was under the weather, had a bit of a cold and I was staying isolated. We resumed contact this week and we agreed to meet this evening (Sunday), then he just texted me saying that he himself was under the weather and he was not giving me payback for canceling the last time. I said in my last text "Okay, not a problem get well soon and text when you are up to it". And I am not offended by any means. So ... Waiting for now. How long should I stay in the shadow? morensorchid. I am truly intrigued by you and how the dating world is now days. You are a 40-something(?), veteran poster who has read thousands of post involving your very situation and the innumerable responses people have shared and yet you are asking something so basic. This is a question that you should have answered long ago. Have you never encountered a similar situation? I say this because of your earlier thread feeling dejected about dating. You seemed truly down and this...continuous contact with other potential men and seemingly no residual effect from your somber post of desperation...odd to me. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 15 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: morensorchid. I am truly intrigued by you and how the dating world is now days. You are a 40-something(?), veteran poster who has read thousands of post involving your very situation and the innumerable responses people have shared and yet you are asking something so basic. This is a question that you should have answered long ago. Have you never encountered a similar situation? I say this because of your earlier thread feeling dejected about dating. You seemed truly down and this...continuous contact with other potential men and seemingly no residual effect from your somber post of desperation...odd to me. Life is complicated. That's all I can say.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 28 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Life is complicated. That's all I can say. Absolutely no question about that, but perhaps your woes come from your lack of confidence in your own decision-making? Even to the most fundamental, mundane decisions. I don't know that much about you, actually, very little to none, but you seem to be lacking in a healthy amount of self-esteem and resolve and I wonder if men not only sense this, but you exhibit this openly and it is turning men off? Too clingy? Too anxious? Too indecisive? Insecurity morphing into physical behavior that is obvious...and repelling? I asked in another post whether you have taken an account of your relationships of the past to help analyze the what may be the issues. Self-reflection. Are you able to do that objectively? Have you at all? 2
Miss Spider Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) The thing about when this happens... it can be used to your advantage if you finally do meet. If there’s interest there it can seem more fateful you finally made it happen. You can laugh with each other about how you almost didn’t make it but how glad you are you did. Make your own played out Coronavirus jokes to each other etc. Edited March 2, 2020 by Cookiesandough
BaileyB Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) I think you cut him some slack. He is allowed to be sick, just as you were allowed to call in sick. Nothing wrong with giving him some time... If he is exploring other options while putting you on pause for a few days, no big deal. You haven’t even met yet - nothing ventured, nothing lost. I wouldn’t worry about it - you can’t control everything and sometimes you just have to wait and see how things go... Edited March 2, 2020 by BaileyB
chillii Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Yeah l mean shyt happens , not much to do just go on with things maybe he gets back to ya maybe he doesn't . 1
Author mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 10 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Absolutely no question about that, but perhaps your woes come from your lack of confidence in your own decision-making? Even to the most fundamental, mundane decisions. I don't know that much about you, actually, very little to none, but you seem to be lacking in a healthy amount of self-esteem and resolve and I wonder if men not only sense this, but you exhibit this openly and it is turning men off? Too clingy? Too anxious? Too indecisive? Insecurity morphing into physical behavior that is obvious...and repelling? I asked in another post whether you have taken an account of your relationships of the past to help analyze the what may be the issues. Self-reflection. Are you able to do that objectively? Have you at all? Sometimes I think when we post written words / texts onto forums, such as this, things may come off not as you wanted to them to be. My self esteem has its own issues, but I am plenty confident that I have a lot to offer others but I am consistently disappointed at how many men I encounter who do not see this and drop me like a bad habit because they don't see it or because they are such idiots. 1
smackie9 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Why not try a dating coach...or a life coach....maybe there are things you are not seeing. 1
Fletch Lives Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 16 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I think what you said was good. NP. Don’t stay in the shadows. Go talk to other dudes! If he comes around, cool. If not, no big deal - I agree. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 If he's interested he'll be in touch when he's feeling better to plan the date. If not, there's your answer. But don't "stay in the shadow." Get on with your life. Personally, if I'd established rapport with a guy and liked him, I'd wait a little bit before talking to others to see if he plans a date, a few days up to a week or so. If nothing by then, move on. 1
alphamale Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 4 hours ago, mortensorchid said: …. or because they are such idiots. that's not a healthy attitude when it comes to dating mortensorchid 4
Author mortensorchid Posted March 4, 2020 Author Posted March 4, 2020 We all have mood swings and whatever else due to horemones and chemical imbalances. Women are more pron to them due to their already unstable selves which is the result of chemical warfare in their bodies to begin with, me being no exception to it. It's natural to have them but we must control them at all times.
chillii Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 (edited) On 3/3/2020 at 1:05 AM, mortensorchid said: Sometimes I think when we post written words / texts onto forums, such as this, things may come off not as you wanted to them to be. Haaaa yeppa , ain't that the truth and understatement of the year. So much work making a thread , they seem to take more time untangling all the twists and turns and misconceptions than anything else. Edited March 4, 2020 by chillii
manfrombelow2 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/2/2020 at 5:56 AM, mortensorchid said: I am on Tinder these days, I had one date with someone last week and haven't heard a peep from him since so that's done. I was to have another date with this other guy tonight. We'd been chatting online for a bit and then we agreed to meet. Last weekend we were going to meet the Friday before this last, but I texted him saying I was under the weather and I hope that we can have a rain check. He said okay. And I was under the weather, had a bit of a cold and I was staying isolated. We resumed contact this week and we agreed to meet this evening (Sunday), then he just texted me saying that he himself was under the weather and he was not giving me payback for canceling the last time. I said in my last text "Okay, not a problem get well soon and text when you are up to it". And I am not offended by any means. So ... Waiting for now. How long should I stay in the shadow? What do you mean by "to stay in the shadow"? The guy clearly didn't want to spend time with you, so it's your right to start dating other men instead of hanging over this particular guy. You don't waste time waiting for someone who is not willing to give you their time.
Zippy2000 Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 Seriousily though. Tinder! Tinder was originally a hook up site. it wasn't meant to be a serious dating APP. Because of this. Anyone and anybody can join and you wont be the only wom,an hes or both of them are talking to. Id choose a more reputable dating app or site. 1
Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 9, 2020 Posted March 9, 2020 On 3/3/2020 at 8:45 PM, mortensorchid said: We all have mood swings and whatever else due to horemones and chemical imbalances. Women are more pron to them due to their already unstable selves which is the result of chemical warfare in their bodies to begin with, me being no exception to it. It's natural to have them but we must control them at all times. 2
Author mortensorchid Posted March 13, 2020 Author Posted March 13, 2020 To update everyone on this ... Tonight I met him. We agreed to meet at this local bar/restaurant and we had a good time talking. He was nice, kind of figity being that I was a new person and we didn't know each other. I was calm, cool and relaxed. He was/is a teacher at a local university, teaches theater (something in common) and it was a nice evening. Then we left the place, he asked where I was parked and I point to a parking lot across the way. He said he was around the corner. So the light changed and I said "Well this was fun, good night." And he walked away. No high or handshake. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Why didn't he even offer a handshake? What now does one do?
basil67 Posted March 13, 2020 Posted March 13, 2020 Sounds like he didn't vibe with you. I don't think it's weird that he didn't offer a handshake, but do I understand correctly that he didn't respond even with a "have a nice evening" when you said it was fun and goodnight? If so, that was rude. Did you feel any kind of connection with him? Or was it just flat?
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