Barmaid at local pub?

[RW M]

Hi guys, 

(That probably sounds like a very cliched situation in the thread title!)

So, here goes. I'm 29, single, not a great deal of dating exp, I'm not bad looking but have had social anxiety issues which have obviously hamstrung me. Have had a few dates with girls but nothing really more. 

Anyway, was in my local on Fri night with a friend, go there every week more or less. 

There is a barmaid around same age (she mart be quite senior there as she wears more formal uniform than rest). She's served me loads of times, have never thought about her in any other way than as a barmaid and other than ordering drinks never really spoken to her casually. 

Then on Fri out of the blue I get these indications she likes me. Gave me a smile (doesn't usually) which I didn't think much about but then she asked my friend about me when he went the bar and she came over to our table two or three times to make conversation and putting her hand on my arm and shoulder. I mean she really did make a bee-line to me, this wasn't just the usual barmaid stuff.

She is quite attractive tbh, pretty enough for me to be flattered. 

So, I guess the question is, should I do anything about this? I'm as it stands, next going in that pub next weekend. 

It's a busy pub, so convo chanced are scarce. Have considered slipping her my no. when I pay or something. Although that may be a bit rom-com cliche, and just an idea that stays in my head! 

It is worth mentioning it's my local, I go in regularly with dad or friends. Would not want the place to be assiciated with any unnecesary awkwardness!

Thanks for reading guys. Any tips from a more experienced hand would be welcome. 

Cheers

 

[scooby-philly]

I cannot admit to being the wisest or most experienced of men when it comes to this sort of thing. But if she was both making extra visits to your table and she asked your friend about you - then this is worth following up. If you're concerned about things getting awkward there - be careful in the beginning. See if you can talk to others at the bar or have your friend(s) chat her up and find out her dating status. If she's single then go for it. if you go back in and she does the same thing or you're really keen and don't wait for the usual night but go in when you know she'll be there and she does the same thing - GO FOR IT! I mean god, she's used to getting hit on. Even if she has a bruiser of a boyfriend, I doubt she will cause any problem if you're nice and polite about it. She may even be flattered. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THE OPPORTUNITY! And if you find yourself struggling to keep up a conversation - talk about things she's seen in the bar and use your friends and others in the bar to learn a bit more about her if you can to help you. Just remember, anyone, especially women, are flattered to have someone listen to them. Ask her open ended questions about her life, her dreams, her travel, schooling, family, etc. 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, RW M said:

then she asked my friend about me

What did she ask him?

[snowboy91]

Bar staff tend to get more friendly with regulars. I'd say it's very likely that's the case, and not because she is interested in you.

That being said, people try and flirt with bar staff a lot, and it's not as if you're a complete random person trying to do it. If you act on it, do so respectfully (and after only one or two pints, not 6 )

[preraph]

Well, usually I say no to hitting on barmaids, but depending what she asked your friend about you and assuming she did it because of you and not just for an excuse to talk to your friend, then I guess as long as YOU don't let it get awkward if it backfires, no big harm in making one move.  I assume you don't want to do it verbally from what you say.  I mean, the most natural thing would be next time she's being familiar with you would be just to start chatting with her.  Like you might say, So what do YOU drink, or are you just sick of drunks?  Something to get the conversation started.  Timing is everything.  For example, if you'd acted a bit soon, you could have asked, "Did you have a nice Valentine's Day?" and found out if she had a boyfriend.  I think Easter is coming up, so you might ask if she has kids she will be hiding eggs for on Easter or something like that.  Just get her talking and try to find out if she gets more warmer or less warmer.  

 

Of course, you could slip her a note that says, "I have no idea your situation, but if you'd ever like to go out, here's my number."

 

But then if she doesn't respond, you have to just grin and bear it, as they say, and realize you had no way of knowing.  

 

The easiest thing might be to invite her to a little party and tell her she can bring a friend if she wants.  Or ask her if she's going to such and such (game, band gig) and just see if she shows up because if she's interested, she might.  

Edited March 1, 2020 by preraph

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, RW M said:

She is quite attractive tbh, pretty enough for me to be flattered. 

 

what does this mean? you're flattered cause she is pretty?

[RW M]

On 3/1/2020 at 9:23 PM, elaine567 said:

What did she ask him?

Apparently she initially asked if I was the driver because mine was a soft drink. And then about what I did for a job. 

Thanks for all the comments guys. Maybe a good idea for me to go in when it's quieter. Unfortunately my plan to go this week has fallen through.

Perhaps I should just go on my own, don't wanna leave it too long?

[NomiMalone]

I agree with preraph - go in to the pub with mates or family as usual, then ask her along to a group outing “hey my mates and I are going to a Sunday sesh at xyz, wanna come too?” It’s not really a date, so it prevents you from having to avoid the pub etc should she say no. Her response should give you a pretty good idea then to whether to ask for her number etc or not, and go from there. No need to rush, wait till the timing is right.

You mentioned social anxiety in the past - you need to relax and be yourself around her. She’s clearly interested in you for who you are. Loads of women don’t go for the loud, life of the party types, preferring more laid back, quiet guys. 

Good luck!

[smackie9]

Before you get all excited about this.....how would you feel (if you were dating) that she is flirty with customers, and customers are hitting on her? Would your mind go wild with jealousy? better think twice about dating someone in this industry if you can't handle that. It's part of the job and you can't expect her to stop doing it.

[Fletch Lives]

Just keep in mind, it's her job to be friendly. Some barmaids actually pretend to like you or behave like a girlfriend to encourage business. I've seen them act like strippers in some restaurants/bars.

If you really want to find out if she likes you, hand her your phone and ask her to put her number in. If she's not serious about you, that will shut her down real quick!

[preraph]

I think you should wait and go in with your regular group again and just see if she pays any attention to you or just pays the same attention to you as everyone else. 

[Fletch Lives]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

or just pays the same attention to you as everyone else

 - that's a good idea also.

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

...I've seen them act like strippers in some restaurants/bars...

 

thats because you were in a strip club

[d0nnivain]

Going on a quieter time when you can actually speak to her is your only bet.  During a busy time bar staff are on automatic pilot.  She cared about getting people served & making tips.  Everything else was superfluous.